AN: This is what happens when Goat and I get together. Utter madness. This will be an ongoing series, and some parts may show up in full length fics, especially if I get reviews telling me what you would like to see! Once again, I don't own anything.

BOTANICAL LOTION

Maka eyed the ruler critically. Just as she had suspected, the contents of the bottle had gone down. This had been going on for a while, and she was determined to get to the bottom of it. Her mother had sent her a bottle of expensive botanical lotion, mango-coconut-guava scented. It was a wonderful indulgence that made her feel smooth and sexy, and she used it very sparingly. Over time, she had noticed it being depleted in minute increments. At first she had suspected Blair, but the frisky feline was allergic to coconut, so that let her out. That left Soul, which was a laughable suggestion. There was no way her self proclaimed 'cool' weapon would use such a feminine product. But the fact was inescapable that the lotion was being used by someone other than herself. And it had gone down just now, after Soul had been in the bathroom. He had been in there awhile, but not long enough to fully lotion up his body...her eyes widened as the gears of her mind clicked into place. That little...

She stomped into the living room, shoving her face into her surprised partner's, who let out a yelp.

"After using all the good lotion, you had better have the most amazingly silky and supple cock in the world," she growled, "Because if you don't, you're gonna be in a world of hurt."

And with that threat/proclamation, she pulled him into her room to test it out.

EYE DROPS

Bets. They were usually Black*Star's area of expertise. But this time he had miscalculated; challenging Soul and Maka to a game of laser tag while Tsubaki, Liz, and Patty had gone to shop for Maka's birthday present. He had teamed up with Kid, expecting to win with ease.

Two hours later, he stared at his friends' leering faces in disbelief. They had totally owned his ass. He waited with Kid stoically for their punishment, his eyes growing wider and wider with every word from Maka's mouth. He wanted to bolt, but gods didn't welsch on bets. With resignation, he followed Soul and Maka to their apartment, where everything was conveniently prepared.

Soul grinned at Maka, standing in the hallway outside his room.

"This is gonna be great," he snickered with fiendish delight, "I can't believe you came up with such a cool idea."

"The benefits of having a giant brain." she replied, clutching the camera. Shouts and curses erupted from the room, and Soul threw open the door.

There was Kid and Black*Star, both in frilly women's clothing, right down to the lace panties. Kid was on his back with his skirts hiked to his waist, his hands on Black*Star's biceps. The other boy was straddling the Shinigami, one hand on Kid's jaw, the other on his chest. They both stopped in mid-scream to look up at Soul and Maka, who stood slack jawed in the doorway. Slowly, Soul closed the door, and turned to Maka.

"We're gonna need eye drops. Gallons of them."

CABLE

Soul sat on the couch mournfully. He had a problem and he had no one he could share it with. After a freak electrical storm two days ago, they had lost their cable. Now it was Thursday and he was missing particular porn that he had been looking forward to watching for weeks. He saw Maka come in out of the corner of his eye, but paid little attention. There would be no help from that corner. She stood before him and leaned forward, giving him a welcome view down the front of her shirt. With a strangely naughty smile, she spoke in a seductive voice.

"I heard you're missing a movie."

He gulped as something cold and metallic snapped around his wrist.

"Why don't we make our own?"

BOTTLE

It was trite.
It was cliché.
It was also a fucking bad idea, Soul thought as the empty bottle in the center of the group slowly spun to a stop.

It had been Patty's idea to liven up the party, and Soul had been surprised with how willingly everyone went along with it. He had thought Maka would be the voice of reason, but noooo, for once she had decided to follow the stupid whims of the crowd. He had sat down sulkily in between Black*Star and Patty, concocting various ways to interrupt the game when it got to his turn. There was only one person in this room he had any interest of locking lips with and the odds were not in his favor. And who had been selected to go first? Maka, of course. He watched as her cheeks flushed pink, delicate fingers taking the green glass bottle by its neck and giving it a spin.

Bright red eyes followed its every movement, inwardly chanting as the party game from hell slowed down.

Stop on me.
Stop on me.
STOP ON ME, DAMMIT!

But the gods either weren't listening or were too busy laughing at his expense. It halted just out of his range, falling into the area designated for Kid. Miserably, he looked up at Maka's stricken face. She didn't look too thrilled either. Fuck this. The weapon always protected the meister, right? He slammed his fist into the floor, causing the bottle to turn that fractional amount in his direction. She beamed at him, and he had to smile in return. He'd tell her what the price of his rescue was later when they got home...

FLAG

Cackling madly, two figures darted across the schoolyard, each clutching a pile of something to their chests. Soul hated to admit it, but sometimes Black*Star had the best ideas. He knew he was going to be in so much trouble later, but the temptation had been too delicious to pass up. Following the blue haired ninja to the flagpole, they set to work, silent but for the occasional snicker. It didn't take long and soon they were done. All that was left was to wait for their prey.

Ten minutes later, Maka strode up the stairs, her eyes narrowing in utter fury as she witnessed every pair of panties and bras she owned waving from the pole like a pretty pastel flag of nations. She spun to the co-conspirators, marching over to them to deliver justice. Or so they thought.

"I won't do anything now, but somewhere, somehow, I WILL get my revenge." Maka vowed.

"So you're wearing it, right? The red thong we left for ya?" asked Black*Star mirthfully.

"No, she hissed, preparing to slide by them. "I'm wearing the only other option you left me with."

The boys watched as she entered the school, then looked at each other in confusion.

"Dude, I thought we got them all. Did you leave another pair behind?"

"Nope. Those were the only ones. She was left with those or...nothing...at...all..."

Black*Star dragged his unconscious friend into the nurses office, aware of two things; One, Soul really needed to get this whole nosebleed thing under control, and two, there was no way in hell that he was cleaning that mess off the stairs.