I didn't have an answer for him. What could I possibly say? Yes, I prefer the thought of my ex-boyfriend being murdered. Or, no, I wish you'd died instead of him. I'd given it plenty of thought but had still yet to come to any conclusions.

One way or another, I was destined for the Arena. It should have been next year, when I would be the oldest female in Pierce's crew and staring down the certainty of a trip to the abattoirs. And it should have been me and Cato, allies until the last moment. When I'd had time to think it over, before the first night on the train, I thought that it was a blessing to have been reaped this year.

Then I'd seen the recap of the Reapings. I hadn't cared much for most of it but then I saw him, in the first sweep of the cameras over the masses at District Four, standing along the inside edge of the pen of teenage boys. I had smiled when I saw him but that smile dissipated when he raised his hand.

Sometimes I feel as though it would be easier if it had have been next year. Calder would have won this year and I'd never have been forced into reliving a relationship that I had royally screwed only a few months ago. Instead, I'd have had a year to fuck things up with Cato and then he wouldn't have been too hurt when I fucked up and got myself killed.

"No." I mumbled as I fought back the tears, "I'm the reason. I fucked up. I'm the reason... that Calder's parents are in mourning. His father went to work today, I know he did, and soon Daire, his brother, will have to go with him. They'll die on the docks, when they should be living like this." I gestured to the room around me and my stomach churned painfully.

Cato shook his head, "No. The Capitol is responsible for all of that. And Van Dillon is responsible for that." I gawked at Cato, amazed that he could blame Cal for anything. Cato sighed, "He was responsible for his family, just as you were responsible for yours. You have nothing to feel guilty about."

"Really?" I choked on a laugh although I didn't find any of this in the slightest bit funny, "I stepped out of trees, I moved away from the perfect cover. Then Calder died. If I had have been man enough to just attack from the safety of the shadows then Calder would still be alive."

He sat back down on the bed and stared at the floor again, "And where would you be? The Capitol will never let two people win. There will never be two Victors. How can you stand there and tell me that you'd rather your family was grieving than his? Do you really want them to go through that pain?"

I shook my head again, "Pain is relative. If you've never been hurt before then a broken nail may as well be a broken bone. This family has felt so much loss that one more will barely register. A week at most, that's all it would have taken. But the Van Dillons... they've never lost before. Their pain will last so much longer."

"It's not your problem. You have a family to look after. No one, not anyone from District Two, or District Four... I guarantee that not even the Van Dillons blame you for their loss." Cato said with a certainty that startled me. It had been a long time since I'd heard anyone sound so sure of whatever it was they were saying and I was surprised that anyone could be certain about the mindset of another.

He watched me, with soft, considerate eyes. I could tell that the concern was not entirely for me but also for what was no longer part of me. Everyone was calculating my changes at the moment, like I'd been away from them for a decade and they weren't even sure I was who I said I was.

Cato took a deep breath and squared his shoulders, he was about to do something that he perceived as dangerous, "Alright, I'll humour you. It's your fault. All of it. You being reaped. Calder Van Dillon's volunteering. The death of every single tribute within that Arena. All. Your. Fault." He paused for a second, seemingly waiting for it all to sink in, "So... what? What are you going to do about it? What does it change?"

I didn't understand where he was coming from or where he was going with this. Responsibility changed a lot of things. It changed everything. Whether he wanted to believe it or not, the matter of responsibility was the most important matter. I was responsible and I needed to make up for it. How? I wasn't sure. But I knew that I had to.

Shaking my head and staring at the carpet, I tried to get my thoughts in order. I tried to construct a response that would make sense when I said it out loud, "I don't know what I'm going to do but I have to do something. I have to pay for what I've done."

"Oh, fuck off! I'm sick of this mopey bullshit. You are nothing more than a cog in the Capitols machine; a tool to the Capitol. You're the sword that the Capitol used to injure the Districts, no one blames the sword, they blame the wielder. There is nothing you could have done to change the outcome. Twenty-three children would have died; twenty-three families would be suffering. And one family gets back the shadow of the child they had to give up.

"It takes some time but eventually, that one family, they get back most of what was lost. You keep blaming yourself and your family will never get back what the Capitol took from them. And they'll never get over that loss either. Because every day that they see what the Capitol did to you, is a day in which they are reminded of who you used to be. It's a reminder of what they lost. It won't be a week, it will be the rest of their lives."

Cato reached out and took my hands, forcing me to turn and face him. I tried to keep my eyes averted but they were like magnets to his. His eyes caught mine and I couldn't look away. He smiled at me and my heart tightened at the simple fact that I couldn't smile back.

"Don't give in to the Capitol. Don't give them your conscience because your family needs it more. I need it too. I need you to realise that you have done nothing wrong. You fought for your family and you won; there is nothing wicked or immoral with that."

Cato bit his lip before continuing, "I knew from the day we met that you'd do anything for your family. No one has ever really stood up to Pierce the way you did that day. And I liked you all the more for it."

He pulled me closer to the bed and I gave in to him. It was too hard to think about what I was going to say and control my body at the same time.

"What about their families? They were no doubt in the same position as me."

He let go of my hands and moved his to my waist, "If I remember correctly, you already apologised to the Van Dillons. And the only other family that you have access to is Raze's. Do you really want to lie to them and say you're sorry for killing their oldest son?"

"No." I whispered.

"Now, there's something else we need to talk about." I cocked my head at Cato, unsure of where he was headed. He watched me for a few moments before his smile dampened and he nodded slowly, "It doesn't matter. You look tired, I think you could use some sleep."

Author's Note:

I know this chapter is short but this is where the conversation ends and continuing would only make the chapter some 4000+ words. Anyway, sorry this took so long to put up, University got in the way. I hope you enjoyed and I should be able to get up another chapter in the next week or two.