What I Would have been funny (to ma at least) to see in The Mummy.

Disclaimer: You know the drill here chaps and chapesses. I don't own it, I got this first idea from "Veronica's Closet", a TV show on USA. I saw a rerun in Scotland and then my mind went to work. Well, I don't own The Mummy or The Mummy Returns.

Rick is tying a rope to a pillar that is adjacent to the hole in the ground that they go in into Hamunaptra in the first movie. Then a big Anubis parade balloon pops out pinning Rick's back to the wall while holding the rope. The director yells cut. The crew try to stab the darn thing but to avail they see a tag saying, can't be popped in hieroglyphs. Director calls Emergency department (a.k.a. the Fire department) but they can't make it out there for another two hours for some unknown reason. Nearly two hours pass.

Brendan: Oh, crap, I knew this was going to happen!!

Rachel: You knew you were going to be pinned to a pillar by a big Anubis balloon?

Brendan: No… I have to pee!

Rachel: What?!?!?

Brendan: Help? Please?

Rachel: Have one the men do that!!

Warden: I will.

Brendan: No!!

Rachel: John?

John: No way!!

Evy: Anyone?!?!?!?!

*Everyone either goes off pretending to do stuff or just ignore her*

Brendan: C'mon, Rachel, please help me!! Listen all you have to do is hold it and aim, I'll do the rest!!

Rachel: Jonathan give me your long coat.

Brendan: He brought a long coat to the desert?

Rachel: And I brought a black Egyptian print dress, so? You want help or not?

Brendan: *squeamish* Yeah, I do, but please hurry!!

*John hands Evy his long coat. She puts it on her front side.*

Rachel: Some rubber gloves please?

*rubber gloves are tossed her way.*

Rachel: Okay. *reaches in into his crouch. Feels something starts looking for the end* My God Brendan, where does it end? *laughter is heard off set*

Brendan: I think that's the rope.

Rachel: *pulls hand out* Oh, I guess that explains the knot at the end.

Brendan: Oh, hurry!!

Rachel: *sticks hand back in his crouch. Feels something. Holds* Is that it?

Brendan: *nods* Y-yeah, that's it, now aim into that hole I guess!

Rachel: *Aims it. At least I think she aims it at the hole.* I hope I aimed right!!

Stephen: Perhaps you should stand a little more to the side Rachel, you're right next to the hole!

Rachel: No, I think I'll be alright. Brendan, you're big.

Brendan: *pisses. Sighs in relief.* Thanks.

Rachel: *is near screaming. Brendan finishes and she screams.* Oh my god!! It got on me!!

Stephen: You should just done what I told ya, stand to the side. You were right next to the hole you were suppose to aim for!!

Brendan: Should I apologize?

Rachel: YES!! YOU WERE THE ONE WHO NEEDED TO PISS IN THE FIRST PLACE!! DAMN IT!!

Brendan: I mean, it got on John's coat. I think you should apologize, you asked to were the coat.

John: You marked it, you keep it, Brendan.

Brendan: Cool, I'll just wash it.

Stephen: Hey the fire department is here!!

Fireman: *walks next to Brendan* Alright, we need to find that rope that is attached to it. It should be around here. *sticks hand in near Brendan crouch. Brendan doesn't like this.* WHOA!!

Brendan: ROPE!!

Fireman: Oh.

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Drunken Evelyn scene.

AN: Caitlin '02 You can still use this if y'want.

Evelyn: And I am going to kiss you Mr. O'Connell.

Rick: Call me Rick.

Evy: oh, hm, R- Rick. *Nearly kisses him he scoots back and Evelyn fall into his crouch.*

Stephen: CUT!! OH MY GOD!! BRENDAN WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!?!?!?! YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED SOON!!

Rachel: *stays in for a while then comes out* You smell nice.

Brendan: Thanks. *grins*

Stephen: THAT IS WRONG RACHEL, AND YOU TOO BRENDAN!!! THAT IS JUST WRONG!!! WE ARE ALL GOING TO PRETEND THAT YOU DIDN'T SAY THAT!!!

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Am I being evil?? Or have I just been watching too many SNL episode r-runs on Comedy Central?