Dirty Little Secrets

The narrator on the television was going on and on in an excited voice about whatever discovery they had just made. Probably some menacing message from a ghost. It's a little hard to concentrate with Feliciano shaking with fear a few inches away from me.

"I don't know why you like these ghost shows, they're so scary!"

He hugs his knees to his chest, making him look as weak and venerable as ever. The effect is totally adorable.

"Come here,"

I put my arm out, but make no move towards him. He looks at me surprised, but wastes no time in snuggling into my side. I drape my arm around him and pull him closer. It's been three months, since the night when, in a state of drunken stupor, I first told Feliciano I loved him. The next morning, I couldn't quite bring myself to take it back. Even though we'd been together for a while now, my heart still pounds at the sight of him as if it's the first time all over again.

"I feel a lot safer watching these shows with you Luddy. I feel so protected. Who protects you when you watch these shows alone?"

I'm sure he can hear my heart hammer away in my chest, but he makes no mention of it. "I protect myself, Feliciano."

He seems distracted, playing with the black cross hanging from around my neck

"That's sad, no one should have to protect themselves. And don't call me Feliciano, it's to formal and I don't like it. Everyone calls me Feliciano."

His lips push out in an adorable pout. That coupled with his wide brown eyes that seem to pierce my heart, made him even more breathtakingly cute. I was momentarily distracted. "This is scary, I'm going to bed."

I start back to reality, where the television is showing suspicious thermal imaging.

"Good night Luddy."

He kisses me on both cheeks before standing up, making my face glow red. He giggled at that his own cheeks slightly flushed.

"Gute nacht Felici- Feli."

He disappears down the hall, and into the bedroom. I watch him go, missing his body next to mine already, and sigh. I turn back to the television, but I don't really watch it.

~1.5 hours later~

I'm sitting on the couch, watching a trio of teenage girls who claim they can exorcise demons, run around the television screaming something about the devil. There's a long forgotten beer on the table next to me, my mind in a completely different place. I hear a noise in the hallway, and look up. Feli is standing there in his boxer shorts, and what looks like one of my button down shirts, hanging unbuttoned around his skinny frame. His hair is mused from sleep, and he's clutching a black, red, and yellow pillow against the pale, smooth skin of his stomach.

"Is that my pillow?"

He quickly hides it behind his back.

"Um…no…uh.. maybe?"

I mute the television.

"What are you doing up Feli? I thought you had gone to bed?"

"I did, well, I tried. Luddy I'm scared!"

He was shaking again.

"Come here then. Watch the rest of the show with me, then we'll go to bed."

He comes and sits next to me, leaning into me. He doesn't try to conceal the fact that he's holding my pillow anymore. We sit together in a comfortable silence for the rest of the program. Though I was only half paying attention. I was absent-mindedly stroking Feli's hair when he suddenly shifted to look up at me.

"Luddy?"

I'm a little surprised be his sudden movement, I thought he had fallen asleep.

"Hmm?"

"Why do you make me watch these scary shows with you?"

I look at him, a little stunned, intending to make up some excuse. But his eyes were so earnest and heartfelt, I found myself telling the truth.

"Do you want to hear a secret, Feli?" I like watching these shows with you because I know they'll scare you. I like being able to hold you and comfort you when you're upset."

He ponders that for a moment, mulling it over in his head.

"Wanna hear MY secret now? I like watching these shows with you, because I know you'll hold me and make me feel better."

With that he gets up and runs to the bedroom. I can hear the mattress creak as he flings himself down on it. I turn the television off, and get up and follow him down the hall. By the time I get there, he's clutching my pillow to him, and pretending to be asleep. I can see him peeking at me behind half closed lids as I get ready for bed. I hang my clothes in the closet, then turn to face him.

"Do I get my pillow back tonight?"

He opens one eye and looks at me.

"No."

He closes it again and goes back to pretending he's asleep. I roll my eyes, but I can't keep a half smile from creeping onto my face. I crawl into bed next to him and shut my eyes. "Luddy?"

"Hmph?"

I feel the mattress shift as he rolls to over to face me.

"I love you."

I open my eyes and turn so I can see him. His face is half hidden behind the pillow he clutches to his chest like a shield, with just his eyes peeking over the top. I reach out and gently pull the pillow away from his face. Then, before I have time to think, I lean over and softly press my lips to his.

"I love you too, Feli."

He smiles and tucks himself against me. I wrap my arms around him, and we fall asleep in each other's arms.