Everyone told me to just pick up right where I left off and move on. It's not easy to do that, not when you loved someone who is dead. Not when you saw their house go up in flames. Not when everything you see reminds you of that person. Every gleam of light reflecting off of something reminds me of her golden hair, the kind that you couldn't help but tangle your hands in. In every flash of blue, I see her eyes, shining and powerful that keep you captivated.

Even Thom told me to move on, there's other girl's in the world, he said. That's the thing: there's no other girl who can even compare to her. I thought that one day I would marry Katniss, not the Mayor's daughter, but after Katniss left for the Games, she came. Madge. The girl who knows just how to calm me down, the girl who drove me insane. The girl who tasted like the strawberries I brought her, the girl who had so much passion and knew what she wanted. The girl who didn't care where I was from, the girl who loved me for me. I know I didn't deserve her, hell, I really didn't deserve her. She didn't care. She just wanted to be with me.

At first, I didn't know what to think of her. She was showing up everywhere, always with me. During the 74th Games, I kind of used her as a filler, and then when Katniss and Mellark (whom I gave that nickname to a long time ago) came home, I pushed her to the curb and pretended that our friendship or whatever we had never happened. When I kissed Katniss, it didn't feel right. It wasn't Madge. I got whipped that same day. And Madge risked her damn life trying to help me, a person who hadn't spoken to her in weeks.

I couldn't ever repay that debt. She couldv'e died, I couldve died, and essentally, I would've been the reason she died. Hell, I am the reason she died. That day, that horrible day when fire rained on everyone and bombs destroyed the place where I grew up, I told her to go back to her house and get her parents and that I would meet them. I told her that I was going to protect her, and keep her safe. It's my fault that she's dead, and she's never coming back. Ever. No matter how many times I wish, and I hope, she's gone.

My mother asks me about her about a week after we get to District 13.

I freeze with a start and drop my fork into my mushy lunch. I don't meet her eyes. I can't or she'll know. I can't tell her that she's gone, not with everyone here. Not with Posy, or Vick, or Rory, God, Rory would hate me. Madge was a part of our family those last few weeks of her life. I can't say it with Prim, or Mrs. Everdeen. They're losing Katniss, they've already lost Peeta, they can't loose someone else they knew and loved.

Quickly and soundlessly, I push out of my chair and grab my tray. I cross the cafeteria with my mother and Rory hot on my heels and dump my tray in the trash, without even finishing it. I haven't been eating much since we got here. I haven't been sleeping either. Or doing anything for that matter except burying my grief in work. Every night, I have nightmares, about how I couldn't save her, and see her house being smothered in flames, hear her terrified scream and know that I can't help her because she's gone.

I remember exactly how it happened.

Thom and I had been in charge of counting and labeling everyone as we all boarded the District 13 hovercraft. Thom counted, I named. One by one, people go by, I write their names down, hoping that she somehow got out. It's not until Thom comes to stand beside me that I know she's gone.

Thom lost his girl too. Bristol. She was with Madge when hell broke loose.

I continue writing names, praying that maybe Thom miscounted, or they squeezed in. Their names never come. We hold it together for the rest of the day, buiring our grief, trying to think of anything but that until we get wherever we're going. WE go through meetings, and then comes the fatal time when I have to tell Katniss that her world, our world, is gone.

She doesn't believe me, only asks for Prim, to inusre that she's okay. I made sure she was. That's where I went, instead of Madge's house. I got Prim, and my family out. Madge was as good as family, and I couldn't save her.

Finally, we're assigned compartments. My family and I shuffle into our new home, and my mother sends me to bed, like I'm Posy's age again. I don't mind. It's when my face is in the uncomfortable pillow do I finally let myself break. Silent tears cloud into the pillow. I never cry. The only other time that I've ever cried is when my father was blown to bits in the mines that I was in for less than a year.

Madge was mine. She was supposed to be here, laying with me, alive, not buried alive under debri. I never should have let her go alone, never should have let her out of my line of vision.

I did though. I let her go, and the last thing I told her was that I loved her. I did, and I still do. I'm never going to get over that it's my fault that she's dead.

"Gale Hawthorne, you get back here!" My mother screams down the hallway, her enraged voice reaching my ears. I don't stop until Rory pounces on my back.

"What the hell, Rory? Get off of me!" I spin, trying to get the boy off of my back.

"No. Ma asked you a question, so you have to answer!" Our mother finally reaches us and puts a hand on my shoulder. Her touch is gentle and soothing.

"Gale? What happened to her?" Her voice makes me want to break all over again, like I did that night when everything was destroyed.

"I don't want to talk about it." I grumble, without facing her.

"Gale, the only way it's going to get any better is if you talk to-"

"She's dead. She's gone. Her house blew up. She's gone." My voice breaks as my mother gasps and Rory looks crushed. I can't take this. I try to get away from my mother but she holds me back.

"What happened?" Her eyes are understanding, but sad. I collapse onto the floor and put my head in my hands, running my hands through my hair. Rory drops down in front of me.

"The day... The day the arena blew up, the day the bombs fell, I told her to go back to her house to get her parents. That I would come for her and get them out. I couldn't make it in time. I saw her house explode. I heard her screaming. It's my fault, Ma." Rory's eyes are as wide as saucers looking at me in shock and my mother has tears pooling in her eyes.

"Did... did you love her?" She whispers. I can only nod. I can't find my voice, I've finally been broken. She was it. It was always her, no one could've replaced her. I thought she was just filling a hole, but she was much much more than that. She was who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and now she's gone. Forever. And she's never coming back.

A/N: So I don't really know where I'm going with this, it just came into my head, and then I had to write it down. Will most likely continue, if reviews are good.

Also, in this story, it's Gale's POV, obviously, and just to set things straight, Gale loves Madge, not Katniss. Just thought I'd get that out there. I don't own these lovely characters, Suzanne Collins does.