Journal-

Master Jinn is on probation. Master Windu mentioned his punishment would have been worse, but it was my decision on how severe it should be. I know the council disagreed with me, but I just want to have everything back to normal, so I can continue as a padawan. Master Windu has excused me from all of my classes without my consent, so I am stuck in his quarters until further notice. He said that unless I am willing to talk to a mind healer, I may prove to be a danger to the other students if something triggers a memory. I could barely contain my anger at this. It is bad enough they won't let me go back to my Master and continue being his padawan, but they also won't let me learn katas or diplomacy or anything else I need to be a Jedi! I don't understand that. The whole reason I am in this mess is because I am not good enough, so why won they let me get better? It's so frustrating!

Of course, Master Windu won't listen to me. All he does is ask me what happened, if I want to talk, say something about how this isn't my fault and I would feel better if I told someone, blah blah blah. I always say no and go back to "my" room. He doesn't push, but he's always telling me that he will be there if and when I need to talk.

Where was he when I needed him most?!

I don't know where that came from. I guess it's proof that I really can't control my emotions. And what is a Jedi of they can't control their emotions? Obviously not one at all.

But I already knew I wasn't a very good Jedi. I mean, I still meditate and practice katas with a broom handle, but mostly I draw "stupid, childish doodles" as Master Jinn called them. When I first got accepted as his padawan, I decided to show my appreciation by (trying) to draw him. It worked out ok, but then Master ripped it up and yelled at me for wasting my time instead of using my spare time to meditate. I've been drawing a lot recently, and Master Windu walked in on me sketching before I had a chance to shove the papers under the bed. I expected him to yell at me too, but he didn't. Actually, he looked a little impressed.

Maybe I'm not so worthless. Maybe.