A/N: In which Dick's sanity is heavily questioned, Jason only has one Bat-kid left to get into a fight with, Onyx is quickly making it clear what her self-appointed job is, plans are made, and Roy realizes Tim is a rather wise seven year old and that, apparently, Arrows are about as good at Bats at saying what they really mean. Which is not at all.
…for once, Vyne (my muse, who is basically a female version of Damian combined with Jason and superpowers) and I agree upon something. And that is that this story has taken upon a life of its own.
-YJ-YJ-YJ-
"YOU DID WHAT?!"
That's the first thing Megan, Conner, and Kaldur hear when they return to the Cave. More surprising than the fact that someone's shouting, though, is the fact that it's Wally. And he was yelling at Dick.
"Dude, you just signed your own death warrant!" Wally continued, completely oblivious to his teammates who had just entered the room and had varying levels of confusion on their faces. "Barbara, Roy, tell him he's being stupid!"
"Wally has a point," Barbara said, looking rather pale. "Bruce… Well, let's just hope that since it's you, he might not actually kill you."
"What's that supposed to mean? Oh, hey guys! Look, explain to these guys that Bats isn't going to come after me because I'm setting up a wedding reception for him and Selina," Dick said.
Kaldur was visibly taken aback, Megan looked horrified, and even Conner had a look of apprehension on his face. "If you have not finished setting it up, I suggest this be one plan you do not carry through, my friend," Kaldur finally said.
"But I already invited the Justice League!" Dick protested.
"…I'd call the undertaker now, but I want to be sure there's a body," Roy said, dead serious.
The next second, Wally, Barbara, and Roy all had their shins kicked by Damian. The three year old then proceeded to walk over to Dick and cling to his leg. "My G'ayson. Mine."
"Ok, maybe Grayson actually stands a chance at living," Jason piped up. "I'm not sure Wayne can resist the combined effect of the Golden Boy and the Demon Spawn. Of course, Eggplant Waffle will probably jump in and tip the scales if worst comes to worst…"
"What did you just call me?" Stephanie asked, glaring at Jason.
"Eggplant Waffle. Seriously, what exactly is your stupid fascination with those disgusting things?" Jason asked. "And you can't blame me for your costume color."
Stephanie's eyes went wide, and for a moment, she seemed to be in shock. Just for a moment, though, because then she had leapt forward and was promptly unleashing a reign of fury on Jason. "Take it back! Take it back!"
"Ow! Take what back?" Jason asked, trying and failing to block the blows.
"That waffles are disgusting!"
With a snarl that sounded just a bit exasperated to Dick, Onyx came out of nowhere (again) and quickly had broken up the fight through use of her claws and hissing (again).
'She's a mediator kitty!' Cassandra excitedly signed. She clapped her hands together and giggled in her quiet manner. 'Selina's going to be so proud.'
"Jason, apologize to Stephanie," Barbara said. When the ten year old glared at her, she just glared back. "I said, apologize to Stephanie."
"Sorry, Brown," Jason said at last, although he sounded more annoyed than actually apologetic. "Now do I have to apologize for calling Grayson a moronic idiot with a death wish?"
"No, because he is one."
"Oh, come on! I know what I'm doing!" … "Way to have faith in me, guys."
-YJ-
"Yeah, Alfred, everything's cool."
"That was not what Miss Gordon said, Master Dick."
"Babs is just being paranoid. I'm beginning to think it's necessary if you have 'Bat' in your name."
"So the stories I've heard that you are planning a surprise reception for Master Bruce and Mistress Selina are false, then?" (1)
"…well, not exactly, no…"
"I had assumed as much. May I offer a piece of advice, Master Dick?"
"Does it really matter whether or not I say no?"
"From my personal experience, it may be wise to tell Mistress Selina of your plans. She isn't the biggest fan of these types of surprises."
"…Alfred, you are the most awesome butler ever!"
"I'm pleased to hear that you think so highly of me, Master Dick. And please remind Master Jason that he said he would be on his best behavior, not his worst."
"Will do, Alfie. Will do."
-YJ-
"I told you Bats wouldn't kill me," Dick said, startling Wally, who had heard the fourteen year old enter the room.
"Um, dude… Correct me if I'm wrong, but the reception hasn't happened yet," Wally said, extremely confused.
"No, but I was talking to Alfred, and he suggested that I make sure Selina knows ahead of time," Dick said, grinning. "And since its Alfred, then I can be sure I have nothing to worry about."
"…I'm not getting out of this, am I?" Wally asked, knowing that Dick wanted his help with planning the reception.
"Nope."
"Fine… But on record, I'm doing this under protest," Wally said.
Dick just laughed. "Protest noted and ignored."
-YJ-
"You don't like Uncle Ollie much, do you?' Tim asked, startling Roy who had almost forgotten how perceptive the second youngest Bat-kid was. Still, the kid was only seven, so Roy figured that actually talking to him about it wasn't the best of ideas.
"What makes you say that?"
"You hesitated to do anything once you say him when you asked Dick what to do when I was trying to experiment," Tim stated matter-of-factly.
"How…?" Roy asked, confused.
"I was in the kitchen, not outside," Tim said. "And you're avoiding the question."
Roy stared in disbelief. Tim just stared right back with a determined look on his face. Belatedly, Roy remembered why he had made a vow not to get into a staring contest with a Bat. "Fine. You win."
"So why don't you like him anymore?" Tim asked. "You did last time you came to the Manor."
"We got into a fight," Roy explained carefully. "Ollie… He didn't think I was ready to be doing certain things. He was still treating me like a kid, and I was sick of it. So I quit as Speedy and became Red Arrow."
"But if you were mad at him, then why did you copy him?"
Roy froze, staring at the kid. "Wha…?"
"Uncle Ollie's Green Arrow," Tim said. "You said that you were calling yourself Red Arrow now. You copied him. How come? Were you trying to prove that you were his equal? 'Cause if so, that's not ever gonna work. Uncle Ollie's your dad. And last year when you just disappeared on him, he was freaking out a little bit." (2)
"Really."
"Yeah. He made Dad pull up your tracker location and everything!" Tim shouted.
"What?" Roy asked. For a moment, he just sat there, absorbing the fact that Ollie had actually worried. At least, until the last part truly clicked in his mind. "Wait, tracker?" (3)
-YJ-YJ-YJ-
E/N: Next chapter will finally end this day (you guys did realize that it has been less than a day, right?), and then I'll probably skip ahead to either right before or the reception itself. I do have other plots, after all…
(1)- I don't know for certain if that's how Alfred would address a married woman, but it's what we're going with, kapeesh?
(2)- Personal YJ Headcanon #103: Ollie wasn't happy when Roy ran off after quitting as Speedy. My back-up for this? The fact that Roy really had no reason to get mad at GA, seeing as Ollie wasn't the one who was saying that the 'sidekicks'-
Roy: What did I say about calling us sidekicks!
-sorry, 'partners' couldn't visit the Watchtower in the first episode… That was all Bats. Ollie was trying to push for it, remember?
(3)- Personal YJ Headcanon #79: Batman has trackers on (*cough* in *cough cough*) everyone. Even Superman, the Martian Manhunter, and Hal Jordan. (And according to my research, Bats doesn't like Hal Jordan. At all.) Therefore, he would have ones for each and every one of the 'kids' as well.