Hanging by a Moment

Chapter 3

A/N In celebration of the fact that Willemijn Verkaik, my favourite Elphaba, is off to play the role on Broadway this february...here's the final chapter for this one. I won't be able to go see her, but it's pretty awesome she'll have played the role in three languages (and for about 5 years by then...wow!) :)

I hope you enjoy!

Oh, and HC247...I am waiting on that new story (or an update to a certain story you know I love..)...it's only fair :)

It was the smell of coffee that woke her again.

It wafted closer and closer until it was too strong and delicious to be ignored. She opened her eyes and found a mug, and the man offering it, in front of her.

She smiled softly at the first and much bigger at the latter. He smiled back.

"Good morning."

She looked up at him, at the sparkle in his blue eyes, and she couldn't fight the hope that flared up. All those years of telling herself she was not that girl were not enough to keep from feeling it now. From wishing a million wishes that all came boiling down to the same one.

To go to sleep at night wrapped in his arms, strong around her thin frame. To have this, just this, every day.

She sat up, made to leave the comfort of the blankets, but he sat down next to her and pulled her into his arms, her back resting against his chest, before he brought his arms around her and handed her the mug. She wasn't sure why she enjoyed the fact that his arms went around her so easily, but she did. She could fall back against him, slump even if she would ever want to, and he wouldn't be moved an inch. He was strong enough to catch her. Strong enough to hold her. Strong enough for her, in every way.

She sipped her coffee and tried not to pay attention to how much of her skin showed, and how skinny she was, her ribs standing out and her knees and shoulders bony and small, despite the sheet she'd taken with her to cover as much as she could. But his hands were moving up and down her arms and he didn't seem put off in any way. Not even in the morning light, when her skin seemed most unattractive to her, after a night of almost blending in. He just let his fingers skim her body, his thumbs now brushing down her ribs, as his chin rested on her head.

It made her body break out in shivers and her fingertips tingle with the desire to return these ghostly touches.

She knew she should be angry. At herself. At him. She knew she should be questioning him, his motives, his abandonment of Glinda, his job as Captain of the Guard, but she didn't. And she tried not to think too hard about what that said about her.

She just kept still, sipped her coffee and hoped that he would do the talking.

He didn't.

He knew what would happen if he did.

And it wasn't that he was afraid of hearing what she had to say. He knew what was about to come. He knew what she'd say. He also knew he'd fight her every word and that, in the end, they'd leave here together.

He didn't doubt that, nor did he fear the discussion.

He just didn't want to do it now.

Not right now, when he was having what might just be the best morning of his life. This...this was what he'd dreamt of.

This is what he'd sometimes physically ached for, when hassled mornings at the Palace had threatened to overwhelm him. When mornings filled with Glinda's endless stream of words and unimportant officials with too many empty-headed opinions, made him lose his patience and he'd make an excuse to leave the breakfast table. He'd fled from his own life again and again, yearning for calm and quiet...and the woman he had in his arms now.

This was as perfect a morning as he was ever going to get.

He wasn't about to ruin it starting a fight he was going to win anyway.

He was right.

She knew that.

In everything he didn't say out loud, he was right.

She heard, louder with every passing hour, all the words he didn't speak.

Yet.

But one of them would, soon and then this would end and both their lives would forever be different. Neither of them could just go back to what had been before. Even if they would want to.

He didn't want to, or at least that's what he seemed to think.

She didn't either.

She hated that she knew that, that she could feel it in her every pore. It made it all so much harder. So infinitely more difficult.

In the hours spent among blankets, spent with many words but never those that were about to be spoken, there was a truth to them she couldn't ignore. Didn't want to disregard.

She wanted this. She just so, so wanted this.

And so did he.

He wouldn't let her go, and even though that would be enough to keep her from going if she wanted to, none of that mattered because she didn't want to.

He'd made a choice. And by taking his hand, back in that throne room, in front of Glinda, so had she.

She was a lot of things but a liar wasn't one of them and she had never bothered to lie to herself.

She wanted him enough to take what was offered to her, despite Glinda.

Despite the guilt she would always feel.

Despite the friendship she'd lose with making that decision.

Despite the hurt she knew she had caused.

She wanted him enough to take all that came with it.

But that didn't change the fact that she shouldn't.

That didn't change that he shouldn't.

She wanted him, yes, but she did not want this life for him. Her life.

She sighed and moved away from his sleeping form. She needed to talk to him, in all seriousness and she could not let him win the discussion that would inevitably follow. If she wanted to make him see that staying with her, choosing her on some sort of whimsical notion, was a mistake...she needed her clothes.

She'd only just succeeded in zipping her dress back up when he rolled over, eyes on full alert.

"Need to be somewhere?"

She didn't bother responding, only turned around fully to face him, her hands working to pin her hair back up.

"Fiyero.."

He let out a deep and weary sigh and swung his legs over the edge of the sofa. His hands moved to rest on the edge on either side of him as he cocked his head, the expression on his face a mixture between amusement and dread.

"Elphaba, can we just skip this?"

Her hands stilled slightly, hovering over hair.

"Skip what?"

He shook his head slightly and flicked his wrist in an indifferent manner, as if what he referred to was clear as day.

"This. This part."

It was, unfortunately. There was no mistaking what he was talking about, but acknowledging that would only weaken her defense.

"Fiyero, what are you even.."

"This part, where you tell me it's best that you go, and no, I can't come with you, followed by a myriad of reasons why that would be unwise or dangerous or just plain stupid. That part."

He looked her in the eyes.

"Can we just skip that? Because honestly, we both know it won't work. I won't let you go. And even if we also both know that would never be enough to keep you from going if you wanted to, we also both know you don't want to."

Her hands wanted for something to do now that her hair was done. She was too aware of them, empty and gesturing at nothing, and it made her uncomfortable, so she narrowed her eyes and turned her voice to ice.

"We both know that, do we?"

He didn't seem perturbed by the change in her demeanor.

"Yes, we do. Because you never would have been here still, if you had wanted to leave by yourself. You would have gone by now."

She scoffed and cocked her head, throwing him as fiery a glare as she could muster.

"Don't think I didn't consider it."

Again, he didn't even seem to notice.

"I'm sure you did. But you didn't do it. That tells me more than you want me to know."

Her eyes narrowed even further. She didn't enjoy people telling how she felt and what she wanted. It had always been a problem.

"And what is it, exactly, that you think you know?"

"Oh come on, Elphaba. Give it a rest. I love you. I want to come with you. Do you really want to fight me on this?"

Of course, people usually had no idea about what she felt or what she wanted, which made it easy to scorn their notions. Fiyero knew her better than she would have thought.

She didn't enjoy that either.

"It's not that easy."

He bit back either a sigh or a curse and stood up, his body stretching as he shoved his jeans over hips.

"Only because you won't let it be. It could be."

He wasn't looking at her, trying to locate his shirt, and it bothered her.

"No, it couldn't be! You are walking away from a life. You're leaving a fiance behind!"

Fully dressed now, save for his jacket, he turned back to face her.

"Elphaba."

He appeared calm and his tone of voice sounded tired more than anything, but there was an undercurrent of tension simmering beneath that composed outer layer. It should have warned her into retreat but it pushed her buttons instead.

"No! No, Fiyero. You can not stand there and claim this is as simple as walking away without a backwards glance. It is not that easy."

"You did it."

His words were spoken casually, but with a hint of a dare to it. He knew what he was doing. Or so he thought.

"I didn't want to! I wasn't left a choice!"

He didn't approach her, but she felt as if he was closing in on her from every anger.

"You could have chosen not to go. You could have chosen to become Grand Vizier. You didn't."

She couldn't stop herself; She took a step back.

"I couldn't! It would have gone against everything I am and all that I stand for!"

"Exactly!"

There was a triumphant note to his voice as he moved away from the wall he'd been leaning against and took a few steps in her direction. It made her want to take a few of her own, away from him, but she refused to give him the satisfaction.

"What?"

He came to a halt a few steps away from her. It made her breath come a little easier.

"I want you, Elphaba. What I want out of life, more than anything, is you. If that makes me pathetic, then so be it. And if it means leaving behind a life I didn't care for to begin with...well, then I guess you would know that that's not much of an obstacle."

"Fiyero, it's not the same. I wasn't leaving behind a fiance." She hadn't even been leaving behind that much of a life.

He shook his head, as if her argument meant nothing. She knew it did.

"You left her behind just the same. And not just her."

She wouldn't let him take them in this direction. It wasn't the same.

"You were with Glinda! And she knew why I had to go. Why I didn't have a choice."

"And she knows why I had to."

No triumphant tone this time. She was glad of that. Triumph didn't have a place here.

"You broke her heart."

She hadn't wanted to say the words, but they'd left her lips before she had even noticed the thought but he only nodded.

"Maybe, but if I did, then it wasn't yesterday. If I did, then I did it every time I didn't propose. Every time I left her to go look for you. Every time I refused to attend one of her parties, because I couldn't stand to hear people talk about you as if...because I just didn't want to hear people talk about you."

She was relieved to hear him concede to hurting Glinda, even if the guilt over playing a part in that nearly killed her. Even if the sadness at her best friend's pain was enough to make her want to cry. Glinda's heart had been broken by the two of them, separate and together, and they deserved to feel the full weight of that. Even if it wouldn't be enough.

"Fiyero..."

She wasn't even sure why she said his name, why she'd started a new sentence. Her arguments were waning, simply because she didn't believe them herself. No matter how true they were.

"Elphaba. It's not a matter of simply walking away, and it's not a matter of never looking back. I feel more guilt over my actions than you might ever know and I will always look back. But I won't do it with regret. This is what I want and if that makes me selfish, then I'll be selfish."

"Fiyero..." She took a breath and gave it one more try; "It's not safe. It's not that...it's not that I would rather be without you...since I, as you seem so sure of already, would in fact prefer to be with you, I..."

"You would in fact prefer to be with me? Oz, Elphaba, you sure know how to win a man over..."

She recognized what he was doing, but she still felt indignant anger take over, her eyes narrowing again.

"I wasn't aware I had any winning over to do. However, if that is the case..."

He grinned. Widely.

"Sweet Oz, woman. Let it go."

He got up, grin growing wider still and stood right in front of her, his one hand on her upper arm, as the other cupped her cheek, forcing her to look at him.

"Just let it go."

His voice was soft but strong. No matter how wide his smile, his words were serious and earnest.

"I want to be with you. And I don't care for the details. I just, finally, want to spend my days with you. I want to wake up with you and go to sleep at night with you, and if that's not in a bed, then it's on the forest grounds, or in a tree."

He smiled and kissed her cheeks, then pulled back to look at her.

"I am not asking you to stop whatever it is you do. I just want to be there when you get back ….and help in any way I can."

"I can't stay here."

His smile grew.

"I mean it, Fiyero. I'm going back to the woods. I don't feel safe here."

"So we go to the woods."

She almost smiled back at him. Almost.

"Fine."

There was a huff in her words.

"Fine."

A laugh in his.

"You're utterly absurd. And insufferable."

He laughed out loud at that and patted her shoulder.

"Well, you have other qualities."

She rolled her eyes and tried for a stern voice.

"Just get your things. We need to leave."

His hand tightened on her shoulder for a moment, before he moved past her to grab his jacket.

"See how nice that sounds? We...?"

"Fiyero!"

"Going!"

His laughter made her smile at his back.

A/N I found out today that there is such a thing as Wicked Fanfic Awards...and that vinkunwildflowerqueen and twominutes nominated me! I am completely overjoyed and truly, truly moved. It's amazing that somebody enjoyed my story enough to do that!

I will be doing some nominating of my own this week and I hope you will too. And no, I am not saying that to get you to nominate me...

There's so many wonderful stories in this section that deserve to be acknowledged so if you have a chance visit bluediamondsonagreenfield's profile and nominate your favourites :)

Thanks for reading and till next time!

Working away on my new story now that I have some time, so hopefully you'll hear from me soon.

And I hope to hear from you, of course :)