When you read this first part imagine a very distant whisper of a women's voice other then the lines of a sad 4 year old boy. A/n at the bottom!

Chapter 11

"Christian...Chriiiistian...Christian darling, settle. Shhh, Mommy loves you. Mommy always loves you."

Pain. Darkness. Mommy is rubbing my hair but it's not making it go away like before. Man was very mad today, I was very bad. I didn't want Mommy screaming anymore. Man didn't like that. I was a bad boy so bad.

"Five...five, five five five. Stop no more not five."...

"Shhh baby boy I'm so sorry I'm so so sorry."

The light stick hurts so bad, why does man always have them? Why doesn't Mommy break them? Five, five times with the stick on my chest. Ow ow ow ow ow. Five owies. One Mommy can make better but not five, five is too many.

Hug hug hug hug hug it hurts but Mommy still hugs. It hurts but I want it I want Mommy.

Silence. Darkness. Rocking. Pain, too much pain.

"This is too much, God what am I supposed to do…?" Mommy sounds sad, more sad than normal.

"Stay here baby boy...stay right here, please".

Suddenly I am on the cold sticky carpet, not the carpet again, I want Mommy...

My eyes are blurry, but I see her, I see where she is going. I know what happens in the bathroom. I need Mommy I need Mommy I need Mommy.

Oh no, she is going to turn into Ghost Mommy. "NONONONO!" Bang bang bang bang bang on the door. Hear me Mommy.

"Want Mommy, come out MOMMY!" Bang bang bang

"Please Mommy please". Bang bang

"Mommy."

More pain, my knees. I'm on the floor again, the cold floor. My eyes are heavy. When will Mommy be done?

One more bang..."hug."

Crying, I hear Mommy crying. I'm lying on the stinky couch with Mommy. Her face is all wet but she doesn't look like the normal ghost. Different.

"Hey baby boy. Mommy fixed it, that man won't hurt you anymore. They will find you, let them find you. They will love you, let them love you." Cold I feel cold Mommy feels very cold. Different Mommy sounds different.

"Oh Christian one day remember that I tried to love you. I failed but I did try...

Cold. Quiet. Pain. Darkness.

"Let her love you...Christian..."

Shivers. Pain. Darkness.

"It will be okay baby..."

Shaking. Darkness.

"Anastasia"

Light.

Ana's POV

From a dead sleep I wake to a distressed Christian. His face looks so pained, etched with many fears. What has happened to this poor man to bring on such intense terrors? My heart tears a little as he starts moaning as if he is in physical pain.

"five..." He is mumbling, though I can make out a few words.

"ow...please...no...Mommy." At the sound of his distant, frightened voice, a chill courses through my entire body, causing the hairs on my arms to stand on end.

Christian starts thrashing in the sheets with such force I'm almost thrown from the bed. I jump up on my knees on the side of the bed and stare in horror. What do I do? Do I wake him? Yell? Sit here and hold him till he wakes? Get up and pretend I was in the bathroom and didn't hear any of it? With striking clarity I instinctively move over Christian's body in a straddle position placing one hand on each of his shoulders, only now realizing he is dripping with sweat.

"Christian..." I squeak out trying to sound soothing but definitely coming out as scared shitless. Please wake up.

"It's okay, wake up, it's me...I'm right here." His movements all but stop from the vicious thrashing only seconds before.

"Open your eyes Christian...It's Anastasia." His eyes, full of fear, pop open suddenly as I say my name, like it was the talisman pulling him back from his demons.

He just stares at me, completely blank. I'm suddenly regretting mounting him now. It leaves me very vulnerable and awkward. He still seems a million miles away, oblivious to his surroundings.

"Hi...you had a...um, a nightmare, I guess...I was trying to...I ...um.." I am completely lost on what to say.

He slowly turns his head to the side and gazes at my hand, which is now more on his chest than his shoulder. I take a sharp breath, realizing I'm within his boundaries, and quickly remove my hand. I start to climb off him, very ungracefully, when two strong hands hold firm to my hips.

"Anastasia." My name flows through his lips like a prayer. I nod, reaffirming it's actually me he is seeing. His breathing has started to even a bit, though he is still staring at the place where my hand once was like he is confused at the vacancy it has left behind. Lazily his head turns back to me and our gazes finally lock. I can do nothing but stare into this beautiful, lost man's eyes while he slowly registers what has happened. I think I catch a hint of embarrassment before he swiftly puts his shields back up.

"Hi." It's barely a whisper. I bite my lip nervously.

"I'm…I'm sorry...I…" Christian chokes out before clearing his throat.

"Don't be, it's okay," I say, sounding much braver than I feel.

Then there is silence, silence so thick I want scream just to fill the void. I want to ask him what his nightmare was about, but I'm so terrified of the answer. Or worse, that he will shut me out completely.

"Hey, now we are even!" I blurt out trying to lighten the mood. By the crinkle of his eyebrows I can tell he is obviously confused.

"Well, I had my little episode earlier, now you had a nightmare. We both are in clear need of therapy or something." I giggle.

"You might just be my therapy, Miss Steele. Thank you for not running." What did I do aside from straddling you and yelling? He flashes his beautiful smile at me and I can't help the feelings it ignites in my body.

"And you, mine Mr. Grey." I smile. "Besides, I would have got cold with no pants on running around Portland."

Swiftly Christian tosses me on my back and is completely covering my body with his.

"Such a terrible predicament for you." He grins evilly at me while catching my gaze in his trance. His eyes change in a blink. He looks forlorn and lifts some of his body weight off me. "You...you were crying. Please...don't cry for me Anastasia." He looks away.

I reach up and touch my cheeks, feeling the wet streams I was unaware of. Moving my hands to his face I caress his now-stubbly cheek. When he finally looks at me again, I am lost in his beautifully tortured eyes. "My tears, they were for your pain, Christian."

He takes a sharp breath, staring at me like I just told him the world was actually flat. This man has so much pain. Has nobody ever seen it before? Has he never had someone show compassion to it? Shaking his head, he rolls off me and onto his side, pulling me close to him as he does.

Silence again, the kind where you think the other has something still to add, but nothing comes. I'm laying on his bicep, my body turned towards him but my arm is on my own hip. He is laying flat on his back, the arm I'm laying on stretched out while the other is covering his face. The rise and fall of his chest relaxes a bit. He must have fallen back to sleep. I start to raise my head to take a peek once more.

"Anastasia," he whispers. I take in a deep breath, startled and frozen in my spot.

"Mmhmm?"

"Will you…" He takes in a deep breath as well, obviously contemplating what he is about to ask. "I know you want to know what that was about, I do. For tonight...will you just hold me?" If my head wasn't so close to his I would have missed the last part.

I look up into his haunted grey eyes and know I need this as much as he does. I don't want to cause him pain, so I quickly make a plan in my head. I move my head from his arm to the crook of his shoulder, trying to stay off his chest as much as possible. I then bring my arm and drape it over his stomach. There I think I'm still in the comfort zone.

Christian takes another long, deep breath, exhaling very slowly. I briefly second guess my position, until his arm slides down my back and pulls me into his body even more. I'm now lying directly on his chiseled chest, listening to the soothing pound of his heart. My body tucked against his, my leg is now wrapped over his. I feel like I'm his cocoon, protecting him from anymore nightmares, though I feel completely protected at the same time. His strong arm is encasing my entire back, his hand coming to rest holding my hip.

That is how we stay, neither saying a word; no words are needed. We just hold each other. We both needed this closeness and protection with each other. After everything that's happened and with the fear of facing Jose tomorrow terrifying me, here in Christian's arms, I am completely safe. He will keep me safe. As if he can read my mind once again, he leans down, kisses my hair and though his voice sounds seconds from sleep again, he mumbles.

"Always. Sleep sweet, Anastasia."

A/n. Hello my awesome readers, I'm very sorry it was such a delay for this chapter and that this chapter was relatively short in comparison to my others. I had this and the next originally put together in 1 big chapter but as I wrote the daunting nightmare I felt it needed its own. I know this chapter probably shocked a few as it is far from the more romantic approach I have gone with but I felt it was needed. If it was hard to read know it was harder to write, it's not fun letting my mind live in a 4 year olds nightmare. Anyways I hope you liked it regardless of the bleakness. I have my other chapter ready to go up and you will see it surprisingly fast!