Letters From Nii-San

~ Kakashi's idea ~

Naruto's eerily maintained smile broke into an open-jawed, golf-ball-eyed expression of terror. Gulping down mouthfuls of air, the blonde backed up against a wall and sank to the floor.

Sasuke sank down with him and clutched Naruto's face between his own hands. With a gentle but firm tone he asked, "What did he say to you, Naruto? Tell me!" But Naruto was too freaked out to say anything. He wordlessly wrapped his arms around the Uchiha and rested his forehead against his neck.

Eventually, the blonde reigned in his breathing and glanced up at Sasuke. "Your b-brother put me in a genjutsu... In the g-genjutsu, he filleted my skin off with a k-katana and tossed each piece into a vat of nail polish remover! Then he burned the whole pot with a fire style jutsu! IT HURT SO FUCKING MUCH, I CAN'T EVEN... And then when he was d-done, he put me back together! And then he made this o-other genjutsu where I was tied to a t-table and there were Z-Zetsus all around me. And then he made them cut me up and eat me like s-steak!"

Sasuke gripped Naruto tightly as he started trembling again, trying to control the anger bubbling inside of him. "Why the hell would he do that?! Has he gone mad?!" he wondered aloud.

"He even s-said that he would find a way to rise from the d-dead, put me in a genjutsu and make me live out various t-torture scenarios for the rest of my life!"

"WHY?"

"In case I ever hurt you."

"..."

"..."

"That hypocritical son-of-a-bitch."

"You know, Sasuke that insult doesn't really work if you use it on your biological brother."

"...Shut up, dobe."

"And to be honest, you should have been expecting it," called Kakashi from the sofa. Kakashi had decided that his desire for watching SasukeXNarutoXSasuke porn was greater than that of his disturbance at seeing Gai and Lee chest bump and had decided that he could go grab a bite to eat while Sasuke cleared the room of his suitors through the threat of Amaterasu or something. He had entered the room just after Naruto started re-counting the genjutsu Itachi put him through but was smart enough to piece together what had probably happened.

Sasuke and Naruto didn't even react – completely used to their sensei's behaviour by now."Why?" they asked in unison.

"It's the customary older-brother, 'If-you-fuck-with-my-younger-brother/sister-I-will -kill-you' speech."

"And you would know this, how...?" pushed Sasuke.

"Icha Icha isn't just porn, you know – I learned it in there. You know, there are highly perceptive societal tropes in here!" said Kakashi, with a slightly higher voice as though he was concerned that the boys were judging him for his choice in literature.

But they were long past that point.

"Oh please, as if-" started Naruto but-

"SOOO, how did it go with Sakura?" he was interrupted by Kakashi, attempting to veer the conversation into another less judgemental direction.

Naruto paled but then quickly rubbed the back of his head and grinned in that friendly, endearing way of his. "Oh yeah, I totally forgot!" he said far too casually for it to be normal.

Sasuke narrowed his eyes. "You did go see her right? Because so help me God, if I had to go through that entire ordeal at the restaurant with her and in this apartment with those idiots just to have you-"

"NO! I did go see her and she knows that I like you..."

"But you didn't confess?"

"Well, she asked me to tell her everything I knew about you, and after I did, she kind of got real quiet and asked me if I liked her – and I wasn't going to lie or anything, so I didn't say anything that would indicate that I didn't like you or that I didn't not like you..."

Sasuke was quiet for several minutes "Naruto, you've got to be more ex-" he began, but the words withered away when he say the tears fill in Naruto's expressive blue eyes.

"I know, more explicit! A-And I shouldn't be feeling this miserable, Sasuke, I shouldn't. I mean, it's not like I stole you away from her or anything, you never liked her like that... You liked me." (Their eyes met for just a moment as if to confirm that that was in fact, true – which it was) "And I know that she would never consider me if you liked her back but STILL!"

Here Naruto grabbed Sasuke's hands in his own and leaned forward to press their foreheads together. "When she confessed to me that she liked me instead of you, it hurt because I hate being lied to but now I realize she did it to protect me, in her own way. And, I have so few people that I really, genuinely care about, and even less who reciprocate the feeling that I don't want to hurt them in any way possible! I mean, this relationship of ours, is only what, a few days old? And even though it would kill me to do so, I could live without it – liking and admiring you from afar like I've been doing for so long, but if she turns to hate me, I-I don't know what I would do. Sakura, you, Kakashi sensei, Iruka sensei.., and how could I forget Pervy Sage-" here Naruto giggled a bit – eyes not entirely focused for a moment, "Are my everything. The little parts of me and I'd rather lose an arm than one of you. "

Kakashi wondered if he should remove his forehead protector, to properly wipe his Sharingan eye – it always cried the most and if his regular eye was tearing up, then he could probably start an aquarium behind the headband

Sasuke opened his mouth to say something but Naruto pressed a finger to his lips.

"And don't you dare ask me why I feel this way, I just do. I'm the usuratonkachi, remember? Nothing I do makes any sense," he said with a watery smile.

Sasuke smirked back, closing his eyes, and gently bumping his forehead on the blonde's. "You're too nice for your own good, Naruto, you idiot... But I don't believe she would have been that cruel, – what did she actually say?"

"Huh?" Naruto pulled back from Sasuke and racked his brains trying to remember the exact words (failing miserably, by the way) but he remembered the gist of it. "She said that no matter what happened between us two; she and me would always be okay! She also said that she wasn't going to hand you over to me that easily!" he said the last part with a light blush.

Here, Sasuke flushed too, but his flush was out of anger rather than embarrassment. "Why does everyone think that they can somehow win me over? Like we're all on some reality TV show where I pick my romantic interest based on how expensive the flowers they buy me are?"

"I don't know Sasuke, you do have a sort of damsel-in-distress vibe about you," Kakashi contributed helpfully.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Please. Flowers, chocolates and all that other crap are cheesy as fuck. I wonder what kind of dumbasses fall for that kind of-" but Sasuke never got to fully express himself because he was interrupted by too indignant punches.

Kakashi and Naruto were the kind of 'dumbasses' that fell for that shit, thank you very much.

"Besides that," said Sasuke, fixing the two light-haired men with glares, "Now that Sakura knows that you like me. And that I'm gay – what more can we do? There is literally nothing more that you or I could say to her to make her change her mind, even Itachi couldn't think of anything."

Naruto winced. "And that guy can think of anything. Like seriously? A Zetsu buffet? WHAT KIND OF DRUGS DO YOU HAVE TO BE ON TO EVEN THINK OF THAT?"

As Sasuke consoled the blonde as he went on another bout of terror-induced shaking, Kakashi raked a hand through his hair and sighed. "Damn, and I thought I'd get some live action yaoi tonight, too!" he whined. "And if only Sakura would just recognize the undying feelings of-"

"LIVE ACTION YAOI?!" screamed Naruto, pointing an accusing finger at the tall jonin. "You pervert!" But then he quieted down a bit. "Although, I have to admit, I wouldn't mind watching that either..."

"Wait undying feelings? Wait, what-?"

However, Kakashi chose to ignore his two pupils. "Oi, Sasuke. You and I have to go on a mission tonight remember? It'll take a few days. Maybe in that time Naruto can hook Sakura up with someone so I can have my yaoi," he said. With another sigh, the silver-haired man leapt out of the window.

"YEAH!" screamed Naruto, punching the air. "If we can get Sakura into an awesome relationship, with someone even cooler than you – and I mean, che, how hard could that be? You don't smile all that much and your jokes are subpar at best! This will be easy!"

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Sure it will, I mean it's not like everything else we tried failed spectacularly... How are you even in ANBU?"

Naruto pouted and scrunched his eyes up, offended by the remark. "Hmph! Just get ready for your mission, you lowly jonin," he retaliated.

Naruto was never any good at retaliations.

"You do realize we're like the same ra-? I mean, yes, Uzumaki-sama," said Sasuke, voice dripping with sarcasm as he even bowed his head over-dramatically.

Naruto gaped like a dead fish but he said not a word.

Sasuke eventually raised his eyes once he realized that the blonde wasn't going to scream 'TEME,' or 'SCREW YOU,' or something of that nature. "What's the matt-?" he began, but it immediately became strikingly obvious what the matter was.

He had an erection.

"What!? Master/Slave is hot!"

A/N: Sorry for the ridiculously late update, you guys! The stress of finally figuring out what I want to do with my life has been like a dark cloud hanging over my head and I haven't had any motivation to do anything because of it :P

Anyway, I really hope you enjoy this chapter even though it had like zero SasuNaruSasu smexiness, but it will soon! I found humor easier to write than romance so sometimes I find it hard to strike a good balance especially with the plot!

Alerts/Favorites = Os! Reviews = Xs!

Love, Katie3

*P.S. Check out my opinion poll on OCs on my profile!