Title: Shadows of the Past (brightening the future)

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Pairing: Emily/JJ

Rating: NC-17

Disclaimer: Not mine, unfortunately. No money.

Wordcount: ~4500 words

Summary: Someone from JJ's past is showing up.

A/N: This is my first finished English fic posted ever. Also, this is one of my older fic, it's four parts in total.

A/N 2: This is really more of a writing exercise. I wanted to experiment with POVs and tenses and this is my attempt at second person and present tense. And believe me, writing smut in second person is kinda weird... Any criticism is very welcome!

A/N 3: Thanks to my beta sofia_lindsay.

Warnings: Consensual sex between two women, light bondage, use of a strap-on, mention of domestic violence.

It's freakin' Monday morning and you're at work early. You hope to catch JJ before it gets too busy, because you want to thank her for the weekend you spent more or less together having lots of fun, without anyone around. You can't remember ever feeling so carefree and young; you never trusted anyone enough to let your guard down so completely. But with JJ you always feel save and you feel accepted just the way you are. You. Emily Prentiss. Not Agent Prentiss or "the Ambassador Prentiss' daughter". No! Only you; plain, old Emily.

The two of you went out dancing with Garcia and the guys Saturday evening and ended up in your apartment. When you told JJ you've never had a sleepover she insisted on having one, like NOW! So she stayed. You watched old movies the whole Sunday, never changing out of your pyjamas, eating ice creme and junk food and had a lot of girl talk.

You really want to thank JJ for the wonderful weekend, for the fun you had, for her friendship. Alas! When you look insider her office, she's already concentrating on her work and you don't want to disturb her. She'll come by your desk later, when she gets a refill of coffee.

So you go to your own desk in the still deserted bull pen and start catching up on paperwork. One by one your co-workers arrive and there's some commotion when they recall Saturday night together. You're pretty sure that JJ flirted with you, but as long as no one else mentions it, you would rather bite your tongue than to tell anyone.

Soon all of you are busy with your work again. You're just about to finish one of your reports, when you feel someone observing you. You look up, and there she is. JJ with her bright blue eyes, smiling at you with that smile you swear she has reserved just for you, because you've never seen her direct it at someone else.

Somehow time seems to stop as you fall into those blue eyes; but then she moves and the spell is broken. She comes over to your desk and leans casually against it, arms crossed above her chest, looking intensely at you. And you swear that the room temperature just went up at least five degrees.

She's wearing jeans today, that one pair that hugs her ass just nicely sitting low on her hips. And you have a little trouble formulating coherent thoughts but finally you manage to at least greet her.

"Hey!"

"Hey yourself."

You wink at her. "How was your weekend?" You ask so the others wouldn't know that you two spent the whole weekend together. They would only come to the wrong conclusion and you don't want to put JJ in that situation.

She smiles the most glorious smile and says: "I had the best weekend. I spent it with a friend of mine, watching movies and having fun. I'm so glad I have her as a friend."

You try to play it cool, you really try; but you can tell that JJ sees right through you. You can't hide the little blush or the excitement over her words.

"So, do you maybe wanna grab a bite at lunch? I'll buy." You know JJ's never comfortable when you want to pay, but you have to try. And then she surprises you again.

"Okay, but only if I can buy the drinks tonight."

"There are drinks tonight?" You ask surprised. You've never went for drinks on a weekday with the guys.

"Please Emily. My desk is swamped with the most horrible cases. I need to unwind a little. Pretty please?"

And she looks at you with those big, blue eyes and you really can't deny her anything when she looks at you like that.

"Okay. It's a date." And you can't believe you said date, but when you see JJ's face lighten up you can't bring yourself to regretting it.

"Pick me up around one for lunch?"

"Yes, I will."

"Later."

And then she's on her way to the break room to get her coffee fix and you can't help yourself but follow her with your eyes. Her hips swaying just a little more as usual, just as if she knows you're watching her.

Time flies by and soon it's close to one pm. You lock your desk, grab your stuff and head to JJ's office. When you're at her door your hear the phone ringing and JJ answering in her "office voice" as you like to call it; all professional and verrrry sexy.

"Jareau."

You lean in the doorway, content with just being able to watch her for an undisturbed moment.

You see her furrow her brows and you start feeling a little uneasy.

"This is Federal Agent Jareau. Who is this?"

Her voice is still polite, but you can pick up on her concern.

"Carly? What the hell..." Suddenly she sits up straight and you can see her shoulders tremble. She can barely control her voice and motions for you to come in and close the door. You're not sure it's you place to witness this conversation, but then you see the fear in JJ's eyes and you know: this is exactly the place where you're needed and where you want to be.

"Why are you calling? I told you years ago..."

You can tell she's trying to stay calm, she lays all her professionalism into her voice, but her hands are clenched to fists, the knuckles already turning white; and the last time you saw her under that much strain had been in that barn, when Reid had been abducted.

"YOU cheated on ME!"

You can barely hear her now, her voice little more than a whisper, but full of venom. Her eyes are blazing with rage and anger; and you prefer anger over fear any time.

"You told me I was sick, that I needed help. You beat me up and manipulated me, how could you possibly think..."

You really can't believe what you're hearing. You feel anger rise in your gut, like acid burning in your stomach. What happened? The JJ you know would never let a man lay a hand on her or do anything to her she doesn't want.

"No, please don't..."

Her voice is suddenly childlike, begging; and you loathe it. JJ's slumped together in her chair, tears threatening to fall any moment now.

"Please Carly, please. I never filed charges, please promise me... Okay, fine. Tonight... I'll be there."

And then she puts the phone down and buries her head in her arms on the desk. You think she's crying, because she's shaking all over. But just when you want to reach out to her she straightens up again, her face a mask of calmness and countenance. You can see right through her facade and it hurts that she distances herself from you.

Finally she speaks.

"I'm sorry Emily. I have to cancel our plans for today. Rain check?"

And you want to scream at her, that you're not stupid. You're a profiler and her body language during the conversation told you everything you need to know. You're deeply frustrated, because you want to help and she's shutting you out.

But all you say is: "Sure. Maybe tomorrow?"

"Yeah. Maybe tomorrow." But you can hear the doubt in her voice and a cold fear takes over your heart. Something is seriously wrong with your blonde friend and you plan on figure it out and help her.

You turn to leave but stop at the door, without turning towards her.

"You know I'll always be here for you, right?" You wait for her to answer but she doesn't and so you leave. There's nothing for you to do here.

You go back to your desk, pretending to work while you in reality chat with Garcia. You know Garcia and JJ have been friends for some years now and when it comes to JJ you trust her completely. You tell her everything about the conversation and she's as shocked as you are but she promises to help and so you two work out a plan.

After that is settled you actually manage to get some work done, until Garcia calls you on your cell to tell you that JJ's "on the move". And you're not surprised that she didn't say goodbye but rather slipped out of the bureau unnoticed. But since you knew she would Garcia is tracking her and you just need to follow Garcia's directions.

Those directions lead you into a part of town where you'd rather not be, but your concern for JJ drives you forward.

Finally you arrive. Where, you're not really sure. It seems to be a really shabby nightclub. Some of the windows are obviously broken and fixed with cardboard. The lights above the door only flickers every few seconds but you can make out the name.

"Garcia", you whisper into your intercom. "Find out everything you can about a bar called "Last Resort"."

"Will do."

You take a moment to observe the surroundings and even before Garcia calls you back you know it's a gay bar. You become even more worried now, not because you are opposed to homosexuality, quite the opposite. But JJ? You're pretty sure she's straight and you really wonder who she's meeting here.

Without waiting any longer for Garcia, she's probably still working through her shock anyway; you leave the fake security of your car and enter the dump.

Your eyes need a moment to adjust but then you're able to admire the locality in all her doubtful glory. But you don't look at the interior at all. All you're looking for is JJ.

"Where is she, dammit?" you whisper under your breath.

"She just went out back," Garcia says just that moment, and you don't know if she heard you or just called at the right time.

You leave out front and circle around to the back alley. Careful, using each shadow to stay hidden, you make your way to the two persons you can make out now. When you get closer you can identify JJ; but you've never seen the other person before.

You sneak further towards them until you can listen in on their conversation. Obviously you missed the beginning but it seems they're just about to getting to the "good" stuff.

"What do you want, Carly? We're over for years. You were not interested in me back then, well besides dominating me and making me feel bad. Why now?"

JJ's voice sounds strange in your ears; it totally lacks her usual compassion. Her posture is rigid and somewhat defensive. She tries to keep her distance to this other woman.

"I still love you J. I was confused. I didn't know ... I made a big mistake letting you go."

Carly takes a step towards JJ, who takes a step back.

"If I had stayed I'd probably be dead by now. You would've killed me in one of your drunken fits." Finally you can make out some emotion in JJ's voice, even if it's anger. You've seen JJ angry, and you know she can stand her ground.

"No J. I could never hurt you." The other woman's voice sounds pleading and fragile, but somehow you sense that it's not real.

"Listen to yourself. You've lost touch with reality. You killed anyone yet?"

"J, please!"

"No! It's over. I don't love you. I guess I never did."

For every step Carly takes toward JJ, she takes a step back, moving in circles like in a sick dance.

"You don't know love. I'm the only one who really loves you."

"Carly. I met someone. And she's great. She's beautiful, understanding, caring, smart and she would never hurt me. I'm sure I know love."

JJ's voice is very silent and for a moment you think you're hallucinating, but then it hits you with full force. JJ has found someone. Why didn't she say anything? You would have been glad for her, even if it breaks your heart to know that she's in love with someone else. But all that really matters to you is her happiness.

"If you don't come back to me, I'll tell everyone."

"Please Carly, don't do this. You just said you loved me. If you really did you could never do that."

Suddenly JJ seems ten years younger; all her self-confidence is gone in a blink. And you can't think of anything that would frighten JJ that much. You've seen JJ face the most dangerous killers and psychos in the world without breaking a sweat. You've seen her shoot someone that dared to threaten her friends without hesitation.

"I don't care about your psycho-babble. You come back, or you're done. Everyone will know you're a dyke! A dyke with some very sick fantasies, or did you forget?"

When you see JJ hang her shoulders defeated you decide it's your moment of truth. You step out of the shadows and are at JJ's side in a heartbeat. You take her by her shoulders and turn her, so she can look you in the eyes.

"Emily?" She looks surprised to see you, but you can't blame her.

"JJ, listen. Don't let her do this to you. There's nothing wrong with the way you feel. Nobody will hate or despise you. I'll always be your friend. And Garcia and the boys, too. Have a little faith in us. Please!"

You try to communicate as much of your feelings as possible and you hope it'll be enough.

JJ's standing motionless before you and you have no clue if she even heard a single word you said, but suddenly her eyes go wide and she pushes you to the ground.

Before you're even able to fully comprehend what just happened, you see JJ sweep Carly of her feet, disarm and cuff her. A knife is lying a few feet away; and there's blood on it.

In one smooth motion you're on your feet again and tell Garcia to call the cops. Then you approach JJ carefully; you can see a little blood seeping through her shirt's left arm.

"You're hurt," you say, your voice not more than a whisper. But she hears you and turns to you.

"It's only a scratch, really."

And then she falls into your arms and sobs are wracking her small frame.

That's how the cops find you. You show them your badge and give them the short version of what happened. You promise to file a report the next day and they take her away. And you're alone with a sobbing JJ.

"Come on JJ. I'll take you home."

She lets you take her to your car. She stopped sobbing a while ago, but still tears are streaming down her face, and you have no idea what to do.

Sometime during the ride she suddenly looks at you.

"How long you've been standing there?" Her voice is small and uncertain, having to ask but not really wanting to know.

"A while."

"Did you hear what I said?"

"Which part?"

"The part where I found someone."

"Yes, I heard." And you try to sound warm and understanding, but you're not sure if you manage to hold the jealousy out of your voice.

She's silent again and you try to think of something to say, something funny to lighten the mood or something reassuring, but you can't think of anything. To say that you were surprised when you learned that JJ is gay would be an understatement, but learning that she's in love with someone else was a blow below your waistline.

"Can we go to your place?"

And again she surprises you. You don't really want to hear more about her found love, but you promised to be there for her, to help her.

"Sure."

Out of the corner of your eye you see that she's watching you and you're pretty sure you're missing a crucial piece of the puzzle, but you can't figure it out.

You arrive at your apartment and you first check on JJ's arm. You urge her to take her shirt off and you nearly faint at the sight suddenly in front of you.

JJ in a dark red lace bra and you're favorite pair of jeans. You hurry to clean the cut and disinfect it with some alcohol. Finally you put a Band-Aid on it.

When you're finished you look at JJ again and you don't have anything else you can focus on anymore. You try your hardest not to stare at her bra-covered breasts or her flat, well-toned tummy; so you try to look anywhere else and the silence between you is about to be getting awkward. And then you look into her eyes and there's something there you can't quite figure out. Longing? Desire?

Her eyes are a little darker than usual and her breathing is a little accelerated, but you blame it on the stress.

Suddenly you notice that she's shivering, has goose bumps all over and her rock hard nipples are clearly showing through her bra. And you could kick yourself because she's obviously cold, standing here half naked in your kitchen.

"I'm sorry JJ. You must be freezing. Come, I'll get you a shirt."

And you grab her hand and notice that it's sweaty. But you can't make any sense of it. How can she be cold and sweating at the same time?

She follows you without resistance into your bedroom, but when you're about to grab a shirt out of the wardrobe she stops you.

"I'm not cold Emily." And her voice sounds strange in your ears. It's all low and husky and when you turn around to look at her you see that her eyes are even darker than before.

And suddenly you hear a loud click inside your head and everything makes sense. All the signs suddenly add up and you can't stop the shudder rippling through your body. You take a deep breath and try to compose yourself. Everything you dreamt of for so long is about to come true.

JJ's taking a step towards you, well into your personal space, and you can feel the heat radiating from her through your clothes. Her hand comes up to your face, stroking your cheek lightly and you lean into it. And then her lips are on yours and you can't remember that you closed your eyes but obviously you did,because you never saw it coming.

And this first kiss is all you ever dreamt of and so much more. It starts out slowly but heats up soon and JJ demands entrance with her tongue, which you grant her gladly. Soon you're both battling for dominance, JJ's hands busy tugging your shirt out of your pants, finding your skin beneath it eventually.

And her touch sets you on fire, you can't keep from moaning into her mouth, can't stop your hands from cupping her breasts, stroking her nipples with your thumbs. But in the back of your mind you know you should talk about this, you really don't want to screw this up, you want her forever and not just for tonight.

All your willpower combined is just enough to break free from that kiss. You grab her hands and hold them in yours between the two of you.

JJ looks at you like you took her favorite toy away and you nearly give in.

"We need to talk about this."

Your voice sounds funny to yourself. You wanted to sound all determined but it sounds more like a question to you.

JJ closes her eyes and takes some slow breaths, trying to calm down.

"Emily, please. Can we talk about this later? I can't deal with it now."

She tries to kiss you again, but you manage to stop her.

"I need to know JJ? I need to know this is real, I couldn't bear loosing you."

A small smile tugs at the corners of her mouth and then she leans into you whispering in your ear in the most sexy voice you've ever heard: "Emily please. I need you to make me yours!"

You feel all your synapses overload, those words are all the reassurance you need, at least for now. And you let go.

You kiss her again, slow and sensual, leading her backwards toward the bed, laying her down. You step back and start to undress. She's on her back, propped up on her elbows so she won't miss anything. Her eyes roam hungrily over your body, caressing every bit of skin you reveal. But you take your time, teasing her until you finally stand naked before her. And it isn't the least bit awkward, it just feels right. She gets up now and stands an arm-length before you holding you captured with her now-oh-so-dark-eyes. She undresses, too. Shedding the last barriers that are able to keep you separated.

And when she's naked she lays down again like she did before, propped up on her elbows.

You can't move. All you can do is watch her, memorize every inch of her body, because she's so damn beautiful. Hey hair shimmering golden in the dim light of your bedroom, her skin the color of bronze, the shadows accentuating her muscles. Her cheeks are flushed, her breathing erratic but you still can't believe that this is really happening and not one of your dreams. And you fear if you move, if you take the next step, you'll wake up like so many times before.

And then she spreads her legs a little and you can see the moisture glistening in her golden locks; and the smell of her arousal hits you full force as it spreads out in the room. All you can do is moan as the smell invades your senses. Suddenly your mouth is dry and you swallow audibly, moistening your lips with your tongue. But still you can't move. And she's looking at you almost pleadingly now and her lips move without sound.

"Please!"

Finally you're able to move and lay down beside her, but she doesn't have any of it and pulls you atop of her. The emotions are threatening to overwhelm you and you bury your face in her neck and just breathe.

You can feel her muscles flex beneath you, your skin burns everywhere your bodies touch. Her skin is sweaty already and she's so soft to your touch. She's stroking your back now, making soothing sounds.

And then she's moving beneath you again, spreading her legs further, and your thigh comes in contact with her center. And you can't believe how wet she is.

And now you can hear her. "Emily, please." and it's like someone has turned a switch. Suddenly you're able to breathe again, to move again.

You start rocking your hips slowly, JJ grinding against your thigh with every move. You start caressing JJ with your hands and your mouth, a little cautiously at first, but soon you find that making love to JJ is easy. She's writhing beneath you moaning and whimpering at every touch, every kiss.

You start kissing her at her face, her eyes, cheeks, and nose. You want to worship any part of her, moving downwards above her throat and over her collarbone. When you suck on her pulse point she makes the cutest little noises and pushes up against you.

Her hands are busy, too. Exploring every inch of your body she can reach. But you won't be distracted and continue your path down her body. You kiss her breasts, her nipples. First one, then the other. Licking and nibbling until JJ moans louder, deeper, fisting her hands in your hair, trying to keep you in place. And it almost hurts, but it doesn't, in fact it arouses you even more and you could feel the wetness between your legs multiplying.

And then JJ's not holding you in place anymore but she's pushing you downwards. And you're happy to oblige, sliding and kissing further down her body, licking and nibbling alternating with kissing and suckling.

And she spreads her legs further, opening up totally for you; giving herself to you completely. And you can't wait any longer, you have to taste her.

She puts one of her legs above your shoulder and pulls you in, you grasp her hips to keep her steady and take the first lick. She bucks wildly against your mouth, you're barely able keep her down with your hands. Her flavor is nothing like anything you've tasted before, it's sweet and tangy at the same time and you love it. You dive right back in because you're addicted at once. You try to gather every bit with your tongue while JJ is moaning and swearing, bucking and trying to get the needed friction.

"Oh God, Em... please I need... you inside, please!"

And you trust two fingers deep inside her and she feels so good, surrounding you, all velvety and wet and warm. And you feel the first contractions around your fingers.

"Ooooh myyyy ... Emily! ...Harder."

And her voice is impossible low, guttural, feral. It vibrates through your body and resonates in your own clit, hitting it like a thunderbolt. And you hear someone moaning besides JJ until it registers in your brain that it's you moaning.

You add a third finger and pump harder into her, stroking her clit with your tongue in the same rhythm.

Her body is tense all over now, her eyes closed, her head thrown back, tossing on the pillow. And you can actually feel her coming, so you pick up speed and suck hard at her clit, and then she's there, screaming your name. And it's the most beautiful her voice ever sounded, even if it's scratchy and raw now.

You try to lick up all the juices flowing from her center; you don't want any drop of this ambrosia to go to waste.

When she goes limp again you carefully extract you fingers from her center and scramble up beside her, engulfing her in a loving embrace, holding her close to let her calm down. Your own body is still tense, your need for release almost painful. So when JJ's breathing evens out again and she opens her eyes, to look lovingly at you, you decide to take matters in your own hands.

You sit up and straddle one of her firm thighs, pressing your center against it.

"Oh my god Emily, you're so wet. I should have... please let me."

But you're already almost there, riding her thigh, causing the much-needed friction. And so JJ decides to help you with tensing her thigh and pressing up against your center, her hands rest on your pelvic bones pressing down a little. And all the time she's watching you with her intense stare that set's you on fire every time. Your rocking becomes faster as the pressure is building up and up, almost painful, almost too much. And your head lolls back and your moans become louder, more inarticulate with every thrust, and you know that the incoming climax will sweep you off your feet and you know you never came so hard ever in your entire life. And still the pressure is building and you think you might die if you can't find release any time soon now.

And then you hear her voice, barely audible above your moans.

"Emily, come for me, please!"

And that's all you need. You feel spasms surge through your whole body and you scream for her on the top of your lungs, wave after wave wracking your body, her hands the only thing grounding you, until you finally collapse atop of her, not sure if you'll be able to move for a week.

Afterwards you lay tangled together, sweaty and slightly out of breath, basking in the afterglow of your lovemaking when JJ props herself up on one elbow and looks at you seriously.

"You wanted to talk." You can hear that she's back to her old self, that she's grounded again.

"Later." you mumble, already half sleeping. And then you look at her and smile. "You already told me everything I needed to know."