No matter how many times she spat in his face,Cursed his kindness early on. Cursed Him. Cursed his pure existence. She couldn't bring herself to truly hate him. No matter what she did.
No matter what "evidence" Morgause put in front of her. She just couldn't. He was pure anger to her now. every time she thought of him she thought her teeth would become stubs. her nails fall off her fingers. or her hair come out of her head. She wanted to punch something every time He was mentioned. and right after she wished to punch something. She felt her heart skip a beat. and that above all else made her want to kill someone.
and then Morgause would enter and explain some new terror that was pursuing them. Gods, How she did not wish to hear any more any of that Kingdom. She just wished for silence.
for peace. sometimes. when she was half-asleep. for him in bed beside her, as they used too years ago. when Uther discovering them was her biggest worry. not whether him and his army would come storming in here to try and kill her and Morgause. before she had to peer around shadows and look behind her every split second.
before Magic got in their way. become the bane of their lives, the reason they hated each other now. Before. Magic become their everything.
She just wished for the nights when he would slip in quietly as a cat, (for she thought of him as a cat) after Gwen had been dismissed for the night(which she did so increasingly as time went on) She wished for his mouth on hers, so comfortably fit. His tongue flitting over her lips. How they wouldn't be able to breathe(for at least 10 minutes) after they'd lain in bed together. How she had hated when he had to leave, slipping out not long before dawn to make it back to his chambers, "we couldn't have anyone catching us, now could we Morgana?" he would say to her..almost nightly, as he shoved his feet into his boots, Hopping about trying to get dressed. without making noise. She smiles at the memory.
How the next day, they'd act as if nothing was wrong(everything was right) in her world, play nice ward to Uther. Joke with Gwen. Bide her time until that night.

and then.
then.

Everything changed.

She went to be with the druids, she came back (the visits still frequent, not as long talking than anything else)
She then attempted to have Uther killed.(now they argued)
then everything went too quickly for her to comprehend now that she thought back to it.
Mordreds back, She's helping Morgause now, the dragon is free. Merlin is in far too deep with the dragon.

and yet, he won. she realizes.

she raises an army of the dead. (He hates her now, their forbidden embraces gone)
He wins.

She plots Uther's death..again,
He pitches her down some stairs.

She has Gwen Kidnapped(cause, Oh, they aren't friends any longer)
He finds her, He saves her.(cause, didn't he always turn out the hero?)

She plots to destroy the entire group
They make it to the castle, unharmed.

she begins to slowly list things

Gwen-Banished.
Merlin-saves her by Magic.

she became queen
they brought her down once more.

She waits. and waits. plans.

Gets merlin. no, nevermind. he's gone before she can really use him.

she throws in her lot with another king, hoping to get gold this time.

wins the crown, again. plans to keep it this time.

and now,

Now she sits in her bejewled bed, (Uther's old bed.)

Jumping at shadows and praying to all the gods, that Merlin. Her closest friend,most intimate lover, and most bitter enemy. won't be showing up in one of them. now it is time to wait.

and wait.

for them to come stop her once again. she knows it'll always be like this with them.
Her winning, Him winning
losing, winning,losing.

She shakes her head in sadness, she's just realized that,

they'll spend the rest of their lives, (possibly eternity, since who knows what their type of Magic has done to them) fighting each other. never stopping.

and this.

this.

makes her horribly sad. but as soon as the emotion leaks into her. she pushes it down. puts her chin up. straightens her back. sighs(almost inaudibly) gets up, and goes to tell Morgause anything she can to help take Merlin down(she won't ever share their dirty secret though, she doubts he's told Arthur as well

^Person who wrote this. Has not seen all the merlin episodes, I'm trying (Desperatly) too finish season 2 as it is. I wiki'd the series though, and know what'll happen. thanks for reading. I know its terrible. but my brain felt like mush towards the end. thats why it suuuucks.

-Rae