Disclaimer: Nope. Not mine. The characters belong to Stephanie Meyer. However, the PLOT belongs to me and Bliltxgirl. Be warned, people!

AN: Okay, so, here's how it happened. Picture if you will…Mischief, shopping in Kohl's with Mom-in-law and Sister-in-law and Micro Mischief. I'm strolling along pushing Micro in the cart, looking for him some winter PJ's when Bliltxgirl sends me a text. I open it…and inside is naked man goodness! A lovely man, naked, hard, standing on his hands!

I drool a bit, and she adds the comment, "Wonder if he could keep his balance for a full blow job. Would the blood not rush to his head?"

To which I responded, "LMFAO! Wonder if he could stay like that while he was taking it from behind?"

And she replied, "Now that would be an interesting position to see! I dare you to find out if it's possible and write it into a fic."

And I told her, "Wellllll…if they were vampires, it wouldn't be an issue…"

So, from there, we discussed details of who and when, and I sat in line to pick up Mini Mischief from school writing it and now it comes to you!

*End extremely long Author's Note*

Emmett POV

I blew out an unnecessary breath. "I'm so bored!" I cried out dramatically. I mean, really! The un-war was over, Mom and Pops went on a second or tenth, or what-the-fuck-ever-many honeymoon, Edward, Bella, Nessie and Wolfie went on an extended vacation to visit Nahuel, who'd met a human and knocked her up, leaving me, Rose, Jasper and Alice home alone.

"I'm bored!" I whined again. Okay, so, it's not manly to whine, but damn it, I wanted to do something! Rosalie had wanted to take a trip to Paris for Fashion Week, but Alice seemed to think it was important we stay here. Why, she wouldn't tell us. But for Alice to want to skip out on Fashion Week, something must be hella important. So I totally didn't get why she wouldn't tell us.

"Patience," Alice said sagely, not looking up from her knitting. Knitting! Didn't she know vampires don't knit? When I asked her as much, she started spouting off about quality of products nowadays and how she had a vision of a perfect handfasting wrap for Jake and Nessie's wedding and how the only way it could be done was if she handmade it or some shit. I honestly zoned out a few seconds in.

"But, I'm bored, Alley Cat!" I interrupted as she began going into the differences between fibers. Like I gave a shit. "Isn't anything exciting going to happen?"

She pursed her lips and counted down from five with her hand. When she got down to one, Jasper came down the stairs and said, "I'm bored. Em, want to play a game?"

I looked at Alice for conformation, and she nodded. A wicked grin split my face. I'd wanted to do this for ages. "Twister," I replied.

Jasper scoffed. "Really? Isn't that a little juvenile?"

"Strip Twister," I qualified.

"Oh, fuck," muttered Rosalie as she looked up from the book she was reading. "Really, Em? We're vampires. We have excellent balance."

I chuckled. "Yeah, but we also play dirty."

She smirked. "Well, there is that…"

Which is how, ten hours later, Jasper and I were stuck, bent around each other like pretzels. Rosalie and Alice had bowed out at the two and five mark, respectively, but Jasper and I were nothing if not tenacious.

"Damn it, move your junk, Emmett!" Jasper growled at me.

I shook my head. I wasn't moving. Since we started, we had upped the ante. Now, instead of hands and feet, we were balancing on pointer fingers and big toes. We were both down to our boxers and were each determined not to lose. "Never!" I cried. "Yo, Alice! What's my next move?"

When she didn't respond, I yelled out, "Al! Come on! We're dying here!" I tried to turn my head to look at her, but couldn't see her. "Jazz-man, I want to move, too. I'm not trying to tempt you with my meat and two veg down there, I swear. Can you see them? What the fuck are they doing?"

He managed to twist his head away from my crotch, let out a gasp, and fell on his ass. I boomed out a crow of victory but it stopped on my lips when a jolt of lust ran through me as I felt Jasper's emotions amplifying all around me and in me. I moaned and adjusted my rapidly hardening dick. "What the fuck?" I growled as I turned around.

"Holy hell," I muttered. There were Alice and Rosalie, making out. Their lips were locked and their legs were intertwined. The Twister spinner dial was discarded on the footstool their matching pink toes were perched on.

"Sweet baby Jesus," Jasper uttered. "Uh, girls? Do you mind calming down there a bit?" His voice was hoarse with want.

Our two lovely ladies pulled away from each other and both their mouths were mussed with each others' lipsticks. "Damn," Jasper and I ground out in unison.

Alice smiled and looked at Rose. "What do you think?"

Rosalie looked at me, then Jasper, then Alice. "I told you, Emmett is the best lover on the planet."

I was about to crow again, when Alice stated, "Yeah, but, you have no point of reference."

My mouth fell open as they continued talking about me like I wasn't there. "True," Rose said as she examined her fingernails, "But, then, I'm not a whore like you are."

Alice giggled. "Bitch, please. You just wish you could have had as much dick as I've had!"

Rosalie chortled. "No, I'm quite content with the cock I've got. Emmett pleases me enough that I have no desire to try another man. But a woman, however…" and with that, they dove back into each other.

"Fuck," I whimpered and I saw Jasper readjusting himself out of the corner of my eye. His eye caught mine and I asked, "So, uh, does Alice do this often?" We had been monogamous for 66 years. Maybe Rosalie was starting to get bored with me. The thought hurt more than upset me. I wasn't sure why I wasn't angry at Rosalie. Maybe it was due to the fact of how badly she had been hurt before me. I would give anything to never see hurt in her eyes again, and if this was something she wanted…

"We're swingers," Jasper stated flatly.

I blinked. "Uh, excuse me?"

He put his hand on the back of his neck, almost as if he were embarrassed. "Yeah, well, Edward knows, obviously. I mean, that's not something you can hide from a mind reader, you know? But we didn't want Carlisle and Esme to know. You know how Carlisle is…he's such a straight-laced individual. He's somewhat narrow minded when it comes to sex…"

That, I did know. We'd all had quite a discussion about sex, gay marriage, homosexuality and bisexuality. It was an interesting night, to say the least. One would figure as old as Carlisle is, he would have at least tried some kinky shit. Turns out he was a virgin longer than Edward was! But Jasper and Alice as swingers…well, that didn't surprise me very much. I knew Jasper had been with men and women under Maria. He had to assert his dominance as the BVOC, or Big Vampire On Campus. It didn't bother me. To each their own, right? But Rosalie and Alice…

"So, what? Are we supposed to watch them?" The thought didn't disturb me much at all. Alice was an attractive girl. I'm glad she wasn't mine, I had a woman that was high-maintenance enough, but Alice was a different kind of sexy. Plus, I was like any other man. The thought of two chicks together did things to me. Good things. But I needed an outlet. I grasped myself again and wondered if I should just stand here or plop my ass in a chair and get comfy.

Jasper grinned. "Well, um, we could always join in…separately."

"I was thinking the same thing." I ripped off my boxers and palmed my member. "Damn, that's awesome. A live-action porno. Cool. This is a first for me."

"No, uh, I mean, we could join them separately."

I looked over at him for a moment in shocked silence. Does he want…? "Jazz, man, I love ya like a bro, but I'm not sure I'm comfortable with you sticking your dick in me. I mean, sure, Rosie's given me a little back door action, but that thing you've got there looks way bigger than what she's shoved in there before."

If he could have blushed, I think he would have. "No, I, um, I mean…" he trailed off, and once again, I got the picture.

"OH! Oh, well, uh, okay. So, um…" Wow. I'd never really given thought to being with a guy. It didn't bother me that much, either. I mean, I was still hard, so that meant I was at least curious, right?

"Look, Em, don't feel like you have to," he spoke up suddenly, definitely embarrassed and I stopped him quickly as I shook my head.

"No, no, it's not that. I kinda…you know…like the idea. I just…where do we go from here?" This was whole new territory for me, but I was going with it.

He moved to me and his hand found my cock. My hips jerked of their own volition. His hand was firm around me, much like my own would be. Rosie didn't mind giving me hand jobs, but she wasn't quite as forceful as he was. "Come here," he commanded, his voice thick with want.

My eyes widened just seconds before his lips fused with mine, hot and greedy as they moved. Now, I prided myself on my kissing prowess, so I thrust my tongue into his mouth and he moaned at the intrusion.

I couldn't have stopped if I wanted to as I ripped my mouth away from his and grasped him by the neck with my teeth.

"Fuck, Em!" he growled as I lightly bit him. I was married to Rosalie; I knew how to bite without breaking the skin. She would have killed me permanently dead if I marked her, especially on her neck.

"You've got to help me, tell me how to make it good for you," I murmured lightly into his ear as I palmed him.

"Fuck," he muttered again as my other hand grasped the globe of his ass. "Any way you do it won't hurt me, Em. Peter and I…"

I growled. I wasn't sure why the thought of him being with another man bothered me, but it did. "No. Do not talk about him. You're here with me, aren't you?"

"Yes," he whimpered and I smirked. Gone was the person that became one of the youngest Majors in the Civil War, and gone was the vampire other vampires feared. In his place was a whimpering man in need. Who was I to hold out on him?

"Turn around," I commanded.

His answer was another whine of need and I wasted no time rubbing my glistening cock against his hole, preparing him with my venomous lube, before I thrust into him.

He grunted and I palmed him as I continued to thrust. I used my other hand to grasp his neck and pull him up to me. I whispered in his ear, "Is this what you want?"

"Yes! Damn it, Emmett! More!"

I continued my ministrations for a few more moments as he played with his own nipples. I wanted to stimulate them, but my hand was busy holding him to me. I remedied that by holding him to me with my mouth, my teeth just barely sinking into his flesh. My now free hand swatted his away as I teased first one, then the other taut nipple I found.

He was making guttural noises, and I was, as well. I felt my release approaching, but I wasn't ready to finish yet. I pulled out of him and he immediately cried out at the loss. "What the…?" he started, but I just smiled.

"I'll bet you and Peter have never tried this…"

"Wha…?" he began again, but I grasped him by the waist and flipped him upside down.

"Don't move," I told him as he put his hands out to balance himself as he stood on his head, putting him at just the right angle...

"Oh shit…" he murmured.

"That's right, buddy, you're about to know you've been fucked by Emmett." I plunged into him once more and he let out a sob of relief. He was balanced precariously on the crown of his head, his hands falling limp and useless at his sides as I thrust into him. I wrapped his feet around my neck, and grabbed his cock, but smaller hands covered mine.

"Want some help with that?" Alice asked me.

I looked up, for the first time, focusing on something other than Jasper. "No," I ground out. "Mine," I growled.

Alice smirked, but stepped away, back to where Rosalie was waiting, now naked, on the overstuffed chair they had been sitting on.

I wasn't sure where the irrational need to have him to myself had come from, but I went with it. I glanced down Jasper's body and caught his eye as he looked up at me. I pulled and squeezed him, and that was all it took for me to come, with him coming right behind me, splattering his stomach with his come.

I pulled away and fell roughly against the wall, knocking an Emmett-size hole in it. Jasper lithely flipped to his feet. He grinned and came at me, kissing me once more.

I was gearing up for round two when Alice growled, "Shit! Get dressed! Fuck!"

We all dressed at warp speed and were just putting the Twister game away when Carlisle and Esme walked in. "What happened?" she cried as she looked at the hole in the wall.

Jasper and I looked at one another and grinned. "Just a game of 'Twisted Twister' that went awry," I replied.

AN2: Well, I feel better. What about you?

BTW, a handfasting wrap or cord is where the tradition "tying the knot" or "bonds of marriage" came from. It was used back in the day during the wedding ceremony because rings were only for the rich. Usually it is a braided cord or length of rope, but it can be made of anything. It's mostly symbolic now, and has gone somewhat out of practice. I thought it would be appropriate for our odd couple of Jacob and Renesmee. After all, she lives with a coven of vampires. I'm sure they're all...old fashioned. LOL