A Prison Cell For Two

I don't own Fairly Odd Parents. Butch Hartman does.

I do, however, own these versions of Anti-Cupid and Anti-Juandissimo.

WARNING!: This story contains some slight Anti-CupidxAnti-Juandissimo and also mentions CupidxJuandissimo. Not your cup of tea? Then don't take a sip.

There's a small reference to a certain Disney Channel show in there somewhere. See if you can spot it. ;)

…

There were several things the Anti-Cupid hated: his girly counterpart, bright colours, good emotions and…Oh, what was the other thing? Hm. Oh, yeah. Being locked in a prison cell the size of a small bathroom! Well, at least the bathroom had a toilet…

Anti-Cupid was sitting against the wall, arms crossed. He didn't know how long he'd been in there - in Abracatraz - but he sure wanted to get out. It's not like he'd done anything wrong, anyway. Just his job. Anti-Cupid was there to spread hate, like Cupid was there to spread love. Wasn't his fault Cupid had thrown a hissy fit. Certainly wasn't his fault that he had to 'work' for Anti-Cosmo. Anti-Cupid was sure that that was the only reason they threw all of the Anti-Fairies into Abracatraz - just because they were the same species. Hey…wait a minute…

Anti-Cupid shot up and zipped over to the bars of his cell. "Hey, Jar-head!" He called over to Jorgen Von Strangle, who was standing in front of his cell; back facing the Anti-Cupid. "I am not an Anti-Fairy! I'm an Anti-God! There's a difference!"

Jorgen turned to him after a few moments and Anti-Cupid felt his face pale. Oh, well. Probably shouldn't have done that…

Jorgen approached Anti-Cupid's cell. Anti-Cupid shrank back as Jorgen leaned down, his face close to the bars. "You are in here because you worked with Anti-Cosmo and tried to get rid of Fairy World. Whether you are an Anti-Fairy or not, you will be locked in here!" Jorgen turned and walked away. Obviously, the conversation was over.

Anti-Cupid scowled. "Muscle-head…"

"I heard that!"

Anti-Cupid jumped and quickly ran back over to the wall. Stupid fairies and their stupid rules…Just because he happened to 'work' for Anti-Cosmo didn't mean he'd done anything wrong!…Ok, tormenting and partially endangering Cupid did not count as a bad deed (at least, not in his book). So…he shot a few hate arrows. Big whoop. That was his job! The fact that the Anti-Fairies invaded Fairy World was not his problem. Anti-Cupid sat down and leaned against the wall, crossing his arms angrily. As soon as he got out of that prison, he would show that diaper-wearing ninny who was boss…and that Spanish fairy he kept hanging around with.

Anti-Cupid scoffed. He couldn't believe those two were dating. Revolting. Love was disgusting. Anti-Cupid didn't care who it was between, but it was disgusting. And having his counterpart fall for Anti-Juandissimo's counterpart made it even worse.

Ugh. Anti-Juandissimo.

While Juandissimo was a Spanish lover, who was attractive, sexy and good at dancing, Anti-Juandissimo was dumb, unattractive and could barely float without knocking in to something - and he was Italian! He was good at cooking though, so that was probably why Anti-Cupid kept him around. After all, an Anti-God didn't cook for themselves! But Anti-Juandissimo was so annoying. He was constantly excited and happy, which were two things that just annoyed the Anti-God. And he was obsessed with Anti-Cupid. No, really. Completely obsessed. He constantly hugged him and doted on him, insisted that he do something for him. And, of course, the worst part was that Anti-Juandissimo believed they were dating. He kept trying to hold Anti-Cupid's hand or thought they ought to share a bed when they slept at night. Just because their counterparts were together romantically, didn't mean they had to be. But Anti-Juandissimo didn't comprehend this. He didn't comprehend most things, so Anti-Cupid didn't bother explaining them to him.

Anti-Cupid glanced over at the other side of the cell. Usually, they weren't allowed cellmates (they thought they would be plotting together and whatnot), but apparently having a cellmate was one of Anti-Cupid's punishments. Why? Anti-Juandissimo was his cellmate.

Oh, of course, Anti-Cupid had thought when they told him Anti-Juandissimo would be sharing with him. It was bad enough that Anti-Cosmo had practically dumped Anti-Juandissimo on him (because of their counterparts' growing friendship) but now, just when he thought he'd get some alone time, Anti-Juandissimo was once again dumped upon him. Anti-Cupid almost felt sorry for the guy. He was such a disaster area that not many people wanted to be around him. Juandissimo was popular, but Anti-Juandissimo barely had any friends.

Maybe that was why Anti-Juandissimo was so excited to meet Anti-Cupid. Anti-Cupid couldn't say that the feeling was mutual (after all, Anti-Juandissimo had exclaimed that he was vampire when he first saw him. Pfft. Not his fault his canine teeth were that sharp). Anti-Juandissimo had been even more excited to learn that he would be living with this man from now on. "You hear that, Anti-Cosmo? I'm gonna live with a diaper-wearing vampire!" He had exclaimed happily as Anti-Cosmo had begun floating off. As soon as Anti-Juandissimo had entered Anti-Cupid's mansion, he had zipped around; exploring and touching the knick-knacks on the shelves and accidentally breaking plates. Anti-Cupid had been this close to strangling him, but the idea of Anti-Cosmo paying him a visit later made him shiver, so he had kept his hands to himself. Oh, well. He was young. Things could happen.

Anti-Cupid's head snapped up when he heard a sniffle. He looked over at his cellmate. Anti-Juandissimo sat on his cot, knees to his chest and arms folded on top of them; his head buried in his forearms. His shoulder were shaking and Anti-Cupid was all too familiar with that. He folded his arms. "What're you crying about now?"

Anti-Juandissimo raised his head. Tears were pouring down his cheeks. The Italian Anti-Fairy cried far too easily, that was his problem. He cried whenever Anti-Cupid raised his voice at him. Anti-Juandissimo sniffled. "I…I wanna go home…"

Anti-Cupid blinked. That was what they all wanted, but none of them were crying about it. He stared as Anti-Juandissimo sniffled again. "I…I wanna go home. I wanna go back to my bed and…I wanna cook in the kitchen…and…I think I left the tap on…"

Anti-Cupid rolled his eyes. If they returned home, only to find the place flooded with water, he would have a bone to pick.

"I…I'm scared…"

Anti-Cupid paused. Anti-Juandissimo was scared of quite a few things, but he hardly ever admitted it. He just let Anti-Cupid guess.

"I'm scared, Anti-Cupid." Anti-Juandissimo continued. "I…I didn't want to go to Fairy World! I didn't wanna do all of that bad stuff! Anti-Cosmo made me. And…so did you." There was a certain accusation in the words and it made Anti-Cupid flinch slightly. "I just wanted to stay at home. You never want to, though. And I regret this." He shut his eyes tight and balled his hands into fists. "This is the one time I've ever regretted being around you, Anti-Cupid!" He exclaimed. The dam inside of him burst and he buried his face into his hands, sobbing into them.

Anti-Cupid was speechless. He'd always seen Anti-Juandissimo as a lackey of some sorts, the kind that just didn't give a snot about what they were doing so long as it helped whoever they were working for. Anti-Juandissimo simply followed without a word. Despite his thin physique and messy ponytail, Anti-Juandissimo was willing to do just about anything for him. Anti-Cupid gulped. What was that thing that people felt when they did something wrong?…G…G…Greed? No, that wasn't it. G…G…Guilt. Yeah, that was it. Gah. Guilt. Anti-Cupid's brow creased and he looked at the floor. He'd never really felt guilt before. After all, he was a guy who ruined relationships for a living. He didn't need guilt. He looked at Anti-Juandissimo again and sighed through his nose. Hesitantly, he got up and walked over to the cot, then sat down next to Anti-Juandissimo. He supposed he did make Anti-Juandissimo do his dirty work sometimes. Sometimes, only Anti-Juandissimo got into trouble. Man, now he felt bad. He looked at Anti-Juandissimo then frowned and looked away.

Anti-Juandissimo continued to sob into his hands. He didn't even notice Anti-Cupid had come and sat next to him.

"Here,"

Anti-Juandissimo raised his head and looked at Anti-Cupid, who was extending an arm out to him; palm facing upwards. "Hold my hand if you're that scared." Anti-Cupid muttered quietly.

Anti-Juandissimo sniffled. "R…Really…?"

"If it shuts you up."

Anti-Juandissimo smiled widely then reached out and grasped Anti-Cupid's hand. Anti-Cupid wrapped his fingers around Anti-Juandissimo's, being careful of his sharp fingernails (apparently, a lot of Anti-Gods and Goddesses had them. Anti-Cupid said it was because they looked like claws). The tears on Anti-Juandissimo's cheeks began to dry and his eyes sparkled with happiness. "You know," Anti-Juandissimo said, swinging his legs off of the cot. "You're a lot nicer then everyone thinks."

"Tell anyone and I'll punch you in the neck…" Anti-Cupid muttered and Anti-Juandissimo's smile faltered for a second.

"When we get back home," Anti-Juandissimo began, looking up at the ceiling. "I'm gonna cook. I'll make all of your favourites and some of mine too. Like cookies! I like cookies. Do you like cookies? I like cookies."

Anti-Cupid looked off to the side. Maybe I should've just let him cry…

"…cause they're so sugary sweet!" Anti-Juandissimo was saying. He turned to look at Anti-Cupid. "So, what're you gonna do when we get back?"

"Find a wall and bash my head against it."

Anti-Juandissimo's smile fell. "Why would you do that?"

"You're the answer."

Anti-Juandissimo looked up at the ceiling, tilted his head and thought about it, then looked at Anti-Cupid confusedly. "I don't get it."

"I didn't think you would."

Anti-Juandissimo paused, then smiled and shut his eyes. "You're so funny, Anti-Cupid!" He leaned closer to Anti-Cupid, his head almost touching the Anti-God's shoulder.

Suddenly, Anti-Cupid's body began to spasm violently. Anti-Juandissimo leaned back. "Anti-Cupid?"

"Gah…Good emotions…Everywhere…! Good emotions! Gah!" Anti-Cupid shouted, one hand gripping his dark hair. "Good emotions! Get them out! GOOD EMOTIONS!"

"When you're quite done."

Both men paused and turned to the bars of their cell. Anti-Cosmo stood there, arms crossed. Anti-Wanda and Foop were at his side. Behind him was a crowd of Anti-Fairies. Anti-Cupid waved. "Oh, h-hiya, Boss!"

"Anti-Cupid," Anti-Cosmo addressed him. He looked at Anti-Juandissimo. "Anti-Juandissimo."

"Hi, Anti-Cosmo!" Anti-Juandissimo exclaimed happily, waving at him.

"Father…" Foop muttered. "…They're holding hands…"

Anti-Cupid looked down at their hands and quickly pulled his back. He zipped over to the bars, his back facing a pouting Anti-Juandissimo. Anti-Cosmo produced a bat-shaped key from his pocket. "How'd ya get that key, Boss?"

"You don't want to know." Anti-Cosmo replied, twisting the key in the lock of their cell. Anti-Cupid grinned. Abracatraz's security and locks had gotten sloppy as of late. No wonder they'd broken out so many times.

The cell was unlocked and Anti-Cosmo threw open the door. "Now, hurry up, you two. Chop-chop."

Anti-Cupid's grin widened, displaying his sharp teeth. Anti-Juandissimo jumped off of the cot. As Anti-Cosmo moved away from them, Anti-Cupid frowned. "I hate that guy…"

"You hate everyone." Anti-Juandissimo said, standing next to Anti-Cupid.

"Duh," Anti-Cupid gestured to himself. "Anti-Cupid."

"Except for me though, right?" Anti-Juandissimo continued. "You don't hate me."

Anti-Cupid looked away, frowning darkly. "No comment…"

Anti-Cosmo turned so that he was looking down the corridor. Jorgen was no where in sight (they had heard him say something about a break). He grinned and took hold of Anti-Wanda's hand. She smiled at him as he raised an arm, index finger pointing to the ceiling. "Tally-ho!" He shouted and zipped down the corridor, his wife and son at his side. The Anti-Fairies followed in a river of blue and black. Anti-Cupid flew after them, Anti-Juandissimo beside him.

As they all zoomed out of the jail, Jorgen Von Strangle poofed in. His break was over five minutes ago, he'd realized. Apparently, he had needed those five minutes. His eyes widened. "The Anti-Fairies! They're escaping!"

Within the crowd, Anti-Cupid turned to Jorgen. "Anti-God!" He shouted with a grin then put his hands either side of his face, palms facing outwards and fingers splayed. He stuck his tongue and crossed his eyes. "Bleh!" He turned around and laughed as he flew off with the others.

Once they reached the outside, daylight pouring over them all, Anti-Cupid looked over his shoulder. Anti-Juandissimo was flying behind him. "C'mon, Anti-Juandissimo!" He called. "Let's go pay our counterparts a visit!"

Anti-Juandissimo grinned and clapped his hands in delight. "Yay!"

Anti-Cupid and Anti-Juandissimo shot off into the sky together. Anti-Cupid looked at Anti-Juandissimo. Eh. Maybe he wasn't all that bad.

Hm? Oh, no. Anti-Cupid certainly wasn't blushing.

…

Author's note:

Yeah, I know I promised you a sequel to Live for the Chase, but this demanded to be written. Seriously, Anti-Cupid kept floating around in my head, demanding that I write his story first. Sorry, Cupid. Though you'll be glad to know I'm halfway through the sequel. Just need to finish it, proofread it then Bob's your uncle. It'll be published.

FUN FACT!: This was originally called 'Minor Annoyances'.

Heavens knows what they're gonna do to poor Cupid and Juandissimo.

In case anyone's unfamiliar with my antis (therefore are probably confused on why Anti-Cupid had a spasm about good emotions), here's a brief summary of them:

Anti-Cupid is bad-tempered, mean and spreads hatred rather then love. He and Cupid can't stand one another and often fight whenever they're in each other's presence. Anti-Juandissimo is his loyal (yet annoying) companion. He insists that he doesn't like him, yet he is sometimes nice to him. Because their counterparts became friends, Anti-Cosmo kinda forced Anti-Cupid to hang out with Anti-Juandissimo. Whenever he feels good emotions, his body spasms and he begins shouting for someone to get them out. He's an 'Anti-God' rather then an Anti-Fairy, like Cupid is actually a God and not a Fairy.

Anti-Juandissimo is kinda girly and is obsessed with Anti-Cupid. Because Juandissimo is a horrible cook, Anti-Juandissimo is great at cooking and loves to do so. He doesn't like Anti-Wanda all that much and loves hugging Anti-Cupid. He's Italian for some reason, but he doesn't make it obvious.

I am lovin' these antis. I've only just noticed how childishly cute my Anti-Juandissimo is. And Anti-Cupid is evil to the point of adorable.

Gah. First time writing for Anti-Cosmo, Foop and Jorgen. I did…ok, right…?

Well, I hope you enjoyed this anyway.