-laughs- here's another totally random, totally cracked and insane doing on my mentally crazy self :D For all those who had read the cross academy chatroom (that was unfortunately taken down), i'm sure you'll come to remember a certain someone in here.

Warning for major OOC-ness, language and a pinch of KanameXZero loves.

That damn bot

"What the hell is this?" Zero exclaimed the very moment he stepped into Kaname's room. The latter had been sitting on his bed, reading a manual of some sort.

Kaname glanced up at his partner to acknowledge his arrival, but he had been absorbed into reading the material in his hand to actually give Zero a proper greeting.

"It's Yuuki's present to us, apparently."

Zero eyed the hedious looking thing in the middle of the room, a mere foot away from where Kaname sat. The thing resembled a robot, stood about twenty inches tall, and on two stubby legs with two pincer arms on its side. It eyes were made of Xs, and a flat line for a mouth. It had two antennas and...

"Is that a penis?!" Zero burst out, not knowing whether he ought to actually be laughing or being disgusted at the thing hanging out from the middle of the bot. It was a wire, but alike the antennas on its head, had a little bulb at the end.

The brunette glanced at said object, and shook his head. "You have such a dirty mind, Zero."

Frowning at the insult he had just received, the hunter crossed his arms and scoffed. "Then you tell me what it is supposed to represent."

"A penis."

"...Kaname, you're a jerk, you know that."

"As you call me that everyday," Kaname chuckled. "It's a robot, as you can see... But I'll have you know I'll defend it with my life, just before I tell you what its name is."

Wondering what would be so special about it, Zero rolled his eyes and proceeded to ask what it was.

"Yumiii-bot."

...

...

...

"I'm going to kill it."

"No, I forbid you to do that," the pureblood countered, standing from where he sat just in case this was going to be a full blown war. "It's Yuuki's present to us, and you're going to destroy it?"

"That thing has got to be the worst creation in the entire universe," Zero said as he stormed over. "I can't believe Yuuki actually had an actual Yumiii-bot. I thought it was just an AI thing-"

"-which Yuuki and her friends had expertly crafted into this present for us. Surely you aren't that unappreciative to destroy such a wonderful masterpiece," the brunette sneered. "She did make it specially for us, too," he continued, exploiting Zero's occasional weakness.

The hunter stiffened a little. He had the tendency to treasure whatever Yuuki gave him, but really... this damn bot...

"I have the manual here," Kaname said, waving the stapled booklet he held. "It functions like a mini butler."

"Some mini butler," Zero grumbled, staring down at the short object. He squatted before it, staring at its face. "Are you sure it's not going to murder us in our sleep or something? How do you turn this thing on anyway?" He muttered out as he started prodding its face.

"Hm... I wouldn't think so..." Kaname replied as he flipped through the manual. He barely noticed Zero still abusing the bot. "It says to switch it on, flick the third antenna..."

"This?" Zero asked and flicked said one. He assumed that the third one was the one in the middle so...

"No, wait, that's not right..." Kaname said belatedly. Zero was frowning and about to tell the other to read instructions carefully when he let out a yelp. The pureblood glanced back at Zero, only to find that the bot had opened its mouth and was latched onto his partner's finger. Creepily enough, the mouth had tiny serrations and it was making the hunter bleed.

"Zero!" Kaname called out in concern, getting down beside the other and shoved at the bot's head. However, in turn, the robot bit Kaname as well, and this time it was Zero who had to save him.

"See? I told you we should've killed it!" Zero barked as he licked away the blood spilling from his finger. Kaname had been licking his own finger, and Zero's words were being contemplated in his head. Vampire or not, nothing was getting away with biting his lover.

Before either vampires could make another comment, though, the bot started to make pressurised noises, before seemingly going haywire. Its head turned three-sixty degrees severeal times, as did its pincer arms. That freaked the couple a little, wondering what in the world was wrong with it.

A few moments later the bot died down, and it remained motionless, save a small puff of smoke emitting from its behind.

"Er... well electronics don't do well with liquid, don't they?" Zero questioned as he eyed the bot carefully.

"It's pretty unfortunate if it just breaks down just like that, thought," Kaname was tempted to pout at the loss of an interesting toy. He tapped the bot's head a little, and it jerked all of a sudden, startling the two.

"ZSSSHHHH... processing... complete. Data, analysed. Subjects confirmed: Kuran Kaname, Kiryuu Zero," the bot sounded. Its voice was very mechanical and monotonous.

"Erm... Kaname..."

"Define: Kaname. Version 1.2: O Kana, kana. Where art thou Kana. Thy lips I miss, to sendeth me off to nirvana."

"... Yuuki or not, I'm killing this bot," Zero declared. Kaname behind him was chuckling at the redness that was creeping to his cheek.

"This really reminds me of the chatroom bot."

"It's probably the same damn thing. Version 1.2? What is this, an upgrade?" The hunter huffed out. What got him a little more annoyed was that whilst the bot was defining the name, it was making dramatic spins and positioning of arms as if doing a performance.

"Upgrade, denied. Please contact the ruler of this world for further assistance."

"... Did Yuuki just named herself the 'ruler of this world'?"

Kaname was simply being highly amused by the bot. The fact that it responded relatively well to word commands reflected the amount of effort his sister had spent fixing up this toy.

"Bah, whatever. Is that your drink?" Zero asked as he walked over to the bedside table where a cup was.

"Yeah, go ahead. It's just water," Kaname replied absently as he continued analyzing the bot before him. He heard his partner give a lazy response, and just as he heard Zero pick the cup up, the bot's head turned towards Zero's direction and sounded.

"Sharing of drinks might cause you to contract STDs."

That ended in Zero sputtering on the contents that were halfway down his throat. Wiping away the stray trails of water, he glared at the short mechanical figurine.

"What the hell?! STDs aren't transmitted by... They're..." Zero muttered incoherently, and his face was in a darker shade of red than before.

"Saliva transmitted diseases."

The hunter's finger's were twitching to destroy the bot once and for all.

"Define Zero, version 1.1," Kaname said.

"Define Zero. Version 1.1: Zero is an infinite 'thing'. I see him wearing a g-string."

"KANAME!"

"Define Zero, version 1.2."

"Define Zero. Version 1.2: Zero lost the g-string that was cute. Now it's time for the birthday suit."

"Well this is amusing. It's that same one as the chatroom, alright," the pureblood was chuckled to himself in pure amusement. Zero was rolling his eyes at the very, very stupid definitions which didn't even mean a thing.

"Yeah, right. Me and a birthday suit," he scoffed to himself.

"Request: Birthday suit," the bot started shaking a little on the very spot that it stood. The two vampires blinked. "Request: granted."

"What do you mean gra- ARGH!" Zero yelped out when the stubby pincer arms of the robot elongated and started in his direction. Within seconds, clothes were being scattered to the other corner of the room. The occurence was even too quick even for the pureblood to act, but it was mostly because Kaname had been too stunned.

By the time he was actually able to digest what had just happened, Zero was already on the floor, stark naked. The hunter looked as if he was on the verge on tears.

"Wow," was all Kaname could manage out, staring at his partner's form.

"Is that all you can say?! I just got violated by a stupid bot and you just stood there and watched it happen!" Zero glared at his lover accusingly. As he continued shooting off profanities at Kaname, the brunette simply stared at the hunter, the latter's words going unheard.

All Kaname's head could register was how sexily cute Zero was on the floor, arms around himself to save his modesty. His legs were flexed, trying to subconsciously trying to hide his lower half. Of course, seeing each other naked was a form of shyness shoved under the bed ages ago, but it still never failed to hijack all his senses when all clothing was shed.

After another string of profanities were being sent across (and Kaname processing none), it was Zero's final line that had actually caused him to snap out his trance. "Oi, Kaname, your nose is bleeding."

Wondering if it was even physiologically possible for a vampire, the brunette cleared his throat as he raised a hand to brush the underside of his nose. True enough, he came in contact with something moist and came to see the redness staining his thumb. "It must be the weather."

"Weather forecast," the bot piped up after Kaname spoke. "Cool, breezy evening ahead, with a chance of a shower, soap and sex."

Kaname ended up actually giving a hearty laugh and Zero was burning up in embarassment. Getting up and seizing the front of the pureblood's shirt, he started giving the other an earful.

"What's wrong with that? It does happen sometimes, as a matter of fact," Kaname coughed away the amusement from his tone. However, seeing Zero get so worked up because of something as silly as this was always enjoyable.

"Read between the lines, you twit," Zero hissed out. "It means that Yuuki knows what we've been doing."

The brunette rolled his eyes. "It doesn't take a lot to guess what we're doing when that sexy voice of yours echoes through the walls of the entire dormitory. "

If possible, Zero's face turned even redder. "I thought the walls are sound proof!"

"Oh you know, a few cracks here and there..."

The hunter buried his face in his hands. "Oh my god... I can't face anyone anymore..."

"What does it matter, anyway. I love you, and that's all there is to it," Kaname smiled as he circled his arms around the other.

A nerve on the ex-human's temple twitched. Zero growled angrily and slapped off all the hands that tried to grab him. He retrieved all his clothing and pointed at his lover. "Kuran Kaname. Until you get rid of that damn bot, you can keep your hands to yourself," he declared and stormed out the room.

Kaname blinked at the door that was nearly torn off its hinges. Laughing to no one in particular, he crossed his arms as he heard Zero being a tyrant in the hallway, wondering where the hunter might've ran off to. He side glanced to the bot that had been silent all these while, and smirked.

"Zero, Birthday suit."

"Request: birthday suit," the bot jiggled a little on its spot, before walking in the direction of the doorway. "Request: granted."

A minute later, Kaname could distinctly hear Zero's voice shouting, along with Hanabusa, Akatsuki and Takuma's.

So that's where he went.

LOL is just about the only thing I can say ahaha. Anyone want a chapter 2?