PATAWAD

n. -Filipino word means forgiveness

Disclaimer: Final Fantasy VIII belongs to Square-Enix. Some paragraphs were taken from the story "Winter" written by Prodigy.

I messaged Prodigy last August 28, 2012 asking a permission to base a fanfic off Winter. It's a great fanfic and I'd came up with something that 'what if theme'. What if it went to another direction? He told me that reason not to elaborate what happened to Squall five months later while Rinoa was with Owin that time because he told me that it was up to the reader's imagination. So I guess that means he gave everybody an opportunity.

I turned this story in a very tragic way because although most of you used to be in a good ending just like me but sometimes reality was not so kind. It happened.

I used the song "Kasalanan" (sin in English) by 6cyclemind feat. Gloc 9 but since it was written and sang in Tagalog I had to make an English translation for you guys to understand. Search on Youtube. Please. If you still don't then ask Kuchiki Jeanne, she knew better than I do. (sniff, sniff, sniff)

Forgiveness was a word, some kind of a punishment. You only said this when everything was too late and you cannot return those bonds you'd shared. It's just like a mud wiped rudely across on your face.

To you, everything was annoyance coz you didn't want to give way while he was giving what he had even his last piece to you. You looked like worthless that didn't thinking, you didn't feel anything. Tried to close your eyes; you didn't remember, always worrying only about you. Nothing else but you and didn't ever think both of you.

You were fortunate if ask for apology and felt upset, they would hurt and tell you harsh words rather than talked to them and they would not answer. Embrace them and they would be unreachable.

"Do you know what I did as soon as I got home? I cried...uncontrollably," Rinoa finished, squeezing his hand tighter.

Quistis teared up even more and lied a hand on her shoulder, and found the strength to hide the sadness in her voice, "Because you remembered Squall?" she questioned, but Rinoa didn't answer for a good minute. Finally, she shifted in her seat and leaned towards Squall.

"No..." she gasped out heavily and panted, as if something had been switched on inside of her, and she was able to feel feelings again.

After several moments, she looked back at Quistis, with tears streaming down her face for the umpteenth time, "Because I let myself forget about him..." Rinoa claimed, crying heavier with each word she spoke until she fell to the floor on her knees, and cried against the bedpost. Qustis began crying too and kneeled down next to her friend, wrapping her arms around her.

"Rinoa..." she tried to console her, as Rinoa just wrapped her arms around Quistis and they began crying heavily into each other's arms.

In the midst of the sounds of the cries, another sound flooded the room.

The steady, annoying beeping had turned into a continuous gentle buzzing.

The buzzing was accompanied by a flat green line.

Everything...just...froze.

-From the story "Winter" written by Prodigy.

The instructor immediately called for help and the paramedics rushed off to the room doing everything they could as if they were chasing a deadline but the continuous buzzing sound remained, they finally stopped.

"Time of death 10:30 am…"

"No, I won't give up! Let me in." Rinoa was the only one who refused to accept the fact. She forced herself inside the room using her sorceress powers to bring him back but it's futile.

"No Rinoa, stop it! There's nothing we can do about it. He may be your knight but he's human that feels pain and dies." The martial artist was holding her on both shoulders with tears in his eyes. The sorceress warded him off and continued her doing hoping for a miracle but the nothing happened. "Squall please, wake up! Listen to me, I am here with you. Please try to remember." She shouted.

No response.

Zell was finally able to stop her and let the staff remove whatever objects attached to his body, tubes, oxygen mask etc. and then they cover his body with a white cloth.

Quistis pulled out her mobile phone maybe calling Laguna and Ellone to tell them the tragic news sobbing.

She had no choice but to embrace his dead body just like she did when he was trapped in time compression. Irvine and Selphie approached Rinoa offering any comfort or support for a friend who was suffering the most.

Her world was totally shattered into pieces. So many words to say and whatever mistakes she committed, it would be forever unforgiving. She believed that she was going to live forever full of regrets full of agony.

Earlier Before 5 months

Yesterday, 10:30 PM

Squall went to Rinoa's room sleeping and whispered. "Hey, about what I'd said earlier, I didn't mean it. I'm sorry. I was just tired and you are still part of me so don't feel upset. Look, another mission came up and I'll be gone for one week. After that… you and I will be together whenever and wherever you want. I promise. He brushed her hair away from her cheek and kissed it. He looked at her one last time then he left.

Unknown, to him the raven haired woman was just pretending to be asleep. She was very pissed, she went up looking under her bed, pulled out her suitcase and started to pack her things with stomping, thinking the same old shit that Squall told her always. "Damn you Squall! You proved me nothing since fifteen months. Even if I end up dead you never cared." She was so frustrated expecting that there might some changes in him when he came to her room but nothing and Squall Leonhart became worst.

Morning 8:45 while Squall was out for a SeeD mission

"Are you sure you want to do this without saying goodbye to him?" Quistis asked her.

"No need. That fool is not use to it" Rinoa said with resentment carrying her suitcase.

"Hey! Hey! Rin, you just broke up with Squall, not with us." the playboy joked on her.

"Don't worry, whatever happens we're always there for you" Zell said when he gently put his hand on top of her head.

Selphie hugged her tightly crying and added. "Oh Rin, we gonna miss you very much."

"Thank you for everything and I'll never ever forget each and every one of you." She said with tears in her eyes. Her friends accompanied her to the Garden's exit up to the Balamb Train Station until they saw her gone.

Three days later: Morning 11:00

"Commander Sir, your mission last week was a big success and since you are on a big break, how do you want to spend your celebration and with whom?

"I'm going to spend my time with my girlfriend finally." He said with full excitement.

"This is Crissie Marks reporting."

"Cut."

The gang just made it in time when they heard it and all of them felt low and Squall approached them. He handled his reports to them. "Look, I'm going for a shower so Rinoa and I will…"

Quistis then raised her hand stopping him. "Squall, you don't need to do that… Umm… she left."

"Left? What do you mean left?" Squall was shocked.

"You still don't know Squall? She decided to leave Garden and said goodbye to us." Zell said as Squall's eyes went wide "What!?"

He rushed to her room, looking around and he opened the cabinet, everything had gone empty. He could still smell the scent of her perfume and strawberry shampoo that was eventually fading. The only present there was his Griever ring with a small paper located at night stand. He picked up his ring and the letter with his other hand and read the note.

Squall,

You'd never care about me for the past fifteen months. Your job and missions were the only important things for you. Did you even love me? That's why I made this painful decision so you could do whatever you wanted as well as mine.

P.S. Here's your ring. I retuned it. You asked me to keep it. You did not ever give it to me actually. And don't look for me. It's time to move on.

-Rinoa.

He couldn't believe what he just saw and read. He closed his eyes first hoping this was a bad dream and when he opened his eyes again everything was real. His heart was beating faster too. "You said goodbye to our friends. Only to me you didn't say that. How could you do that Rin? He sat on the bed and covered his face with his hand. His friends led by Irvine tried to reach out but the commander got angry warding the gunman's hand off from him. "Don't touch me! Just leave me alone!"

The love-relationship guru raised both his hands. "Okay, okay, but you know what, you really deserved that because YOU'D NEVER GAVE HER SUCH IMPORTANCE! If you really love her that much then get your lazy ass up and go after her. Maybe, just maybe she might change her mind." They left him with Irvine slamming the door shut.

March 3

"Happy Birthday Rinoa."

"Thank you." The chocolate brown eyed girl had never been so happy in her whole life. All of her loved ones were present even her father was there. Her friends at the Garden came over but she could see their exhaustion from their mission cheered her up by giving their presents. She really thanks all of them. After that, she went back and forth at the entrance of the bar hoping that 'he' would show up, that he would changed since she left the Garden.

"Hey Rin what's wrong?" Selphie asked her.

"No nothing. Come on let's have fun."

"Cheers."

It was almost midnight; her party was over and her friends left but still no signs of him. She had been crying over him for how many weeks or months. Squall Leonhart proved that he didn't really care about her. She gave up on him.

March 6, morning

He followed Irvine's advice by sending different types of flowers and chocolates in order to prove that he was serious about her but…"I'm sorry sir. She just told me to return these items and asked me not to receive anything from you."

March 6 noon

The sound of her mobile phone got the attention of her friends. She checked on it and it's was Squall. She read the text message. "Rinoa, meet me at two in the afternoon in our favorite restaurant." It was three in the afternoon when she read the message.

What the…who are you? Who gives you the right of telling me what I should do. Rinoa thought. She deleted the message and put it on silent mode. She started to get upset. Not even passed thirty seconds Rinoa felt another text message through the vibration of her phone coming from the same person. She viewed the message. "Rinoa, what are you doing? Where are you? I want to have a dinner with you."

"Huh, aren't you going to answer that call?" Laura asked her. Rinoa shook her head. She finally decided to turn it off to continue whatever interrupted: Their group project. She thought it was his turn to taste his own medicine, to feel like a fool waiting for somebody who would not come.

Once again, the commander in his full SEED uniform was rejected. He did actually made reservations in that restaurant. He waited for five long hours up to the closing of the said establishment. He left the table untouched with a wine that lost its cold temperature and heavy feeling on his chest. He looked for a place to sit down and it was a park. Unknown to him there were three figures stopped in front of him.

"So how did it go? Zell asked him with a curiosity.

"Not good." Squall said shaking his head.

"Did you give her flowers buddy?" the gunman asked.

"I did that before remember? Just like you said." He answered with annoyance looking at them.

Then, Quistis ran towards them holding her cell phone. "Squall I received a message from Rinoa. Here." They read the message "Squall, every time you promised me to be there for our dinner you're not always keeping your word. Now, how does it feel to be like a fool waiting for no one?" Squall was extremely offended on her statements.

"I guess Squall, the only thing you can do is to talk to her personally." Selphie suggested.

March 8 noon

"Rinoa, wait, let's talk about this. Why are you always avoiding me? I tried to call you but you're not answering back."

"That's because you're a big pain in my ass. Now quit pestering me!" She spat on him while walking away from him.

"Don't do this to me please. That's why I showed up to promise you that …?" Squall was being interrupted by Rinoa .

"Promised? That's another thing commander. Making promises that you could not keep. That's what you are good for."

The commander stammered. "Wh...what? Wait a second. How can I make up to you or fix everything if you're slamming your door shut in front of me?"

Well that's because the sorceress gave him a lot of chances and opportunities to redeem himself but he wasn't making any efforts.

Rinoa got mad. "Fix? What is there to fix? None Squall! None!" She insisted and continued. "Do you know what the most difficult thing about you is? You're only making a move or decided to change when you feel that you're out of luck. So, if I were you go back to your office and do whatever missions you wanted. Don't bother me." She tried to leave again when Squall went in front of her.

"But I'd never had a chance." He insisted."Rinoa, look, about the 'mission' they offered to me…

Just hearing that word which echoed her mind and the main reason they broke up in the first place, that same old shit excuses, Rinoa's blood really got boiled up.

"I just want to tell you that…"

"JUST GO HOME!" She snarled along with a slap on his face. Squall gasped and shocked. The people around them became witnesses. All eyes focused on them. For Rinoa, what was the point of him doing it? It was no sense at all. She was catching her breath then turned her gaze away from him. "Don't ever come back!" She said it softly but with anger.

Squall tried to be calm as if he wasn't offended by that sentence but the truth was, he felt that his heart was impaled by an ice pick even worse than ice javelin that Edea used against him in Deling City. He felt so stupid for not realizing that their broken relationship was beyond repair. Nonetheless, he would never ever hurt her. He accepted defeat. He said the words that interrupted earlier slowly with a rueful look on his face.

"I refused it, to ask you for another chance, to sort things out and spend my time with you... for the rest of my life. Because I love you so much… and it really hurts."

Squall left the girl. Rinoa was stunned by those words. That's what she wanted. Tears streamed down from her eyes after he's gone.

Meanwhile, Squall was sadly looking for a public vehicle when he saw a brand new sports car drove past him to stop at the candy shop. The man came out with a bouquet of flowers on his right hand waiting for his girl. The said girl came out from the shop and the most shocking part…it was Rinoa. Squall witnessed how sweet they were when they met. He watched the man kissed his ex-girlfriend and how gentle he was for her when he ushered Rinoa inside the car and they left. Yet, another slap in Squall's face as he bit his lip. So that's why you never wanted me back. You found someone else. His heart was crushed for a hundredth time.

Two weeks before five months

"We are waiting for your orders sir." the SeeD was talking to him on the phone.

"Alright, just stand-by and make sure that everything is in order from the soldiers, weapons up to medical stocks." Squall replied with a serious tone and he put down the phone and someone's knocking on his door.

He opened the door. They're Zell, Quistis, Selphie and Irvine.

"S'up Squall?" Zell asked him sadly. All of them were silent and serious. They knew on that mission that there was a slim chance for them on making back alive. Squall stood up and spoke.

"Everyone, this mission is different from any other; it could not compare to Ultemicia, so what I want to tell you this: "LIVE!"

They saluted "YES SIR!"

"Everyone, you go first, I have some business to do."

When the four left, he looked at the four corners of his office walking back and forth. He sat down once again and took a clean piece of white paper, taking a deep breath; he started to write. He had difficulties on writing due to his glassy vision. As he was done, he opened his drawer. There was a small velvet box inside it, so he took the object from it and he slid it to the envelope along with the paper. He attached the envelope to one of his folders. And then…tears started to fall from his eyes and began sobbing. The commander leaned his head down to his forearm that was on the table. He finally realized what was lost, what had slipped away from his grasp. Squall was crying heavily not only because his fate was sealed once he headed for what he believed his final mission but for a woman with an angelic face, raven hair and chocolate brown eyes that would no longer smile for him.

Unknown to him, his office door had opened. His friend came back for him. Not only they wondered what kept him so long but they heard his loud cries. He had never cried like that in his whole life. Squall shifted his position onto sitting. He was broken. His friends hugged and massaged him to calm down. Irvine glance at his table and he saw the scattered empty velvet box. Squall...are you…" he thought.

One week before five months

"What is your status Squad C?" the commander asked them.

The squad leader answered him in a panic state "Terrible, our group lost two people and the other three were wounded. The enemies almost surround us"

"Alright, just hang-on and we will provide you back-ups." He hung up the telecom. "Zell, Selphie come with me, we should help them." Squall commanded.

They reached their destination smoothly through a van and did a good job like wiping dirt in their surroundings. Selphie and Zell gone out first from the abandoned house assuming that everything was alright now until…

*KABOOOOOM!* There was an explosion occurred caused by an improvised explosive device and the whole place filled with dust and smoke. The two went down covering the rescued cadets, turned around and they're shocked at the site.

Selphie screamed. "Oh no! Squall! He is still inside!"

Zell immediately checked the area and saw someone that made his stomach went in knots and yelled.

"Squall is down! Someone, please help us!" Zell tried to remove the fallen debris on the commander's lower body while his head was covered in blood.

The rest of them came over and gave everything they had.

Four Days before Five Months

"Doctor, how is he?" Zell asked.

"Everyone, due to the explosion, he suffered severe head damage, his lower body was crushed and there was a very deep wound on his chest. The worst part is if he is going to live he would never walk again. I'm sorry but there is nothing left we could do. It's only a matter of time." Dr. Kadowaki said with sorrowful expression on her face.

The waiting room was filled with strong emotions the even the strongest guys could no longer hide.

Irvine slammed his fist on the wall, sobbing very hard "WHY!? WHY IT HAD COME TO THIS?"

"DAMN IT! WHY HIM!?" Zell said. He might be the clown and energetic of the group, he became too emotional.

Selphie and Quistis did nothing but crying, hugging each other.

Laguna and Ellone along with Kiros and Ward as their body guards saw the scene. When they saw Squall's critical condition, they looked away, couldn't bear it any longer that even made Ward drove to tears.

Selphie was asking "Quistis, we should tell Rinoa that…"

Quistis refused "No. Let's leave her alone. She is having a peaceful life there now in Deling City so…"

"Quistis please." Laguna begged. "She has the right to know. She is your friend."

The instructor sighed because she didn't want to this. She didn't want to make Rinoa feel responsible for all of this. Fine. She dialed up her number and the answering machine responded. She choked up."Rinoa...it's Quistis. ...you may want to get to Balamb Garden...it is Squall...he doesn't have much time left..." Quistis hoped that Rinoa would not hear or received the message._

Present Day: His Funeral

The people in the Garden were all present donning their respective uniforms, after listening in an hour sermon. They all stood up to see their commander one last time before sending him in his final rest.

Time had come to the last part of funeral, the people close to Squall was exhausted in an one week vigil not only cried over him but to the woman he left and braced themselves for what's going to happen next.

The priest said something one more time and then…

Rinoa approached his coffin first, leaned on it and cried again uncontrollably. She couldn't express her feelings because doing so would be pointless for he would not hear her anyway.

Her friends immediately came to her, comforting her. "You'll never be alone Rin. We are still here." Zell said.

"Rinoa, Don't ever blame yourself. He told me everything. He said he was solely responsible for whatever bad things happened between the two of you." Ellone said comforting her.

"Death is a part of being a soldier and it happens anytime in any circumstances so please stop it now." Laguna said sobbing, he gently pulled her away from his coffin and signaled the grave personnel to lower and cover it with soil.

Then, a cadet slowly approached them holding an envelope and handed it over to Rinoa with puffy face and red eyes.

"I saw this one attached to the one of his folders on the desk when we were cleaning his office. It belonged to you."

Rinoa took it and read it along with Squall's voice in her mind:

To My Dearest Rinoa,

If you are reading this letter it means I am no longer here in this world. I'd tried to write you many times before but I don't know the right words. The truth is , I'm the one who should apologize for the mistakes that I made, being irresponsible knight and boyfriend, not being there for you when your father passed away, leaving you alone in every dinners, always running away from our problems and what's worst, I forgotten your birthday. I became too obsessed on accepting missions after missions and it came to the point that I totally forgot that there was one person who always waiting for me. I spent too much time on thinking what the hell went wrong between us and when I finally realized it, I was too late.

I don't blame you for leaving me behind and I don't have any rights to complain either so whatever the consequences for my irresponsible actions, I wholeheartedly do acceptand for that I am truly sorry.

I am writing this letter if it turns out just in case that I won't be able to return alive from the mission. I want to tell you this although it's very selfish: That I always love you and I didn't give up on you even though you tell that don't ever come back. And you'll always be in my mind and heart as well. And this is my last words: Go on without me, and whatever good paths you choose I only wish for you to be happy.

Thank you, I won't say goodbye instead until we meet again.

Squall

She held the letter along the envelope over her chest; tears fallen down from her eyes sobbing and felt something inside. She looked upon it again and then…

"Oh God…is he going to propose… to me?" Rinoa thought, stopped crying for a moment looking at them for answers. The gunman nodded. "Yes, and it should be a surprise for you when he comes back from that last mission. The same day you left."

Selphie asked. "Did he mention something when the time he talked to you?"

Rinoa shook her head that meant no and turned to Quistis and the instructor spoke.

"Do you know what he did before his final mission? He cried. Nonstop. He tried so hard to rebuild your broken relationship. He did even ask you for a dinner and promised to be there and he kept his promise for that was the only right time he had. When the moment you didn't show up, he fully understood if you wanted some payback for what he did to you before."

Quistis also took that opportunity to ask for an apology feeling that she was one the reasons of their break-up because the only person that their client relied upon was none other than the commander himself instead of her. She should have done her job more effectively.

Rinoa looked again at the ring and Zell while sobbing revealed something that made her feel even more painful. "Squall wanted to marry you. Even in your fifteen months together. He admitted that you are the one and only woman whom he wanted to spend his time with forever."

After hearing those shocking revelations Rinoa only gasped and slowly went from kneeling onto the ground and again cried loudly in her forearm keeping the engagement ring on her grip.

His reasons behind accepting several missions, everything he had done for: IT WAS ALL FOR HER.

"Squall, I must the one who should apologize: for easily giving up on you, on us. I should have even more patient. When I slapped you in public you just silently left. I'd never give you a chance to explain. Even in your death you'd never ever thought of yourself. I…I… I'm so sorry, I know nothing."

We argued, we were screaming and almost pushed one another

In my anger, I left and didn't come back for you

Forgotten all the promises and love

Our vows to each other did not last long

The nights were my mornings and mornings were my nights

Waking up, I didn't know who's beside me

It was always like this until I saw your picture inside my old wallet

I knew, I searched myself, I saw, I realized it's still within you

Gathered up all my courage but why did I have a bad feeling

I approached you and forced to look into your eyes

While praying that you tell me that it was still possible

You're not responding and it's like you're going far away from me

Your love for me had totally dried up

Starting tomorrow, Rinoa Heartilly must live alone without Squall Leonhart on her side and move on. But the question was…how?

…..She forgot it since she fell in love with him.

Author's Note:

I just write 'Earlier Before 5 months' because I'm having difficulties when it comes to writing a time line. In my mind they broke up 2 months earlier, Rinoa and Owin developed their relationship it's been 5 months after. Correct me if wrong. If I sum it up, Rinoa and Squall broke-up their relationship 7 months passed. Well I'm going to cover my head just in case I'm wrong and you guys are probably going to throw a coin on my head. I just wanted to thank the following: Ashbear for inspiring me to write, Niqsta and Kuchiki Jeanne for giving me most of the reviews and most of all Prodigy for allowing me base a fic off Winter.