You said What about us well, what about me?
Hang from the gallows asleep in the rain
Cause This is a wasteland, my only retreat
Paralyze me don't let me jump don't let me fall

The rain had begun most unexpectedly. It had been a warm, sunny day to enjoy when the sky just seemed to open up and the downpour began. Some would say it was a bad sign, but Becky Baker did not believe in silly ideas such as signs about life. She only believed in what was in front of her and whatever she experienced. There was no time to believe in God when one's life had become such a disaster. Becky had tried to put her faith in God, but she was so tired of being let down. She realized she was better off on her own for now. Damn the rain, she thought, and damn Adam for saying those things to me last night. He had told her she had used him and treated him like crap. Adam had made Becky feel bad for what she did. She was supposed to feel better because he had done the same to her, but nothing was turning out the way it was supposed to anymore.

Adam really wanted a divorce. He said he would rather die than be married to Becky. She never thought words could cut so deeply and make her like so insignificant. The man she had spent the past five years loving and planning to spend forever with did not want her anymore. No worse feeling in the world than knowing the one you loved would rather die than be with you. How does someone even process hearing something just like that? Maybe it would get easier as time passed, but Becky was hurting more than she cared to admit.

A divorce before she was even 25 years old. Her parents would never look at her the same and the church members would always be whispering behind her back. Becky already had to deal with all the people who said hateful things about Adam and who judged Becky for marrying him. Now they would be saying how they knew a marriage like hers could never last and it was for the best. People had always been so judgmental because Adam was different, because he wasn't perfect. But Becky saw past all the hateful words and whispers, she saw Adam for who he was and she loved that person. Now all of that had come crashing down and the only option left was to say they had tried their best and get a divorce. Life was so unfair, it seemed. Becky had planned out happily ever after and it had fallen down right around her feet.

If you could not believe in true love, then what could you believe in?

Becky rushed into the law office she had made an appointment with this morning, unsure of how she was supposed to talk about wanting a divorce. Deep down, she wanted to work everything out with Adam and try again. They had both made mistakes, but mistakes could be forgiven. Five years was such a long time to spend with someone... so many ups and downs, kisses, love making, and memories. Becky and Adam shared so much their whole relationship and now she was here to talk to someone who would help her legally end the marriage vows she made to Adam.

"Becky Baker?" A brunette wearing a power suit and glasses called Becky's name as she walked in the door and frowned when Becky waved frantically. The woman seemed very put together, a lot better than Becky who was wearing her sweats and had no makeup on. Becky was much too depressed to get dressed up for anything. Not even a meeting with a divorce lawyer. Why should it matter how she looked for a meeting? She had more than enough money to pay the woman so Becky could wear what she damn well pleased.

Once they were seated in the office, the woman, Joyce Markes, began to rapidly fire questions at Becky. She asked about how long Becky and Adam had dated, if there were any children involved, and just questions about every aspect of Becky's life with Adam. It was like nothing was off limits, the worse the news, the more the lawyer seemed to smile.

"What about extra-martial affairs? Did your husband ever cheat?" The question sent Becky back to the first time she knew Adam was cheating on her. It was this moment when Becky Baker realized how much she hated what her life had become.

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"What about us? What about me?" Adam's questions lingered in the air as he held the phone in his hand. He was listening to the sound of his own breathing and the terrible silence from Becky. She had called him to reveal she had met with a divorce lawyer and suggested he also get a lawyer. She did not say anything about talking or trying to work things out.

Adam had been angry when he said those hurtful things to her. Now he regretted every single word and wanted nothing more than to be holding Becky in his arms. The emotions he had been feeling last night had gotten the better of him and all of those words came out. He kept replaying them again and again, realizing they sounded worse every time he thought about them. Adam loved becky with all of his heart still and needed to show her he wasn't going to give up without a fight.

But all he heard was...

" I have been up all night thinking about how much I fucking love you and how we can work this out, but I was wrong. You are just fucked up in the head and I can't believe I let you do this to me again. You have done this the whole time we have been together. You always make me feel like shit for everything I do wrong. And then you always have to make it all about you. Five years. I know I made a mistake, but you cannot hold it over me forever. And you definitely can't fuck my own brother and expect me to forgive you. Who are you fall apart on me when all you have done is hurt me so badly?"

and of course..

"I would rather die than stay married to you anyway."

Stupid, stupid, stupid is what Adam had been for so long. He had this amazing woman who married him, but he had been too blind to see what was right in front of him. Now she was telling him to get a divorce lawyer and that they needed to discuss when they were going to sell the house. Everything was happening so quickly Adam was afraid there would be no time to make his wrongs right again.

Adam was hoping it was not too late for him to fix things with Becky because he had to admit those words did have some truth to him, he would rather die than not be married to Becky. However, it was not the time to think like that. Even though the rain outside had not stopped, Adam was not letting his mind wander to dark places. He had not thought such things since he had been Gracie, but it was hard not to let his mind wander to such dark places when he was losing his sunshine.

The darkness seemed more and more inviting the more Adam tried to imagine a life iwthout Becky. It simply did not exist. There was only nothingness. And the nothingness was slowly calling to him...

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Becky knew she needed to see Adam face to face. She was just having a difficult time gathering up the courage to go see him and talk to him. All she could think about was how sad and distant he sounded hours before on the phone. Becky had never heard Adam sound so depressed before. Not even when he almost was unable to have his last major surgery done. She could not but help being worried Adam would fall into a deep depression if she did not take the time to pay him a visit soon. Even if the divorce was going to happen, Becky wanted them to get along. Both had been through way too much together to just throw it all away.

Adam would not answer his phone though and did not respond to texts. Becky was feeling very apprehensive about the sudden silence from Adam, but she thought it could also be that he did not want to talk to her anymore. It just seemed so strange how Adam would just stop responding when he had just begging her to come see him. Something did not seem right, so the little voice inside was gnawing at Becky to go check on Adam.

But first, Becky needed to start packing up her apartment. She had gotten this place as a sign of her independence, but she could not live her anymore. She wanted to go back home to Adam. To the house they had bought together. Becky knew she had been stupid to see the lawyer and tell Adam to get his own. She had been so stupid these past few weeks, but she was going to make it better. She would pack all of her belongings and surprise Adam. Just show up and announce she was moving back in. When Becky Baker did surprises, she did them big. And this one would be one of the best Adam could hope for. She would explain how she had been such an idiot and how she wanted to make things right. Becky knew Adam had to be thinking the same things too. She would apologize for being such a bad person and swear they could start over. She would forget all about Imogen, and he could just pretend she had never slept with Drew.

She stared at everything she needed to pack and began to fill the boxes she purchased at the supermarket with her belongings. This was not going to be an easy feat, packing up everything she owned. But it was worth it because she was packing it so she could go home to Adam. She was finally happier than she had been in a long time. She sang to herself happily while packing and planned to go see Adam when it stopped raining.

Adam always told her it was never raining when Becky smiled because she was his sunshine. She was looking forward to hearing Adam saying those types of sweet things to her for the rest of their lives because there was no way she was losing him again.

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There was no answer when Becky rang the doorbell. Usually Adam answered the door right away. His car was still parked in the driveway so Becky was getting worried. She did not see him sitting in the living room or hanging out in the backyard, so she was starting to wonder where he could possibly be. After waiting for about ten minutes, she searched for her key at the bottom of her purse and opened the door to the house.

She was greeted with total silence and no indication Adam was even at home. Why would his car still be here though? Becky wondered as she walked through the house, looking for Adam. Everything seemed fine except for the silence. She was so used to some kind of noise happening in the house, it made her heart race out of nervousness. Something was wrong. Adam would not just leave in the middle of the day and not talk to Becky...

Adam was probably just over at Eli's or something. She could not shake off the bad feeling creeping up her spine so she explored the house to make herself feel better. Everything seemed fine until she reached the bedroom. The room was dark, but there was light peaking from beneath the bedroom door. She turned on the bedroom light to find a picture of Adam and herself with his wedding ring lying on top of the photograph.

Nothing was making sense anymore. Becky's heart was beating quickly and the bad feeling was only getting worse. Adam...please...no. She was having the same bad thoughts, but was hoping they would be proven not to be true. She and Adam had so much left to still do. No, she was not going to think the worst.

Very slowly, Becky opened the door and screamed. She screamed for hours until someone finally found her lying on the floor, a pile of numbness. She had screamed herself hoarse.

Beyond Becky Baker was Adam Torres on the bathroom floor, his body void of life.

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Life without Adam was unfair. Everyday was a rainy day, another chance to find a way to die. Adam had gone first, but Becky was not far behind. What was life without the one you love?

There was nothing dramatic about how Becky felt. There was only logic. Her whole life had been about Adam, and now he was gone. There was no reason for her to go on without Adam. He had been gone almost two months and nothing eased the pain. Becky relived the rainy day every single moment and wished she had gone to see him sooner. A part of her felt as though she maybe could have saved Adam. Then he would still be here and life would be okay.

She had tried hanging herslef on that rainy day Adam died, but she failed. She fell asleep listening to the rain, promising Adam she would be with him soon.

Never again would Becky Baker-Torres break a promise or hurt her beloved Adan. Never again.

This was the end. She was sitting on the roof of the house she and Adam had once shared. The place where Adam died. It was only fitting it be the place where Becky took her final breath.

Fear was paralyzing. She told herself not to jump, to not fall. But it had to happen eventually. Now or never was how it goes for Becky. She had failed once, but this time would be different.

Becky closed her eyes and thought of Adam, perching on the edge of the roof.

One...two...three.

Jump.