Test Subject: Edward Elric
Day: 1
Time: 9:48 a.m.
Location: Relaxation Vault
Testing Progress: Initiated
-Aperture Laboratories

The first thing Edward was aware of upon waking up was the fact that there was music playing somewhere close by. His second thought was, Huh, it's kind of catchy. His third: Wait, what the heck—what's going on?

Because it's not every day you wake up and slide out of bed only to realize your bed was, in fact, a pod of some sort.

I definitely don't remember falling asleep in that.

Edward also quickly took note of his legs—they weren't functioning properly. Or something like that. At first, he had passed it off as some sort of aftereffect of the gasses that he assumed he had been given (it didn't take long for him to assume he'd been kidnapped; it's not like it hadn't happened before), but when he looked down, he quickly determined it was not that.

He had braces.

On his legs.

…what?

He tried to jiggle them off. Shook his legs one at a time to see if that would do anything—but the things were bound tight. He tried poking them with his hands, following their machinery and trying to figure out what they did—because what the heck; his legs worked just fine, thank you. He didn't need braces. He even had automail.

Which—that was when he realized, a bit belatedly, that he was, in fact, not wearing his normal attire.

"…ew. Who decided on the orange?"

Picking on the chest of his jacket even as his eyes took in the identical shade of bright, eccentric orange on his pants, Edward finally decided that this must all have been some sort of weird dream. The music, the orange, the room that even had a freakin' toilet in it, all encompassed in glass—yep. This was just a joke by his tricky subconscious. Nothing to see here.

Then, She began to speak.

"Hello, and again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center."

…wait, what?

"We hope your brief detention in the relaxation vault has been a pleasant one."

Is that where he was? Edward took a second glance around his chamber, suddenly thinking that maybe he should have checked it out more—especially that now-annoying radio in the corner—if it all really was…real.

"Your specimen has been processed—"

"—Wait, huh? What does that mean?" Edward pressed, jerked out of his thoughts and suddenly worried for certain parts of his anatomy.

"—and we are now ready to begin the test proper."

Test? What test? What?

If this is some sort of joke on Mustang's behalf, he is SO going to get it, the boy grouched.

"Before we start, however, keep in mind that although fun and learning are the primary goals of the enrichment center activities, serious injuries may occur. For your own safety, and the safety of others, please refrain from—"

Something weird happened. That was all Edward knew. Instead of saying something beneficial, helpful, maybe even a wise piece of advice to keep himself safe from whatever "test" he was about to endure, all that came from the invisible speakers was a strange whirring, garbled mess that made, unfortunately, absolutely no sense.

…shit. That was probably important, too.

And wait—was that another language in there, too, among the distortion? What the crap?

Looking up, wincing at the harshness of the suddenly dimming lights, he noticed for the first time the digital clock above the door to his glass-room. It was counting down—now from eight seconds. Now from seven. Now six…

Wait, counting down to what?

"—I'm back."

The lights returned to their full brightness and Edward winced, taking a step back. Man, those things were bright.

"The portal will open in three."

…portal?

"Two."

"Um…" Edward looked around. Should he hide? Take cover? What was it he was supposed to do?

"One."

Acting purely on instinct, the blonde boy ducked down, covering his head with his arms as he clenched himself into as tight of a ball as possible. Hopefully, this would protect him from whatever onslaught was coming, he figured—or maybe if the ground was going to open up right from below him, he'd be in a safety position so as to protect himself whenever he landed—

—but nothing happened.

Perplexed, confused, and feeling a bit like an idiot—hopefully there aren't any cameras around so they could see that—Edward peeked up and, for some reason he couldn't explain, looked back at the door to his room.

Oh.

That portal.

…okay.

Shakily, Edward got to his feet, navigating himself (those braces were still weird) to the orange-rimmed hole that hadn't been there before. Do people around here just like the color orange?

The hole seemed harmless enough. What Edward wasn't prepared for, upon walking through, was the strange sense of vertigo that churned his stomach as soon as he stepped out on the other side. It was as if in that split-second of a step, he had gone through a roller coaster, whipped through before he could even breathe.

So it made sense that he stumbled a bit upon exiting his room, feeling slightly nauseous…right?

No. No, this doesn't make sense at all. Where the crap am I?

Because now, instead of just outside of that glass-room—he was standing in front of it. Facing it, from a completely different wall than what he could have sworn he exited from.

What's going on? How did I—?

But nothing could explain it. That was, however, when he noticed the camera in the corner of this outer-room, perched on the wall, small black orb focused on him. The sudden appearance of the contraption made goosebumps travel up and down the boy's back.

These cameras, after all, weren't like Maes'.

Am I…being tested on? Is that what they meant by 'test'? Am I an experiment?

Edward didn't like the word. He frowned, before marching as best as he could straight up to the camera—seeing out of the corner of his eye a distorted, one-way glass so that he couldn't look inside, but whoever was inside could definitely look out, and deciding he disliked that, too—and shouting, "Mustang, cut this out. This is stupid. I don't remember signing up for this!"

But there wasn't an answer.

Edward huffed. "I mean it, Mustang. Cut it out!"

Still nothing.

Edward's face reddened in frustration. "You're a jerk and you know it! Get your face out of your butt and stop it! I have work to do!"

When nothing more happened, Edward finally threw his hands up. Okay. Fine. Whatever. If Mustang wanted to play, he would play.

And he would show that sorry Lieutenant Colonel up, too.

Turning, Edward marched over to the only exit in the entire room—which was really nothing more than a small hole in the wall, with what looked to be two sliding doors pulled to their sides so he could pass through.

For good measure, he called out over his shoulder as he walked through, "This better not be a sleight against—well—you better not be making fun of me, okay? Then I'll really kill you!"

What Edward failed to notice, though, was the large lit sign with two zeroes on it that had been right beside his "relaxation vault." If he did, he might have noticed the two little images on the bottom that would have served to helpfully notify him of any and all dangers that resided in the upcoming test chamber.

Boxes falling from the sky really could hurt, after all.

Lieutenant Colonel Roy Mustang had been reading a misplaced report of missing persons when the call came in. At first, he ignored it—hadn't even been aware it was ringing—but then Hawkeye shouted his name, and when he saw her pointed sherry gaze dig into his own ebony one before gesturing to the telephone on his desk, he immediately answered it to save himself a bullet-hole.

"Lieutenant Colonel Mustang," he greeted dryly.

"Ah—Lieutenant Colonel? Hi, Sir. It's Alphonse."

From the how nervous the boy sounded, Mustang feared the worst. He pinched the bridge of his nose to ward off the forecasted headache. "How much damage did Fullmetal cause this time?"

"Damage…? Oh! U-um…none…actually." Even Alphonse sounded surprised.

Mustang felt relief wash over him at that, leaning back in his chair in a more reclined state as he passed a hand through his dark hair. "Okay, then. So if that's not what you're calling to report, then what is it?"

"I…I think something's happened to Brother."

Mustang frowned. Okay, so maybe he should take that seriously. But despite how much he wanted to acknowledge the boy's worry as genuine… "Alphonse, last time you told me that, it turned out he had just gotten stuck in a tree after trying to help some old lady get her cat down."

"I—I know, but—I—I really think something's wrong this time."

The dark-haired man ran his hand down his face, sighing. "And what makes you think that?"

"Um…this'll sound weird…but it's because his bed is made."

Of all the clues Mustang had ever been given as to the abduction of a fellow officer—a made bed, not that he could ever recall at least, had never been given before. It struck him at first as so bizarre, so strange, that he couldn't help but burst out laughing.

This, of course, only worried Alphonse even more. "I—I know it's silly, but I'm really being honest! His entire half of the room is cleaned up and put away—and Brother never does that! I always have to do it for him!"

Mustang had to take the phone away from his ear and actually set it on the desk, let himself get out the hysterics first, before he could bring the receiver back up and take the rest of the conversation in an at least semi-serious fashion. He cleared his throat. "Okay, so…aside from that." Snicker, snicker; shoulder shake. "When was the last time you saw him?"

"In his bed, this morning. I left to go get him some breakfast, and when I came back to our hotel room, he was gone, but all his stuff was here, and everything was clean."

Mustang frowned, looking at his watch. He sighed. "Alphonse, it's only ten o'clock over there in the west, right? So, he might have gotten up to find you or something and got distracted. It wouldn't be the first time."

"But—but—"

"—if he doesn't show up by tomorrow, call me again, and we'll see what we can do, okay?"

A sigh. "…okay…"

The Lieutenant Colonel nodded. "All right, then. I'll talk to you later, Alphonse."

"Talk to you later, Lieutenant Colonel."

Pushing out of his guilty mind how despondent the armored boy sounded, Mustang ended the call and returned his attention idly to the missing persons report that should have been given to Lieutenant Colonel Mustard over in West City instead of Mustang in East City.

Huh. That's where Alphonse and Ed are right now, too.

With a shrug, he tossed it to the corner of his desk. He'd mess with resending it—this time to the proper address—later. After all, it was only a couple of homeless and unemployed people who were missing. So it wasn't that pressing of a matter…right?

Luckily, the sound of a box hitting the ground was the only thing that scared Edward—because dang it, that was loud.

Upon straightening up from the second safety-crouching position he had gotten into today, Edward gazed at the giant red button under his feet and then back at the new giant box that had landed against the wall on the far side of the room with idle fascination.

Huh. So that's what it does.

His eyes traveled to the clear tube that had deposited the box, before also transitioning to the opposite wall, where another circle-door had just opened up as a result of stepping on the button, too.

So…okay; making boxes appear was great and all, but what now?

Frowning, Edward walked towards the open door—only to find out, much to his displeasure, that upon stepping off the button, the doors closed (and the once-orange lights beside it turned blue, too), leaving him trapped inside.

…well, then.

Edward eyed the box still on the other side of the room.

It looked big enough…

Ten seconds later found Edward placing said box on the giant red button, opening the door for good—much to his pride.

He stood back and grinned, but didn't get much time to gloat over his handiwork. Apparently, She thought he was smart, too.

"Excellent," the voice over the speakers said suddenly, nearly startling the boy into a third safety-crouch. He yelped, but kept himself from doing so, listening as She continued, "Please proceed into the chamber-lock after completing each test."

Chamber-lock? Edward looked to the room beyond the door he had just opened. What, was that it?

"First, however, note the incandescent particle field across the exit. This Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grille will vaporize any unauthorized equipment that passes through it. For instance, the Aperture Science Weighted Storage Cube."

Edward shook his head, bringing a hand up to rub his forehead even as he walked on through the open door way and into the next chamber—which held, before a large round elevator, the aforementioned "Emancipation Grille." He sighed, stopping in front of it. It looked real enough, at least. There definitely were strange particles floating around in the screen-like doorway, but upon sticking his automail hand through it, nothing happened, except for a faint buzzing noise. He flexed his fingers in the strange field.

Gotta hand it to you, Mustang. This is one elaborate hoax.

Walking through the grille was different than walking through the portals, Edward decided. Instead of a feeling of vertigo, there was a strange—and not entirely unpleasant—shock that pulsed through his system as he passed by.

Which…was interesting, he supposed.

And for the first time, it made Edward wonder—What if Mustang's really not behind this?

But then the elevator doors shut behind him, and with a jolt, the lift began to raise, lights dimming once more—Oh gosh, how old is this thing?—before coming to a stop and opening up to an entirely new, tall, steel hallway shortly after.

With growing uncertainty, Edward slowly got off.

This definitely doesn't look like anything at Headquarters.

The more he kept walking, the less of a hindrance those braces were turning out to be. He could almost walk normally by now, and even jerked to the side instinctively upon a large sign suddenly coming to life as soon as he neared it—this one, featuring a giant "01."

…okay…

The hallway, Edward found after he dismissed the enormous sign and continued going on, ended abruptly, opening up into a giant room beyond that was two-stories tall and surrounded by glass. Through the glass, he could see three other small rectangular rooms—one on each side of the center one he faced.

Which, unfortunately, he had to jump down into.

What, no steps? Edward scoffed, squatting down as best he could (stupid braces) to get close to the floor of the hallway. Someone doesn't have common courtesy.

Clapping his hands, he was about to place them against the floor to create some stairs of his own—when suddenly, She began speaking again.

"Please refrain from all uses of alchemy while inside the test chamber."

Edward frowned, finding of all things, this rule particularly bizarre. No alchemy? "…in case you haven't noticed, I can't exactly jump down from here. That's like…nine feet. I'd break my foot, thank you."

"The Aperture Science Laboratories would like to remind you that the prototype long-fall boots issued to you at the start of your testing have been proven to prevent injury usually attained from a fall of up to 1,200 meters."

…what?

Edward looked at the braces on his feet. "…you mean these stupid things?"

No response.

"Does that mean 'yes?'"

Still nothing.

With an exasperated sigh, the blonde-haired boy reluctantly got to his feet. "You know, you're not very helpful," he called out, just in case—y'know—whoever was speaking to him could hear him, even though the voice sounded as if it were electronic, like a robot—but that wasn't possible for all this dialogue to just be an automated message…was it?

Well, I guess we'll find out eventually. Because I am so going to meet up with whoever is in charge of this place and give them a piece of my mind.

Holding his breath, Edward took a leap of faith and jumped.

And to his surprise…he almost didn't notice when he landed.

He felt almost no rebound—hardly any jolt on his automail and flesh leg—and nearly fell backward at the shock of the shockless landing. Stumbling, almost disoriented, he waved his arms around, eyes wide as he regained his balance.

Whoa. That really did work.

"Aperture Science Laboratories would like to take this opportunity to say, 'I told you so.'"

…what the crap?

"Hey!" Edward shouted, fist shaking at the ceiling—or wherever the heck this mysterious voice was coming from. "I do not appreciate the sarcasm! Be—"

"—Please place the Weighted Storage Cube on the 1500 megawatt Aperture Science Heavy Duty Super-Colliding Super-Button."

…wait, what?

"Was that supposed to be English?" Edward griped, even as he turned around and saw another one of those orange-rimmed portals in front of him, showing a large red button. In fact, the same button that he could see through the glass in the left-side outer-room—so, in two places at once—somehow.

How do those 'portals' even work? Edward groaned, pulling on his braid. For some reason, just tugging on that one familiarity in the midst of all this strangeness was comforting. I mean, I think I understand that I walk through and somehow walk out somewhere else—like teleportation—but how does that even happen? How are they doing this?

At that moment, the portal shifted and revealed something new on the other side—a short white hallway with another closed round-door at the end.

Edward, shocked, turned around.

There—on the other side of the glass—there, too, was that same hallway.

Is it…switching on me…?

The portal changed. This time, it was the room on the right being shown—and this one held another one of those boxes.

Without thinking, something, somehow, clicking in his brain, Edward darted forward, the nausea washing over him quick and brief as he passed through. He grabbed the box as fast as he could, dashing right back out through the portal—ugh, again that dizziness swept over him, but it wasn't as bad as the first time—and into the center room.

When he turned around and saw the portal change to the room with the red button again, he couldn't help but smile.

I think I've figured you out.

His pace was calmer, now—slower, but still hurried to place the box on the button and get back out before the portal changed (he had no idea what would happen if he should get stuck in one of the rooms because the center portal moved on; wait for the portal to be reopened again, he supposed? Ugh, that would suck; I hate waiting).

As soon as he exited the room now with the box and button, She began speaking again, dry and mechanical as ever.

"Perfect. Please move quickly to the chamber-lock, as the effects of prolonged exposure to the button are not part of this test."

Edward shrugged, waiting for the portal to change back to the hallway with the door. When it did, he walked through languidly. This wasn't so hard, he decided. He could do this—whatever, really, "this" was.

Only one thing really mattered to him, anyway. "Hey, I get out of here soon, right?"

He walked through the Emancipation Grille and into the elevator, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet as he did so. There wasn't a response—not that he really thought there would be. So far in their relationship, there had been a lot of unanswered questions, and Edward had a feeling that wasn't going to change any time soon although he wished it would.

When the elevator doors closed in front of him, he was surprised to actually hear Her speak again.

"Please stand by as the chloroform gas is dispensed into the elevator."

"W-wait, what?"

He didn't have time to react. There was a soft hissing—something blew right in his face—and then the next thing Edward knew, the world was tilting, spinning, darkening and oh, oh crap, what was going on, did he do something wrong? And where, after all this, was Alphonse? Was he okay? Was—

The last thing he remembered was the sharp pain of the floor meeting his side.

Then, blackness.

There was a knock at the door—loud and persistent—almost annoying—until it was finally answered.

"Miss Winry Rockbell?"

A reluctant, surprised nod. These strangers in the white coats didn't look familiar...

"Hello, we are from Aperture Laboratories—we have a few questions regarding some automail you made approximately two years ago…"

Test Subject: Edward Elric
Day: 1
Time: 10:01 a.m.
Location: Elevator 01
Testing Progress: Approved for Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device
-Aperture Laboratories

Crystal's Notes: I must admit, I'm so glad I have this started. This idea has been brewing and brewing and holy crap, I had to get it out.

I really hope you enjoyed this as much as I had fun writing it. And if you did—please let me know. Unfortunately, lack of reviews often means lack of updates, because then I get the message no one is reading, and then I may very well shut a story down (as I am considering doing for Carpe Lumen).

As it is, thank you very much for reading—and if this goes over well, I do believe chapter 2 will be coming up shortly.

ALSO—for those who might be curious—Edward is 13 in this fic, Alphonse 12. So that means this takes place before the events of the series. Just so…people are aware, because I doubt I'll ever get around to mentioning that within the story.

ALSO ALSO-I realize the "long-fall boots" really only appear in Portal 2, but I have my reasons for giving Edward a prototype pair right now, so do bear with me. (heart heart)

So again. Enjoy, tell me if you did. And have a blessed, blessed day.