So I'm having some Poetry Verse feels and thought to share with you guys since I'm still working on setting up Interludes. Feel free to ignore, but I just. I guess I just want to talk a little about why I'm so desperately in love with Loki/Steve, which I will admit comes off as far too sweet, saccharine, and fluffy; pretty much the opposite of FrostIron (or what I like about FrostIron, which is break and burn and shatter). But really, my FrostCap is flavoured by the fact I do not believe that happiness is uncomplicated-actively hate that view.

So, at the core, I want complicated happiness. I want happiness that is work. Lilo and Stitch is such a good example of that-"little and broken, but good. Yeah, good." That family fights, sometimes they hate each other, but they love each other and it's good even as you ache for their misunderstandings.

And that will be exemplified as I keep writing more stories in Poetry Verse. Steve and Loki are not healthy or good by the end of Quiet Poetry. Yes, they've fallen in love, but they are both just totally not at a position where they work. Steve thinks he understands Loki, thinks he doesn't need to ask, thinks that he knows what is best for, well, everyone. He's so used to being told he's right, he's good, he's best-I mean, that's why they picked him, because he is fundamentally a good person, and that's why he became what he is. But there's no division-Steve is right because Captain America is, and Steve knows best because the Captain does. And on the other side of that relationship is Loki.

It comes across a little in Quiet Poetry, but Poetry!Loki is interpreted as very young for a god. Time is relative, so to him it really has only been about 23-24 years. Sure, a lot has happened-but look back at the last few years of your life and tell me that you didn't have a ton of events go down. So he comes off closer to, I think, that young Loki we see glimpses of in Thor-the childlike fear when they first step out to Jotunheim, the questioning broken of the treasure vault. Anyway. So Loki, here then, is still basically having to sort himself out again. He's having to figure out who and what he is-even if he is mortal in Poetry Verse now it doesn't change that at his core he knows he was once Jotun-and he was hardly emotionally stable during the Avengers. He's used to being the second prince. Used to his opinions not being heard unless he veils his wants and manipulates, used to hiding what he wants, used to not speaking his mind. This does not make him innocent; sympathetic, yes. But Loki bottles up slight-perceived and real-and when he's depressed he gets angry. He doesn't mope; his depression is violent, destructive (himself and others), and all consuming despite anything he might say to the contrary. He lies to himself and others, twists, and manipulates. He's a manipulative little shit, as much as I love him.

Plus we have this horribly unhealthy dynamic of Loki being in a position of fear/powerlessness because Steve has SHIELD at his beck-and we know Steve would never ever ever call SHIELD in on Loki if he doesn't like something Loki does (unless it involves matters of public safety), but Loki doesn't. So Loki has even less reason to want to protest, because what if...?

Steve presumes, by end of Quiet Poetry, that he gets Loki, that Loki really isn't bothered by a lot of things that he does. That Loki will say something when he is bothered.

Not likely.

But, see, look at that. Look at all those problems that are just beneath the surface; problems I've left hints and trail of in Quiet Poetry. That's what Interludes is about. I love these cracks. I love how they are both so stubborn and I want to slap them both and say "Just fucking TALK TO EACH OTHER GODS."

That's good.

And for all the eventual sweetness of Poetry Verse, they will never be perfect. Ever. It will never be uncomplicated. They will always fight (and boy, guys, I know you haven't seen it yet, but when they fight it is vicious), they will always run into misunderstandings of culture and thought process and emotion, and sometimes it will be unhealthy, yeah. Because that's how relationships work. But they fell in love and learn, over and over again, how to stay in love, why they love the other. Even with the problems. This ship, this story, this headcanon-it's not about fixing anyone. I hate when people try to force Loki into the very molds that he defies. He's not broken in the first place-he needs to learn better ways to cope than break everything, yes, and he needs a little help, sure. He needs to start to think outside of himself, instead of just in terms of wrongs done to him. And I'm not going to fix Steve, either. No, this is about learning, learning how to cope, how to talk, how to trust oneself, how to be more of oneself. Loki is going to do that, and so is Steve-they become more, more certain of their own footing, of their own way, of being better and not just being told they are better. Loki will never stop violent anger-but he'll learn how to handle it. Steve will never stop thinking he knows what's best-but he'll notice when he does it. They are stronger in their imperfections. And they do this together. They don't fix each other-they help each other. Where Loki falters, Steve helps carry him. Where Steve is too open, Loki defends him. Just this fierce protectiveness of each other, of acknowledging the other's faults, of loving each other despite and in spite of difference, argument, fear, and anger. They ground each other-sometimes Steve Loki and sometimes Loki Steve. They pull each other up and teach each other how to fly.

Hell, for that matter, they don't even need each other necessarily. Steve is what gives Loki that push to try and cope, but Loki does not depend on Steve's approval. Part of the push Steve gives him is learning to walk on his own, to be his own person, to learn what he actually wants and to see what he actually needs. And part of Loki's learning to do that will push back against Steve, make Steve see outside of his assumptions. They are shaped as much by each other as they people around them, and the best thing is by the time it's all said and done they don't need each other-but they want each other.

As they are.

And they defend that want. Fiercely. There are moments, on both sides, where both cultures clash. There are moments where people in Loki's family ask Steve how he can stand certain things Loki does that are frowned on in Asgard and Steve just shrugs and says that's who Loki is, why would he want to change that? And there are times people ask Loki why he doesn't try to stop Steve doing certain things-and it's just as alien to him. Yes, maybe they don't like certain things about the other, but they accept that and move on, because without those things it wouldn't be the person they love.

And of course, how can I mention want and not mention how just amazingly sensual these two are? I can't. They are so incredibly sensual; and yes, Loki is demi-sexual in this verse, but grey-sexuality does not void sensuality. I'm some variation of asexual myself, and I can find things incredibly sensual, all the time. So Loki is just incredibly sensual in his perceptions; Steve is very quietly sensual, too. They both are. Steve isn't virginal, I've established that. And because of the sheer amount of emotion between them-whether they are angry or happy or anything in-between-it bleeds over into their sex, in their touches, in their looks. They're constantly touching each other, for comfort, to assure themselves the other is there, to simply touch; holding hands, quick kisses, brushes of shoulder to shoulder. And there are going to be some hilarious smut scenes, where we see just how they are different in bed, but in general even when they're fumbling they're still just, well, full of love and desire and want for the other. Steve loves surprises and new things; Loki loves to learn-and this exploration and learning and love means they are constantly experimenting and trying new things and just drowning in the simple touch of each other in bed.

When poetry verse is drawing to a close, we're going to see me talk about Sonnets of the Portuguese again; the thing is, I find this set of poems so indicative of the strength of bond between them. The... probably last story in Poetry Verse is going to be titled "Sonnets of the Portuguese," and throughout it will be lines from the most famous, Sonnet XLIII:

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with a passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, - I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! - and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

Because this just seems so indicative of the journey they've come through and just where their love is at as the series closes. Because "I love thee freely, as men strive for Right; / I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise." is so purely the way Steve would speak of loving Loki; because "I love thee with a passion put to use / In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith." is how Loki would describe his love of Steve. Because both would say "I love thee with a love I seemed to lose / With my lost saints, " - Steve because he woke in a place with the world entirely different, all his old friends gone; Loki because he had his entire world shifted and changed, first with learning of being Jotun, and again with the punishment Asgard gave him. Because "I love thee to the depth and breadth and height / My soul can reach," is so purely them I ache.

And you see this, in how I write them. This is why Poetry Verse-first Quiet Poetry, and everything after-is so very very lyrical. Why everything has this natural, well, poetic feel to it. Because when it started it was a poem (literally, the outline of scenes was a poem), because as it grew I let it shape itself in that way, because I allow their love to become these beautiful sonnets.

So, Steve and Loki, Loki and Steve, well, I'm not looking for perfect. I'm not looking for right, and Poetry Verse is not about that so much as it is about love. Actual, healthy, and stable love.