Still don't own it, but something a little different this time. I think I burned through the angst/drama stores and they need some time to replenish themselves while I dabble in some off-the-wall insanity. I'm not sure whether I'm any good at humour but here's hoping it goes well! A special mention to notsing, in solidarity as caffeine addicts and zombies before the morning cup of life. Lattes for everyone!

Monday: Colby's love affair with Don's coffee making skills reaches a new high. Or low, depending on how you look at it. Megan is amused, David is confused and everyone else wonders just what is going on as Colby and a junior agent attempt to manipulate the situation. Features liberal application of classical conditioning techniques, subliminal messaging and some shameless abuse of the stationary privileges given to government employees.

07:18

In Colby Granger's opinion, there is nothing worse than having to be at the office bright and early on a Monday morning. It doesn't matter that he hadn't left the office until well into Sunday evening so technically it wasn't any different to another week-night, there is just something inherently wrong with Monday mornings.

Not even a solid eight hours sleep makes it easier and there is definitely something wrong with that because before last night, he doesn't remember the last time he had that much sleep. Wandering into the bullpen, he catches sight of a familiar dark head hunched over a desk and instantly feels just a little better.

He is willing to bet that Don had been stuck here at least an hour longer than him last night and his team leader makes the best coffee out of the lot of them. The pot that must be waiting in the break room is going to wake him up like nothing else could. The thought makes his step a little lighter and it becomes just a little easier to keep his eyes properly open, and avoid walking into any desks. Setting off several car alarms and bruising his hip on a rearview mirror in the car park hadn't quite managed that. He really hopes that no one thinks to check the security camera footage because honestly, he's seen drunks with better coordination than he has this morning.

Already halfway across the bullpen, he can see the coffee pot out of the corner of his eye and is almost salivating when Don looks up and offers him a nod in greeting. He returns it just before he makes it into the break room, wondering whether this is what Pavlov's dogs felt like and then whether Don was trying to train him. Pouring a tall cup of the still steaming coffee and taking a mouthful, he decides that Monday mornings might be the singularly most horrible time of the week but when you have a boss that can make liquid gold out of the same stuff that always turns to sludge when you try, it could definitely be worse.

On his second cup, he leaves the break room and puts a fresh cup down on Don's desk as he passes by on his way to his own. "You know, I always wondered why you got all the ladies," he says, sprawling in his chair with the cup held to his chest. "But now I've got it figured out."

Don raises an eyebrow and the corner of his mouth twitches as he takes a sip of the coffee. "Oh yeah?"

Colby nods. "Oh yeah. First I figured it was the job thing. I mean, that whole protector thing drives the ladies mad."

Don swallows another mouthful of coffee with difficulty. Swallowing and laughing aren't easy to do in tandem. "Y-yeah? You'd know all about that, you and your harem?"

Deciding to ignore the comment because he's feeling rather charitable considering the coffee in his hand, he waves his free one dismissively. "But then I realised it is definitely your coffee making skills. I mean, we have the worst coffee in the world. You buy the good stuff and make it like this? She spends the night and gets to wake up to the nectar of the gods. It would be a pretty sweet deal even if it meant dealing with you every morning." He thinks for a moment. "You do make them coffee, don't you?"

"You know, I thought this conversation was going to be awkward because of the allusion to my sex life but you've somehow managed to completely outdo yourself, Granger." Don looks a little dumbfounded and Colby doesn't think that's necessarily a bad thing. Someone like Don needs to be kept on their toes occasionally.

"We leave you two alone for half an hour and you get onto the juicy subjects without us?" Megan sounds amused as she leans up against the side of Don's desk and Colby knows that means the conversation is probably going to degenerate even further in the next few minutes. He's definitely feeling up to it though, maybe even looking forward to it. Don's coffee makes even a Monday morning bearable.

"I'm just telling Don that I've got his secret figured out," he says, gesturing a little with his coffee. "I mean, I knew it wasn't his looks or charm that had women falling into his bed."

"Hey!" Don narrows his eyes. "I'll have you know, ladies consider me pretty attractive, not to mention charming."

"Don't get your knickers in a twist," Megan says, waving a hand at him. "Do continue, Granger. I'm curious now. I always thought it was the dark, brooding thing, personally, but I'm all for debating this mysterious talent."

"So am I," David says, settling into the seat beside Colby and flashing a wicked grin. "Maybe we can patent it?"

Don leans back in his chair with a resigned expression. "You know, the amount of insubordination in this team has got to be the highest in the whole Bureau. Obviously I'm nowhere near harsh enough in your performance evaluations."

"If everyone would stop bitching at each other long enough for me to finish, I could explain," Colby says, frowning as he realises he's out of coffee. "They stay when they realise how awesome he is at making coffee. Speaking of coffee, Don, are you going put a fresh pot on?"

"It certainly explains why you're single," Don says haughtily, getting up and deliberately knocking Colby's chair on his way past as Megan and David laugh. "You touch the machine and it turns to toxic sludge. No, a bio-weapon."

"Are you making another pot?" Colby had no idea his voice could sound so desperately hopeful. This conversation has definitely not gone as well as he'd hoped it would, especially if Don is refusing to make more coffee.

Megan looks dubious as Don continues through the bullpen. David frowns. "He wouldn't let the rest of the floor die because of your sludge. He isn't sadistic."

Panic settling in his gut, Colby almost leaps from his seat and hurries after their boss. "Don? Don! You wouldn't do that to the others, would you?"

Sharing a look, David and Megan watch him run after Don. After a moment, Megan leans over to grab the stack of post-it notes and a pen and writes a note to herself to pick up some latte-in-a-can. She sticks it to her desk and heads towards the break room.

Maybe if she's lucky there's enough lukewarm in the bottom of the pot left to wake her up until she can reasonably go for lunch.

09:23

Colby, slumped dejectedly in his seat, is not pleased. Don is definitely ignoring him.

This is not how today was supposed to go, he thinks. He really needs another coffee but isn't tired enough to drink the admittedly terrible sludge that is all he can coax from the machine. He tried, and then gave it to Tim King who said his men could use the toughening up. He spares a moment of silence, and pity, for the SWAT agents.

David is worse than useless, the lunatic man doesn't even really drink coffee and Megan is far too smug for him to even think about asking her for help. Plus, she might decide to demonstrate some more Krav Maga moves on him. His ego, and coccyx bone, is still smarting from the last time.

Ana Springton, a new junior agent that he's worked with a couple of times, must notice and take pity because she brings him over a cup while he's still trying to figure out how to simultaneously appease Don enough to return to coffee making and not compromise his dignity by begging.

It hasn't been long enough to resort to begging yet, he still has a little pride left.

She puts the cup down on his desk and smiles. He looks up briefly and nods in thanks even though he knows it will be little better than tar before returning his gaze to Don's cubicle. A psychic would be really helpful right now and he wonders if Simon Kraft is available for private work.

"Is everything okay, Agent Granger?"

He frowns before looking back at her. "No, it isn't. Don's mad at me and won't make coffee anymore."

She looks confused.

"Mad at you? What did you do?"

"I told him I figured out why he's so good with women," he mutters. "How well he makes coffee. In hindsight, it wasn't a brilliant plan."

Ana bursts out laughing and everyone turns to look at them. Colby ducks his head behind his computer screen, shooting her a glare as she tries to muffle it to the occasional giggle.

Eventually, everyone turns back to their own business and Ana crouches down beside him, looking vaguely apologetic. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to laugh. Can I help at all?"

"I need to convince him to start making the coffee again," Colby says, risking a glance over the glass and then straightening when he is sure that Don's attention is back on his computer. "Without him realising that I'm convincing him."

Ana studies the back of Don's head for a long moment. "Have you thought about subliminal messaging or classical conditioning or something?" she asks. "I mean, there's hardly an agent in the Bureau that isn't addicted to coffee. He's going to be missing it just as badly as you."

"You're right," Colby says, studying the back of Don's head too. "So I just need to make him think about coffee and he'll want it too. Then I need to be really clever about convincing him to share."

"It's how you're going to make him think about coffee that's the difficult part," Ana continues thoughtfully. "He's pretty cluey, isn't he?"

"Too cluey sometimes," Colby grumbles, fiddling absently with a pen. "You guys are quiet too, right? Meet me in the break room in five? We can brainstorm without them noticing."

Ana nods before returning to her own desk and paperwork that suddenly seems extra boring. They have all the fun in Don Eppes' squad, and the good coffee.

12:01

Megan makes a run for it as soon as it hits noon, not even bothering to grab orders from the others. She's spent the entire morning watching Colby and the junior agent from across the bullpen plot something that seems to involve a lot of them looking at the back of Don's head instead of actually doing her paperwork.

It obviously has something to do with the fact that Don hasn't been near the coffee maker since their conversation a few hours earlier. It has all the signs of something that is going to go to hell very shortly and she has a feeling that they're all going to need a lot of coffee to deal with it.

Hoarding the latte-in-a-can supply she is planning on buying under her desk, possibly protected by several booby-traps, sounds like a good way to proceed.

Maybe if she bats her eyelashes enough the cute storeman from the grocery place she gets them from will bring them up to the bullpen for her. That image keeps her amused all the way through the deliciously greasy burger she decides on for lunch.

Convincing the storeman to deliver the box is easily done and they have a very rewarding discussion about booby traps as he accompanies her back towards the FBI building.

12:56

Don comes back from the bathroom and finds a ludicrously bright pink piece of paper covering his computer screen. There is a large picture of a steaming cup of coffee glued, rather lopsidedly if he's honest, in the middle.

He chuckles to himself as he removes the tape and sticks it up on the glass behind the screen. Colby is the worst sneak in the world and he wonders how on earth he ever managed to get through stealth training. The new agent from Tommy McLean's team isn't exactly subtle either and he wonders whether he should have a word with the other agent about getting both their teams in for some remedial training.

If he hadn't seen them plotting in the break room earlier, choking down laughably bad coffee, he would have thought she was interested in a whole lot more than the back of his head.

As it is, he can see that this is going to become interesting and decides that there's no harm in letting them have some fun while things are quiet.

16:19

David watches as Don peels yet another post-it note from his computer screen and sticks it with the others decorating the large picture of a coffee mug.

It hasn't even been ten hours yet and Colby looks a little wide-eyed and twitchy whereas Don just looks smugly amused.

He's suddenly glad he doesn't depend on coffee like the rest of them as he notices a couple of other agents watching their section of the bullpen intently. It looks like it could quickly become a floor-wide phenomenon.

If it went floor-wide it would probably get a capitalised name, he figures. Something like The Violent Crimes Coffee Drought, maybe. He frowns. That isn't anywhere near dramatic enough considering how the beverage is pretty much lifeblood in the building.

Megan is on the phone organising some subpoenas for the fraud case they're trying to close, but her eyes keep drifting across to where Colby and Ana Springton seem to be trying to communicate via some kind of overly complicated, bastardized sign language.

He gives up trying to decipher it when they start what looks like a staring contest before opening up an instant messenger window to his partner.

Colby, what the hell is going on?

It takes Colby an inordinately long time to reply, probably because he didn't want to forfeit the staring contest and had to wait for Springton to be distracted.

Trying to convince Don that he wants coffee just as badly as we do without him realising what we're doing.

He has to read it several times. They think that they're actually achieving that?

Twisting around to throw the other man a disbelieving look is pointless because beating Springton wasn't enough, now he's obviously trying to win against the back of Don's head.

Turning back to his computer, he wonders how the fact that Don's eyes are on the front of his head has evaded Colby.

You're being subtle? Sorry to burst your bubble man, but you're not. You're about as subtle as a rhino in a china shop.

A balled up piece of paper hits him in the back of his own head and he gives up even trying.

16:37

Don and Megan have gone off with subpoenas in hand to hopefully get what they need to close the case and David is using the respite to attempt to finish the report that he's been struggling with since lunchtime when he hears someone approach.

"Granger!"

Colby whirls around in his chair, almost crashing into Ana. She jumps back and David shoots them both an incredulous look.

"Are you two FBI agents or a pair of schoolgirls?"

Colby doesn't dignify that with a response, instead looking at Ana. She follows his lead and holds out a small stack of almost offensively bright orange post-it notes.

"They smell like real oranges!" she says excitedly. "I found them in the stationary room."

Colby's entire posture lifts, a grin stretching his mouth impossibly wide as he grabs for them, bringing them close to his nose. He turns to David.

"Does Don like the smell of oranges?"

David groans.

18:51

Don and Megan return, pizza boxes in hand, and good news all round for the closure of the case.

Deliberately putting a box down in front of Colby, Don smiles good-naturedly. "Enjoy your dinner, Colb. Once you're done with your share of the paperwork feel free to head home, another early start tomorrow."

Colby looks up hopefully but he can somehow tell Don's smirking even though all he can see is the other man's back. When he opens the pizza box, the picture and all the assorted post-it notes from throughout the day are stuck to the inside.

He hadn't even noticed they were gone. They're also arranged into a grease-stained and rather cheesy but deliberate smiley face that is definitely mocking him.

This is going to be harder than he thought.

20:25

Before he goes home, he makes sure Don is distracted and sticks the bright orange post-it note to the side of the other man's computer before heading towards the elevator with his hands in his pockets and wondering whether there was another pad of those scented orange ones in the stationary room.

Maybe they have lemon ones. He knows Don likes lemon meringue pie and it certainly can't hurt his cause.

Coming up on Tuesday! David's always thought joggers were sketchy, ever since he was a kid. They're always the first people to find the bodies. When they catch a murder case where the body was found by yet another jogger, he enlists Charlie and his NSA-earned assassination knowledge to help convince the others of this fact. Incidentally, they are all joggers themselves and it doesn't exactly go to plan. Megan attempts to make his head explode with nothing but the power of her mind and Colby is useless because Don has decided to stop making coffee indefinitely. He decides that he doesn't like that junior agent that's been hanging around either. She's probably a jogger too.