The final chapter! Thanks to everyone who's supported me during this story, I appreciate it more than I can say. Whirlgirl, thank you as always for reviewing, I'm sorry I can't reply to you personally. I have to say a really big thank you to Loopstagirl, too, for all the help and feedback, especially with this last chapter.

Epilogue

It was just after sunrise when Alan arrived at the clearing where he and Tin-Tin had spent so much time together. He took his usual seat on the fallen tree trunk, instinctively leaving a space by his side for the girl he loved. Looking down at the single red rose he'd brought, he twisted it between his fingers by the stem as he took a moment to gather his thoughts. Then he began to speak, so softly that the words could barely be heard.

Hey, Tin-Tin. Happy Birthday.

I'm going to visit your grave later with Kyrano and Grandma, but I can't talk to you properly there. I can't feel you there like I can here, either.

How has it been ten months? It still hurts as much as it did the day you died. I'm so lonely without you, Tin-Tin, even though the guys are still barely giving me a minute's peace. I bet Scott's looking for me right now. He knows how hard today's going to be...

I yelled at Gordon the other day. We were talking about Dad and the way he just shut down after Mom died. I didn't understand how he must have felt until I lost you. I often wonder how things were for them. I guess they must have been good otherwise he would have moved on. I suppose that's why he's never tried to tell me that I'll get over you one day. But Gordon did. He told me that I shouldn't be alone forever, that you wouldn't want that. He meant well, I guess, but I didn't see it that way at the time. I told him he didn't understand, that he'd never really been in love so how could he know what it was like. But then I recalled something you once said.

Do you remember when International Rescue first started? I'd almost got myself killed trying to save some kid from a burning building. We came up here when I got back and I asked you what you'd have done if I'd died. I wanted you to say that you'd mourn me forever, that you'd never look at another guy, but you thought for a bit then said that you'd grieve for me, but you wouldn't want to be alone and unhappy forever - and that I shouldn't want you to live like that. You told me that if something happened to you I should move on, too. I got mad, remember? I don't think I spoke to you for a week after that. But you were always honest with me, that's one of the things I loved about you, even if it did drive me crazy when you didn't say what I wanted to hear.

I can't move on, though. I miss you, Tin-Tin. I don't want anyone else. Ironic, isn't it - when you were alive the thought of marriage and kids terrified me and now, I'd do anything to have all that. But with you. Only with you...

God, this is depressing, isn't it. Birthdays are supposed to be happy. Let me think, what else can I tell you?

Grandma's feeling better. That operation seems to have done the trick. She tells us off for fussing over her, but you can tell she loves it really. I don't know what we'd have done without her. Imagine it, Tin-Tin, just us guys alone on the island.

Brains and I have been trying to decide who to give the engineering scholarship to, the one Dad set up in your name. It's been good to spend some time with him. He kept his distance from me after you died. I think he always had a bit of a thing for you - he never thought I treated you too well, did he? Well, he was probably right. But this project has brought us together again. I think you'd like the girl we chose. Brains certainly does - he blushes when he talks about her. She's nothing like you - really plain and serious - but she's going to be a great engineer.

Maybe one day she'll be part of IR. Dad's abandoned the plan of a new base for now, you know. After you died no one wanted to leave the island and we didn't want to bring anyone new in. It wouldn't have been much fun for them anyway, not with everyone grieving over you. But that Atlantic island's going to be set up for the 'birds. The idea is that if there's trouble brewing on that side of the world, we can fly out in advance and be ready to respond as soon as we're needed.

John comes down from Five next week. Brains is taking the next rotation so the five of us are going off to the mainland. I just hope it goes better than the last time. That poor girl who made a move on me... When she asked me if I had a girlfriend and I told her yes - and that she was dead, she couldn't run away fast enough. I ended up ruining the night for everyone. Not this time, though. We need a break and a good night out - especially Scott.

We were all hoping it wouldn't happen, but Penny's getting married next month. You don't know how much I wish I'd never said what I did about her and Scott. Well, you do, I guess, I've told you often enough. I tried to apologise to her but you know Penny, she was very polite and gracious but I know she didn't really forgive me. I ruined things for her and Scott, didn't I? I tried to make it right. I told Grandma about it - I left out the bit about them sleeping together, but the moment Grandma asked Scott about Penny he thought I'd dropped him in it. Grandma's face when he told her it was none of her business who he slept with... All that effort to keep it from her and Scott goes and tells her himself. It wasn't funny though. But not even Grandma could persuade him to talk to Penny. Virg tried but Scott got really mad at him. We've all given up now - he's just too sensitive where Penny's concerned. We can hardly talk to her about it, either. You could have got through to them, I know - but then if you were still here, things would never have turned out the way they did, would they?

I still can't believe Penny's marrying this Simon guy. I know Scott insisted she wanted to be with him, but I can't imagine why. I guess I'm biased, but what's he got that Scott hasn't - except a title? Maybe if Dad hadn't told Penny about that ex-girlfriend Scott had started seeing again, things would have been different. John was there at the time and he reckons Penny was really upset. She hid it well, of course, but it wasn't long after that that she told us she was getting married.

No one thinks it will last. This guy is nice enough, apparently - Virg met him when Penny invited him to some concert in London. He says he's obviously mad about Penny, but he doesn't even know what she does for a living, not the IR part, anyway. How is it going to work? Even Parker's not convinced, but he's too loyal to Penny to say much.

I made such a mess of it all, didn't I?

I messed up a lot of things. I wish I'd made you happier when we were together. I guess I didn't really understand how relationships were supposed to work. I'd never actually witnessed one, though, had I? I never saw Dad and Mom together and Grandpa died long before I was born. Maybe if things had been different I'd have had a better idea of how to behave. I'm sorry. I wasn't the easiest person to be with, was I? I only ever wanted you to be happy, but I was spoilt and selfish. That's the trouble with being the youngest, I guess.

I've changed though. I really have. I've even taken my full shifts up on Five. Well, I've got no reason to cut them short now, have I? I've grown up, Tin-Tin. I just wish it hadn't taken you dying to make it happen...

He checked his watch and got to his feet, leaving the rose behind.

I love you, Tin-Tin. I wish I could stay longer but I promised Brains I'd help him with his experiment before I go to Malaysia. I can't let him down. Then there are the repairs to Firefly. Virg can't handle them alone.

Listen to me, worrying about work. That never used to happen, did it? I guess this is the new, mature Alan Tracy. I wish you'd had the chance to meet him.

I think you'd like him.