Harley's Wild

A loud, desperate knocking sounded on Poison Ivy's door. Irritated at being distracted from her plants, she growled and stormed down the hall, wondering if it was worth feeding whoever was disturbing her to her babies. She threw open the door and, seeing who it was, shut her eyes and muttered, "Not again."

"Oh, Red!" cried Harley Quinn, throwing herself into her arms and sobbing uncontrollably. "Oh, Red, something terrible has happened!"

"Joker kick you out again?" she sighed, knowing what the answer would be. She was so sick of playing this stupid game.

Harley sobbed louder at this, breaking down so that she couldn't speak for several minutes. Ivy sighed and ushered her inside, where she continued to cry.

"It was…my fault!" she sobbed at last. "I shouldn't have said what I did!"

"What did you say?" sighed Ivy, wondering what pathetic excuse it would be this time.

She tried to control her sobbing. "It was after a heist that didn't go so well, the cops showed up and stopped him, and he was in the middle of one of his rants, soliloquizing about how he was the Joker, the Clown Prince of Crime, and how dare mere cops raise a finger against him, when I…I interrupted him. I spoke before I thought, Red, but it only just hit me, so I asked him suddenly if he was the Clown Prince of Crime, did that make me the Clown Princess of Crime? And he just stared at me, and then got really angry, and demanded what that was supposed to mean, did I think we were equals or something? And I said…I said…I said…yeah, kinda!" she sobbed.

She managed to continue through her tears at last, "And then he shouted at me, asked me what kind of relationship I thought this was, asked me how dare I think I could equal his greatness, and it's true, Red, it was stupid of me to think that, let alone say it, but I wasn't thinking straight. He said I didn't deserve him, that I was an unworthy, ungrateful dame, that I wasn't fit to lick the dirt from his spats, and that he didn't want to see me no more! And then he…he…he threw me out, Red!"

She let out a wail, throwing herself on the sofa and sobbing uncontrollably. Ivy sighed, rolling her eyes. This was typical. If Ivy had to pick one word to describe Joker and Harley's relationship, aside from creepy, it would be melodramatic. Volatile. Ridiculous. Infuriating. Baffling. Abusive. Disgusting. Actually, there were a lot of words.

She sat down next to the sobbing Harley. "Harl, you know what's going to happen, don't you?" she said, quietly. "The same thing that always happens. You stay really upset for a couple days while Joker cools off, then he commands you come back, and you obey without question. I don't even know why you're crying. We both know how this ends."

"But…but he really meant it this time, Red!" cried Harley, raising her tear-stained face to hers. "I know he did! I've never seen him so angry!"

"You always say that," she replied. "Every time it happens. And I've lost count of the number of times it's happened. And it's always going to keep happening unless you change things, Harl. Unless you take a stand and let him know he can't push you around anymore."

"But…but what would I do without him, Red?" she sobbed. "I need him! This is why I'm so upset! One day he'll kick me out for good, and I don't know if I can live without him! I can't even bear to think about it! I'm so afraid of that happening, of him not needing me anymore…"

"Harley, you're being pathetic," growled Ivy. "You can't base your entire life and happiness on one man! You don't need him, Harl! Can't you understand that? At your heart, you're a strong, intelligent, capable woman, but you've buried her under some mad obsession. Find that strong woman again, Harley. I know you can do it."

"But…but I can't be strong without him, Red!" she sobbed. "I love him! I love him so much…"

Ivy sighed. Talking with Harley in this state didn't do any good. In fact, talking with Harley usually didn't do any good. Ivy wasn't as willing to go round in circles as Harley, so rather than continue the futile conversation, she helped her to her feet and said, "C'mon, I'll make you a cup of tea."

The tea turned into a glass of wine, then several bottles of wine, then margaritas. By the end of the night, Ivy had learned several things: she never wanted to hear crying ever again, it was literally impossible for Harley to run out of tears, and she and the clown got up to some really messed up stuff together.

"…and even though I was dizzy and slightly faint from bleeding everywhere, it was probably the most powerful one I ever had, and anyway, knife wounds heal quicker than you'd think," Harley finished, draining the last of the margarita. She suddenly burst into tears again. "I miss him so much, Ivy!" she sobbed.

"Uh huh," replied Ivy, shutting her eyes as she tried to erase the last image from her mind. "Is it bedtime yet, Harl?"

"I won't be able to sleep without him," she sighed, sadly. "I never can."

"Ok, well you stay up and have some more drinks, and I'll hit the sack," said Ivy, standing up, seizing any excuse to not have to listen to her anymore.

"You ain't gonna leave me, are you, Red?" said Harley, desperately. "You wouldn't do that to me, would you? Not like…not like…oh, Mr. J!" she sobbed, breaking down again.

Ivy sat back down with a reluctant sigh. "Of course not, Harl. But can you make me a promise?"

"Anything for you, Red," she replied.

"Ok, two promises then," she said. "One, never tell me about your and the clown's private antics ever again. Just for the sake of my sanity. And two, don't focus on him, or the two of you, and try to think about you alone. You, Harley Quinn. You can't ever be happy, Harley, until you truly know who you are and what you want. If that's Joker and all this craziness, fine, but just make sure that's what you want, rather than what he wants. If you go back to him, do it for your sake, not for his. I love you, Harley. You need to love you too."

Harley nodded slowly. "Thanks, Red. That's good advice," she murmured.

She poured herself another drink, her blue eyes glassy in thought. "You can go to bed if you want," she said to Ivy. "I think I need some time alone for once."

"Ok. Let me know if you need anything," said Ivy, hugging her. "Night, Harley."

"Night, Red," she said, hugging her tightly. "And thanks for always being here for me. I don't deserve you."

"Stop thinking like that, Harl," she replied firmly. "You deserve good friends. You deserve a man who treats you like the special person you are. And I really hope you find him someday. But you don't need him. The only person you need to love is yourself. Night, baby."

Ivy knew it probably wouldn't do any good telling her stuff like that, but she had to try, for Harley's sake. She couldn't give up on her. Maybe it was stupid to think like that, but she couldn't help it. Harley would never give up on the Joker, and she would never give up on Harley. That was just the way things were. She didn't think they would ever change. And with that cheerful thought, she dropped off to sleep.