Carrie drifted aloft out of the back exit of Elmore Junior High. School seemed to be dragging its heel lately and she was looking forward to brooding about it at home. She saw no point in attending, since she was, as everyone knew, a ghost. Still, there was some satisfaction she gained from going; of what was still a mystery to her.
"Geez, any much longer of that and I would've been beyond dead…" The ghost girl groaned. She was at a major disadvantage in school, having no way to hold physical objects. She normally just possessed somebody during tests, usually the end of them, and wrote her name at the top of whatever paper there was. It has worked pretty well for her so far. "Just gonna go home and mellow out." She said, before stopping and turning towards something that caught her attention. "Gumball?"
It was Gumball Watterson, a blue furred feline. His normally upbeat and spastic attitude seemed to be lost as he laid his head on his hands, curled up on a set of stairs. Normally, Carrie would've kept going. Past experiences taught her to mind her own business, but Gumball was one of her few friends whom she actually liked. And he being all depressed was kind of stealing her "thing."
"Hey uhh…what's up, Gumball?" She called out, floating over to the boy. "Why are you back here behind the school? Shouldn't you be home with your family or something?" She said, feeling uneasy. Gumball sniffed and covered his face with his arms.
"What do they care where I am? I'm just a big disappointment to them…" He moped, his body shook with sobs as he cried silently. Carrie was taken aback by the response.
"Whoa whoa what? What do you mean? They're your family of course they care!" Her efforts at consoling the boy only brought about more sobs as he tightened his tail around his legs.
"No they don't! My sister makes fun of me just because I'm not as smart as her, my dad is lazier than a couch, I'm never good enough for my mom, and Darwin is too oblivious to know when I'm upset! They confused me with a robot with paint on it for Pete's sake!" Gumball was getting worked up, a scene Carrie was all too familiar with, but not from him.
"Hey, hey. Come on dude, what's the matter with you? You were just fine when I saw you earlier today!" This felt so unnatural to the girl, and she's a ghost. It was weird that it was her consoling Gumball and not the other way around.
"Oh yeah, you try to act like a good person, but nobody cares! Nobody cares how much effort you put into trying to be a nice guy! No one tries to be friendly, or try to help someone down on their luck! They just go on about their day like the universe solely revolves around them!" Gumball kept rambling, confusing Carrie more.
"Whoa whoa whoa, hey Gumball! What are you talking about?" Gumball looked up at her; his eyes were bloodshot and wet with fresh tears that stained his shirt. He looked hurt, a broken boy. "What's the matter?" Carrie asked, out of sincere concern and confusion. She had never seen Gumball like this. His face was red, his spirit shattered; he looked like he was at his wit's end.
"What's the matter? Everyone's the matter! Life's the matter! Every time I try my hardest at something, life just goes and mucks it all up. And I look like an idiot in the end! Always me!"
"Gumball, slow down. What's up with you? Tell me what happened." Carrie floated beside Gumball as he wiped his nose off on his sleeve, his frail body shook with each quivering breath of air.
"I…it started this morning. You know how we have gym third period?"
"Yeah, don't remind me." Every gym class, Carrie always had to go sit on the sidelines or play by herself while the other students got to run around and have fun. Not having a physical body meant not being able to participate in any activities, such as Frisbee, or dodgeball, or walking.
"Well…we were changing in the locker room…and Tobias and Ocho were horsing around as usual. They came over and wanted to take my towel, but I told them no I needed it to shower! I get done showering and go to get it, but it's not there, and neither are my clothes!"
"So, wait, they took your clothes?" Carrie asked, stifling a giggle imagining the situation.
"They threw them up on the roof! I had nothing else to wear and everybody else had left! So…I tried to sneak back to the Lost and Found to see if I couldn't get something to at least cover myself up and…well people saw me…" He hung his head in embarrassment, recounting the laughter and pointing of passing students, noting how none of them offering any assistance at all.
"Well that sucks. Explains what I overheard Teri and Carmen talking about earlier."
"And to make matters worse, the only thing they had left was a skirt and a tube top! I can't walk around like that!" Carrie almost laughed out loud before seeing how hurt Gumball was discussing this with her. He trusted her enough to talk about this with her, it was only right for her to listen intently.
"So…" Gumball sniffled. "So I make it to Principle Brown's office so I could call home, my dad didn't answer the house phone but I expected that. So I call my mom at work, and she's so busy working that she doesn't even hear me tell her to come pick me up. I ended up sitting in the principal's office for two hours, in girls' clothes! Everyone saw me and none of the teachers bothered to help! I had to wait until the final bell to look for my clothes! No one else cared!" He slammed his fists onto his knees before crying out in hurting, spiteful, and bitter sadness. "Just screw everyone man; screw life!" The last sentence jolted Carrie's mind as she stared wide eyed at Gumball, who sat up and began to walk off the steps.
"Whoa hey, hey, Gumball! What do you mean by that?! You can't just…kill yourself!" She floated over to catch up to him, but he stopped and turned on his heel back to her.
"Why not?! It's not like life has anything positive to offer to me! I've been played by life's sick game for too long; I should just quit now! What's the worst that will happen!?" His contempt warped with anger as he let his emotions go. This was the only possible way for him to do so, as no one would normally pay much attention to him otherwise.
"You can't commit suicide, Gumball! There's…there are people out there that care about you!" This was spiraling down a path Carrie had no way of expecting. She just hoped her words would reach through to Gumball's skewered mind.
"Like who?! Oh yeah, my friends and family 'care' about me, but they all blew me off today! I'd doubt they'd notice me gone…" It was Carrie's turn to be angry now as she grinded her translucent teeth together.
"Are you even listening to yourself, Gumball?! Your family loves you! Your friends will miss you! And Penny, what about her?" She exclaimed angrily. "You think you've figured out the world, but you haven't! You're 12 years old and thinking of killing yourself just because 'your life is so bad!' Are you so self-centered to actually rate yourself with someone who actually has it worse off than you?! Do you have any idea how much of a jerk you're being right now, Gumball?" The blue cat stared back defiantly.
"Well if I'm such a jerk, then why do you care?! How come you're so well knowing all of a sudden?"
"BECAUSE HOW DO YOU THINK I BECAME A GHOST!?" The air hung still for an exaggerated moment. The tension that had been building up had finally found a way to sneak through and explode in an instant. It took a second for Carrie to realize what had just been said. Her eyes widened as she quickly turned her back to the boy and began to move away. Gumball outreached a paw.
"W-wait, Carrie! What did…what did you mean by that?" His anger quickly replaced with both concern and curiosity. "You mean you…?" She let out a hefty sigh.
"I don't have to spell it out, do I? Yeah. I did. I killed myself. That's how I know it's not the best idea to turn towards if you're bummed out."
"But…but wait, why? Why did you do it?" He ran over to her side as she slowly wavered to his eye level.
"Gumball, you've got to understand. Your life is a precious thing. You can't just throw it away just because you feel there's no other option. Otherwise…you'll wind up like a 12 year old ghost for the rest of existence…" Her bangs covered her eyes as she lowered her head. "It's a long story, and I kinda suck at telling stories."
"Tell me, please." Carrie took in another breath before sighing it out.
"Alright, you want to know about me? Before I became an undead poltergeist? It started a long time ago, like I don't know…60 years?" The amazed expression of Gumball's face matched Carrie's expectation. "Yeah, I know. You don't really age in the ghost realm. Anyway, I lived in a town like this place. However, my parents, my living parents, were loaded. My father ran one of the first few automobile factories of the time, and my mother designed really fancy coats, the kinds with real fur and jewels and everything. Anyway, I grew up around the same group of friends and people for the first 12 years of my life, I had everything a child could want: clothes, toys, exotic foods; I lived a life of luxury." Carrie paused to flip her hair up away from her eyes.
"But…it wasn't what I wanted. I wanted to make some actual friends, you know? The kids I went to school with all made fun of me because of my family's status, of how I 'had it easy,' of how spoiled I was and didn't have to worry about anything ever, but they were wrong, I worried about them all the time. They teased me, called me names, wouldn't include me in any of the games they'd all play together. They'd say 'You wouldn't want to get your nice shoes all dirty, now would you?'" She said mockingly, her voice deep and dumb sounding. "How can you hold that much spite and contempt for somebody if you don't even try to get to know them first? After a while the teasing got worse. I'd find my book bag in the toilets, spoiled milk poured on my clothes, people would throw stuff at me when I walked by, this went on for months! And of course my parents were never around; they were always busy with their work, so I was left to fend for myself.
"I had to fight back, and that's what I did." She paused for a moment and giggled softly. "I know it doesn't look like it, but I actually broke a boy's nose with one punch." Going back to that memory brought a small smile to the girl's vapor-like face. "Anyway, of course I get in trouble. My hair and clothes don't really back up my case any, so I get suspended from school; it was just one nightmare after another for me. A spiraling series of disasters one after another."
"And…and then what?" Gumball asked, absorbed into the girl's tale.
"Well…so I can't go to school anymore, my parents are blowing fuses since I'm 'disturbing the sanctity of the public education system!'" She said the last part in an exaggerated sort of French accent. "And yes, they talked exactly like that. Anyway, they keep looking for another school to throw me into, not even bothering to just talk with me for a few minutes. I couldn't go back to that, Gumball. Not to all the hazing and unprovoked cruelty. I…I panicked! I thought there was going to be no end to it! Just all of the uncaring stares! The people walking by as I had to pick up all of my papers that were swatted down for the fifth time! My parents were always out of reach, even when they occasionally returned home only to turn right back out the door as if they were ashamed of me, because that's what I thought it was..." The ghost girl rubbed her eye and sniffled before continuing. "I thought I had the whole world figured out at the age of 12. Nothing made me happy anymore! I figured there was only one way out of it…"
"By…killing yourself…" Gumball answered for her. He bent his head forward as his eyes fixated on the gravel underneath his feet. Tension hung in the air around them, pulled taut as the two remained silent, until Gumball snapped it. "How did you do it?"
Carrie breathed in and out for a few moments, clearly uncomfortable. Her melancholy expression seemed to hold more quality to it than before. "I snuck out of my house late one night. I took a bunch of sleeping pills from my mom's cabinet and…just walked into a river. I don't even remember feeling how cold the water was, I could hardly feel anything at that point, and it wasn't because of the pills…so next thing I know, I wake up like this." She held up her ghostly arms and wiggled her ghostly tail. "Took me a while to remember what just happened. Turns out if you die due to self-sustained injuries you hang out in realm between the living and the dead for who knows how long. You can't feel, touch, or taste anything, and yet you're surrounded by those that can, living with the same mentality you died with. I thought living was hell; this was something that couldn't even be registered. No one could see me, I was lost and confused, and at the time I only knew how to float half-properly."
"So what did you do? What happened when your parents found out?"
"…Well eventually I arrived at a cemetery, I figured being a ghost I should just hang around there forever. But I saw something that just drew me towards it: a wake. I went over to see what was going on, and I could suddenly remember all those faces as people I knew! People from my class, and my uncles and aunts and grandparents, and…my mom and dad. I had just wandered into my own funeral. And anyway-" Carrie let out a muffled sob, giving herself a few seconds to regain her composure. "And anyway, as the pastor was reciting the eulogy, I got to float around and watch as everyone was crying their eyes out. Some quietly like my Uncle Buck, while my parents were bawling their eyes out…I never expected them to care that much for me. I looked over at the coffin the pastor was standing over; there were bouquets and cards and…and a picture of myself at the top of it. It was the most beautiful coffin I had ever seen! My parents spent a whole ton of their cash on it; real ash and mahogany wood, handcrafted details, gold film on the sides, and painted so beautifully too."" She paused before wiping her eyes again. The story was bringing back some rather powerful memories she had stored in the metaphorical space in the back of her head. "I sat there for two hours, watching my own funeral. People walked up and held back tears talking about how much I was so sweet…and so full of life…" She seemed to be just blankly wording out her thoughts now, her intense stare was beaded on the grass a few meters away.
Gumball almost thought she was in a sort of trance before her face started to scrunch together and her mouth began to quiver. She let out a loud cry and began to weep heavily, alarming the blue cat. Her small frame shook with each sob as her ghostly tears fell down her cheeks and through the ground. She huddled herself into a ball and stayed there, crying to herself. Gumball, in his own state of emotional distress began to cry too, for his sake, and for hers. The two shared the moment together before Carrie realized she wasn't the only one crying. Seeing him cry brought about a bittersweet smile to her, he hadn't changed at all. She brought back some memories that were painful to her, but Gumball shared that pain along with her and helped her cope with it better. There was no need for him to cry, she didn't ask, he just volunteered.
Eventually his tears stopped producing and he looked up at the ghost girl, his eyes red and puffy. "Why…why are you smiling? Aren't you sad by what happened to you?" Carrie almost giggled at how concerned he was, it was sweet.
"Gumball, I'm smiling because you're still your old self! You're not brooding or suicidal or any of that crud; you just got caught up in the moment and let the stress get to you! It's fine to let yourself go every once in a while, but you can't go overboard with it, or else you'll wind up like me. I've accepted what I've done and I have to live-er…unlive I guess, with it. And yeah, I'm sad, but I can't just be sad all the time or else I'd be letting this new life go to waste. As much as I'd like the company, you've still got your whole life to look forward to, Gumball. You've got a family and friends who still love the heck out of you, even if they might not show it today. You gotta be tough because that's what life is gonna expect from you. And when that moment comes where you have to put on that tough guy look and bare through it, you'll be much more prepared than others because you'll be more experienced. Enjoy the life you have right now, Gumball. Don't make the same mistake I did, okay?" She smiled as she floated up from her seat. "And if you ever feel like this again, I can always hold a conversation on the topic." She threw in a wink before turning back around. Gumball smiled and got up, grabbing his book bag beside him and jumping off the steps with a newborn spring in his step.
He put up a paw to his mouth, "Hey, Carrie!" the cat called out. The ghost turned back again, her bangs whipped over her eyes. "If…if we ever met…like when you were alive? I'm sure we would've been great friends then, too!" And with that, he ran away around the other side of the school, leaving the girl alone to her thoughts.
If a ghost could ever blush she was pushing the boundaries now. She proceeded on her way with that thought stuck in her mind, with what he had just said to her. Being friends with Gumball and still alive? Yeah, she would've liked that.
She would've liked that very much.