Title: The Game Of Strife
Author: Carly
Character(s)/Pairing(s): J/A, T/B, Study Group
Spoilers: Up to 3.22
Rating/Warnings: PG
Disclaimer: I don't own Community.
Summary: When Pierce brings out a couples board game during a party things get awkward for everyone involved.
Notes: Set not long after the season three finale.

Pouring himself another scotch, Jeff glanced around at the paraphernalia adorning Pierce's bar. "Guys?" he called out, lifting a wooden frame off the wall. "Did we all know that Pierce was in a Gerber Baby competition back in the Jurassic period?"

"Yeah, the Goobiest Gerber," said Troy, lounging on an oversized leopard-print rug. "It always sounded like he won a disease to me. Like scurvy, or hiccups."

Shirley snorted from her velour armchair. "Pierce actually came first? Somehow I can't imagine that man as a sweet, innocent child."

"No, he didn't come first," Jeff smirked. "He didn't even come third. It's a participation award."

"Oh Piercenald," said Britta, swigging her wine. "You really Britta'd that one."

Abed hummed in agreement while concentrating on his pinball game at the back of the room. "Gold star, hashtag 'you tried'."

"Retweet. Hashtag 'LOL'," giggled Annie next to Britta on the plush crimson sofa.

"Worldwide trend: 'No one cares about your dumb Twitter conversation skits'," muttered Troy, freezing when Annie gave him a wounded look. "I mean… how much does Pierce suck, am I right?" he said, forcing out a laugh. "Participation. So stupid."

Jeff hung the award back on the wall and picked up his scotch, along with a wine for Annie and soda for Shirley. "Speaking of the prehistoric one, how long does it take to find a game?" He handed the girls their drinks and took the last seat on the sofa. "Shouldn't everything already be here in the 'entertainment parlor'?"

"He said it was something that he only brought out on special occasions," Annie replied, scrunching up her nose. "OK, I'm just realizing how creepy that sounds in Pierce language."

Jeff winced. "This game better not involve his joystick."

"Get your mind out of the gutter, Winger," announced Pierce, emerging through the doorway with a psychedelic-print box in his hands. "This is a game everyone can enjoy – not just the ladies."

Shirley raised an eyebrow as Pierce placed the box on the table. "You seriously want us to play something called 'Cop A Feel'?"

"Of course not," Pierce chuckled, taking a seat in his leather recliner. "It's called 'Cop A Feel-ing'. It was all the rage back when I was a young stud."

"It's from your era?" said Jeff. "Does that mean we add up points on an abacus?"

"No, we'll just notch them up on your forehead since there's enough room," Pierce retorted, ignoring the glare being shot his way. "It's a couples board game," he explained further.

"And the night just got more interesting," said Abed, abandoning his pinball machine to sit next to Troy on the floor. "Cop A Feel-ing," he read off the box, "the far-out relationship game for cool cats and groovy gals, you dig?"

"Why a couples game though?" asked Annie. "Won't that be awkward considering none of us are really coupled up?" Out of the corner of her eye she noticed Troy and Britta make a concerted effort not to look at one another and smiled. "Unless anyone's got something they'd like to shaaaaare?"

Britta took another large gulp of wine. "Are you sure you don't have Yahtzee or something, Pierce?" she said hastily, causing Abed to slowly run a hand over his chin.

"Relax, people," said Pierce, standing up to head to the bar. "It's all in good fun. You don't actually have to be a real couple to play. I remember one night where the maids, the pool boy and I…"

"Did absolutely nothing because no one wants to vomit," Jeff interrupted, leaning forward to grab the game. "Let's just get rid of the box before Pandora or Schrodinger's cat or whatever leaps out to bite us all on the ass."

"I don't get it," said Troy "Is that one of the cool cats?"

"Maybe we should just quit while we're ahead," said Shirley. "It is starting to get late and some of us have…" she fidgeted with the hem of her sweater, "… things to do in the morning."

"No! Come on, stay!" Pierce exclaimed abruptly, nearly popping the champagne cork into his face. "This is supposed to be an end of summer school celebration, not a wimps wimping out… wimp-erbration." He paused when he saw Jeff staring at him. "What?"

"Oh nothing," stated Jeff. "Just checking to see if you have a vocabulary award up there too."

"Don't be mean," Annie scolded, hitting his arm. "Pierce is right, we should be celebrating our achievements. Plus this wine tastes amazing and my butt feels like I'm sitting on a cloud, so I'm pretty content right now," she grinned.

Jeff couldn't help smiling back. "Is content a code word for drunk?" he teased.

"No," she replied, emphasizing her point by sloshing her glass around, spilling wine on her skirt. "… Shut up."

"I vote we play," said Abed, taking the box from Jeff. "It could be an eye-opening experience for our group. And I don't have anymore quarters left for the pinball machine."

Britta threw an accusatory look at Pierce. "I still can't believe you make people pay to have fun."

"What am I? A nerd charity center?" replied Pierce. "No wonder you never have two dimes to rub together, Blondie, you're too much of a soft touch for your own good."

Sensing an argument brewing, Troy leapt up and opened the lid of the box. "Game time it is! OK, we've got some question cards, some tokens, a board and…" he gingerly picked up an item between two fingertips. "A pair of fluffy red handcuffs."

"No way," sputtered Shirley, folding her arms. "I am one thousand per cent done with this foolishness already."

"Ahhh!" Annie cried, covering her eyes. "Dildopolis flashbacks!"

"You can untwist all your panties, everyone, the cuffs aren't part of the game. They're from my own personal collection." Pierce chuckled fondly. "I thought I lost those bad boys."

"Yeah, 'cause that makes everything less gross and tainted in nightmares," said Troy, flinging the offending item towards the elderly man. Wiping his hands on his shirt, he waited for Abed to finish scanning the instructions. "What do we need to do, dude?"

"The aim is to pair-up and answer questions to earn 'primo' points and move forward on the board," Abed replied. "Whoever reaches make-out ridge first is 'outta sight'."

"Well," Troy mused, eyes wandering towards the sofa. "I guess I should pair up with Britta then because Shirley's like a …"

Shirley narrowed her eyes. "If you say 'mom' I'm going to risk my own personal hygiene and handcuff you to the pool table."

"… Really hot not-at-all motherly person to me that I think is awesome," he rambled.

"This is fun," grinned Annie. "What's your excuse for me?"

Troy scoffed. "As if you won't go with Jeff. You two are like magnets when it comes to stuff like this."

Jeff and Annie snuck a look at one another and laughed. "Stuff like what?" said Jeff. "Playing ancient board games? It doesn't exactly scream 'regular occurrence' to me."

"Me either," agreed Annie. "And who's to say I won't pick Abed instead?" she added, missing the way the smirk slid off Jeff's face.

Troy shrugged. "Hashtag, 'no surprise there either'."

"What are you on about? Why is your tone all judge-y?"

"It's not, OK, don't worry about it," Troy sighed. "This is turning into a weird Pokémon battle. I choose Britta, end of story."

"Hey, what if I want to be the one who deals the cards?" Britta protested. "I can be a Poker Mom too you know!"

"So you don't want to go with me?"

"… I never said that."

"I still need a game date," Pierce reminded her. "I'll have to warn you, though, you're number four on my list right now, sour face."

Britta screwed up her mouth. "Troy it is."

"Hey," Jeff murmured next to Annie's ear. "You weren't serious about the whole Abed thing were you?"

"Why?" smiled Annie coyly. "Are you worried?"

"Pfft, no," he scoffed. "I just thought you'd want to be on the winning team."

"And that involves you does it?"

"Well you can't spell Winger without 'win' now can you?"

"Wow, I hope you've used that in the courtroom before." She bit back a laugh at his exasperation. "OK, OK, you're my cool cat."

Abed glanced between Shirley and Pierce. "Threesome? Figuratively speaking of course."

Shirley shook her head. "I'll just be in charge of keeping everyone in line on account of never wanting to associate my name in a threesome of any kind with Pierce." She fluffed her hair as she pondered her new role. "Judge Shirley has a nice ring to it anyway don't you think?"

"Looks like it's you and me then, Pierce," said Abed.

"Welcome to the team, number three," Pierce replied, shaking his hand.

Steadying her wine glass on the floor, Annie picked up a question card from the pile, breathing a sigh of relief. "OK, this one's much less embarrassing."

"I don't know," said Jeff. "Playing 'Dance groove or Kama Sutra move?' was pretty enlightening."

"You're not the one who thought The Underdog Backstreet wasn't a dance."

Jeff smirked. "Yeah, how exactly did you think that…"

"Moving on!" Annie interrupted, holding up her card. "Our next question is: 'Name three of the grooviest things about your partner'."

"Her dirty mind for starters."

"Jeff! Be sensible."

"I am!" He laughingly dodged her shoulder punch. "OK, fine. Your pure mind and your not-so-pure Santa outfit."

Annie buried her face in her hands. "Oh my God."

Clearing her throat, Shirley banged her empty glass on the table like a gavel. "Judge Shirley says stop mucking around being 'cute' and answer the question already."

"Hey, how come we're on our third warning now and no one else has got one?" Jeff complained.

"Because the rest of us aren't trying to dry-hump each other with words," said Pierce, earning a groan of disgust from most of the group. "What? It's true."

"What's true is that you're off your rocker," said Jeff.

Abed raised his hand. "My better half may have a point, Jeff."

"I do?" asked Troy.

"He means me, genius," said Pierce with a proud smile. "Ay-bed, you've just been bumped up to number two on my list." He gave Annie a conciliatory glance. "Rough luck, kiddo."

"Please don't let me be where I think I am," Shirley prayed under her breath, shuddering when Pierce winked.

Jeff leant back into the sofa cushion and frowned. "I'm sorry, can we revisit the point about Pierce having a point? Because that doesn't really compute."

"Oh don't act all surprised," said Britta, her mouth curling up into a smirk. "You know it's true." She pointed uncoordinatedly between Jeff and Annie. "Both of you."

"We all banter with each other," countered Jeff. "I don't see why Annie and I are being singled out."

"Exactly!" said Annie. "So check yourself before you wreck yourself, yo!" She held up her hand to Jeff for a high five, but he just stared quizzically at her. "It felt like a 'yo' moment," she mumbled. "… Did I mention this wine is really good?"

"You can claim the banter thing all you like, but it's always laced with a little something more with you guys," Britta added.

"She's right," said Troy. "You can't compare, like, I don't know, me and Shirley to the way you two act around each other." He flinched when he heard the makeshift gavel slam on the table.

"Someone's ass is out of order," said Shirley, pressing her lips together in annoyance. "Again."

"Chang and I had a nice connection once," Pierce mused. "Like that Schwarzenegger movie with the short guy."

"Twins," Abed nodded.

"No, I think it was set in a kindergarten…"

"For the love of…" Jeff scrubbed a hand over his face, taking a deep breath. "Can we just go back to guessing Kama Sutra moves? Because that was less painful."

Annie waved the question card in the air. "Let's just finish this one and move on. Jeff, you go first. What are the three grooviest things about me?" She flashed him a grin.

Jeff drained the last of his scotch, feeling self-conscious under everyone's gaze. "Groovy things, huh?" He stood up to walk over to the bar, keeping his back towards his friends. "Well, you're smart. You're friendly… and, uh, you have nice hair."

"Oh." Shoulders slumping, Annie managed to keep the smile on her face. "Thanks. Very detailed." She slipped the card back under the pile. "Well I guess your 'groovy' qualities would be that you're well-dressed, you're tall… and you also have nice hair."

"Thank you," said Jeff with a strained smile. "Also very detailed."

"Get a room!" jeered Pierce, earning a scowl from Jeff. "No seriously, get another room away from here before you bore us all to death with your answers," he retorted.

"We'll just let Shirley decide that shall we?"

"You can move one space," Shirley replied.

Jeff and Annie baulked at her. "What?"

"You're lucky you're getting that far! Friendly, tall and well-dressed?" she scoffed. "You may as well be describing Big Bird going to prom."

"Why are you letting them move at all then?" Britta protested.

"Because they do both have nice hair," Shirley conceded. "Jeff's even sprouting one or two sexy gray wisps on the side like George Clooney," she cooed.

Forgoing all notions of pouring a small drink, Jeff threw away the lid and took a giant swig from the bottle instead. "I think I liked it better when I was Big Bird."

Troy sat crossed-legged on the rug, deep in thought. "I would just wear normal clothes and a backpack," he finally replied, popping a Cheeto into his mouth.

"That doesn't sound very exciting for a Halloween costume," said Shirley. "What would Britta's half of the couple's costume be?"

"Anything at all, that's the awesome part," said Troy.

Annie grabbed the wine bottle to fill up her glass. "I don't get it."

"OK, so you know how Britta usually dresses up as confusing things like an armadillo, and people are all, 'Hey, nice rock costume'?"

"In my defense I was curled up most of the night," said Britta, yanking the bottle from Annie to refill her own cup. "The Geology club kept asking me to join them," she added sadly.

"Don't forget the stoner club," teased Jeff.

"And the math geeks," quipped Pierce.

"What?"

"… Aren't we just naming dumb clubs?"

"Anyway," Troy continued, "I'd just shove heaps of supplies into my backpack. So if she dresses up as a teddy bear and people think she's an Ewok or something, I could just pull out a wig and pretend to be Princess Leia so we'd match."

"Aww!" said Shirley, with Annie joining in. "You can definitely move four spaces on the board."

Troy grinned at Britta, who tried to match his enthusiasm. "To infinity and beyond!" she cheered weakly, pumping the air with her fist. She let her hand drop when Abed made a distressed whining sound. "Wrong reference, huh?"

"Help her Abed-Wan Kenobi," Jeff drawled. "You're her only hope."

Pierce adjusted his glasses to get a better look at his card. "Lay it on me," he read. "What's something not-so-keen-o about your partner-ino?" He chuckled heartily. "Good luck finding a flaw, Ay-bed."

"You wear too much aftershave," Abed instantly replied.

"Hey!"

"Eau De Mothballs by Calvin Klein, right?" said Jeff.

"Well at least I attempt to smell like an adult," Pierce retorted, glaring at Abed. "When's the last time you stank of something other than Batman bubble bath?"

"Um, I'm sorry, I don't see the problem," said Troy folding his arms. "He protects the city from crime and grime one soapsud at a time. What's not to like?"

"It's OK, Troy, I probably shouldn't have started with something so personal," said Abed, grabbing a handful of M&Ms. "I'll try again."

"Thank you," said Pierce.

Abed tossed the candy into his mouth. "Your marriage track record is like the Police Academy movies. The first few were harmless fun but by the seventh one you were just in it for the sadistic familiarity and funny sound effects." He innocently scooped up more M&Ms as the room fell silent.

"Abed!" gasped Annie, casting a wary look towards Pierce. "The line? Hashtag, 'you just crossed it'."

"I did?"

"I think you peed on it too," Britta murmured into her wine glass.

"It was just an observation," said Abed. "Right Pierce?"

With a sour face to rival Britta's, Pierce yanked the bowl of candy away from Abed. "Number. Five. On. The. List," he said through gritted teeth. "Congrats on your upgrade," he added to Britta and Troy.

"What? Why am I still last on your stupid list!" Jeff exclaimed, before catching himself. "… Why the hell am I so outraged?"

Shirley banged her gavel to get everyone back on track. "Next time you all better damn listen to me when I suggest we play Chutes and Ladders," she warned.

Passing his half-empty bottle of scotch to Annie to hold, Jeff took a card from the board and silently read it. "Huh…" Pursing his lips, he tucked it into his pocket. "I'm going to veto that one."

"Why?" said Annie. "What did it say?"

"I can't tell you or that would contradict the purpose of the veto."

"Veto-schmeeto," she replied, shoving the bottle back at him. "I want to see!"

"Compelling as that argument is… No."

Scooting closer on the sofa, Annie bit her bottom lip and glimpsed up at him through her lashes coquettishly.

"Oh no you don't," Jeff protested, putting a hand over her face and gently shoving her away. "I distinctly remember banning those looks last month after I somehow ended up performing a puppet show with you on Troy and Abed in the Morning."

"The resurrection of Horsebot 3000," Troy sighed happily. "Good times."

"This look isn't Disney," argued Annie, hiding a smile. "It's Pixar."

Jeff smirked. "Disney adjacent, overruled."

"Je-ff, just show me the card!" Lunging forward, she tried to slip a hand into his pocket. "Come on, what does it say?" she laughed, as Jeff squirmed around. "Does it involve singing again? Because I promise I won't giggle this time."

"I make no such promise," Britta quipped. "You murdered that last song more than me and Jack the Ripper combined."

"We don't need the card, trust me," said Jeff, batting Annie's hands away. "It's the Jim Belushi of questions. In fact, Belushi saw it, laughed at it, used the laugh track from 'According to Jim' to really drive his point home, and then threw it away. That's how lame it is." He caught a triumphant spark in Annie's eyes. "Why are you… dammit, Annie!"

Annie leapt up from the sofa; card in hand after a sneaky manoeuvre. "That's what you get for putting more effort into your excessive jokes than the actual task," she gloated, poking out her tongue.

"What does it say?" queried Abed. "And more importantly, was it worth all of this set-up?"

Jeff guiltily lay into the scotch as he observed the glee quickly fade from Annie's face. "You know what?" said Annie, giving Jeff a hurt look before tucking the card into her blouse. "Maybe I don't want this question either. How'd you like them Belushis?" She affected a faux-pleasant tone. "In vino veritas," she sang out, raising her glass to the ceiling. "In veto veritas too apparently…"

"Annie," Jeff began.

"Britta, pass me the wine please," she said, ignoring him.

Cautiously offering her friend the near-empty bottle, Britta tottered over to the bar to find what else was on offer. "So, guess it's mine and Troy's turn again?"

"Hell yeah it is!" Troy whooped in excitement. "We are owning right now. Winning this thing like winners. We should totally get matching hats that say 'Best Team Ever'. No, wait, that's lame." His eyes widened. "Ooh, matching fluffy towels with our initials sewn into them. Classy."

"Yeah, go team," Britta chuckled nervously, fumbling around with a corkscrew. "With the hats and the towels and the perfect answers to things that are just waiting to be ruined by a professional ruiner and holy crap why won't this alcohol open?!"

"It's Pierce's weird novelty corkscrew," explained Troy, leaping up to assist her. "There's a trick to it. You just have to lift the lady's leg and…"

"I've got it, Troy," Britta yelped, ducking her head shamefully when he ground to a halt. "Why don't you go choose a card instead?"

"… OK, sure."

"We just have to move Jeff and Annie's token back one space first for failing to answer," Shirley replied apologetically. "Sorry, pumpkins. They're the rules."

"One step forward, one step back," Annie mused, nudging the small silver peace sign down the board. "Now that's a familiar tune."

"Well I wouldn't want to try sing it now would I?" sighed Jeff.

"I'm bored," said a gruff voice. "When do we get to see what the question was?"

"On the twelfth of shut up, Pierce."

Continued…