Right. So in the FT universe, this is after the time skip. InuYasha wise, it's at the very beginning of the series where the main character is still a jerkass.
Also, the last scene is suspiciously like another I've written for my story Identity... Yeah, shut up. This was written at 2 in the morning.
Lucy was livid. Not just angry… No, she was completely, entirely, undoubtedly pissed.
First, she woke up to Natsu's morning breath – Which, as he is a freaking dragon, was horrible enough. He shouldn't have been in her bed to begin with! Then she realized that he'd cleaned her fridge out for the fourth time that month. Not only that, but when he tried to get a glimpse at her novel in progress again, the idiot sneezed out fire and burned it; and when she got angry over it, he had the nerve to ask if it was her time of the month!
Well, he didn't actually ask that. He phrased it as 'getting a case of the monthlies'. Where the hell did he get that from!?
"ARRRGHH!" Lucy kicked a nearby trash can over in anger. "HE IS SUCH AN IDIOT!"
The people on the streets parted like the Red Sea as the fuming blonde made her way through town. She just needed to get away from it all. She did not want to be at the guild at the moment, where her headache was sure to worsen. No, she'd settle for a day out at the park. A day away from insanity.
Unfortunately, she didn't expect to find a man in red clothing struggling to remove something from his neck.
Lucy prayed to the Spirit King that she could just walk by and not be noticed by him. Yes, just a few feet more… Just a couple more steps until she would bypass the weirdo…
"Oi! You!"
Screw walking – Run for it.
Lucy thought she was a pretty fast runner. She had to be, to evade some of the things her team found on their missions. This didn't stop the red-clad figure from jumping past her and cutting her off. She skidded to a halt, losing her balance as she crashed into the crimson fabric. She winced; falling on her butt was always painful.
"Oi, wench. Why'd you run?" a rough male voice asked. Lucy's vein pulsed.
"Did you just call me a wench!? You jerk! I should kick you in between the legs for that!" she yelled.
"I'd like to see you try," the man scoffed. Once Lucy got a good look at him, she felt more confused than angry. The man was dressed entirely in red, and had long, white hair. She thought she'd seen those distinct colors somewhere before, but she couldn't be sure… Oh, wait!
"Santa Clause?"
"Who the hell is that?" The man snorted, and bent down to her height. "Look, can you just help me with something real quick?" Lucy felt her brows raise as she got a better look at the man's features.
Well, he wasn't a man, technically. He looked like he was still a teenager – Around her age, the seven years on Tenrou Island notwithstanding. He had huge golden eyes, slanted like a cat's, and a set of ears that Lucy knew for a fact were not human.
"If you're not Santa, then you're a cat demon?" The 'demon' snarled at her, causing Lucy to back up a couple feet in fear.
"I ain't no stinkin' cat, wench!" he growled. "Just listen! I need you to get this necklace offa' me!"
"Necklace?" Lucy eyed said necklace inquisitively. It looked like any ordinary necklace, save for the fact that the design seemed ancient. "Can't you get it off yourself?"
"No, that's why I'm asking you, stupid," the boy said. Just to demonstrate, he tried to pull the purple beads up over his head, only to have them caught by some invisible force. "Ya see!? The old witch put this on me and now I can't get it off without help! I'm fucking cursed by this stupid thing!"
"Is the curse the fact that you look like a cat boy?" This question didn't seem to amuse the boy any more than her others had. Lucy laughed nervously. "Right, right, sorry… So all you need is for me to take it off?"
"Yes, for Kami's sake!" the boy huffed. "Are ya gonna do it or not!?"
"If it'll get you out of my face permanently, then fine…" Lucy muttered. Crawling back over, the Celestial Spirit mage took a hold of the beads and gently removed it from around the strange boy's neck – Being very careful not to catch his long hair on it in the process. Once it was off, Lucy sighed and stood up. "There. Now, do you want it ba-?"
"I'm freeee!" The boy leapt about ten feet in the air, a huge grin on his face. When he landed, he pointed at the necklace and cackled to himself. "You can take that stupid thing as far away from here as possible! Make someone else suffer! Woo!" After that, he took off running in the opposite direction, shouting out other random things in joy. "Yes! Let's see you tell me to 'sit' now, Kagome! Haha!"
Lucy watched the youth disappear into the trees, quite unsure of what just happened. "You know what, I think I'd see less insanity back at the guild."
She was wrong, of course – Because it's not Fairy Tail if someone's not screwing up, starting a fight, or causing mass chaos and destruction every three minutes.
When Lucy walked in, all of the above craziness was going in full swing. She massaged her forehead with her hand. "Oh, for the love of… Did everyone forget to take their Ritalin this morning?" … Nevermind, she replied to herself. They forget to take it every morning.
"Ah, Lucy!" Erza called. When Lucy spotted the Requip mage, she was dragging Natsu along by his scarf. Lucy wasn't sure if she felt sorry for him or not. Erza dumped him unceremoniously at the spirit mage's feet. "I was informed of what happened in your apartment earlier. Allow me to apologize for not keeping Natsu in his cage last night, but he always seems to melt the keyhole. You'd think we'd have gotten that thing fireproofed by now."
"Wait, how'd you find out about that!?" Lucy exclaimed. There's no way Natsu would've mentioned that, right? He wouldn't want to risk Erza beating him up!
"One of my pet canaries was looking through your window this morning," Laki said out of nowhere. "I thought Erza might want to know so she could discipline Natsu!"
"Wait, since when do you have canaries?"
"I don't. Why do you ask?"
"But you just said-"
"Turtles!" Laki ran off, leaving Lucy to wonder what the hell just occurred.
"Uhh… … …"
"So how would you like to punish Natsu, Lucy?" Erza asked, pushing him towards the blonde with her foot. Natsu just sulked.
"Punish him?" Lucy repeated.
"May I suggest with a whip, Princess?" Virgo suggested. "That is my preferred choice."
"Kinky," Leo smirked.
"Where the hell did you two-!? Virgo, since when can you-!? Ugh." Lucy moaned. "You know what, I don't care. Just go back to the spirit world."
"As you wish, Princess." Virgo bowed and vanished into thin air.
"Can I get in on that whip thing?" Leo asked. When he saw Lucy's glare, he too vanished, not wanting to feel the girl's wrath. The blonde clenched her fist in annoyance, only to find that she still had that purple beaded necklace in her hand.
"Oh, I forgot about this…" she mumbled. "Come to think of it, didn't that white-haired guy say that this thing can punish people? Or something like that."
"What are you talking about, Lucy?" Erza questioned, tilting her head to one side.
"These beads," Lucy replied, holding up said accessory. "Some guy was really desperate to get it off – Said something about it being a curse?"
"Cursed by Zeref?"
"I doubt it. It doesn't feel like Zeref's magic at all."
"Yeah, that's not one of mine," Zeref added. The girls plus Natsu jumped back at the dark mage's sudden appearance.
"When did you get here!?" Erza yelled, brandishing one of her swords.
"Just now," Zeref replied. "You guys looked like you were having fun. I can't believe you didn't invite me to your party! I would have brought gifts if you had…"
"This isn't a damn party!" Natsu yelled, fists alight with flame as he pointed to the door. "Now leave!"
"Natsu, you're so mean!" Zeref cried. "You're all going to pay for this at the Grand Magic Games! I swear it!" He then ran out of Fairy Tail dramatically, unconsciously killing the innocent bystanders he happened to pass.
"Pussy," Erza muttered.
"Was that Zeref again?" Gray asked, coming up to his team. Consecutive nods gave him his answer. "Then how the heck are we still alive?"
"I don't even know- Hey!" Natsu turned to Lucy as he felt the coldness of the purple beads touch his neck. "The hell are you doing, Lucy?"
"Well, it brings misfortune, so your punishment is to wear it for a while," the spirit mage replied.
"How does a necklace bring misfortune?"
"I dunno, how does holding hands cause us to sleep for seven years without aging?"
"Touché."
"The only misfortune I see is that that necklace completely clashes with the rest of your outfit," Gray sniggered.
"What the hell would you know about fashion, Ice Princess!?" Natsu yelled, getting in his rival's face again. "You go around half naked most of the time, anyway!"
"I do not, you damn pyro!"
"Gray, your clothes," Erza warned him in a murderous tone. Gray looked down, and promptly uttered a curse before putting his pants on again. He didn't bother with his shirt. Natsu just laughed.
"See!?"
"What I see is some flame-brained bastard who's gonna be sealed in ice for the next couple of years if he doesn't shut his mouth!"
"Fat chance, asswipe! I'd just melt your stupid ice until I was free!"
"Then you'd drown yourself from the water!"
"No, I'd drink it!"
"Okay, you know what? I'd love to see you try doing that!"
"Argh! Will you two just shut up!?" Lucy shrieked. Gray and Natsu instantly stopped bickering and looked towards the blonde. She huffed. "Honestly! Why can't you two just settle your differences like normal people!? You know, sit around and-"
THUD.
The guild hall shook as Natsu suddenly plowed into the floorboards. Most every member in the room turned towards the source, finding the Dragonslayer in a semi-unconscious heap on the ground and his teammates looking very confused.
"The hell just happened!?" Gray exclaimed. "The dull firecracker here just slammed into the floor!"
"I… am not sure…" Erza said. Natsu's fingers twitched, a sign that he was still alive.
"Natsu, why are you suddenly finding it fun to kiss the ground?" Lucy asked. Natsu looked up angrily.
"I didn't do anything! This stupid necklace just got super heavy all of a sudden!" he snapped, standing up quickly. He tried to pull the beads off, but found them restrained by magic. He couldn't remove them, no matter how hard he tried. "What is this thing!?"
"Well, the guy who was wearing it before said that he couldn't get it off without the help of another person…" Lucy murmured. "Cursed necklace, indeed; but how'd it do that?"
"Maybe it's word magic?" Levy suggested, popping up behind the group. "Did you say something to activate it, Lu-chan?"
"I don't think so…" Lucy hummed in thought. "All I said was that Natsu and Gray should settle things like normal people and sit do-"
THUD.
Again, Natsu's forehead slammed downwards. Much to his discomfort.
"I… I think Imma' stay right where I am…" he mumbled.
"Hmm…" Lucy thought about her past interaction with the boy in red. What could be the cause for this…?
"Let's see you tell me to 'sit' now, Kagome! Haha!"
Lucy grinned.
"I think I found the word, Levy-chan," she said.
"Oh?" Levy blinked. "What is it?" Lucy smirked sadistically.
"Oh, Na~tsu~…" she sang innocently. "Stand up for me, will you?"
"Don't wanna…" the Dragonslayer muttered.
"Up, Natsu."
"Y-Yes!" Natsu instantly got to his feet, not liking Lucy's enraged tone. She smiled at him.
"Good boy… Now sit."
THUD.
"So it's just 'Sit'?" Levy asked.
"Yup, like a dog."
"I ain't a dog!" Natsu protested.
"You sure reek like one, though," Gray chided him.
"What was that, you frosty bastard!?" Natsu pulled his legs out from underneath him. The Ice Make wizard landed on his back. Gray wasn't amused.
"What the hell was that for, shit flame!?"
"For being you, popsicle!"
"Natsu, sit!"
THUD.
"Cool!" Lucy giggled. "That even works when he's close to the ground!"
"This seems like a suitable punishment," Erza commented, trying to stifle her own chuckles. Gray wasn't so subtle. He was on the ground close to Natsu, laughing his ass off in plain sight.
"Gray-sama!" Juvia called. "May I laugh beside you?"
"Whatever!" Gray replied, too in hysterics to care.
"Thank you, Gray-sama!" The water mage joined in on the laughter, sitting on the ground next to her beloved. The tips of Natsu's hair flared, showing he obviously wasn't amused by the humiliation.
"What's the big deal, Lucy!?" he screeched, leaping up and folding his arms. "Just because I slept with you, you're all pissed off!? What did I do wrong!?"
"You slept with Natsu!?" Levy shrieked, feeling a mixture of shock and excitement.
"No I didn't!" Lucy protested. "Natsu, sit!"
THUD.
"Wait, who slept with Natsu!?" Wakaba asked from across the room.
"I think Lucy did!" Macao answered.
"What!? Get the hell outta' here!" Gajeel scoffed. "That idiot couldn't get someone as hot as Bunny Girl into his bed with him if he tried!"
"Oh, so you think Lu-chan's hot, do you Gajeel!?" Levy growled.
"Shit." Gajeel sunk back into his seat, feeling the bluenette's hazel eyes boring into his skull.
"Hey, for your information guys," Natsu started. "We were in Lucy's bed, not mine! Hers is a lot more comfy!"
Cana spit out the beer she had been drinking, spraying an unsuspecting Macao and Wakaba.
"I said, SIT!"
THUD.
"Natsu, stop saying things like that!" Lucy screamed.
"What!? I'm just explaining things!" Natsu snapped. "I still don't get why you're so mad! It's not like we haven't slept together before!"
Pretty much every person froze in the guild at that.
"Damn, son!" Makarov catcalled with a whistle. "Way to go!"
"Oh, dear…" Erza blushed profusely.
"Holy Mavis…" Alzack gasped, blushing despite being a married man.
"Stop imagining Lucy naked!" Bisca yelled, slapping her husband on the upper arm.
"Ow! I wasn't!"
"Oh, so you were picturing Natsu naked!?"
"Hell no-! OW!"
"Shit, he has gotten laid…" Cana grumbled. "And more times than me, apparently!"
"Cana-chan, don't say such horrible things!" Gildarts bemoaned.
"Naaatsuuuu…" Lucy growled, feeling her temper reaching its apex quicker than normal.
"What?" Natsu looked around. "Why is everyone freaking out? I mean, come on guys! Lucy's my partner! We're supposed to sleep together, right?"
Erza fainted from embarrassment.
"He is truly MAN!" Elfman cried.
"Natsu, you're not supposed to discuss that sort of thing!" Lisanna cried. "Right, Mira?"
The third Take-Over sibling was busy in her own personal matchmaking heaven, thinking of what Natsu and Lucy's future babies would look like.
"Looks like Mira's down for the count, too," Gray noted.
"Everyone in this guild is so weird…" Natsu muttered.
"Natsu?"
The Dragonslayer froze at the voice. Lucy sucked in a breath, and then let loose the subjugation spell multiple times.
"SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT!"
There was now a hole in the ground where Natsu once stood, with smoke coming up from it. Gray peered down it curiously.
"Is he even still alive after that?" A muffled moan was his reply. "Looks like that's a yes."
"SIT!"
THUD.
No more sound after that.
"Okay, now he's dead."
"Nyahaha! Catch me if you can, old witch!"
"Inuyasha, get back here! Ye need to help Kagome find the jewel shards!"
"I ain't gotta listen to you anymore, granny! Smell ya later!"
Kaede watched in exasperation as the half-demon ran off. Kagome scratched her head.
"Wait, I thought he couldn't get the rosary off by himself…?"
Later, Lucy dug up an old history book only to find that the beads she had given Natsu were mentioned in there. She learned that they had belonged to a dog demon named Inuyasha hundreds of years ago, and spent the rest of her night freaking out that she'd seen an ancient ghost.
1, It's a crack fic. It's not supposed to make sense.
2, What is written here does not actually reflect my talent as a writer.