Disclaimer: Star Trek Voyager belongs to Paramount, the writers, and whoever else can legally claim it. I am writing for fun and not profit.

AN: Thanks once again to those who took the time to review. I'm so gratified that my characterization of Tuvok was well received, I think that scene was the hardest one to write in this entire fic. Oh, and sorry if they seem a little OOC in this part, but it pretty much wrote itself. And now for the end of this story; thanks for sticking with me on my first, but not last, Voyager/ J&C fic.

The Ache We Feel

By Lady Callista

Chapter Seven: Life

"To make the journey without falling deeply in love, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try, because if you haven't tried, then you haven't lived." -William Parish in "Meet Joe Black

=/\=

Her door chimed at exactly 19:00.

Kathryn took a deep breath, looking around the room for the hundredth time to make sure everything was perfect. She ran her fingers through her long hair nervously, taking another deep breath as her hands continued down to needlessly smooth her blue dress.

"Enter." She cursed the anxiety in her voice. She was more nervous than she had been on her first date, which was absolutely insane. But then, there hadn't been nearly as much at stake.

Chakotay, still in uniform, took one step into the room and froze as the door slid shut behind him. The lights were dimmed, and candles glowed from half a dozen flat surfaces. Wine, already poured for two, sat on the table. The centerpiece of the table was a single red rose in a stasis vase, which he had never seen before, but knew had to be the one he had given her on New Earth. His mind was so busy dealing with the implications of the room that he was almost shocked when she spoke.

"Chakotay." She had been purposely standing over by the door to the bedroom where he wouldn't notice her at first, and now she smiled as his eyes snapped to her, widening as they took in the silky and suggestive blue dress she had poured herself into.

His heart leapt into his throat as his eyes locked with hers. If he had had any doubts about her intentions after seeing the room, the look in her eyes would have sent them flying. But he was almost afraid to believe in that look in her eyes. Afraid to unlock his heart again and hope. "Kathryn?"

She smiled again, that smile she shared with no one but him, and picked up both their wine glasses as she crossed to stand in front of him. She held one out, and both of them knew she was offering so much more. "To us."

He took the glass, but his other hand caught her wrist lightly, stopping her from drinking. "Why?"

She switched her glass to her other hand, sliding her wrist through his fingers to take his hand in hers. Her smile didn't dim, she had known they would have to talk about things first. "Come sit with me?"

He nodded, but studied her eyes intently for a moment before allowing her to lead him over to the couch. He set his wine on the table, watching as she did the same, but kept their other hands linked together as they sat.

She was silent for a moment, still berating herself for being nervous with him, then abruptly took a deep breath and gave him a crooked smile. "You asked why. Do you want the logical reason first, or the emotional one?"

"I want to know this isn't just another dream." The words were out before he could stop them.

Kathryn chuckled softly. "I'm not sure how to convince you it's not a dream. Or that I'm not possessed by an alien, that Q won't suddenly flash into the room and start laughing, or that some other weird Delta Quadrant thing isn't happening."

He snorted and shook his head slightly. "I hadn't even thought of Q. But let's go on the assumption that this is real. Give me the logical reason."

Kathryn reached out until she held his one hand between both of hers. "You're the perfect first officer for me, and an amazing friend. But since we got back from New Earth, we can barely stand to be in the same room. Chakotay, after what happened down there, we can't go back to how things were. And if we can't go back, then we have to go forward. We have to redefine our relationship to make everything work out."

"What does that have to do with logic?" He tilted his head in confusion.

"Anything that disrupts the relationship between the captain and her first officer is to the detriment of the ship and her crew." Kathryn summarized in an emotionless voice, although her eyes twinkled.

This time it was his turn to chuckle. "You sound like Tuvok."

"He's the one that said it to me, almost exactly word for word."

Chakotay could only stare at her in shock.

"But even if he hadn't, we come to the emotional reason." One of her hands reached up to touch his tattoo, trailing her fingers down over his cheek. "You're my best friend, and I miss you. You're also the man I love, and those feelings aren't going to go away."

"And the rule that says you can't be involved with a member of your crew?" He hated to look a gift horse in the mouth, but he knew that for the sake of his own heart he had to proceed slowly. He had to be sure. More importantly, she had to be sure.

"That law is pretty much there to guarantee you don't fall in love with one of them." Kathryn said with a wry grin, dropping her hand from his face. "It's too late for that, Chakotay. I still understand the reasons for the rule, but… I don't know how I'll feel the first time I have to send you into danger. I don't know how I'll deal with it the first time you get hurt."

"Kathryn…" He heard the tremor in her voice and reached out until both of his hands held hers gently.

"But there is one thing I know." She interrupted, needing to finish. "I know that whether we spend every day from now till then avoiding each other, or in each others arms, it won't change my feelings. We'll have to deal with things like that as they happen, but we'll do it together."

His dimples flashed to life with his smile, and he brought her hands to his lips, kissing them gently. "You've thought a lot about this."

"Well, I've been having trouble sleeping."

He chuckled. "Me too. I keep waking up and wishing you were in my arms."

She giggled, a sound he didn't think he had every heard her make, and had to laugh along with her for a moment.

"And yeah, that sounds like a line from some corny holonovel, but it's true." He dropped her hands then, sliding closer to her and pulling her gently in to his arms. Her arms slid around him in return, her cheek resting on his chest. He spoke softly, his warm breath in her ear causing her to shiver slightly. "I've missed you so much. I miss what we had those last few days on New Earth, but almost more than that I miss my best friend. I miss having coffee with you in the morning, and flirting over the consol on the bridge. I miss our weekly dinners, and how they've gone from work meetings to just being friends, and talking about whatever we want. And I've missed how your eyes used to sparkle, and your hand on my arm, my shoulder."

Kathryn twisted enough in his embrace to lay her hand over his heart, feeling him brush a kiss over her ear as she did so.

"You have to be sure though, Kathryn." He didn't try to hide the pain in his voice. "Cause if I lose you again, if tomorrow you decide we do need to follow that damn rule…"

"That rule is gone." She interrupted, the hand not still over his heart playing lightly with the back of his neck. "Now, I'm not saying I'm going to start randomly tossing Starfleet procedures and protocols out the airlock, but that one is history."

"I love you so much." His arms tightened around her as he spoke. "And just think, if we hadn't gotten stranded on that planet…"

"And I love you." Kathryn dropped a kiss on the side of his neck before pulling out of his arms just enough to look deeply into his eyes. "Tuvok implied that, under the circumstances, almost any man and women would have ended up in a relationship. But I… I don't think he's right. At least, not that soon. I know in my case, it wouldn't have happened with anyone but you."

Chakotay smiled. "If I was stranded like that, and got to pick the one person I would spend the rest of my life with… I…. Well, I can't think of anyone I would rather be stranded with."

He leaned in then, capturing her lips in a kiss that stayed gentle for only a moment before exploding as pent-up desires were finally allowed free reign.

"Torres to the Captain."

Kathryn pulled away from him with a gasp, then groaned before tapping her combadge. "Janeway here."

"Captain, we're having serious problems with the EPS manifolds around the warp core. We need to drop out of warp to run diagnostics and repairs. Once we start the diagnostics, warp power will not be available until we're done, minimum of six hours."

"Understood. Inform the bridge and then start on those repairs." Kathryn's eyes shifted to Chakotay and she smirked. "And except for an emergency of course, I will be unavailable for the rest of the night."

There was a brief pause before B'Elanna replied, "Understood, Captain. Have a good evening. Torres out."

Kathryn held up a hand as Chakotay started to speak. "Computer, redirect all communications except emergency ones for myself and Commander Chakotay to Lieutenant Tuvok. Please inform him that we will be unavailable for the night."

"Understood."

Kathryn tossed first his combadge, then her own, unto the table. "Now, what were you going to say?"

"I was going to take bets on how long it would take B'Elanna to ask the computer for my location, but depending on where Tuvok is when he gets that message it may not matter." Chakotay said with a grin, reaching out to pick up his wine.

"Well I'm not going to try to hide this." She grinned back as she picked up her wine. "If there's going to be a negative reaction from the crew, it'll just be worse if we try to hide things. Cause we both know there's no keeping anything from the gossip mill that is this crew."

He laughed. "To us."

They clinked glasses as she repeated the toast and they both drank.

"And I wouldn't worry too much about a negative reaction."

"Why not?" She questioned, noticing his mischievous smile.

He rose without answering. "Computer, romantic music." He offered her a hand as flutes and violins began to sing through the room. "Dance with me?"

She smiled her answer as she took his hand and rose, moving easily into his arms to sway to the music. But she couldn't let it go. "What do you know about the crew's likely reaction that I don't?"

"You just can't let it go, can you?" He chuckled, dropping a kiss on her forehead. Without waiting for a reply, he told her what B'Elanna had told him about Paris's betting pool.

"He's betting on our love lives?" Kathryn tried to sound outraged, but it came out more amused than anything else. "And how in the world did he expect to get the right answer? The way I've been feeling this past week I think I would have tossed him in the brig for mentioning it."

"Well B'Elanna wasn't sure, but I'm guessing he thought if we had a romantic relationship down there we'd continue it here. And then there wouldn't be any harm in asking how it happened, figuring out how many weeks it took." Chakotay offered as his hands slid up and down her back gently. "The way we've been acting, he's probably already declared a victory for the 'no' answer. Do you want me to handle it?"

Kathryn drew her head off of his chest to look up at him. "No, I think I'll take care of it. You said he got 10% of the pool, right? That's a lot of coffee."

Chakotay chuckled. "Or wine and roses."

"This is going to be so strange." Kathryn sighed even as she cuddled close to him again. "We have to keep our relationship separate from our jobs. But not too separate, I mean, we've been friends for a while now, and the crew is used to seeing us teasing each other, and…"

He silenced her with a kiss. "Don't worry, we can do this. Nothing will change professionally. You're still the captain. I've been following the orders of a woman I love for over a year now, I think I can manage to keep doing it."

"In public anyway."

He could hear the smirk in her voice, and the both laughed softly as they recalled the aliens they had met the other day. "Well, we're in private now. Does that mean you'll follow my orders?"

She glanced up at the huskily asked question. She could see in his eyes acknowledgement that he knew how much he was asking of her, for he knew just how much she hated not being in control. "I seem to recall you asking a similar question once."

Chakotay's mind flashed back to a time not long after they had met, and he remembered asking her if she would have served under him if it was her ship that had been lost. "And I seem to recall you pulling rank and not answering."

She looked up at him with both love and trust in her eyes. "I didn't know you as well back then. But now, well, I know the picnic was part of your dreams, but not the bathtub. Tell me what else you've dreamed of. Tell me what you want."

"This is part of it." He said as his hands slid down her lower back, pulling her even closer to him as they began to sway to the music again. "I want to dance with you. I want to kiss you, and touch you. And I want to fall asleep with you in my arms, knowing that you'll still be there when I wake up."

She once again pulled back just enough to see his face. Her eyes were bold and her voice husky as she commented, "You seem to be missing my favorite dream."

"It'll take a lifetime to get through all our dreams." He said as he leaned down to kiss her gently, cupping her face in his hands. "And I would love to join you for another bath at some point. But right now, what I want most is to carry you to bed, peel that dress off of you, and show you just how much I love you."

"Well, you are in charge." She said it breathily, teasingly, then let out a gasp as fire flared in his eyes as he swept her feet out from under her and leaned down to kiss her even as he carried her into the bedroom.

=/\=

"Does anyone else have anything to report?" Captain Janeway looked around the conference table at her senior staff, preparing to wrap up the morning briefing.

She nodded even as everyone shook their heads. "Very good. Dismissed."

Chakotay stayed behind as usual and she smirked and caught his eye, then set her face into harsh lines before adding, "Mr. Paris, a moment if you please."

"Captain?" He stopped and moved back into the room, growing a tad nervous at the serious faces on both her and Chakotay, as well as the fact that she waited for everyone to leave before speaking to him.

"Mr. Paris, it had been brought to my attention that there is a betting pool that nearly every member of the ship is involved in." Kathryn kept her voice harsh and disapproving, but it took effort. She refrained from glancing at Chakotay, knowing that doing so would make her smile or laugh and ruin the effect. "I have been told it relates to my… personal life. You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?"

"Uh well, ma'am, you see…." Tom stammered, glancing back and forth between her and Chakotay. Neither looked in any way amused.

"I have also been told that you're skimming 10% off the top of this little pool."

"Well, ummm."

Kathryn stalked towards him, laughing inside at the nervousness in his eyes. She stood there glaring at him for a moment, then finally couldn't take it anymore. Her eyes flicked over to Chakotay, and they both started chuckling.

Tom's eyes grew huge, and although his mouth opened a few times, he couldn't manage to say anything.

"Betting pools are illegal, Mr. Paris. I'll be confiscating that 10% of yours." Kathryn said with a smile, then leaned in close to him to whisper. "The correct answer is 9 weeks."

Without waiting for a reply, she sauntered over to where Chakotay stood and took his hand in her own as they exited the room. "Dinner tonight, Chakotay? I seem to have some extra rations."

Tom could only stare in shock as the door closed behind them.

=/\=

The End!