The Other End

Warning: This will be a very dark fanfic. It is an alternate ending (I hope so anyway; if the series really ended like this, it would totally suck). If you are a Detective Conan newbie, PLEASE don't read this yet, because it is more than likely to ruin your experience of this wonderful series.

(Dec. 19th, 2002: I rewrote this chapter as a songfic! The song is Pushing Me Away by Linkin Park. Now, I originally said that In the End was the theme for the first chapter, but afterwards I realized that this song fits more with the whole story than just one chapter [spoiler], and that Pushing Me Away fit this chapter just perfectly. Weird, huh? Anyway, I might make the other chapters songfics too, because so far, I've found more than enough songs that would work.)

Disclaimer: These characters don't belong to me. I'm torturing them, murdering them, and hacking them to pieces, but I'm not stealing them.

Chapter 1: In the End

"I don't want to see her tears anymore…Even if that means I have to fade away from inside her forever...Isn't it so childish you could laugh?" -Volume 33

~I've lied to you

The same way that I always do

This is the last smile

That I'll fake for the sake of being with you~

It was time.

He stood there for what seemed like hours, gathering all the courage he had within him.

He had to do it. It was for the best.

For the best…wasn't that what he'd been telling himself again and again over the past year? 'It's for the best.' But it wasn't. Everything just turned out worse. He was hurting the person he wanted to protect most.

It was time. Now DO IT.

He picked up the receiver and his bowtie. With trembling hands, he punched in the number and waited.

"Mouri Detective Agency. How may I help you?"

"……"

"Hello?"

"……"

"Is anyone the—"

"It's me, Ran."

"Shinichi?"

"Yeah…"

"Shinichi! Where have you been? I know, I know, on a case—but why haven't you been calling me lately?"

He didn't speak. He didn't want to. He could have stood there for eternity without saying something; anything to keep this conversation going. Their last conversation…

"Shinichi…I've missed you."

Torture. Cruel, wicked, painful torture. Tearing out his heart and beating it with a stick. Why did it have to be NOW that she finally admitted this to him?

"Shinichi? Are you there? Shi—"

"Ran, I'm not coming back."

Stunned silence.

"Wha—what?"

"I'm never coming back, Ran. I can't come back."

"Shinichi, what are you—"

"Just listen to me, would you!?"

A soft gasp.

This was harder than he'd ever imagined.

"I'm not coming back. I can't tell you why, and I can't tell you where I'll be going. I'm just calling to say goodbye before—" His voice cracked. Turn away, drink of water, deep breath. Now continue. "—before I go away. Ran…you don't have to wait for me anymore. It's not you; it's just.... I'm sorry, I really am."

"Shinichi?" Her shaky whisper betrayed everything going through her heart at that moment. He could picture her clutching the receiver with white-knuckled hands, a look of disbelief on her pale face. No, she did believe him. But she didn't want to.

For the first time in his life, he wished he'd never become a detective.

"Tell everyone I said bye. My parents will come by soon to clean out the house, but don't ask about me. They won't be able to say anything no matter what you do. Oh, and could you stop pestering Conan about how he looks like me? It really freaks him out when you do that." He tried to force a laugh, but it came out as a pitiful gurgle that erupted from the back of his throat.

"Shinichi, please don't go!" Her voice was frantic now and he could actually hear tears fall on the speaker. "I'll do anything! Just please…please…"

Oh God, she was begging.

If only some serial killer would climb in through the window and kill him right then and there! That way, at least he'd have a reasonable excuse.

"Ran…" And this time it was his turn to cry. "I'm really, really sorry. There's no other way. I just…I just want…"

He was going to remember it for the rest of his life. That one, fateful, excruciating second when everything came to an end. He could hide it, and bury it, and blast it into oblivion a million times, but it would still be there sucking at his soul like an unforgiving parasite until nothing was left but dust and emptiness. It would give him no mercy.

"I just want you to be happy!"

Click.

And it was over.

~[Everything falls apart

Even the people who never frown

Eventually break down]

The sacrifice of hiding in a lie

[Everything has to end

You'll soon find we're out of time

To watch it all unwind]

The sacrifice is never knowing~

The phone crashed to the floor. Relentlessly, it was kicked and thrashed and stomped across the room as Ran bent all her unleashed rage upon it.

"IDIOT! IDIOT! IDIOT! IDIOT!!"

It was a good thing her father was in such a drunken state that he couldn't hear her screams that night. Soon her cries weakened and her tantrum stopped, but still the tears came down, unstoppable. She slid to the floor, reaching out to anything that would give her support.

"You idiot…how can I be happy without you?"

~Why I never walked away

Why I played myself this way

Now I see your testing me pushes me away

Why I never walked away

Why I played myself this way

Now I see your testing me pushes me away~

The young girl watched him from across the room. He didn't scream or throw a fit. He went outside and kicked a soccer ball around.

She looked up at the Professor as the first Thud! vibrated through the house. "Let him be. It's better to let it all out than keep it locked up inside. Believe me, I know."

The old man watched, amazed, as she calmly walked into the bathroom and shut the door. How could she be so cold at a time like this? Poor Shinichi-kun. All this time he'd tried to guide him, to help him through this bizarre situation as best as he can. But it all did nothing in the end. Their efforts failed.

Professor Agasa searched the cabinets in his kitchen. Ai-kun or no Ai-kun, he needed a drink.

~I've tried like you

To do everything you wanted to

This is the last time

I'll take the blame for the sake of being with you~

Haibara climbed on top of the toilet so she could look at herself straight in the mirror. She took a reddish-blond lock of her hair in one hand and a pair of scissors in the other.

Snip.

Watch it all fall down. Fluttering and shining like bloodstained snow.

Snip.

Thud!

Snip.

Thud!

The quiet cutting of scissors made an abnormal rhythm with the loud impacts of the ball against the house. But in reality they reflected the same thing.

There was no cure. She'd spent weeks of studying those floppies only to discover that the only way they'd ever fully return to their old bodies was to wait several years and let nature take its course. Again.

The effect was permanent. Their bodies were growing, but they would always be ten years behind their real intellectual level. Their fate was set. And there was nothing they could do to change it.

Surprisingly, she'd taken no part in the decision. It was all his own idea. In fact, she'd been half expecting him to tell the girl the truth instead of something like this. Not that she wouldn't have stopped him. Ever since their last meeting with the Black Organization a month ago, when they had finally managed to smuggle some data about the drug, their situation had become even more dangerous. They knew now. The organization knew that their opponents were in the form of children, no matter how impossible that sounded.

Just one slip and it was all over. They could take no chances now.

APTX 4869 had done what it was supposed to do. It had destroyed a life.

~[Everything falls apart

Even the people who never frown

Eventually break down]

The sacrifice of hiding in a lie

[Everything has to end

You'll soon find we're out of time

To watch it all unwind]

The sacrifice is never knowing~

She put down the scissors and examined her new look. She'd cut off her waves so that her ears were visible, and her head felt off-balanced. What remained of her old hairstyle was still wild and fluffy, but it would grow into it soon. What mattered was that she no longer looked so much like her old self anymore, what with the young face and shorter hair. Miyano Shiho was dead, and what a relief it was.

She stood still and listened to the Thuds for a while. If only laying down her burden was as easy. Now that "Sherry" was no more, a tidal wave of new sensations had crashed down on her. Guilt. She'd felt it before, but it was stronger now, and different. The pain inside wasn't just for herself or her sister; now it held two new occupants, with the clear knowledge that it was all her fault. Haibara stoically cleaned up the mess, then stepped out of the bathroom. Trying to ignore the Professor, who was endangering his health and knew it, she slipped into bed and closed her eyes.

"Conan" had come over for a sleepover. At least, that was the excuse. It was doubtful that any of them would get sleep that night. After all, this night marked the beginning of many things, and the end of many more.

~Why I never walked away

Why I played myself this way

Now I see your testing me pushes me away

Why I never walked away

Why I played myself this way

Now I see your testing me pushes me away~

The ball tumbled to the lawn for a brief respite. A boy tumbled down next to it. He tore at the grass without thinking. For the moment he was completely detached from the physical world, everything focused on that one last second.

Why Why WHY!? Stupid organization! Stupid black- clothed bastards! Stupid pill! StupidStupidStupid!!!

He threw down his hands with exasperation. He was HELPLESS. All he'd done, all he'd tried; it had come down to NOTHING! In the end, he could no nothing. In the end, he'd lost everything. Nothing was everything, and it didn't make sense, but it did make sense, and nothing made sense about everything!

Blades of grass floated down all around him. He stood up, brushed off his clothes, and kicked his ball.

So now what? What was there to do? He could do nothing about his situation. He might be able to do something about the black organization. Not now, but someday. Yes, that's what he'll do. He'll make them pay for what they'd done to him and everyone else they'd ever hurt. He'll make sure of that.

But until then, what? Just eat and sleep and go to school and play, everyday and everyday as if nothing was wrong? Could he really pull it off? How could a child feel what he felt? It seemed impossible.

Yet it was all he could do. He could live a lie, and maybe pray a little too. Pray that someday Ran would forget. And hopefully, someday, he'd forget too.

~[Everything falls apart

Even the people who never frown

Eventually break down]

The sacrifice of hiding in a lie

[Everything has to end

You'll soon find we're out of time

To watch it all unwind]

The sacrifice is never knowing

Why I never walked away

Why I played myself this way

Now I see your testing me pushes me away

Why I never walked away

Why I played myself this way

Now I see your testing me pushes me away~