You have to get lost before you can be found; you have to be hurt before you can get better.

Kurt's POV

I remember when it started. It was in 6th grade behind the bleachers, it was hot right? Yes, it was hot. Really it was my fault, I shouldn't have been out there… no, I never listen. So I didn't see them coming, I didn't expect them to do what they did but I didn't stop them… horny teenage kids right? What could I do… nothing.

I stood there while they took off my clothes, a look of so much disgust, but not in them, in myself. They were right, I'm a slut. I lost my virginity outside a courtyard when I was 11 years old.

I kept my mouth shut; they said who would listen to me… I was a kid, they did me a favor. It hurt like nothing I had ever felt. Like my body was ripping in half as they both took their time inside me. I'm disgusting.

I didn't know their names; to be honest I don't remember their faces. But that voice….. I will always remember that voice. "Take it you faggot, you know you like that!" It still haunted me. I still dreamed of the endless pain they inflicted on me when it happened.

So he came. He came up the hill to the basketball court with a smile on his face. Laughter. I remember his laugh, I do. I remember thinking he was one of them, I bit my lip hard producing blood on the surface. His laughter continued until he saw me. He leaned his head over and looked at me for a while. He made no move, so I took that initiative myself. Slowly I took the last bit of strength I had to move back slowly.

He moved forward, so I moved back again. "I'm not going to hurt you." He whispered, I'm honestly surprised I heard him. Any other time I would not have believed him, but I didn't have the will power to argue. They broke me, and I wasn't ready to fix myself.

He walked closer to me kneeling down a foot away from me. I closed my eyes tight, too scared to open them. Warmness surrounded me and I was lifted from the ground, nothing but ripped underwear on. I fell asleep before he got down the hill.

1 year later the beating started. Purple and blue bruises covered my body like a canvas with a finished painting. He was always there. I never quite knew when he took me or how he got there. I always fell asleep, and I would always wake up cleaned up and on his bed. He would smile at me, he would right? I think, maybe he frowned… no, he smiled. He always smiled. He would have hot chocolate at his bedside for me, with extra marshmallows because he knew I liked them.

After my mom died, my dad took up most of his time at his shop trying to pay the bills. He noticed the bruises twice. So I made excuses, I deserved what they were doing to me. He dropped it, but I know he never believed me. He was drained, we both were.

He would walk over to me, that stupid smile still on his face. He would wrap his arms around me and tell me about his day. Anything to get me out of my own head.

2 years after that we started high school. January 3rd. it changed after that date, and I never forgot it. For one it was the first time I had seen his eyes; he wore his hair over his eyes since as long as I had known him. However when I saw him next he had it cut. They were green. I was sure then, and still am.

That was out first time. His parents were out as usual and we didn't know what we were doing. At 14 you feel like you know everything, maybe you do. But I didn't know what he would pull after. Clothes were shredded to the floor and all I could focus on were those beautiful green eyes. "You scared?" He smirked at me but it was a question met to be answered.

"No."

That was when he left. After that he moved to Paris and I never saw him again. That is until today.

I sat at the furthest table in the corner of the lima bean. A still completely full glass of coffee sat in front of me and it wasn't going to be drunk. I did this all the time; I tortured myself with this. I can't drink it, I have already disappointed him.

My phone buzzed harshly in my pocket and I shuddered against the sudden movement. I reached down to reach for my phone looking at the caller ID.

From Blaine

Text: Where the hell are you? Get you…. 5:67

I sighed and stood sliding open to message to read the rest of the text. Moving slowly toward the door to afraid to go fast for the possibility of falling. I was tired, and I found myself using the large sweater against my boney arms as a pillow. I needed food, I needed sleep. But I don't deserve it.

My movements however stopped when I bumped into the person standing in my way. I tumbled to the ground as well as my phone and the other customer's flash drive. "s-s-sorry. I'm so sorry." I wanted to cry, I wanted to cry so bad. I stood as quickly as I could, extending my arm and handing the man the flash drive. "I'm so stupid, sorry." He takes it from me and I look up quickly to apologize one more time. We both stopped what we were doing.

They were green, and they were so prefect. "Sorry." I said quickly. It wasn't him, it couldn't be. I left and I didn't look back at the guy. It simply couldn't be.

I stood before Blaine looking down at my feet, hands behind my back.

"You eat today?" He asked.

I nodded slightly. "Yes sir."

"You're pathetic." He spat.

I know.

I stood in silence, it was not to be argued with, he called it, I listened.

"Isn't that right Kurt?"

My breath hitched. "Yes sir."

Blaine shook his head. "Go ahead."

I turned towards the bathroom, my face still pointed toward the floor. I pulled of my shirt and then followed with my pants. I leaned over the toilet, I brought up my index and middle fingers sticking them down my throat. It took a while but inevitably it came up and I emptied today's contents into the toilet in front of me.

I felt a hard grip wrap around my neck and my eyes snapped open before slowly closing again. "What do you say?"

"Thank you sir."

"Good boy." He smiles wasting no time inserting himself into me, dry. It hurt, but I deserved it, Blaine loved me, he was helping.

I bit my lip, shuttering and once again connecting my hands behind me. "Thank you."

Okay, so this is going to be a well-planned out story. I usually make every chapter up as I get to it, but I already have up to chapter 4 planned out already. Feel free to point out any grammatical mistakes and I will immediately fix them. Feel free to review and follow, it truly means a lot, and I will see you all soon.

Also, this story will be easily triggered so… heads up!

Adios-Radhadder