Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or the characters in Glee. If I did, you wouldn't probably be reading this. You'd be watching it. Or something like it.

"What the fuck are you talking about, Lopez?" Dave said nervously as the door shut behind the three of them. The bedroom was the only vacant one they could find upon reaching the second floor of the house. They had walked in on one too many couples going at 'it' in one way or another.

At least they knew Jacob Ben Israel was too busy with other matters at hand than to take into account their bet fueled threesome.

The one that Dave was not going to let happen.

"You really honest to God think I, Santana Lopez, self proclaimed lesbian, am going to get it on with two of the gayest guys I know? Where do you find any sense in that?" the Latina replied in a snark tone. She tossed her ebony hair over her shoulder and sat down on the bed, Kurt opting to sit beside her with a smug grin.

"Well.. No. I just.. I was pretty fucking confused. I still am. I mean, what exactly are you planning on doing?" he said, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

"Okay, so remember when we were downstairs?" Dave nodded. "Kurtsy here made a little 'A' with his hands. I knew that only meant one thing."

"The Easy A method." Kurt said quickly in a breathless laugh.

Dave stared at them both with a look of pure confusion and worry.

"Okay, I can see you're hurting yourself trying to figure out what we're talking about." Kurt said. "A few weeks ago, Rachel had a big sleep over. She was just about to put on a musical when everyone in the room politely screamed on her and said they wanted to watch something fit properly for a slumber party."

"I didn't feel like listening to the midget's musical or probably any other movies she had, so I put on a boot legged copy of Easy A." Santana said. Dave still stared somewhat befuddled.

"Obviously you haven't seen the movie. In it, there's a scene where Emma Stone's character decides to help out a boy who she befriends by pretending in an obnoxiously loud way to have sex with him whilst at a party. They do so because the boy is gay and wants people to accept him more at school." Kurt said with a knowing smile. "When we saw the movie, we all thought it was hilarious and decided that we needed to one day pull some sort of crazy stunt like she had. We said if we ever came across a situation like any of the ones that happened in the movie, we'd simply make an 'A' with our fingers to one of the slumber party attendees. I never thought it would actually have any use, and now looking back it was admittedly girlish and silly. And apparently a very much needed thing."

Santana laughed and stood up to walk over to David.

"So you see, Dave, we're not really going to have a threesome. We're going to make them think we did." she said as she draped her arms on Dave's shoulders. He visibly began to relax and let out a sigh of relief.

"And here I thought you both had gone mad." he said with a roll of his eyes. "So, what's the plan? How do we, uh, pretend to have a threesome?"

"By making as much noise and obscene language as we can. Jumping on the bed and what not might help sell the act as well." Kurt chimed in. He finished off his drink and placed it on a bedside table. "From what I could tell, the jocks and a bunch of other party goers followed behind us not so subtly. They're probably at the door waiting for us to start."

Santana grinned and walked over to the bed, pulling David behind her.

"Wouldn't want to disappoint our audience, now would we?" she said with an cheeky grin. He let out a sigh of nerves and closed his eyes.

If this didn't work, then exactly what the fuck was he going to do?

"First off, let's get this straight. No, and I mean no pretending to have sex with each other, got it? That ruins the whole façade we got going here." she said as she stood up on the bed. Dave and Kurt both nodded. "Secondly, as much as I hate it, you're going to both have to pretend to be taking me from whatever means necessary. If that means one of you guys get my mouth, then the other gets my cooties infested lady parts or the only part of my body you probably don't mind. I suggest girl parts if you want them to think you're straight. This being a threesome, we gots to get them to think you're both man enough to take a girl and go all controlling on her, even if your idea of sex is mushy man on man loving with rainbows and fireworks going off in the distance. They need to think that you're both either not gay," she pointed to David. "or temporarily not gay." she said as she turned to Kurt.

"Excuse me, but the fact that I don't like your girl parts doesn't make me any less of a man than the fact that you don't like my boy parts makes you a woman, got that Lopez?" Kurt said as he flipped a piece of hair behind his ear. David snickered as Santana glared at him.

Touché, Fancy. Touché, Dave thought with a smug grin.

"Whatever, Lady Lips. Let's get this show on the road." Santana replied as she began to make the bed creak ever so slightly with her constant bouncing. "One of you guys figure out where you're putting your imaginary junk in me."

"I call mouth." Dave said.

"Fine, give me the cooties, David." Kurt said with a bitch face that had a hard time concealing a smile. "In your defense, it somehow does make me seem manlier to these assholes, so maybe you aren't an inconsiderate neanderthal when it comes to my sexual prowess around the female sex."

Dave laughed despite himself and began to make the bed move a little more. They had been keeping dangerously quiet, but if this were to work, they were going to have to pull out all of the stops. The puckheads had to actually believe they had both had sex with Santana. It was almost of utter importance to Dave now that they had all questioned his sexuality.

Santana let out a fake, shocked moan and moved the bed ever faster.

"Oh, Kurt. Fucking God, how the hell do you do that?" she said as loudly as she could, her breath frantic and needy sounding.

It was probably a very good thing that both of these boys were gay.

"Damn right, bitch. Take it from Papi Hummel. Who's your daddy?" Kurt said with an eager and slightly angry voice. Dave wanted to laugh so hard at Kurt's use of words, but it held it in as he bit down lightly on the back of his fist.

"You are K- Mhmph!" Santana said before Dave placed his hand down snug on her mouth and grinned.

"Can't have Kurt having all of the fun, now can we baby? Gotta make sure I get some action from those lips. Too much talk in you tonight." Dave said as he began to rock the bed just a tad more. The bed creaked with urgency but it's make and size made it obvious that it had no intention of breaking upon the steady and bouncing weight of the three teens. "God, Tana, you can fucking swallow? Shiiiiiit."

"She can do all kinds of things, this bad girl here!" Kurt said as he reached down to undo his belt. Dave's eyes widened considerably but he looked on as Kurt undid the studded belt and held it out infront of him. He pulled the belt into an 'o' shape and clutched the two opposite sides, pulling them together quickly resulting in a snapping noise coming from the middle. He grinned widely and did it a second time.

Santana made an exaggerated growl like moan and huffed out air.

"Yeah, she got her mouth wrapped pretty far down me right now. No complaints coming from this end, Tana." Dave replied, grunting loudly and taking in a heavy breath. Santana tried to make a slurping noise as she moaned out a little louder. "Getting pretty close, baby."

The three made haste to work on the bed and Kurt made whipping noises as they jumped slightly in sync, all moaning out and grunting. They let out a few expletives and began to breathe as heavy as they could.

"Ready for your close up, bitch?" David said as he took his hand off of Santana's mouth as she made a popping sound.

"Ready as ever, baby!" she nearly yelled, nearly moaning the words.

"Make that a double shot. I'm not going to last much longer." Kurt said as he grunted. Santana made a few more quick paced moans, followed by some 'ohs' and 'yesses'. Finally they all made a loud thump as they jumped up and landed on their bottoms on the bed, almost knocking Kurt off the edge. They strangled back some laughs and made a few last minute moans of post orgasmic ecstasy.

After a few 'oohs' and 'ahs', they all settled back onto the bed, shoulder to shoulder. From outside of the door, they could hear murmuring and sounds of shock. They all giggled lowly as they glanced at each other, on the verge of near snickers. The whole act seemed to have been a success.

"I'm pretty sure they fucking fell for it, dude." Dave said with a small smile of appreciation for his two friends.

"If they didn't, then my acting skills need definite and direct attention. If I can't fool utter idiots into believing I would have a threesome, I could never fool a Broadway audience of anything." Kurt said with a grin. "I think that it worked pretty well, though. I still feel a little high off of those drinks and all of this energy."

"Well, to complete the act, lemme give us all an official head of sex hair. Lord knows you two have no clue how to do that." Santana said as she sat up and turned her attention on the two boys.

She smiled at them excitedly and reached her hands out in opposite directions to simultaneously rustle their hair. She ran her hands through Kurt's scalp and gave it a slight tug and twist, and ruffled Dave's quickly, throwing the short barely there curls in every which way. With a chuckle, she sat back and tossed her own hair around a little wildly, letting it fall down a little fuller and more disheveled.

Normally Kurt would have freaked, but given the circumstances decided it was undoubtedly for the best. David just thought it was funny to see them all with their hair so distraught and their faces flush from jumping and laughing. He honestly didn't think this would have been a high point for his evening, but now looking at them as they all sat in the large guest bedroom with contented grins and wicked thoughts of how to mull the hell out of this contraversary, he couldn't really think of things going much differently.

Kurt got up and walked closer to the door.

"C'mon, guys, we'll have to face the music sooner or later." he said with half lidded eyes and a mischievous grin. Dave got up and walked over, messing the blankets up and tossing them around before hand.

"Wait just a second." Santana said as she reached between her legs and pulled down a pair of lacy red panties, throwing them over her shoulder, letting them land over top a lamp in the corner of the room. "Don't worry, I gots a spare on. Always wear two pairs to parties." Kurt and Dave stiffled laughs again as she came over and looped her arms between the crook of their elbows on either side of her. They all smiled smugly and went over to open the door. "And that, fellas, is how a woman handles two men at once. Glad to be the first to pop your hetero cherry, Kurt." she said with a wink as the three of them pushed past the crowd that had formed in the hallway.

Upon noticing their intrusion, the party goers all began to whoop and shout at the three. Some let out cat calls and some just yelled words of obvious 'encouragement' of their racy act. The three walked down the stairs arm in arm and landed on the final step in front of Henderson, who's face fell and he looked down to the carpet before reaching back to their eyes.

"I believe you us a hundred bucks." Kurt said as he placed his hand out, palm up.

Henderson muttered to himself about 'losing a sure fire bet to a fag' and then reached into his pocket to retrieve the settled sum of money. He handed over the five twenty dollar bills. Kurt smiled triumphantly.

"You might have lost your bet to a fag, but I'm pretty sure you weren't counting on not having as much sex as one." Kurt said. He smirked and walked away with Santana and Dave still in tow.

"So what now?" asked Santana as they entered the room where the music had been blasting. At the sound of music, Kurt began to smile wider and looked over to Santana with a knowing look. She caught a glimpse of it and smiled back, her face giving way to a look that screamed 'hell yes' to his silent suggestion.

The two let go of Dave and ran over to the DJ's table. He saw them making big hand gestures as they described something to the man behind the spin tables. He smiled in response and handed over two microphones. Kurt and Santana took one each and walked up onto the stage.

Oh, shit, Dave thought as he moved closer to the stage and a bit away from the hallway. What the hell are they doing now?

Kurt beamed at Santana as he walked onto the stage. The small spot light strung up on the low set ceiling faced toward him as he adjusted his placement in the center beside Santana. They both looked over to each other and laughed lightly, then turned their attention back to the task at hand.

As it appears, my tipsy state is actually making tonight quite enjoyable, Kurt thought to himself.

Everyone on the dance floor slowly turned to gawk at them and Kurt felt the knee buckling nervous flip in his stomach. He always felt the undeniable sense of rightness when the room turned to him. Whenever an audience appeared, he always seemed to find himself caught so high in the moment, that he barely had time to register whatever course of action he would take. The events would always seem to transpire in both slow motion and at the same time all too quickly for his liking. He sometimes wished he could freeze time, and others would only beg for it to end.

Right now he was at a middle ground; nervous because he was about to perform unscheduled at a party and excited as all fuck because he was about to perform at a party. The feeling of performing in general took over most of the fear (along with the alcohol's help, he was sure) and he lifted the mic to his mouth.

He heard Santana begin right about the same time as the beat in the background had.

Na na na
Come on
Na na na
Come on
Na na na na na
Come on
Na na na
Come on
Come on
Come on

He smiled to himself as she began and felt his body already beginning to find a rhythm in the beat. Santana smirked and began to dance provocatively around the stage, throwing her hips from side to side slowly but surely, then suddenly dropping to the ground and opening and closing her knees in a quick move, only to bring her body back up and to switch places with Kurt on the stage as they crossed. Kurt began the verse as it began.

Feels so good being bad
There's no way I'm turning back
Now the pain is my pleasure
Cause nothing could measure

Santana picked up on the verse where he had left off.

Love is great, love is fine
Out the box, out of line
The affliction of the feeling
Leaves me wanting more

The two harmonized for the chorus and dropped to the floor in a somewhat sudden fashion, walking on their knees to each other and then doing the same upper body swivel, then turned to roll over quickly, landing hand and knees and crawling past each other. They thrusted their hips up jerkily as they stood on their knees with their backs to each other. It was both sudden and seemingly choreographed at the same time.

Cause I may be bad
But I'm perfectly good at it
Sex in the air
I don't care
I love the smell of it
Sticks and stones
May break my bones
But chains and whips
Excite me

The two took turns singing the 'na na na's and 'come on's, Kurt taking lead again when they reached the second verse.

Love is great, love is fine
Out the box, out of line
The affliction of the feeling
Leaves me wanting more

Kurt got down into a push up position as Santana took over vocals for the first repetition of the chorus. She lowered herself onto his back as he pushed up slowly and lifted with her sitting on him. Kurt then rolled out from under Santana and smirked as she stood and he crawled towards her. She stepped backwards with a finger move daring for him to come to her.

Cause I may be bad
But I'm perfectly good at it
Sex in the air
I don't care
I love the smell of it
Sticks and stones
May break my bones
But chains and whips
Excite me

S-S-S
And
M-M-M
S-S-S
And
M-M-M

Oh
I love the feeling
You bring to me
Oh, you turn me on
It's exactly what
I've been yearning for
Give it to me strong

The two kept up an elaborate back and forth dance, their bodies paralleling each other in an odd but attractive way. They both finished the song strong and after stood with their backs together, heads tilted up.

The crowd of dancers broke into applause and Kurt smiled wider. Santana nudged him slightly and he heard her laugh in appreciation of the awesome idea of performing the number.

Kurt was pretty sure everyone had loved it.

Dave had hated it.

He could barely breath from all that watching Kurt's body move so suddenly and determinedly on the stage had done to him.

He knew he had to be terribly hard and his face just had to be scarlet red. He had always had a.. hard time watching Kurt perform, always feeling like he'd never compare to someone so beautiful and graceful in his moves, but tonight was different. This was an excited and thrilled Kurt performing on the spot just for the adrenaline of it.

And he somehow turned out to be better than when he had been choreographed. David really saw no sense in it. How had Kurt been so fucking amazing on the spot? He obviously hadn't prepared for this; Kurt performing the number at all was a shocker, but taken into the account that he was under the influence made it slightly less shocking.

Still only slight, though. Dave was sure at some point his mouth had fallen past it's point of dislocation. He was just glad no one was around to see him so blatantly staring and gaping at Kurt Hummel.

He of course could have used the ruse that he had been gaping at Santana, but he didn't know if he could believably pull that stunt off. It was quite likely he'd just blubber out an admission of being in awe of the wonderment that was Kurt.

When the number ended, he scrambled away to the bar and tried to gulp down some more non spiked punch and trying to calm his ever persistent problem.

Why the fuck did he have to do that fucking amazing song right now? I'm in pain here! Dave thought as he rubbed a thumb along his forehead harshly.

He suddenly felt a high shrill laugh come from behind him, along with a hand across his shoulders.

"Oh my god! Did you see us, David?" Kurt said in a sing song voice towards his ear. "They fucking loved us!"

David shook his head and let out a breath. At least his problem was going away.

"Yeah, you two were pretty badass out there." he replied, his face still obviously flustered. Kurt smiled and began to slip back wards as he laughed. Dave caught him just before falling and heaved him up to stand up right. "You really need to calm down now, Kurt. You're getting kind of ridiculous."

Kurt's smile faltered and he tried to pull Dave closer. Dave instead brushed him off and began to walk away to get Kurt something to drink that wouldn't make matters worse.

"D-Davey! Don't just leave me.." Kurt said with a pout face. Dave stopped and turned back to look at Kurt.

"Davey?" he said, an obvious look of disapproval of the name on his face. He winced lightly and Kurt sighed glumly.

"Maybe I should have one more drink. And then stop." Kurt said as a small smile crept onto his face. Dave rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"Nope. No more for you. You're already calling me Davey. There needs to be a line, Kurt." Dave said as he sighed.

Kurt put on his best bitch face and glared at Dave.

"Well, fine then. I'll just go ahead and go home." he said as he reached into his pocket for his keys. "I guess I'll be seeing you Mo- Hey!" he squealed as Dave jerked the keys from his hand and dangled them behind his head with a victorious look. Kurt glared daggers into him. "You're inconsolable, David Karofsky."

David bit his lip and chuckled to himself.

"Look, I'll just drive you home if you really want to go already." he said. "I'm not letting you drive like this."

Kurt sighed, defeated, and used one hand to fix his hair as he crossed his arms across his chest.

"I.. I guess you're right." he said as he rolled his eyes. Then his face fell and winced inwardly. "Except, then I'd be leaving my car here and if I go home now, my dad will know I've been drinking."

Oh. David hadn't thought of that.

"Well, uh, maybe there's some place you can stay the night? I'm supposed to be staying here, so I could keep an eye on your car." Dave said. "I could drive you where ever you really need me to."

Kurt smiled lightly and Dave could have sworn wore the slightest of a blush for a second.

"Do you.. do you know anywhere I could stay, Dave? I mean.. all of the glee club has pretty much been covering for each other tonight and will probably be doing so for the rest of the night. I don't exactly want to have to beg one of them for a place to stay." he said as he sucked in his lip slightly.

Dave thought for a second before he realized the easiest solution.

"You could stay here with me and Az. Then tomorrow you could drive home." he suggested with a small, most likely, hopeful smile. Kurt frowned a little and shrugged.

"I don't know.. I mean, I know I can trust you." he said, drawing out the last word. "But I honestly don't know Azimio."

"Don't worry, Fancy. He's totally cool now. He's my best friend. I um.. I actually think I might uh, you know, tell him soon." Dave said as he rubbed the back of his neck and licked his lips nervously.

"R-really?" Kurt said, a small smile dancing on his lips. "That's great, Dave!"

"Thanks, Kurt. But uh.. seriously, you can trust him. Scout's honor." he said with a shy smile and held up a palm.

"Well.. if you trust him that much, I guess I can be okay with staying the night here." he said. "But I was wondering if maybe we could.. I don't know, go for a ride or something? I kind of just want to get away from the crowd. I'm starting to get a head ache, honestly."

Kurt was obviously quickly coming off of his stage induced high and Dave nodded quickly.

"Yeah, sure. C'mon. We'll go ride out to somewhere or uh, something, and come back when the party has died down." he said.

Kurt smiled and agreed. At least now Dave could finally spend some time getting to know Kurt.

Or at least try to keep him from getting too sick from drinking so much.

A/N: Well, I sure have been getting a good amount of reviews! You guys are awesome, man. I don't think I ever really post chapters this quickly. I finished up the majority of this within an hour or so. Which is probably slow for some people, but I get distracted easily. Just wanted to say thanks to everyone who has reviewed. I plan on responding directly tomorrow when I get the chance. I hope you guys are liking the way this thing is going so far. I'm pretty nervous/excited/cannot wait to start the next few chapters. I'll just say that I have a very specific direction for these two and I don't think many people have tried it before. Note the I don't think part. Anyways, please review and let me know what you all think!

"S&M" by Rihanna belongs to just that. Rihanna. Not me. I wouldn't mind owning Rihanna or her music though.