Suicide Prevention

BYR:

HEY! Today is National Suicide Prevention Day and I wanted to write this as some sort of a way to support this day. We've all been there where we feel unwanted and unimportant. But I would like to say that all of you wonderful people out there are as important as can be! If you need someone to be there for you, I am always here! Forever in your heart! Even though we may not know each other in personal standards, I think of you as a friend! So keep living and maybe my stories will also help in brightening up you day

"Izaya wait!"

"No! I'm going home!"

"But you can't! I have to treat those wounds and-"

"Just shut up Shinra! I don't want you to help me so just leave me the fuck alone!"

(No, don't leave me alone. Help me. I need help. I want your help. So don't give up on me! Help me!) Izaya stormed out the doors of the doctor's apartment and made a B-line straight down the hall to the elevator. He was tired today; tired from being dragged to the glasses wearing males place by Celty when she found him bleeding all over in an alleyway. He failed at convincing her that it was just a flesh wound, but she wrapped him up in that misty shadow of hers and drove him back to her place. After fighting and arguing with Shinra to ignore his cuts and let him leave, his temper had risen up to the brink of almost snapping. He hated when people worried over him, it was useless to.

"Stupid humans… Doing something as repulsive as worrying over another. What good will that do?!"

Arriving at the elevator, he continuously stabbed the down button as the wheels turned and the platform ascended to his floor. With a cheerful DING! the twin doors slid open and out walked someone he wasn't expecting to see.

"Well well well! Nice to run into you here, I-ZA-YA!"

"Shizu-chan…"

The informant gazed at the larger, irritated male for a second before moving passed him and into the elevator. Pushing the main lobby button, he sighed and closed his eyes to ease the throbbing in his brain as the doors slowly closed. But a foot got in the way as the blonde pried the doors open and growled at the brunet.

"What? No smartass remarks? No shredding my clothes?!"

"Shizu-chan, I really am not in the mood today for your games."

"Like I care! This would be a perfect time for me to kill you then huh?!"

Kill. Death. Disappear. That's all that seemed to be crawling all around his mind these days. He didn't know why, but the thought of dying made perfect sense to him. Ironically though, he was terrified of death. (To die means to have your existence disappear, not the pain.) He told himself that, but there was a part of him that wanted to just disappear.

"Yeah… I guess this would be a perfect time to kill me."

"Huh?"

"So, if you want to kill me now would be a perfect time Shizu-chan. This is what you wanted right? So hurry up and get it over with."

The debt collector stared at the brunet dumbfounded; was he actually hearing correctly? Did the flea just really tell him to kill him? There's no way…

"Izaya… what the hell are you planning?!"

(A plan! That must be it! This must all be a part of his devious little plans to mess with me! It has to be! There's just no other explanation!) He desperately wanted to hear that it was all just another game. Never in his life had he wanted to hear so badly that maniacal laugh and see that snickering smile. But all he saw was a defeated flea, glaring lonesomely into his eyes, not a twinkle of evil in them.

"No plan, just excepting the fact that maybe this is for the best…"

"What… Are you ok?"

There it was again; that same question he's been asked over and over and over again. It pissed him off to hear that coming from anyone, especially this protozoan. This made him break; his teeth gritted together, knuckles turning white from clutching his fists so hard, the white bandage on his wrist slowly turning red as blood flowed out.

"Am I ok? Am I OK?! Why?! Why do you ask?! Why would it matter to someone like you if I was ok or not?! You don't care, nobody cares! So stop asking me that damn question! NO I'm NOT ok! There, are you happy?! Not what you were expecting huh?! I bet you were waiting for me to laugh it off and maybe give you a few cuts before I left huh?! Typical Shizu-chan, always thinking he has it all figured out! Piss off! Just leave me alone!"

(No I don't leave me alone! Please help me! I'll accept it from anyone, even you! So help me! Help me Shizuo! Please don't let me go… Please…)

And with that, he pushed the blonde out of the way, causing the sliding doors to finally shut. Stumbling backwards, Shizuo tried to catch the doors before they closed, but was too late as he listened to the elevator descending down to the main floor. Sighing in defeat, he made his was to his previous set destination before he'd ran into the flea.

Knocking on the doctor's door, he waited a few seconds before it flew open and out came the cheery male.

"Iza- ohh it's just you…"

"Gee, nice to see you too."

"Sorry, I was just really hoping you were Izaya…"

"Why? What's so great about seeing the flea? Just running into him on the way here was bad enough."

"Ohh so you saw him? How did he look?"

"Hmm? Fine I guess. Though he was acting a bit strange now that I think about it."

"I was afraid of that…"

"Why? Did something happen?"

"I'm not entirely sure, but Celty found him in an alley today, bleeding all over."

"Do you know what from?"

"Yeah, there were slash marks all over his wrist. And scars from what looks like older cuts…"

"Cuts? On his wrist? Can't that kill you?"

"Yes but only if you cut deep enough; he only skimmed the surface of his skin, but deep enough to make it bleed. I really am worried about him. Acts like these often mean signs of suicide."

"Suicide? The flea? Yeah ri-"

("I guess this would be a perfect time to kill me.")

"No way…."

"Shizuo?"

"I gotta go! Sorry! There's something I gotta check really quick!"

Bolting out the door, Shinra heard a faint 'sorry' from down the halls as the door slowly swung close.

"Umm? Okay… bye I guess?"

(Shit shit shit shit! That damn flea better not try anything stupid!) The ex-bartender was racing down the concrete streets of Ikebukuro, a path quickly made for him as many of the civilians didn't like the idea of being run down by a monster. He was forcing himself to move quicker than humanly possible as he dodged in and out of people's way and took any short cuts he knew. He needed to get to the informant's place, before anything happened to him.

"Dammit! Why the hell am I so worried about him?! Is it because I care? No there's no way! I just want to kill him myself! Yeah that's it! Only I can take his life!"

Sure Shizuo… so as he argued that notion to himself, he kept his inhuman pace along the road. As he crossed one busy street to the next, a corner store near the brunet's apartment made him stop as something caught his eye.

"Hey! How much is this?!"

"Ohh that? Five bucks."

"Five bucks? For this thing?!"

"Take it or leave it."

"Tch, rip off. Fine, I'll take it!"

After paying the man for his purchase, he was about to be on his way when another idea popped into his mind.

"You got a permanent marker I can borrow?"

"Huh? Why?"

"I need it! Come on old man, just let me use it!"

"Ok ok here."

Uncapping the marker with his teeth, he steadily wrote his message before recapping the writing utensil and thanked the man before dashing down the streets again.

Arriving in front of Izaya's door, he tried the knob to check if it was unlocked, which it wasn't, before he knocked on the door. Seconds passed and still no one answered. (Is he not home? No… He has to be…) Trying it again, Shizuo knocked a bit harder, hoping to catch the attention of the flea inside.

"Hey flea! You in there?!"

Silence answered him back as he sighed and rested his head against the door. The force of his head hitting the wood shook the frame and a key fell from the top frame. Amused at his stroke of luck, he placed the key into the lock before twisting it and revealed the interior of the room.

It was completely dark, no signs of life anywhere as Shizuo cautiously moved around the unfamiliar place. He'd been there before of course, but didn't really get a better look at the place seeing he was there to destroy the informant. Now that everything was quiet, he saw how modern and clean the whole place was. You'd think that a person like Izaya would have picture of people taped all around his walls or files upon mountain of files scattered all over. But it was the complete opposite of what the blonde had imagined.

Passing the kitchen into the living room, he saw the familiar fur trimmed jacket laying across the leather couch, indicating that Izaya was definitely home. Looking around, he spotted a door to his left and another to his right. Checking the one to the right first, he noticed that it was the office area in which the brunet spent most of his days, playing around on his computer, gathering information.

"So he must be in the other room then."

Quietly shutting the door, he walked on over to the other side, grabbed the knob, and carefully, very slowly, turned it all the way before he pushed the door in. It was even darker inside the bedroom than it was in the living room. At least in there the light of the moon somewhat lit the place, but here, here it was like a black hole. Dark curtains draped over the windows, blocking out any source of light from entering the room. And to make matters worse, the brunet was wear his black shirt and dark grey jeans to bed, making it almost impossible to place him. But luckily for Shizuo, his eyes had adjusted to the utter darkness and was able to make his way over to the bed.

The soft, almost silent sound of Izaya's breathing was a relief to the blonde as he sat on the side on the plush bed, carefully shifting his weight as to not wake the sleeping male. The sight of the informant's bandaged hand caught his attention, as he took one of those frail hands into his. Lighting rubbing the wrist area with his thumb, he felt a wave of sadness wash over him from the brunet.

"Izaya… why are you hurting yourself? This isn't like you. This isn't right. Cutting yourself like this… It isn't healthy…"

Concerned. He was actually concerned for the flea. Never in his life had he thought he would feel nothing but hatred towards the male, now this. It felt weird, but also nice. Nice to see that he can care about another person, even if it was the informant.

"Sorry…"

"Huh?"

The faint whispers coming from Izaya's mouth were delicate as Shizuo focused on the words coming from him. Now that he had a closer look, he saw dry tear stains on the smaller male's face.

"I'm sorry…to worry you…"

"If you're sorry then stop cutting yourself. Why are you doing that anyway?"

"Cause… I felt lonely… Unimportant… I wanted to feel alive… so I cut myself… I'm sorry…."

"*sigh*… you're an idiot you know that? You could've told someone, anyone. Shinra wanted to help, I wanted to help, but you kept pushing us away. I'm here for you ok? Even if I do claim to hate you… I still care… so know that you're always being thought of by me. Even if no one else is there for you, I am. I'm here Izaya…"

A small smile crept up on the brunet's face as Shizuo smiled along with him. Pulling the male up to a sitting position, the blonde gave him a warm hug before setting him back down. Hesitantly, he leaned down on the male's forehead and gave Izaya a soft kiss on his lips before pulling back. Taking the present out of his pocket, he placed it on the informant before he left the room, closed the doors, and disappeared into the night.

The blinding rays of the sun the next morning woke Izaya from his sleep as he shielded his eyes with his arm.

"What the-who opened my curtains? I never open them…"

The sight of the early morning usually pissed off the brunet, but for some reason today, it lifted his spirits a bit. Stretching out his body like a cat, the informant shifted out his bed and into the bathroom. After brushing his teeth and changing his clothes, he moved on into the kitchen to make a fresh cup of coffee.

Grabbing his mug, he went out onto the porch just outside his room and watch the sun rise into the sky, awakening the city below. Raising his cup for a sip, he suddenly noticed a yellow band around his wrist. Setting the cup down, he turned over the band and crimson eyes widened at what he saw. The engravings on the band were indescribably there, but what came after it, the black penmanship, it was impossible! He read and re-read it again and again, making sure he wasn't just losing it. But no matter how many times he looked at it, it still read the same message:

LIVE STRONG stupid flea

A/N:

The color for National Suicide Prevention day was yellow and I wore this band all day, will I do every day but that's beside the point! As seen here, there is always someone out there that cares about you. So speak your mind and let others in. It's the best decision you will ever make.

So what did you think? I would love to know! PM me if you ever want to talk, fav, love, hate whatevs lol but REVIEWS are lovely! I hope you have a wonderful day and a wonderful life!