A Haunting in the Joke Shop

...~oOo~...

Sitting in the back of the boisterous joke shop, Hermione ran the numbers. She used a Muggle calculator for bigger numbers and had a Quick Quotes Quill taking notes furiously as she rattled out information. The feather of the mobile quill whipped back and forth in a scribbling frenzy and Hermione was hoping that the writing was legible. If she had to go through it all again, she'd probably cry.

George and Ron were notorious for being messy records keepers, making her job extremely difficult. They just tossed their receipts into a box along with other important documents until it overflowed and they'd start a new one. Unfortunately Hermione only discovered their "filing system" when it was too late. The damage had been done.

So there Hermione was, going through every piece of paper they'd saved over the past year to figure out whether the joke shop was in debt or not.

They were lucky men, Hermione concluded. Normally such a flawed records system would put business owners six feet under, but sure enough the shop was popular at both locations that they were surviving and doing very well.

Sliding off her reading glasses and sitting back at the desk, Hermione took a deep breath and looked down at her left hand. A modest but beautiful engagement ring sat on her ring finger, glistening like a tiny firework on her knuckle. She smiled to herself and pressed that hand to her chest. The man she loved was currently working out on the floor with his older brother, entertaining and corrupting eleven-year-olds on their way to their first year at Hogwarts.

The end of August was always the busiest for Weasley Wizards' Wheezes and so it was probably good that Hermione had done a paperwork clean-up.

Hermione's mind had to have been floating in another world, because she hadn't seen George come in.

"Hermione!" he said, waving his hand in front of her face. "Merlin, you were so deep in dream land, I thought I was going to have to set off a rocket to wake you up."

Shaking her head, trying to get rid of the daze, she murmured, "It wouldn't be the first time you did something so reckless in the shop." Then she took a good look at the redhead's outfit and grin. "George, when did you get a haircut?"

He shook his head, looking confused. "I'm not George, Hermione! It's Fred! You'd think you'd be able to tell us apart by now." Chuckling, he shook his head.

Hermione paused, her face curling into a glare. "That isn't funny, George."

"No, really! Look, I have both ears!" The man turned his head to show that he did, in fact, possess both ears on either side of his freckles face.

Hermione's blood turned as cold as ice. "B-but... Fred, you're..."

"Handsome? Clever? Hilarious? Why, yes, Hermione, indeed I am! I'm glad you noticed," Fred taunted, smiling so wide that every one of his teeth showed. Casually, he slid up onto the desk and swung his legs, looking over at the godsmacked girl.

"N-no..." she said, her voice cracking. "You're... but you're dead!"

Now it was Fred's turn to look confused. "What do you mean, dead? 'Course I'm not dead! What would any of you do without me? Have you hit your head, kitten?"

Slowly, Hermione stood from her chair, shaking her head. "No, I haven't. Fred, are you... are you a ghost?"

Fred laughed hard, now. "Ghost?! Not at all! Maybe you should get going home, Hermione. You must've had quite the dream just now."

"Fred, what date is it?"

"Well... well, I'm not sure, but I've never been one to keep a calendar," Fred said indifferently, shrugging. "Live for the present, and all that. George doesn't either. It's sometime in May, isn't it?"

Hermione shook her head. "It's August, Fred."

Fred's brows pulled together in bemusement. "Hmm... Never been so off before. Are you sure?"

She nodded.

Always the careless one, Fred shrugged again. "Oh, well. Better start keeping track!"

The burning in Hermione's eyes came. Before she knew it, she could only see Fred through a watery screen, warping his colorful outfit and bright red hair. Hurriedly wiping the tears away, Hermione took a deep breath.

"Was there something you needed Fred?" she asked, concluding that the man sitting on the desk was, in fact, a ghost. There was no other explanation.

"Well... yeah," Fred said, an out-of-character blush coming to his cheeks. "But you seem a bit out-of-it, so we can talk tomorrow." He made to hop off the desk.

"No!" Hermione said frantically, the panic squeezing her heart. "N-no, you have to tell me now. I... I... won't be here tomorrow," she quickly lied.

Looking puzzled by her outburst, Fred said, "Okay... Um." He cleared his throat. "I know... I know you have a thing for my little brother."

Unconsciously, Hermione curled her left hand that bore the ring Ron gave her.

"And," Fred went on, "you two are probably going to get over yourselves soon and snog each other senseless."

"Fred," Hermione said, blushing despite herself.

The twin smirked. "It's true, though. You two need to kiss and get it over with. Honestly, the sexual tension between you two is enough to make the whole room randy."

Hermione placed a hand over her mouth to hide a giggle.

At the laugh, Fred's smile grew. "Your laugh is great, don't cover it!"

Still grinning, Hermione lowered her hand and nodded for him to go on.

"Anyway, where was I? Oh, yes! You and Ronnie's hormones. I support you two one hundred percent!"

Hermione raised an eyebrow. "Really? I always got the impression that you thought I was a little... oh, how did you put it? Know-it-all, swotting, frizzy-haired, buck-toothed...?"

"Guilty as charged," he admitted. "But that's kind of part of what I wanted to say. I know George and I were always teasing you and everything, but that had a lot to do with the fact I fancied you."

Not able to prevent it, Hermione's eyes got huge and her face got hot. "W-what?"

"I had the biggest crush on you," Fred said simply, like they were discussing the weather. "I figure, with the war going on, what've I got to lose? Just felt like I needed to tell you."

Hermione was flushed to her hairline. Taking a deep breath she said, "Oh... well... thank you, I suppose. I'm quite flattered actually. I, um, had a bit of a crush on you as well when I was in Third Year."

A very Fred-like grin stretched across his face. "Really? Interesting. I always knew you loved me."

Hermione laughed. "I wouldn't say I loved you!"

"Don't deny it. I'm a stud." He winked.

"Oh, how the truth comes out," Hermione said teasingly. "I must be transparent! You've known my intentions all along."

Chin up proudly, Fred said, "Of course I have. I am the great Fred Gideon Weasley! It's my job to know these kinds of things."

"Well, my secret is out." Rolling her eyes, Hermione chuckled again. Fred, even in the afterlife, had the ability to lighten her spirits and light up the room.

"Now that we all know of your poignant feelings for me," Fred said, "how about, after this crazy war is over, you let me take you out to dinner? Just to give the older brother a fighting chance? Who knows, after a night with me, you might be saying 'Ron, who?'"

Hermione laughed, but simultaneously felt the tears coming once more. The war was over, Fred was dead, and she'd never have that dinner with him. She would never laugh at one of his silly jokes again. No one would. And the pain of the loss was fresh once more, like she was walking into the Great Hall to find his stone cold body, bloody and still once more.

But still, Hermione nodded through the tears and cleared the thickness in her throat. "Sure. I'd love that."

Fred's head cocked to the side curiously. "What's wrong, 'Mione? The thought of one date with me can't be all that awful. I didn't twist your arm to agree or anything."

Hermione shook her head and wiped at the streams running down her cheeks only for more to descend. "I'm not upset, Fred. I'm... well, I'm actually quite happy." Hermione let out an incredulous laugh. "I'm so happy that I... I got to see you again."

"You see me all the time. Who knew you were so eager for my company?" he gloated. "I always thought you thought I was an immature loser."

"No, no! Never! Immature, maybe a little, but not a loser! You were... are a genius, Fred! So clever, and so funny! I don't know what... I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Don't worry, love," Fred said with another wink, his blue eyes glittering with tell-tale mischief. "You'll never have to find out."

Covering her mouth once more, Hermione tried disguising a sob as a laugh.

Fred said, "Well, I better get back on the floor! George is probably lost without me."

Hermione nodded, thinking about the forlorn frown that adorned George's face nowadays. She admitted, "Yes, he truly is."

"I'll see you later, 'Mione! Let's save the world, shall we?" Fred said, beaming. He turned and twisted the doorknob.

"Wait, Fred!" Hermione panicked as Fred stepped out and closed the door behind him. She sprinted to the door and threw it open, trying to catch him.

But when she opened the door, all she found were smiling children testing merchandise and tired-looking parents.

No Fred to be seen.

Almost hyperventilating, Hermione began hunting around the store hectically, checking every aisle and level, running up and down steps, murmuring apologies absently when she bumped into people.

But he was nowhere to be found.

"Hermione? Are you okay?"

Hermione spun around to the voice, to find her fiancee, looking worried and a little frightened.

"You've been blowing through the shop like a tornado, George says," Ron said slowly. "Is everything alright? You look like you've seen a ghost."

"I think..." Hermione said, choking on her words, "that's because I have."

That was the moment where in the corner of the store, a dozen fireworks started going over, exploding into the ceiling and with rainbows of sparks.

George was by Hermione and Ron in a second. "I didn't do that," he said quickly before his brother or Hermione blame him.

The fireworks formed playing animals, one of which was a prancing, cackling hyena and the other a graceful swimming otter. The two sparkling creatures nuzzled before promptly exploding into a heart and fizzling out.

"A hyena... That was Fred's Patronus..." George said, slightly dazed.

"And Hermione's... is an otter," Ron put together.

Hermione just smiled and reached out to hold Ron's hand.

That was the first day the joke shop was haunted.

...~oOo~...

A/N. I cried. I really did. I just love Fred so much. If you would like to see more chapters of Fred's haunting the joke shop, REVIEW! He would be the most fun ghost ever, I think. If you have any other ideas for this to become a story, let me know - but for now this remains a one-shot.

~ So Long And Thanks For All The Fish ~