A/N: A new Lokane story! Loki is going to be a bit OOC, but I'll try not to go off the track too far. I was thinking that we need a new light-hearted, humorous story for this ship! There are so many awesome, epic stories out there so here's something a bit different. I hope you enjoy!

Enjoy!

######

Chapter One

The first time Loki came to see Jane after his fall from the Asbru Bridge, he really did intend to kill her. Truly. Or, do some sort of bodily harm at the very least. His pent up rage and anguish needed a release.

And, although he was unsure of how long he had been in limbo between worlds, Loki was certain that he'd landed on Midgard. Very unfortunately certain because he had, at the last moment, chosen the bright, blue realm over an unknown quadrant of space. He wasn't sure why he'd chosen the same horrid realm that had turned his so-called brother into a simpering fool.

He'd walked all the way from his drop site in the desert far from Puente Antiguo feeling all fifteen pounds of the helmet on his head and even more so the sheer weight of leather and armor of his suit. He would have whisked these items away by magic, but he needed to conserve his powers. Loki knew he'd been injured from the great explosion of the bridge and then his subsequent fall, and much of his magic had been spent on cushioning and guiding his aimless fall through time and space rather than on healing himself. But, he was determined to have some satisfaction before the day was out. He would not need magic to wring the neck of the annoying, little mortal wench.

It was late and the town was quiet. There was little light beyond the tall lamps lining the streets. He noted the portions of the town that had been damaged in Thor's fight with the Destroyer. Multiple buildings had wooden coverings over their broken doors and windows while others had scaffolding surrounding them indicating their repair. Evidently, much time had passed in this realm.

Loki could see the brightly lit building from afar and had no problem seeing his brother's...no... Prince Thor's midgardian distraction. Jane Foster with her piercing, deep brown eyes that had captivated the Thunder God. He'd caught glimpses of her through the eyes of the Destroyer.

...

Jane moved back and forth from her workstation to the enormous board pinned with all of their most recent and important calculations. Everything needed to be organized and catalogued.

Darcy had long since retired to her room while Erik had left a few days earlier to return to New York for a meeting at SHIELD headquarters. They'd accomplished so much in the four months that Thor had departed. They had managed to open the bridge enough to successfully send a small canister back and forth with Asgard. They'd exchanged messages and plans for expanding the capabilities of the bridge. However, at the moment, that was all they could do since a great deal more power was needed to transport larger objects let alone people.

The important thing was Jane was able to correspond with Thor. He'd written long letters detailing what had transpired upon his return. They'd managed to avert war with Jotunheim for the time being. His fight with his brother and losing him. His hurt at the loss of his brother had overridden any feelings of anger. Odin, too, shared the sentiment. They regretted not having the chance to tell Loki that blood didn't matter. Family was family.
Loki stopped just in front of the opened doors of the garage. He wondered how he should kill her. How satisfying it would be to see the dying light in her eyes. The look of shock on her face as her heart ceased its rhythm. Should he send his memories of her last moments as a gift to her beloved? Loki's stomach flipped unevenly – he must have been tired. He shook it off.

Ignoring the sharp, burning ache emanating from his wounds, he pulled himself together and stood tall. If he gave a thought to himself, he might have recognized the tell-tale lightness in his head caused by his injuries. But, he did not allow himself to dwell on it. He would heal himself soon enough.

He strode into the garage purposefully and moved towards the woman. The sneer on his face turned into a devilish grin as Jane whipped her head to see the intruder advancing quickly. His boots made muted, but deliberate footfalls on the concrete floor.

"Who-" Jane frowned as she took in the leather and armor adorning the angry intruder. His horned helmet was a dead giveaway.

She had, perhaps, seconds before the seething God reached her. She looked around for a weapon - anything that might make even a miniscule difference between life and death. There were stacks of loose paper, a few magazines, and pens on the table in front of her... nothing with much heft. Where was Darcy's Taser when she needed it? Then, she saw a loose cord peeping out from underneath a file folder and she remembered what she had carelessly tossed onto the table the day before.

Jane dashed her hands underneath the files for the object and immediately threw it with all of her might at the God of Mischief. She still had a pretty good arm from playing softball throughout her high school years.

Time seemed to slow down as the projectile sped through the air. Just yesterday, she had finally swapped out the giant, archaic roller ball mouse with a sleek, new wireless optical mouse. Jane watched in horror as the mouse connected loudly with the God's aristocratic nose causing him to flinch backwards. A millisecond later, the purple ps2 connector at the end of the cord followed and whipped him soundly in the left eye as well. Then, the mouse clattered to the floor somewhere off to the side and it was quiet again.

Jane stared disbelievingly at the god standing motionless on the other side of the table in front of her. It was deathly quiet as he held his hand over his nose and glared at the brunette. She could have sworn that his left eye was slightly tearing. It looks could have killed... they would have.

Loki couldn't believe that the Thor's human had the gall to assault him. He supposed that he was very minutely impressed, but he was focusing his thoughts more on how to prolong her suffering with interesting torture techniques.

"You dare to raise your hand to strike a God, you insignificant, worthless mortal! You will pay for your insolence!" He growled as he stalked around the table to reach her.

Jane squeaked with fright as she backed away in the opposite direction holding her hands out at arm's length in a defensive posture.

"Now just hang on a moment here," She gasped. "I have no quarrel with you."

"No," Loki laughed menacingly. "But, I made a promise to my dear brother to pay you a visit. And, I do enjoy keeping my promises."

"Thor?" Jane gasped. She moved towards her computer workstation where there was a better selection of equipment to throw. She grabbed her blue Celestine geode paperweight in one hand and an old metal stapler with her right.

"Your hero?" Loki laughed unkindly. "He won't be coming to rescue you anytime soon, Miss Foster."

"Of course, he isn't." Jane snapped. "The Bifrost has been destroyed. It will take years to rebuild. I may not even get to see Thor again in my lifetime."

Jane crossed her arms in defiance. She was not a simpleton and she was not uninformed.

Loki was taken aback. This mere slip of a woman was not nearly as afraid of him as he imagined she would be. Not only that, it didn't appear that she was going to be a very good option for revenge anymore either. He had no desire to return to Asgard in the near future and if Thor wasn't planning on returning to Midgard to reunite with Jane, their paths were not to going to cross anytime soon. He was suddenly unsure of his purpose and plans.

Of course, he could still kill her quite easily just for the fun of it. But, he had never been much of a sadist in the past. However, he could make an exception this time. He gazed back at Jane with a slight gleam in his eye.

Jane narrowed her eyes at Loki and all but snarled at him, "Oh, no you don't! Don't even think about it."

She wound up her arm and shot the stapler straight at the God standing only a few yards away. At the last moment, Loki seemed to deflect the trajectory of the stapler, but it still managed to clip him at the edge of his forehead leaving a short trail of red in its wake.

"Will you cease throwing objects at me, woman!" Loki growled exasperatedly.

"Stop trying to kill me then!" Jane shouted back at him and quickly transferred the geode to her dominant hand and readied herself for her next shot. If she hit him with the heavy paperweight, it would be sure to do at least some bodily damage which would give her some time to try to get to the knives in the kitchenette.

The God of Mischief closed his eyes, pinched the bridge of his nose and exhaled loudly. This was not going well.

"Leave me alone!" Jane shouted. "Go and work out your issues with Thor and Odin."

Loki was quiet for several moments. When he finally opened his eyes again, the anger in his eyes seemed to have dimmed just a fraction.

"Would that I could, Miss Foster. It appears that I am stuck on this forsaken rock for the time being." He bit out.

"Well, bully for you!" Jane shot back. "Stuck on Earth just like your brother. Let's see if youlearn something from this little lesson."

"You forget your place, Midgardian." Loki growled and lunged for Jane. "Do not think that I will succumb to your charms like that oaf did so easily."

Without a second thought, Jane heaved the geode with all of her might. Luck was on her side this night. She heard a loud clang of metal and a pained grunt as she dashed to the kitchenette to grab the least dull knife she could find

"Blasted woman!" Loki grumbled and turned to follow Jane. For some reason, his reflexes were slower than usual.

"What is it with me and Asgardians?" Jane thought to herself and she hurriedly grabbed a few steak knives and a long, serrated-edged bread knife.

"Have you no honor or decency at all?" Jane screeched. "I'm just a defenseless mortal. I probably don't even register on your radar."

Loki raised an eyebrow and cocked his head to the side, "I wouldn't exactly call you defenseless at the moment. I commend you on your futile efforts."

..

With his next step, his left knee suddenly decided to lock up causing him to stumble into the counter. Loki's vision blurred and his head felt lighter than it should have. He tried shaking his head to clear it, but it made him see stars instead. The cold hand of reality slapped him in the face.

"It seems that I have made a small miscalculation, Miss Foster." He swayed as he looked at the brunette.

"What?" Jane said while keeping the bread knife held out at arm's length in front of her. She realized that the already pale god had suddenly gone even whiter. "You're injured."

Jane looked behind Loki and for the first time noted the trail of blood left on the concrete floor. Where the god currently stood, a puddle of dark fluid was beginning to pool at his feet.

Loki pushed himself away from the counter with a great deal of effort and turned towards the door. He clutched his side and Jane could see red that settled in his hands.

"Hey-" Jane wasn't sure what she wanted to say.

Her would-be killer was just going to up and walk away. Loki Odinson of Asgard... a brother that Thor still loved despite everything that had happened. He had told her much in his letters, but she could tell that there was a lot more to the story than a few paragraphs could explain. The only thing she knew was that Thor and the rest of his family were very much in mourning.

"Crap," Jane shook her head as she dropped her collection of knives on the counter and ran after the faltering God. "I'm going to regret this. I'm definitely going to regret this."

"Wait!" Jane ran in front of Loki holding her hands in front of her to stop him. "You're hurt... badly."

"Your powers of perception are truly astounding, Miss Foster." Loki said as he pushed past her.

"Just... just wait. You need a doctor."

"This realm's healing practices are barbaric at best. I'll take care of this myself," He looked down at Jane who had moved to his side. "I'll have to call on you again another time."

He tried to take another step, but a jolt of pain washed over his body causing his eyes to squeeze shut and his breath to hitch. Loki swayed and Jane caught his arm to steady him.

"Sure, sure." Jane rolled her eyes and pulled the towering God to the sitting area near the entrance. "You Asgardians and your lofty promises. All talk."

Loki slumped onto the white pleather sofa hissing in obvious discomfort.

"Hang on," Jane ran towards the kitchen. "I'll grab some towels and the first aid kit."

..

Loki wasn't about to be indebted to a mortal so he gathered his strength and attempted to stand. He was mildly worried that his injuries had worsened so suddenly. It must have been the misfortune of being in the company of a midgardian.

Jane watched as if in slow motion as Loki tried to stand and crashed to the floor.

"Ah, not the on the rug! I liked that rug." She lamented.

Kneeling next to Loki, she could see that his breaths were coming in short gasps. His hands and armor were covered in blood and mingled with the slightly orange dust and sand from the desert. Jane could see that his ridiculously cumbersome helmet didn't allow him to lie back comfortably.

"I need to see what is going on with your injuries," Jane tentatively pulled Loki's leather overcoat to the side.

"Spare me your misplaced sentiments, Miss Foster," Loki hissed. "You would be wise to end me now. When I am whole again- make no mistake, I will return for you."

Jane moved his hands away from the biggest, most obvious wound in his belly he was clutching tighly and pressed a kitchen towel into it eliciting a sharp growl and curse from the God.

"I've heard that one before," Jane grumbled out loud, but the comment was meant for herself. "And, what decent person would kick someone when they're down anyway?"

The pressure seemed to staunch the flow of blood, but Jane could feel at least several unnatural protrusions in the area of the wounds. She opened the "first aid kit", it was actually her ex's medical supply kit that he had left behind. There were sterile instruments still in their packaging along with gauze, sutures and disinfectant in it. Jane put on some gloves and found forceps and a small clamp-like instrument. She hoped that she could extract the foreign objects without too much trouble.

Jane pulled at the dark leather and metal confines of Loki's armor in an attempt to remove it, but it held tight and she could not figure out a way to divest him of the suit.

"Don't touch me," Loki said with annoyance, but without much fight. He was weakening. "Leave me be, midgardian."

"Stop being such a baby and help me get this thing off of you." Jane said as she threw her hands up in the air in frustration. "I'm guessing that if you could have healed yourself, you would have already done it so just suck it up and let me help you."

"I don't see the point," he sighed and closed his eyes. He regretted his next words as they left his mouth. They sounded pathetic and weak and not like him at all. "No one will miss me."

"Okay," Jane was at her wit's end. "You're a psychopath and you're also delusional. Your family is up there in Asgard right now mourning for your sorry ass because they think you're dead. They're doing that hundred day funeral thing for you."

Loki opened his eyes slowly. The royal funeral rite was only reserved only for fallen kings of the Realm Eternal. He thought for a moment and then shook his head. Those idiots thought him dead even when he had summoned his helmet off the bridge to protect himself as fell.

"Odin tries to assuage his guilt," Loki said with bitterness in his tone.

Jane threw up her arms and shouted, "You're an idiot. I don't care if you believe me or not. But, what you are going to do is get this absurd outfit off. I'm cleaning up your wounds and then you can go to Hell or wherever it is you like. You hear me?"

For a moment, Jane thought that Loki really was going to sit up and strangle the life out of her. Instead, he blinked twice and then gave her a small smirk.

It occurred to Loki, just then, that dying was not as appealing an option as he thought. He realized that the pieces of the Asbru Bridge lodged in his body were inhibiting his magical abilities. If they were removed, he would require very little time to recover from his injuries. If the midgardian was willing to help him, then he would take advantage of her unsolicited, foolish kindness.

"Bossy little thing, aren't you?" He sounded a little dreamy as his armor shimmered and faded away. He was left bare to the waist wearing only dark linen-like trousers and his awful boots.

Jane was actually surprised that Loki gave in that easily. But, it was no matter to her. The faster she did this, the faster she could leave his presence.

She worked as quickly as she could to remove the peculiar shrapnel from his body. Some pieces were small- the size of dimes. But, there were larger ones that drew stifled groans from her patient. Mercifully, for Jane's nerves, Loki passed out before the last few large pieces were removed. The biggest piece looked like a small slice of pie.

It wasn't pretty, but Jane stitched up the largest of the wounds and used tape strips to close the rest. When she was finished, she cleansed the wounds and wiped all the blood away. She was sure that if Loki had been human, he would have died from blood loss hours ago.

...

When it was all over, Jane covered him with a warm blanket and sat down beside him. She finally allowed herself to take a deep breath and try to calm her frayed nerves. She had gone from near- murder victim to nurse faster than she could recite the moons of Jupiter... and there were only four. But, it's what Thor would have wanted and besides that, Jane was not the type to refuse help to someone who so obviously needed it.

Seeing that his ridiculous-looking horned helmet was preventing him from lying back at a proper angle, Jane decided to remove it. It took more than a little tugging to dislodge it, but Loki was out cold and didn't so much as twitch when the golden helmet was finally came away from his head.

For the first time that night, she took the time to really look at the god who had strolled into Smith Motors intent on doing her harm. He was the complete opposite of the Thunder God. Where Thor was blond, muscular and bulky, Loki was dark, lean and lanky. His hair, still neat and tidy, fell in very slight waves to the nape of his neck. When asleep, his features were rather handsome and angelic- worlds apart from the cynical sneer that she had observed most often on his face that evening. What a shame it was to have that much grief and disappointment to cause such loathing inside one person.

"They do love you, you know," she found herself softly telling him even though he could not hear her. "Thor writes about you all the time. He's heartbroken and so are your mother and father."

Jane looked outside and saw the faint, glowing illumination of early dawn on the horizon. Loki did not stir as she gently lifted his head and put a soft cushion beneath it before retreating to the illusion of safety inside her trailer.

She slept fitfully with a baseball bat next to her and the geode firmly grasped in her hands.

#####

Lovely readers… please do me the honor of leaving a quick comment or review? Hugs to you all!

Loki's misfortunes on Midgard will continue! New chapter coming soon!