AN: Well, this was rather long for me [Yay! 1000 words!]. I wrote it on a creative splurge when I couldn't focus on actual work.
I should really be working on the next section of Help Me... but this kept bothering me and I just had to get it out!
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blur
(because no one can quite see you clearly)
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It's always
always
been about them, just the two of them,
brothers and rivals and comrades.
(what happened to 'we are one'?)
Even though genin are put in teams of three,
it's always been about them
(and 'we are one' counts for nothing because there's them and then there's you, alone)
It's not like they don't care about you. It's not like they don't know you exist. It's just that they don't understand you or know you or get you at all.
(they don't see you.)
and because of that, they've turned to each other, -
(painted in kaleidoscope technicolor, so clear and so real, and you, you're like a ghost, aren't you? just barely there)
-because that's someone they can understand easily.
(for your boys, understanding each other is like breathing, like hearts beating, like living. it's instinctive and so, so easy)
It's always been about them. So this fight is all about them,
their problems, their bonds, their lives.
They never thought about what you felt, did they?
(and how can they, when they can't even see you?)
Did you know?
You're beautiful and tragic like your name, vivid pink hair and emerald eyes, but somehow, you're the least visible. It's not just your boys, because nobody can quite see you properly. Not your parents- they've been unable to see you since you turned 12 because they are civilians and will never understand exactly why you cut your hair. Not Kakashi- you're outshone by your boys and he's blinded by their brilliance. Not Tsunade- she's painted you over with an image of her younger self, and she's determined to not let history repeat. Not Ino- she can see you a little better than most, because she is your best friend and your rival and she is a girl your age and she has lost her teacher, but she hasn't been abandoned by her boys and she doesn't go home to horrified looks at the blood on her hands.
Not any of your patients. Not any of the Konoha 11. Certainly not your ANBU team.
Nobody sees you.
(this is a lie, because there is one person has seen right through you, as if you were transparent as glass. That is Sasori. He sees you aren't part of a clan, that you have no bloodline limit. He sees what you want, what you love. He sees a woman who is ready to fight and die for her country. He sees Sasuke's abandoned teammate, Naruto's loved one, the Godaime's apprentice and one of the best medic-nins in the world. He sees that you are ordinary person, and he sees that you are extraordinary kunoichi. He is your enemy, and he sees that you are strong)
You know all of this, but still, as your boys fight, you question why.
but the answers you try to find are just not there, and you're left to feel empty and hollow inside, because you don't know why. And you won't delude yourself into thinking it's all okay, because it's not.
You know the harsh reality is that-
you're the invisible one.
(is it because you are on Team 7, Team Kakashi? A team of boys who shine like the hot, hot sun, and your light is a dim lantern compared to them. People always lose you in the glow of your teammates. And even when you're not with them, you're still a blurred image of dirt and blood and the flickering light of embers, just like every other shinobi out there. You blend in. You're more invisible than even wallflower Hinata ever was, and you hated it)
you're the one being used.
(Naruto hides behind you because he's scared of pursuing Hinata. Sasuke needed someone to protect and you were conveniently weak and there. And you're part of Team 7 and that means that Kakashi is using you to try to atone for letting his teammates die. He won't ever admit it, but you know the story and you see how he acts. You're a substitute for everything they can't do, and you would have hated it if you didn't love them so much)
you're the one that is always left behind.
(it's a whisper- aren't you?)
'aren't you?' an inner voice growls.
("Thank you." And blackness descends-
"Where's Naruto?" "Oh, him? He's with Jiraiya, you know, the Toad Sannin? Travelling and training..")
(just like it's always about them, you're always left behind. And you had hated it for some time, but it then it meant that you had the time to grow and learn and train, so you embraced it)
You hate it now, don't you? Your emotions are ugly when it comes to this, black anger twisted like poison around your heart. You had let it go because you needed to become strong, but now you are and still, you are invisible, you are used, you are left behind. Still.
(you think, maybe, that you're still like this because you are still blurred)
It's difficult and you may hate it, but you can accept that most people can't see you. You can accept that most people are never going to understand. But your boys, you've worked so hard for their notice, for their recognition. You want them to see you. You need them to see you.
They are, perhaps, the most blind out of everyone.
(To them, you're a hazy muddle of pink and green and red in their peripherals, and they're busy saving and fighting and getting revenge in their black and white tunnel vision.)
After all this time, you cared for your boys and loved them and supported them and saved their lives, over and over. After all this time, you broke bones and skinned knuckles and trained until you dropped from sheer exhaustion, just so you could stand by their side. After all this time, you only wanted to be acknowledged, if only for a moment, but they won't even give you that.
But haven't you loved them? Haven't you followed them? Haven't you given them everything?
(your love, your dreams, your tears and sweat and blood)
And sadness turns to rage, because you have given them everything, more than everything, you've given them your heart and soul and they, so selfish and so absorbed in their lives, they threw it away. They used you and took and took and took and never gave back, and all you ever got was promises made for someone else and empty declarations of love and pulled punches as if you were weak and useless and pathetic. As if you couldn't handle it. As if you weren't worth the effort.
You gave.
(I did this for you)
You were patient.
(I waited and waited and I'm tired of waiting)
And you got years and years of nothing at all.
(all I ever asked for was to be seen.)
And now, even now, they don't even glance at you. They turn their backs like you're no threat, like you can't do any damage. They leave openings like they think you won't interfere, as if you didn't have the will or the courage or the strength to attack them, much less hurt them. Your hands clench so tightly your nails draw blood.
'Your boys know nothing,' Inner Sakura snarls savagely.
'They know nothing.'
Because you are a woman scorned and hell cowers in fear of your terrible wrath and you are not angry, you are furious, because you have given everything to be seen and not even your boys will acknowledge you.
That's fine, you decide with a swift viciousness, because you will make them see, the only way you know how.
(through fists and blood and fire)
"SHANNARO!"
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(Sasuke and Naruto pause to see who would interrupt their battle and go pale at the sight of shattered ground and you, at the center of the crater, eyes burning with something like rage, cracking your knuckles)
And for the first time in twenty years, they see you.
fin.