A/N: I have a strange imagination sometimes. Maybe this is interesting and different; maybe it's just weird and ridiculous. I'm throwing it out there either way. It's one of the few stories that I've actually finished, so it doesn't feel right to just let it sit on my computer.

People wonder why I hate him. They think I'm unreasonable. Dramatic. The truth is I am mentally and physically incapable of being any other way. He created me to be everything he is not, you see. A blessing in some ways, to be sure, but a curse in all the ways that really matter. Worst of all, the little shit will never know. Even if I told him, he'd never believe me. He is our truth. I am our lie. He is our compassion. I am our sadism. I'm not to be trusted. All of these things he made me, and that isn't even the most frustrating part.

No, the most frustrating part is the last thing he gave me. The last seed he germinated. I might have found peace in the sick miracle that is my life, if not for the last thought. The idea that runs incongruous to all other motivations and feelings in my life. And the hilariously demented part is that the sick little freak doesn't even know-!

I'm getting ahead of myself.

Plants grow and thrive when you speak kindly to them. It's the truth. I've tried it many times myself. My piranha plants may be the only things in the world I feel no urge to belittle and scorn. This is because—and Wario would call me idiotically sentimental, but I know it's true—sometimes plants can absorb feelings. I don't know how else to describe it. They build them up and expel them back like oxygen. Kind emotions produce effects that even I must admit can be rather lovely. No one but me has ever heard a piranha plant hum. When a whole patch gets going, I can sit and listen for hours.

Gardening is probably the only activity that brings me any peace.

I don't know why it's true and honestly I don't care. I'm not philosophical enough to spend a lot of time reflecting on zen bullshit about interconnectedness or whatever. All I know is that it happens, and it has irrevocably affected my life.