Spoilers: shamelessly using the movie-verse, mostly VODT compliant, except for the Lilliandil/Caspian marriage

Warnings: SLASH, boy on boy relationships: don't like, don't read. There will also be eventual explicit mansex in later chapters, but I will let you know if you want to skip over that part. The rating is mainly a precaution. It will be a fairly small part, and not for a while to go yet. Oh! And Edmund is underage, so there's that. What else, what else…. Oh, and a bit of angst with depression, non-eating, and thoughts of suicide – but that's only in the beginning. I think that's it! Except for maybe a bit of swearing, I don't know about that yet.

Disclaimer: I do not even pretend to own anything of C.S. Lewis's. I just like playing with his characters.

Summary: Edmund is not coping well after leaving Narnia for the third time, knowing that he will never be viewed as a king again; seen merely as a kid with little to no importance. He pushes anyone and everyone away, including his own family – who start to fear for both his sanity and his life.

Meanwhile, in Narnia, Caspian is having his own problems. Torn between two sides, he must make a choice – but will either one make him or his people happy? If only there was a third alternative…

A/N: This is my first ever fanfic, Casmund or otherwise, so please be nice, but honest. If this is complete crap, though, please let me know so I can stop wasting my (and your) time.

Chapter 1

"Edmund?" Lucy called for the third time, getting no more response than she did the first time.

She sighed, feeling the frustration build up as he continued to stare off into space and ignore her, and snapped – she clapped her hands loudly right in front of his face. He didn't jump, but he did give her his attention, even though he was looking at her rather dully, no expression on his face.

"Yes, Lucy?" he asked automatically, not responding to the worry on her face. He never did anymore – he was used to it. He was used to all of it.

When Edmund, Lucy and Eustace returned from Narnia after their experiences on the Dawn Treader, they were all different people.

Lucy was the least changed out of the three. She was still her kind, sweet, and valiant self, but she had a new sense of self-confidence that only an experience in Narnia could bring her. Her encounter with "The Oppressor" as the Dufflepuds had named him, also known as Coriakin, and his book of spells taught her of her own worth, by showing what would happen if she became her sister and lost herself. Ever since then, the self-doubt and consciousness of appearance that is so common with the teenage years seem to have gone away, or at least lessened. Lucy was a better young lady for it.

Eustace was dramatically changed. Gone was the whiney and self-centered child, and in his place was a mature and brave adolescent, who would do anything and everything for his family. Although his parents thought Lucy and Edmund had corrupted their child, that was not the case. Even though being turned into a dragon wasn't usually a positive experience for most people, it was for Eustace. In order to change back, he had to let go of his greed and selfishness that led him into his current predicament in the first place, and – like Lucy – was a better person for it.

Edmund, on the other hand, had not changed in a good way at all. Sure, while in Narnia he was able to mature and let go of old insecurities like his fear of Jadis, the White Witch, but once they had returned, it was a different story. He had gotten pushed in the subway station when they were taking a trip into a different part of London, and instead of the apology and bow customary in Narnia, he had received a sneer and an additional push. It was like that one experience had brought reality crashing down on him.

Edmund had suddenly realized that he was a nobody. Not a king, not a member of any form of government or army, not even a man. He was just a middle-class school boy. This struck a chord of worthlessness deep within himself that he didn't even know he had. He had been able to deal with it the other two times because he had known with absolute certainty that he would be going back. He would be able to experience that feeling of importance again in Narnia, because Aslan had told him that he was going back, and Aslan had never once lied to him.

His sister and cousin knew this, because he had told them right when he first realized, mainly because of the shock of his realization and because they were present. If they hadn't been there, he would have told anyone who would listen, be it the wall or the whole city of London. But ever since that one confession, he had cut himself off.

Edmund would no longer reply to Susan and Peter's letters from America, he wouldn't speak to Lucy, Eustace, or anyone else unless asked a direct question. He refused any and all advances from friends and people interested in dating him. He floated along in school, doing what was required of him and nothing more, earning a steady C-average.

Recently, he had started letting other things go, as well, such as personal hygiene and meals. He had been eating small portions, only eating more when forced. Lucy had been watching over him like a hawk and his siblings' letters had gotten frantic. Despite Lucy's prodding and urging for him to eat, he did not do so. He had lost a significant amount of weight, and it had not gone unnoticed by his sister.

Edmund didn't even understand the point anymore. Why was he even trying? What was his purpose in life beyond Narnia? He was nothing without Narnia and the things he achieved there. There was nothing he could do here in this world that would even come close to his Narnian accomplishments. He had recently been considering giving up the fight altogether. Avoid Lucy and Eustace, constant painful reminders of Narnia that they were – hell, why not just run away? That would be the best form of avoidance. He wouldn't need money because he didn't plan on eating and he wouldn't last long enough for it to be necessary to pay for shelter.

There was also another reason that he had for his depression. One that he had told no one about and barely even admitted to himself.

Caspian. He realized on the Dawn Treader that his feelings for Caspian were no longer friendly in nature. He had of course noticed his beauty right when they had first met but hadn't thought anything of it – he was just a person that he would get to know for a while and then would leave, probably never to see him again.

But then he had seen him again, on board the Dawn Treader. It had hit him like an arrow to the chest to see all those familiar faces - ones that he had thought to be long dead by now - again. There was one face in particular that he was especially ecstatic to see – the King's. Caspian and Edmund had grown closer than ever before during their time together. Edmund and Caspian had felt like they could tell each other everything. Edmund had started to fall for him – but how could he not, really? Caspian was handsome, brave, loyal, and a great friend. But it was more than that. It was like a bolt of electricity shot through his body every time he saw the man.

Right before they had reached Ramandu's island, he had come to terms with his feelings, and wanted to share them with his confidant, the most important person in the world to him: Caspian. But there had been no time. They got to Ramandu's island and then – Edmund faltered in his reminiscing as pain hit him anew. And then, Caspian had met Lilliandil. Lilliandil was Ramandu's daughter, a star, the one that had been guiding them all this way. He saw how taken Caspian was with her beauty, and could not blame him.

After all, Caspian had no idea of Edmund's feelings. Plus, Edmund would be leaving soon, and he could not fault his best friend this happiness.

Edmund finally tore himself out of his memories, and saw that his sister had left, obviously giving up on conversation with him for the moment. He shrugged, and went back to reminiscing.

xXx

Unbeknownst to Edmund, his sister had decided to take matters into her own hands. She wanted to find a way to deliver a message to the one person she thought could get Edmund out of this mess.

One half-hour train ride later, and she was once again in front of the house that had started this whole journey in the first place: the Professor's house. She went up to the front door and knocked, and when it opened, she was greeted by yet another familiar face. Mrs. Macready's face showed how clearly unhappy she was to see Lucy again, but for once, Lucy didn't care.

"I'm not here to stay, but I do need to see the Professor."

Mrs. Macready looked affronted, and said archly, "The Professor has better things to do than to – "

Lucy, impatient, interrupted her. "Mrs. Macready, this is a matter of great urgency. My brother's life is at stake, please! I need to see the Professor."

The matron examined Lucy's face carefully, looking for some sign of deceit. She sighed, finding none, and grudgingly let the girl inside. She let her up the staircase and to the Professor's study, all the while muttering about ungrateful children, and how she didn't think they could do anymore than they've already done for them.

The Professor's office door opened, and she saw him sitting behind his mahogany desk, looking up to greet her with a smile.

"Lucy, my dear, what a surprise! What can I do for you today?" the grandfatherly figure asked her.

"It's Edmund, sir. He – " she faltered here, before taking a deep breath and continuing. "He's sunk into a depression, and there's nothing I can do that can help him! He hasn't been eating, barely sleeping, and barely speaking to us. We – my cousin Eustace and I, that is – did manage to get him to tell us why. He said that he's a nobody."

She covered her mouth and forced herself to hold back her sobs, but was not successful. A tear escaped her closed eyes and slid down her cheek. Professor Kirke stood up, a hand outstretched as if to place it on her shoulder.

"Perhaps you should – " he started sympathetically.

"No! No. I have to get this out. You have to know. You have to help him." Another deep breath. "I know how to fix him, that's not why I came here. There's only one way he will get better. Only one person that can help him get better."

Lucy pulled a letter out from her coat pocket, her hand shaking as she did so. "I know you have contact with him. Can you please give him this for me?"

"Of course, my dear." He said softly. He looked like he wanted to say something more, but held back with a frown that added unneeded wrinkles to his aged face.

"Thank you." The brunette said shakily, crossing the room to give the Professor a brief hug.

The Professor watched her leave, his hands clenched on the envelope she had given him, before collapsing into his chair.

"Oh, Edmund." He sighed, looking down at the envelope in his grasp. There was only one word written on the outside of it.

Aslan.