Disclaimer: Beelzebub is not mine.

Prophylactics

A late night visit to the convenience store.

"What is wasabi? Is it some kind of dessert?" Hilda asked as she picked up a box of wasabi-flavored KitKat.

Hilda, accompanied by a barely awake Oga Tatsumi and a cranky Baby Beel, was on a sudden shopping trip to nearest convenience store after Baby Beel awoke in the middle of the night, hungry.

Not liking any of the food available in the house, the unconventional family went to the convenience store to buy Baby Beel's favorite snacks.

"You remember the green guck okaa-san puts in soy sauce? So it's definitely not dessert," Oga said as he tried to suppress a yawn. A few meters away, the store clerk's knees buckled and began shaking. Oga looked more menacing when he was sleepy.

"What's Pocky then?"

"Baby Beel can't eat those yet."

They picked up Baby Beel's favorite snacks and proceeded to the counter, where the store clerk did his best to not cry in fear. A bright, colorful, square object caught Hilda's attention.

"Oga, what's this?"

Oga looked at the object Hilda was holding, and upon the sight of the square object, Oga froze and was jolted awake.

"T-that's-" As Oga struggled for words, he felt his temperature begin to rise, "-not food."

"But it says strawberry flavor on the cover."

"It's not something meant to be eaten."

Hilda, confused by the inconsistency, began looking at the other square objects on the counter. "If you don't like the strawberry flavor, there's also banana flavor, mint flavor, even chocolate flavor…"

"W-we're not getting any of those."

"Master, would you like these?" Hilda asked Baby Beel in the most motherly and caring way.

"No that's-"

"Aih!"

"We'll take them, then!"

As the family walked home, Hilda reached into the paper bag and brought out the square package. She read the labels and was disappointed that they were really not meant to be eaten.

"I-I told you," Oga said in the calmest voice he could muster.

"What's it for then? It says for maximum pleasure. Pleasure from what, exactly?"

"You ask too many questions."

"You aren't answering properly."

"W-well, you shouldn't have bought that thing anyway."

"What's so wrong about this thing that you can't give me a decent answer anyway?"

Oga, feeling his temperature rise, did what he did best in awkward situations like this.

He ran away.

After giving Baby Beel his snacks and tucking him to sleep, Oga heard the door open. Somehow the click of Hilda's heels against the hardwood (really? hardwood?) floor suddenly became so deafening.

Oga looked up as the clicking of Hilda's heels got louder. Or maybe, it was just his heart beating faster, louder, stronger. Hilda stood before him, her hand on her hip, in her usual arrogant fashion.

"So I finally figured out what those things were for."

Oga, once again, felt his temperature rise. His heartbeat was on overdrive. "I-I-It's-"

"You really shouldn't keep these things a secret from me, Tatsumi."

Oga's heartbeat went on double overdrive as he heard her call him by his first name. This time, Oga felt too weak to run away.

"It can be a toy for the young master!" Hilda said excitedly, as she held out that dreaded object, which now looked like a balloon. Hilda seemed to have made the effort to blow some air into it.

Oga's temperature suddenly plummeted down, his heartbeat went back to normal, and he began laughing like a demon, rolling on the floor as he did. He was completely lying down on the floor (still laughing hard) when he suddenly felt Hilda's weight rest on his chest.

"Or," Hilda said as she leaned down on Oga, her face barely an inch away from his, "we can use it for something else." The look on Hilda's eyes were of pure seduction, and suddenly, Oga Tatsumi wasn't laughing anymore.

They kissed.

Fin.