He had missed the feeling of pack. That feeling of belonging, the comfort of familiarity that came with knowing that somebody cared for you.
And while this was not quite the same as when pack had been easily interchanged with family—when pack meetings were the same as family dinners and pack mates were sisters, brothers, cousins—it was still comforting to know that there was someone to be there when he called.
And Derek had hoped that that someone would have been Scott. Despite being turned against his will, with no guidance or understanding, he remained true to himself, good and noble—when he wasn't overreacting about stupid and ridiculous teenage things, as he often did.
And Scott was loyal, almost to a fault. Loyal to Stiles, to his mom, to Allison. Hell, Scott was even loyal to Jackson, despite years of torture. Was it really so impossible to believe that Derek wanted someone to be that loyal to him? To be the kind compassion that evened out Derek's own anger and hostile behavior.
But Scott was his own alpha, and instead of compassion, Derek had a few broken kids who, like him, relied on anger to make a point. It was still a pack, however, and pack is pack.
He had the little boy broken in Isaac—afraid of his own shadow when Derek had approached him. And while Derek had anticipated that the years of abuse Isaac had gone through would make his will that much stronger in a fight, he hadn't realized the fervor that Isaac would take to the anger, to the wolf. He had gone from being quiet and invisible to being the first one to attack.
Which isn't always a good thing. Isaac could become a wild card, as soon as he realized that Derek was checking in that furious, white-hot rage that simmered beneath the surface.
Then there was Erica. Beautiful, feisty, Erica who used to be pockmarked and hidden in glasses and too-large clothes. Asthma had made her weak, and she had let that weakness rule over her, let others use it to knock her down and keep her there, alone and afraid.
And then she took the bite and turned it around. But instead of using her new self to stand tall, to keep others from beating her down again, she instead flaunted around trying to gain approval from the people who tormented her. She was still that teenage girl easily swayed by the opinions of her peers, and Derek wondered how long it would be before she was swayed out of his pack.
Boyd was quiet and unmoving, the same as he had been before. He was who Derek connected with the most in this new pack, because he understood how to simply be. He had nothing to make up for.
And this was pack. It was small and not very well put-together, but it was his pack. And while it would be somehow better if it included Scott and, to a lesser, and different, extent, Stiles, it was still his pack. It was the familiar scents surrounding him. The feeling of walking into the train car and seeing Erica half-asleep on a reading Boyd while Isaac quietly hummed along to his Ipod. It was the feeling of home, and Derek was going to hold tightly to it for as long as he could.
Because a wolf without a pack was the worst feeling in the world.