Apology in the Rain

"I'm sorry I wasn't brave enough to tell you what I feel, how much I love you, and how much I miss you. I left you alone when I should have been by your side. I'm sorry... I'm sorry..." a Minamisawa/Kurama romance tragedy oneshot.

Disclaimer: I don't own Inazuma Eleven Go or any of the characters. They are solely the property of Level 5.

It rained heavily, but Minamisawa Atsushi didn't mind it at all. He didn't really notice it; the drops hitting his head, dripping off the tips of his hair and sliding down his skin. It was like his whole body was numb. The only thing that mattered at this moment was the small concrete monument before him and the words inscribed on it: Kurama Norihito. Right below the inscription was a framed photo of Kurama in his school uniform, smirking up just like he used to in life.

Although it was right in front of him, he didn't feel like it was real. Staring at the words he thought, 'This can't be Kurama! No way!' How could this cold stone be his friend; it can't smirk cheekily, it can't laugh, it can't ask for help for a small problem, it can't even bloody move because it's just stone!

Minamisawa chuckled bitterly at his own silliness. Seriously, getting all worked up over a gravestone? Kurama would've teasingly pointed and joked with him about it. But the fact is Kurama isn't here to do all that anymore. But besides the bitterness and hurt he felt, there was an even worse pain in his heart.

His heart was broken.

He has loved Kurama ever since he first laid eyes on the younger forward. Well actually, he had initially just 'got along' with his junior, if he could call teasing the other for his short height that. When he got to know him better he began to admire and respect him just as much as the younger boy respected him, and their friendship grew beyond that of senpai and junior. Before he knew it he had fallen for Kurama's sarcasm, his smirks, and his sour looks when he was displeased, his coolness, his dark eyes, his spiky blue hair, his tanned skin... he loved everything about him. Unfortunately, they were both male and he'd seen the harsh treatment of people like that – like him – enough times to scare him into silence. He had wished that someday he would drop his insecurities and just confess, but then Kurama would've thought him a freak too, wouldn't he? So he never did. Losing Kurama's friendship would've killed him. It was sufficient back then to just be his closest friend. As long as he didn't cross the line they should have been fine like they always were.

He had thought it would've been enough but he never would've guessed that one simple accident would take even that small comfort away.

From what he heard, Kurama had been practicing with everyone, just like he always did, just as everyone expected it to be always. But a hasty kick from Hamano had sent the soccer ball crashing into Kurama's head, hard enough to knock him out for a few minutes. He had gone to the Sick Bay with what he insisted was just a minor concussion but Coach Endou still sent him home. At home, Kurama had spoken on the phone with Minamisawa – even now he remembered how his heart was thumping in his chest although it was just their routine friendly "how was your day, what have you been up to, let's hang out tomorrow" sort of conversation. The only thing that had been amiss that night – and it was so completely obvious when he thinks about it – was that Kurama kept forgetting the stuff they had been talking about just seconds ago, and more than once Minamisawa heard him hiss slightly as if he were in pain but he said he was fine, it was just a small headache. He had thought nothing of it. After he hung up, the younger forward went to sleep.

The next morning, he was dead.

The blow had done more damage than they thought and he suffered a brain haemorrhage in his sleep. Since then, Minamisawa kept feeling this twisting sensation in his stomach which got even worse when he recalled that he was the very last person who spoke to Kurama. How could he not have realized that something was wrong? If he had only noticed he would've tried to tell Kurama to go to the hospital, or maybe he would have gone over to take the younger boy there himself.

The 2 weeks between Kurama's death and his funeral had passed by like a hazy dream for Minamisawa. For him at Gassan Kunimitsu it was like nothing had happened. Business went on as usual but he was numb to everything. Each time he sat in class suddenly he would think, 'How can you just come to school as if everything's okay?!'

Minamisawa hadn't gone to the funeral, even though Kurama's parents had asked him to. He just couldn't, he had no right to be there. If only he had realized something was wrong that night… if only…

Their last conversation had been so... so normal. They hadn't talked about anything major or profound, or even remotely memorable. He had never even gotten around to planning his confession properly.

Then it came to him and he knelt down, placing a hand lightly on the picture, wishing he could've told the boy in the picture this in person.

"I'm so sorry," Minamisawa whispered then cursed himself. He meant to say "I love you", short and simple, but "I'm sorry" just came out. There's so much he was sorry for but he needs to say this now or he'll never get over it.

"I – I love you, Kurama Norihito," he whispered. The Kurama picture was of course silent. What would the real boy have said if he could hear Minamisawa now?

"I don't know if you feel the same or if you probably hate me, but I do – love you, I mean."

"I love you but I don't think I am really worthy to. When the going got tough I ran away. I'm so sorry I wasn't strong enough to stay close to you. I'm sorry I wasn't brave enough to tell you what I feel, how much I love you, and how much I miss you. I – I left you alone when I should have been by your side. I'm sorry... I'm sorry..." his voice threatening to break he stopped and stared at the picture, drinking in that cool smirk, just wishing for one last time to see the real Kurama. Tears streamed down as if from a broken dam, and for the first time since he heard about the accident, Minamisawa cried. 'Oh God, he can't be gone!'

Suddenly he chuckled brokenly. "Oh man, I must look like such a dork right now, don't I?" he muttered, smiling a little now. The great Minamisawa crying in the rain like a sentimental fool. If Kurama could see him now, or if he was watching from up there, he was probably laughing too. "But I do love you, man. That's the truth and nothing but. It might be uncomfortable and one-sided because I'll never know if you would hate me for it… but I love you. I'm sorry."

And that's it. He couldn't say anything else; he was never really one to waste time on unnecessary words.

The rain stopped then. He stood up, still gazing at the picture.

"Goodbye, Kurama."

He turned and walked away, keeping his eyes steadily ahead. A few left and right turns, down some steps, and then he was out of the cemetery gates; into the world, wondering where to go from here.

~ The End ~

Just a shitty drabble to prove I'm still alive and still trying to do some writing. Please read and review!