A/N: And now another new fan fiction! This takes place 8 months after the Reaper's Game ended, and Neku still hasn't forgiven Joshua. Let's see how this goes, hmm? This'll be a one-shot. Another Neku POV, so Night isn't involved. Yaoi towards the end. Enjoy~

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the story.

Decisions, Decisions

8 months. That's how long it had been since I had seen Joshua, that annoying-as-shit silver-haired prick. He gained my trust and threw it to the wind, not caring about me at all. Well, the Game had certainly changed me, at least for a while, anyway. I had tried to remain friends with Shiki, Beat, and Rhyme for about 2 months after it was over, but I just couldn't.

I ended up reverting to my old ways of blocking everyone out with my headphones and music, and just ignored the texts and phone calls I got from the trio. I was exactly as I had been before, with the exception of my memories of the Game, and of Joshua.

I tried to tell myself that I hated him with every fiber of my being, but whenever I did, some part of me felt like I was lying. I didn't know what was wrong with me, still don't, but I know that I'm gonna have to face him again someday. Don't ask me how, I just have this feeling.

I sat up in bed from my musings when I felt something odd pass over me, and a strange feeling of familiarity. I shrugged it off and lay back down, closing my eyes to try and sleep with my headphones over my ears.

I hadn't been sleeping well since the Game, try as I might. Even my parents had tried to help me by taking me to doctors, but nothing worked. Pills, therapy, hypnosis, you name it. Nothing worked. I wasn't even affected by any of it.

Whenever I slept, I just had weird dreams about Joshua. Nothing dirty, but just dreams that seemed to be trying to tell me something, but I could never figure out the meaning of them. And when I would finally wake up, I couldn't remember the details. Other nights I could barely sleep at all. I ended up deeming myself as an insomniac.

It was one of those nights that I knew I would barely sleep, so I just lay there, trying to get some sleep, when that odd, familiar feeling passed over me again. Now I knew it wasn't a fluke. I sat up again, rubbing at my eyes, which had gained faint dark circles under them from the past months of getting barely any good sleep, and looked around.

"Who's there?" I asked dully. I had hardly any life left to me, but I wasn't willing to die again, either. I didn't want to die, not yet, not again, not when I'm not ready. There was no answer, but I swore I heard a quiet sigh from nearby, which sent a slight chill down my spine.

I closed my eyes tiredly and decided to ignore the feeling until whoever it was decided to show themselves. I needed to try and sleep, anyway. Key word: try. As I lay back down, I suddenly noticed something in my peripheral vision, and my eyes flicked over to look.

I nearly jumped out of my skin at the sight of Joshua standing in the corner of my room, smirking slightly at me.

"J-Joshua?" I gasped, glaring at him. Fortunately, my parents were gone on business, so I was home alone. "What the fuck are you doing here?!"

"I just came to see how my dearest proxy was doing," he giggled. The sound made me cringe inwardly. How the fuck could he be so happy when I'm miserable? Probably because he won his damn game with Shades by using me…

"Yeah, well now you've seen I'm fucking miserable," I snapped. "So now you can go." Joshua's violet eyes, the ones that had haunted my weird-ass dreams, narrowed slightly at me.

"And how, pray tell, are you miserable?" he asked, obviously feigning innocence.

My glare intensified, and I snarled, "How can you not know?! Aren't you always watching over Shibuya?! And if I'm your 'dearest proxy' as you claim I am, then why aren't you fucking watching me, huh?!"

"…"

"That's what I thought," I growled, and turned back over to face the wall, my back to Joshua. As I lay there, scowling, I thought I heard a faint, "I'm sorry", and then there was a glow of light, and he was gone.

I sighed to myself, confused as hell now; why the fuck would Joshua visit me after all this time, if he already knew what had been happening with me? What was the point of even wondering about it? He had probably just come to fuck with my head again. I sighed again as I turned over, but then my eyes widened as I saw a white feather that was barely glowing on my bedside table.

Staring at it, I carefully picked it up, and noticed a slender silver necklace chain attached to the quill. On the opposite end of the chain from the feather was a note. It read:

Neku, I'm truly sorry about the past 8 months, and for the Game. If you ever wish to speak to me again, and I hope you do, you can call me by whispering my name into this feather. Sincerely, Joshua.

I stared at it for several minutes, trying to comprehend what Joshua had written. Seriously? He was claiming to be sorry? How could he be, after what he had done to me? I crumpled the note in my hand, but I didn't do anything to the feather, despite my hatred for Joshua. I ended up throwing the feather on the necklace into my bedside table drawer, and then violently turned myself over in bed to try and sleep again.

X*X*X*X

It was a few days later that he visited me again in my room. Mom and Dad still weren't back yet, so thankfully no one would hear me. I was trying to sleep again when he appeared, just like last time.

"What now, Joshua?" I sighed angrily. I looked at him, and he seemed…bothered. Almost perturbed by something. He stayed away from me, remaining standing in the corner of my room opposite of me. When he didn't say anything, I huffed, "You obviously came for a reason, what do you want?" He mumbled something I couldn't understand, and I shook my head, frustrated. "What did you say?" I demanded.

"I said, 'how come you didn't call for me'," he said, speaking up.

"Because I still haven't fucking forgiven you, ass-hat," I growled. I was about to continue when he said something that I didn't expect.

"You've been dreaming about me," he stated. It wasn't a question, so I knew he somehow knew.

"How the hell do you know about that?" I hissed, clenching my fists and getting up from my bed to stand.

"I've been watching over you," he said simply. "And that includes watching over your dreams."

"I thought you claimed you weren't watching me?" I said sarcastically.

"I was, Neku, and I'm sorry for lying to you," he apologized, and I blinked. Joshua…apologized? In person, without using something to get the message across for him? What the hell?!

"Who are you and what have you done with the real Joshua," I deadpanned.

"Neku, it's really me," he sighed, frustrated.

"Well, what the hell could you want?" I asked, frustration lacing my own voice.

"Neku…I don't know how to go about doing this, but…" he trailed off, ruffling his hair a bit.

"What, Joshua?" I sighed irritably.

"I…think I'm…in love with you…" he murmured, blushing a bit. I stiffened in shock, unable to react. My eyes widened as the glow began a minute after he finished speaking, and I knew he was about to leave.

"NO!" I gasped, and grabbed his wrist to stop him from leaving, but I blushed when I realized what I'd done. He stared at me, surprised himself. "You can't just say something like that and then leave…" I muttered, releasing his wrist and holding my shoulder with it.

"You seemed like you didn't return my feelings," he mumbled quietly, hanging his head. His hair covered his eyes, but I could tell he was crying, due to the quiet sniffs he was making.

"I…I'm not sure what to say, Joshua," I whispered. "What can I say? 'I love you with all my heart and always have'? 'Cause I don't think it would work like that."

Suddenly, before I could register it in my mind, Joshua straightened up and grabbed me gently by the shoulders, and then pulled me forward and kissed me softly on the lips. It felt like it lasted hours, but was really only a minute before I kissed him back. Finally, he pulled away after a couple minutes, leaving me breathless.

"Now do you think it could work like that?" Joshua asked softly, trying to catch his breath as well. I didn't answer; the realization of what my dreams meant this whole time was flooding over me, and I realized I do love Joshua. Finally, I managed to answer.

"Yeah," I breathed, "I think it can work like that." Josh smirked, and then came over and wrapped his arms around my waist, linking his hands together behind me.

"But I can't stay here, Neku," he murmured sadly, the smirk fading. "I do want to be with you, though, but I only have one option, and it's up to you if you want to go through with it."

"What is it?" I asked, starting to worry.

"You can die again and become my Conductor, or stay here and alive without me. It's all up to you and whether or not you're ready to die again," he told me. I hesitated, unsure. I wasn't actually ready to die again, but I also wanted to be with Joshua. I knew I wouldn't be able to live without him.

"I…don't know, Josh," I mumbled. "I'm not sure if I'm ready to die again…"

"I know, Neku, that's why I'm giving you the option, but I can't stand to be away from you for too long," he explained, and then kissed me again. I then made my decision.

"I'm willing to die again if it means spending the rest of my existence with you," I told him, and I could literally see the love and adoration that shone in his eyes.

"Oh, Neku…I love you so much," he told me lovingly, and kissed me deeply, sweeping his tongue through my welcoming mouth.

"I love you, too, Josh," I replied honestly when we broke apart to breathe.

"Neku…Are you sure you want this?" he asked, and I nodded seriously.

"I can't imagine being without you now," I admitted. "I now understand that those dreams about you were telling me that I'm in love with you."

"I'm glad you realized it," he agreed, and then stepped back, pulling out a gun. I swallowed nervously, and Josh must've noticed, because he said, "It's the fastest, most painless way, Neku, I promise."

"I trust you, Josh," I whispered, and he held up the gun, pulling the trigger with a whisper of, "I love you."

X*X*X*X

It was a few days later that Joshua and I were sitting in the Dead God's Pad, cuddled together, when I examined my wings. They were shimmery, white, feathered wings, different than that of the Reapers, but I didn't mind, and neither did anyone else, it seemed. When Josh kissed my temple, I turned my head and kissed him passionately, making my intentions clear as I straddled his lap.

"Neku…are you sure?" he asked when we broke apart to breathe.

"Yes," I answered, completely sure of what I wanted.

"In that case…" the silverette purred, and then picked me up and carried me to our bedroom. He placed me on the bed, kissing me again, his tongue brushing against my bottom lip, seeking entrance. I granted it to him willingly, and he feverishly began to try and tug my shirt off. I swiftly unbuttoned his shirt at the same time, the pale blue fabric sliding off from his shoulders and exposing his pale chest.

We broke apart so he could take my shirt off, and then we worked on each others' pants. I pulled his down, discovering he had gone commando, and he giggled at my surprised expression.

"Surprised, dear?" he teased.

"I probably shouldn't be," I replied, shaking my head slowly in disbelief. Joshua quickly yanked my boxers and cargos off, and then kissed me again. I moaned as he began to pump me a bit.

Suddenly, I felt his hot breath on my cock, and what came next nearly made me bellow. He took me in his mouth, and I felt him begin to suck me off. My moans became louder and higher in pitch, and I was unable to control them. I felt my climax approaching, and I quickly grabbed at his hair, trying to make him stop.

"J-Josh! I'm gonna cum!" I yelled, and he pulled away before I could. He smirked devilishly at me, and then pulled out a small container of lube, slathering some on his fingers and then pressing one in my ass. I squeaked at the sensation, then began squirming.

"Neku, relax, or it's gonna hurt more," Josh warned me, and I willed myself to relax. He stretched me until I had adjusted to the first finger, then he slipped in a second. He made scissoring motions with his fingers, stretching me well, and then slid in the third. He stretched me thoroughly, but I whimpered when he pulled his fingers out, leaving me feeling empty. Soon, though, I felt his cock lightly pressed against my entrance.

"Ready, Neku?" Josh asked gently.

"Y-yeah," I stammered, and he pressed in, making me hiss from the pain. Once he was fully inside, he paused, kissing my forehead.

"You okay?" he asked, gazing at me worriedly.

"Yeah, just move," I whimpered, needing him to move, NOW.

He obeyed, pulling out slowly until the tip was all that was left inside me, and then he thrust back in, deep, hard, and fast. I moaned loudly from the feeling of him thrusting into me, and then he hit it. He hit my damn prostate, making me scream from pleasure.

"Ah, Josh, there! Right there!" I cried out, and he continued to hit my prostate, causing waves of pleasure to crash over me and stars to cloud my vision.

"Mmm, Neku…You're so tight," Josh moaned, and all I could do was moan in response. Eventually, I could feel my climax approaching, and I cried out when I came over both of our stomachs.

"Holy shit, NEKU!" Joshua moaned as he, too, came, spilling his hot seed inside of me. He slowed his thrusts as he rode out his orgasm, and then carefully pulled out, rolling us over so we could cuddle.

"I love you, Josh," I murmured through the haze of sweat and heat.

"I love you, too, Neku," Josh mumbled into my shoulder. We kissed once more before falling asleep. I was glad I made the decision I did.

A/N: Okay, one-shot complete! I hope this lemon is good, guys! I was gonna make this a chaptered fic, but couldn't think of enough to write to do so, so I just made it a one-shot. Let me know what you think! R&R, peeps!