i own nothing

ix. The Avengers

Clint could have foreseen this coming. Really he could have. He doesn't know how the hell it happens, because he's always with the Avengers, but of course he'd have to be stupid enough to wander away from Natasha while she's engrossed in her ice cream. Tony has always told him all these modeling companies wanted Clint to model for them, and so Clint should have known better.

Sadly Clint always regrets what happens after it happens. But he is currently doing the best he can actually do during his predicament – cry his ass off. His kidnappers have no idea what to do, and it's sort of funny that all these women in suits keep dangling toys in his face or shake rattles for him. They're all redheads, to which Clint guesses is supposed to be Pepper, but sadly for them he's not actually a toddler.

So he wails, and thank goodness the baby is made of unending energy, because he's pretty sure he's been crying for the past hour. Because goddamn it, no, he is not going to become the front page of a baby clothing magazine.

To make matters worse, even though his ear infection has healed, all the stress from the kidnapping must be getting to him, because his ear's starting to throb again. So here he is, dressed in a pink – pink! – rabbit hoodie with white jeans, propped in the middle of the table, crying his head off. He hopes his kidnappers are fucking annoyed at him, because he is fucking annoyed at them.

He just hopes he can continue crying until Tony and Natasha figure out where the fuck he is. Even though he figures he has some times after his tears dry up, because who wants a tear-blotched baby on the front cover of their magazine, right?

Thankfully, it isn't too long until there's a shattering of glass and shrieking. But he doesn't actually stop crying until he hears Tony's low voice through the speakers of his suit, very, very, very angry. "I'd apologize about the window." Tony says, his voice cold with fury. "But you took something of ours that's very dear to us, so I figure you're still in debt."

"God, look at you." Steve says, picking Clint up. "Your face is all blotched." Clint nods, hiccupping, hoping he's playing the part of the frightened toddler. Steve is shaking, shaking violently in what Clint realizes is suppressed anger. Clint knows just how important Steve's image is not just to Steve but to the rest of them, so he presses his palms on Steve's star-spangled chest. Steve looks down at him and smiles briefly before sheathing a protective arm around Clint.

He's holding Clint so Clint's shielded from everything else, but Clint can still peek over his shoulders. Natasha looks deadlier than she'd ever been, and she currently has three women's hairs in a grip. Thor has crashed his hammer through all the computers, Tony is blasting through all the walls, and Bruce.. Well, Bruce is the Hulk.

"Is it okay?" Clint wonders, looking around at the damage. "For them to be ripping through the office like this?'

"The reason it took us so long is because Fury stopped us. He dug us some dirt about the company because no company who kidnaps two year olds can be completely clean. We figured they weren't torturing you or anything, so we had a bit of time." Steve rubs at Clint's cheeks. "You okay?"

"Please, I've gone through worse. They did nothing. Except shake a rattle in front of my face for like half an hour." Clint feels physically exhausted, but that isn't anything the women did to him – that's himself crying without break, so he leaves that unmentioned. He feels a little bad for them, anyway, but that's what you get for messing with family.

Plus, he's exhausted anyway, so he just lets his head drop onto Steve's shoulder and closes his eyes.

The next time he opens his eyes, he's lying down in his crib in Steve's room. He yawns and rattles the crib a little, standing up, and Bruce is crouching over him. "Hey." Bruce says, looking a little haggard as he always does when he transforms. Clint raises his arms and Bruce picks him up. "No more wandering off by yourself, you hear?" Bruce says, sternly, but Clint sees the wavering in his eyes and he presses a hand to Bruce's cheek. Bruce chuckles.

"Sorry." Clint apologizes, and he genuinely is. "Won't happen again. Is Tash going to kill me?"

"I think she spent all of her murderous impulses on those women. She shaved them all bald." Bruce winces. "I forget how brutal she can be."

"She used an actual shaver?"

Bruce looks at Clint, who grins at him. "Well, yes, when you put it that way, she was having mercy on them by not using a dagger or a bullet or something else. The company went down. Tony revealed all their shady business, not to mention that they abducted a two year old. I don't know how they thought they were going to get away with it."

Clint shrugs. He's still dressed in his rabbit hoodie, though someone has had the mercy to change him out of the tight jeans. He's pretty sure it's Steve, because this is his room, and Steve is the last person he remembers being in the arms of.

Bruce carries him down to the living room, where he's snatched off by Thor. "Clint!" He shouts. "Do not scare us so again!" And then he chucks Clint up into the air, and Clint laughs delightedly. It feels like flying. Thor catches him easily and tosses him upward again, again and again until he's laughing almost hysterically. Whatever inhibitions Thor has had about touching Clint is all gone, and lately Clint spends a lot of time with Thor. They spend most of the time figuring out just how high Thor can throw Clint. (The answer is pretty fucking high. They had to stop after the second floor because Pepper yelled at both of them.)

The days pass by normally. Pepper dresses Clint in various animal shapes. Coulson sometimes babysits. Fury and Hill swear never to. Thor tests the limits of his strength. Tony acts like his dad. Bruce runs a test check on him every single day. Natasha thinks Clint is her stuffed animal. Steve gets too much enjoyment out of pulling the baby chick pajamas on him every day.

Clint enjoys it so much that the month flies by. Bruce thankfully predicts the transformation back down to the minute, so Clint stays rolled in blankets until he transforms back. Everyone looks a little sad, but for the most part they're glad he's back. Pepper hands him a hoodie – big enough to fit his adult form – that's light blue with rabbit ears. "Seriously?" He groans, and everyone laughs.

Two weeks later, Clint is covered in alien goo. Again.

"It's not going to turn me back into a two year old, is it?" He asks, after Steve has shoved him into the shower and Bruce has taken a sample. He really doesn't want to become one again. Not that he hated it. He misses it, even, a little, but he likes his body. It's not helpless. He only sometimes wears the bunny hoodie, and only because it's comfortable. (Also because it makes everyone a little more relaxed after a bad day.)

Bruce smiles. "No. The compound is completely different from the one from last month. You know, though, Clint, you should consider wearing a suit that covers everything. Like Steve and Natasha. One day it's going to be actually fatal."

Clint snorts. "No way. I feel all stuffy if everything's covered up." He jumps off the medical bench. "All vitals good, and if I'm not turning into a two year old, I'm gonna go get some rest." Bruce waves him away.

He burrows into his nest of a bed and sighs, hugging it. He's missed his bed, goddamn it. Sure, he's had two weeks to get reacquainted with it, but he still appreciates it like nothing else. The crib. He shudders. It reminded him of jail cells. He pushes the thought out of his mind and curls around a pillow.

Tony is watching Premium Rush with Natasha (he finds it only mildly disconcerting that she is actually obsessed with Joseph Gordon-Levitt) when the shrill scream rings through the air. Natasha is up immediately – he doesn't miss how she's managed to press pause – and she's running, as is Tony. Thor and Steve come crashing through the kitchen, and Bruce comes wide-eyed from the stairs. "Clint." Natasha says, and she rushes up the emergency staircase.

Clint is standing in front of the mirror in his room, which is, frankly, a good thing. He's not a toddler again. And he's alive. And then Tony sees it.

There's a tail sticking out from the loose waistband of Clint's sweatpants, and there are two cat ears jutting from the top of his head. Clint turns and he raises his eyes to the heavens. "Why the fuck do these things only happen to me?!"