Hi Guys! This is the first TMNT story i have posted on here. Its depressing, (when i was writing it, I felt like a murderer, and i still do, because i love these guys.) At the moment its only 2 chapters long, and i am going over the options of writing more or leaving it at that. Anyway, I will leave the final decision up to you guys. Please Review and please no offensive comments! Thanks :)

The idea from this story came from the TMNT 2007 movie. It made me wonder. You could make that storyline lead in so many different directions and all it would do, would change the ending or whatever.

Warning: Character death.

I DO NOTOWN THESE CHARACTERS! (Wish I did though :( )

I know it's there. It's always going to be there. It's going to haunt us for the rest of our lives. Splinter spends a lot of time staring at the walls now. He's got pain. My brothers have pain. I have pain. Guess that's what you get for being a ninja. Or maybe, it's just what being a brother is all about?

The clashing of steel against steel ringing in our ears as we fought on through the night.

"Cowabunga!" Mikey cheered as he easily knocked out 3 of the armed men with his nunchakus. I smirked. Even that comment was funny at this time. Michelangelo had managed to make me laugh a lot more these days. I'd begun to tolerate him more and it felt good. Almost too good to be true.

"These guys don't like to back down do they?" I yelled.

"Must be because we are just too attractive and skilled!" Leo laughed. It was so good to see him happy. These last few days we had seen a completely different side of our big bro. One we hadn't ever seen before.

"I miss you"

I cupped my hands and pressed my heavy head into them. Fresh tears stung my eyes as I remembered.

It was almost 6 months ago now and things have gotten worse around here. Although my brothers are pretty good at hiding pain, I know it's there. It's always going to be there. It's going to haunt us for the rest of our lives. Splinter spends a lot of time staring at the walls now. He's got pain. My brothers have pain. I have pain.

Every night I cry myself to sleep. I hug the picture of the two of us and regularly walk into his empty room. His bed neatly made, the window shut and curtains closed.

"I'll be there with you one day. I promise."

I closed my eyes. Memories flashing before me.

Donny had been so much more distracted by all his techno stuff. He had come up with so many new theories, devices and he also, had been happier.

We all laughed at our brother's comment. "Sooo have ta agree wit' ya der bro!" I laughed. I twirled my sai and charged for a guy in front of me.

"Come at me!" Mikey cheered, beckoning one of them towards him as he twirled his dual nunchaku.

The two of us charged and after a few blows knocked each and everyone one of them from those smaller groupings out cold.

Suddenly I heard a loud scraping behind me and sparks were sent flying. I spun around and saw Leo battling one with his swords. I sighed with faint relief.

"Thanks Bro" I said. Leo grunted loudly as he kicked the man away.

"No problems Raph. Watch your back" he said before he patted my shoulder and took off to help Mikey.

The tears ran my cheeks as I leant against the windowsill. I did this regularly now so it wasn't classified as a foreign action.

"I will avenge you soon. I swear on my grave I will kill that bastard" I hissed. Usually I wouldn't try and think about my deceased brother, but tonight I wanted to remember. I wanted to remember his intelligence, His bravery, his soul, his skill, his interests, his biggest wishes and just over all, him. I usually had trouble getting memories of him due to me not wanting to accept the fact he was gone. Even tonight I struggled. I often don't want to say or think his name. It hurts too much. Even now; 6 months later.

Actually, scrap the "I will kill that bastard" bit, because he's already dead. Just ruined my plans...

I wiped my running nose and stared out at the snow outside the window. I began to remember our child hood memories.

"Duck!" Mikey called as a snowball came flying towards Donny's face. Unfortunately he was too slow to react and it hit him hard in the face. He smirked. "No Mikey, it's RUN!" he yelled as he chased our youngest brother around the yard.

"Come on guys! Come play!" I cheered, summoning Leo and Splinter from the veranda and into the snow next to me.

I turned around to throw a snowball at Mikey and Don but froze in confusion as I felt ice on my back. I slowly turned to see master Splinter and Leo grinning wildly.

"Attack my son" Splinter ordered Leo. He bowed gracefully and started pegging snow at me. All three of my brothers and me raced around the yard laughing and getting covered in snow which was wayyyy colder for us considering we are turtles...

I sighed and softly smiled. Those were good times. If only you could reverse time and prevent things from happening. If that was possible, I wouldn't be here right now talking about this.

I wiped my tears with the back of my hand and turned to exit the room and walk down the hallway. Pictures of us hung neatly on the walls. His favourite weapons; neatly hung on the wall also. I continued walking and found master Splinter on the couch.

"Ahhh, Raphael... Sit" he ordered. I did as told and sat next to my father. He coughed wheezily. "I need you boys to take care of each other. I can sense I will leave soon." he mumbled. Splinter had gotten quite sick since my brother passed away and we couldn't do anything to prevent our masters upcoming death.

"I know Sensei. I know" I said softly. I thought for a moment. "Do you think he still watches us? From up there?" I asked. Splinter sighed. "I believe he is." he said.

"I miss him. It's not the same around here. It's not humorous, we are always getting sick now and our training levels have gone down despite our efforts."

"My son, your eldest brother, Leonardo WILL take care of you. Your brothers are strong warriors and you know that. I'm sure your dead brother would want you to continue being you, even without him around, just as I wish for you when I am gone."

I nodded and wiped away a loose tear. "I know Sensei. I just can't help but blame myself for what happened to him. I treated him like he was the worst thing in the world. Most of the time I didn't respect him. I never treated him fairly and... And... And I wasn't there for him all the times he needed me" I sobbed, the tears running wild again.

Splinter sighed. "You are not to blame Raphael. Even though you were last to see him and speak to your brother, does not mean it's your fault for his death. It is difficult to see through your own pain and experience others, and that just happened to be one of his biggest qualities. It is rare and hard to experience this, so you didn't really have a choice in helping out. However, there is a lesson to be learnt from this down fall... Quite a few actually." he gave a wheezy cough and I couldn't help but wince, knowing our master would leave us soon also.

"Lesson one; don't take friends or family for granted. You must treat everyone as if they would never be heard or seen of again. Lesson two; respect others and yourself. If you don't respect yourself, how can you possibly respect everyone else? Things like these can be difficult to carry out and need effort to reach, but in the long run, they are worth it"

I rubbed my eyes and slipped off my mask, gripping it in my hands for a few seconds before flattening it out and examining it.

Sighing, I slipped my mask back on and bowed to Splinter before walking into the kitchen.

"Where's Mikey?" I asked. There was silence.

"You forgot didn't you?" my brother asked. I sniffled and wiped my nose.

"Yeah..." I whispered before heading back to my room. I gently shut the door and lay down on my mattress, staring at the ceiling.

Come to think of it, it was too quiet around here now. Well, ignoring the cries from my brothers and the curses when they were blaming themselves for things out of their grasp... I... I guess that was me now.

"I'll never, ever forget you. Wish I treated you the way you deserved to be treated. I wish I had contained my anger and not fought you, minutes before you were murdered. Shell, I wish I never, not once in my life, fought with you."

I rolled over onto my side and quickly fell to sleep. It was a light sleep and every now and then I would wake up just by the sounds of creaking pipes. I was always tired because of my now regular sleeping habit. Who could sleep here now anyway?

Okay, What did you think? I wanted to use Raph's point of view, because it fits in better than the others and also because I wanted to find his breaking point.

Am i tormenting you with the question as to who is dead? I hope im not being too obvious...

Reviews?

missymousemonster Xx