Masterpiece

A/N: This is a long term project I decided to write alongside WYLEI (which I hope to have updated soon.) It will be very filled with angst in some parts, but I hope to keep the mood light in majority of it..or at least as light as I can keep it without ruining the story. This is just a prologue and it's very dark, maybe one of the darkest things I've written. I love the direction this story will be taking and I love the pairing (Edward is always lingering on the edges of my mind. Always. Haha) and so I hope that you are also able to enjoy it!

Warning: Talk/Suicidal actions take part in this chapter, just so you know.

Disclaimer: S.M. owns the rights to Twilight.

Prologue

Unsteady hands clenched into a white knuckled fist as another wave of pain coursed through his body.

It was getting worse. And there was nothing he could do about it. The doctor's he'd spoken to had said as much themselves, and after so much time, Seth Clearwater had begun to accept the fact that he wasn't going to get any better.

"Whoever said things can only get better should be shot." He mumbled with a bitter chuckle as the pain slowly passed and he was able to refocus on the task at hand.

The list.

Originally, it had been a fun idea—a way to put a positive spin on things. Honestly, it was the one of the big things that he'd been able to immensely enjoy doing in the past months. Twenty things, all big things that he'd only dreamt of doing before, but above all, eighteen were all crossed off.

1-Reinvent Yourself.

2-Don't Be Afraid of Life.

5-Attend One of those Gallery Openings I Always Read About.

8-Meet Someone You'd Never Dream of Talking to Otherwise.

9-Go to A Five-Star Restaurant and Order the Most Expensive Thing on the Menu.

11-Have a One-Night-Stand.

12-Have a Romantic Dinner for Two with Nothing but Candlelight.

At that point, Seth had tears in his eyes but managed a small chuckle nevertheless at the fact that he'd placed One-Night-Stand and Romantic Dinner one after the other.

15-Empty My Savings and Blow It.

16-Never Settle For Second Best.

17-Take A Great Vacation.

18-Be In Two Places at Once.

19- Take Care of My Family.

20-Fall Hopelessly, Maddeningly, Desperately, Irrevocably in Love…and Have It Reciprocated.

There were too many things going on in his mind and the weight of it all mixed in with the memories of eighteen incredible events all crashed down on him. Biting into his fist to muffle the sobs that escaped him, he simply sat at his desk and cried. Cried for all the things he should've done. Cried for all the things he'd never get to do and all the chances that were taken from him. Cried for all the things he regret, for all the beatings he'd taken from his ex, for all the excuses he'd made for the man and himself. Cried for being a coward and the fact that his impending death was the only reason he'd decided to change.

Above all, he cried because he'd finally found his happiness, his place in the world, his place in the arms of someone that cherished and loved him for all he was, is, and could be.

"Nothing I can do about it now." He chided himself, roughly wiping away at his face and breathing deeply to calm himself.

Pulling open the door of his drawer and pulling out his check book, he checked his available balance and divided it by four, writing out four checks: One to his mother, she'd know it was for both her and his dad. Another to his cousin, Paul, and their best friend Jacob, both of which were always there to take care of him and protect him whenever he needed it. And then the last to his sister, Leah.

"There," He mumbled, feeling slightly pleased with himself as he took his pen and slashed out number-nineteen on his list, "consider yourselves taken care of."

All that was left was number twenty…

Thoughts of Edward Cullen flooded his mind. The gorgeous six-foot-two walking wet dream, with vivid green eyes and the voice of angels. His lips pressed against Seth's own, stealing his breath but giving him life. His talented hands caressing Seth's body as if he were made of glass and anything other than affection would cause him to shatter. His body molded to Seth's as their sweat and juices mingled in the throes of passion.

And just as quickly as all those sensations, memories, and aches filled him he pushed them away, into the deepest corner of his mind.

"Now is not the time." He scolded all though there was no heat in his chide. At this point, Seth was just numb.

All he had to know was whether or not he loved Edward and if Edward returned the sentiment.

With a sigh, he realized that he was totally head over heels in love with the man. But Edward's feelings towards him were unknown.

Placing the pen's cap back in place, he gently lay it down on-top of the checks as to hold them down. The list was clearly visible and just under that was the brief note he'd written out for whoever found him. Just a quick apology for being too weak to handle the stress and pain of his sickness, for worrying everyone, and wishes for everyone's bright future. Short and sweet.

Sighing he rose from his seat and moved from the main room to the bathroom of his small Seattle apartment.

He'd run the bath and filled the tub before taking care of the checks and his brief note, and all that was left to do now was climb in. Not one to waste time anymore, Seth stripped out of his comfortable sweats and a button up Prada shirt that he'd snuck from Edward's house, which he'd taken to sleeping in. Taking great care with the shirt, he left in neatly folded on the lid of the toilet and paused to catch his own gaze in the mirror above his sink.

He looked worn, tired, pale and slightly skinnier than he last remembered. All his hard work on "reinventing himself" was really no use now. He looked like crap either way. Shrugging his concerns off, he hesitantly picked up the razor blade he'd managed to come up with and sighed.

"Wish it didn't come down to this." He hummed as he climbed slowly into the tub until he seemed remotely relaxed on the outside while his inner thoughts were really anything but. He was crying, but he didn't wipe the tears from his face. Seth figured he was allowed to be sad in this moment.

Shifting one arm onto the side of the tub, he positioned it bottom-side-up and simply stared at it for a while. His other hand shook as he brought the razor up to his wrist.

Hesitation coursed through him but he let out a resigned sigh and did what he had intended to do.

He dug the sharp edge into his wrist and began cutting.

A/N: Dark right? Do you love it? Haha hopefully you do! If you love it enough, please review and let me know if you think this is continue worthy or not, and also I'd love if you could give me your thoughts on Seth's character as well!

Above all, though, I just want to say that I am completely against suicide and I believe that if anyone ever has any thoughts of ever committing it or even just cutting themselves, to please reach out to someone and let them know. A life is a valuable thing. Your life is a valuable thing. Live it, love it. No matter what people say or do to you, whether your one of my gay fan-boys reading this that get picked on for loving dick, or one of my straight girls and you're getting called fat or ugly or a slut. Whatever it is, and whatever people are doing to try and bring you down, just remember that there are probably three people that feel as though you're amazing. That's a 3:1 ratio. Embrace your differences, embrace your curves, embrace yourself and be happy! Because honestly, I think that everyone can find happiness. You've just gotta put in some work and endure the hard times.

So lemme know what you're thinking about this! Haha

Notoriously Yours,
GoinnGaGa