Ode of the Hermits

She hummed, tapping her fingers to her crouched knee as she watched the unconscious person that was currently very unceremoniously on the ground next to her bed. Hey, she tried – the ninja-man was just so freakingheavy she couldn't actually lift him from the floor. She hummed to herself for a moment, considered it – after all, she could very well die – before reaching out and flicked him in the forehead.

He didn't even flinch. "Oh come on." She had no idea where he was from – which of the blasted countries that her village hid so tediously from, but what she did know was that if he didn't up and at 'em soon he was going to be found then they both were going to be executed.

It was quite the exciting prospect.

Though she had to admit – she still would like to keep her head. It was quite the pretty head, after all, and she put so much work into it that it seemed to be just a complete and utter waste to have it cut off into a rotting little straw basket. "If you don't wake up soon I'm going to take that mask off. I don't care about honour or… uh… being polite. And then I will go and tattoo a moustache on your face."

With chakra. In fact, if she was feeling particularly vindictive, she may tattoo a dormant explosive seal on his face too so if anyone decided to try to remove it ninja-man would have a perfect excuse to never remove his ANBU mask ever again.

He didn't move. What luck. Maybe if she poked him in the groin with a kunai. Nah, that was just a tad too harsh – he may wake up thinking she was the T&I Major instead of his saviour. And she had made him a cake and everything.

"I have fo~od."

Nothing.

"You suck."

Still nothing.

"If I wanted to I could cut you up into fifty different pieces, place a seal and stick them back together." Of course that method was very testy, and more often than not the limbs just fell right back off but she had been working with dead subjects.

Though by technicality, the limbs she cut off were dead, too. The chakra that circled through would still be there, just not active, but the same could be said of a stiff. Damn, she grumbled to herself, how did I get roped into experimentation?

She wasn't even a doctor. She could barely fix people up. She liked seals. Just because some genius decided that she should apply sealing to medicinal purposes and locked her into the little itty bitty shack until she succeeded wasn't her fault. Fire Country was rumoured to have amazing medics, to have been going through advancement after advancement.

And they left her as their head researcher.

"Come on," she shook his shoulders, having acclimated herself to the very dangerous unconscious ninja-man in front of her. After all, if was very hard to think of someone was dangerous when she accidentally stepped on his face when she woke up in the morning, and then later in another 'accident' threw an egg at his face.

Her skills were crap. It's what happens when one is placed into house arrest on suspicion of treason with the arduous task of medicinal advancement. They didn't much care to let her keep her skills sharp. Though her seals were getting more impressive.

That didn't mean she wouldn't kill for even one of the theories behind the infamous Uzushiogakure Fuinjutsu.

Or anyone's, really, because she didn't dare experiment past the second stratum in terms of seal difficulty. The first were generally very harmless; they were simple, predictable. The basis of all seals, but useless in terms of application.

Though, she supposed, if she was forced to she could probably cauterize a wound with one. Huh. Note to self, put that on the next report. Second stratum were the part of the seal that applied the base element that the first stratum created. Storage seals, explosive seals… The second rotation created seals that did one, simple action and were on the most part only used once.

Third rotation and higher were the complex, interesting, and so unbelievably dangerous that she never got the courage to put her chakra into them. That didn't stop her from sealing them all in one place so that if she ever did get the chance to escape she could just grab them and run.

"I made you a cake," she ticked one finger off, "I stitched up that wound on your side," another, "I can't do anything about your malnutrition but I think you've been drinking the water I gave you," was that three or four ticks? Whatever, it didn't matter. She placed her hands on her hips. "Honestly, the least you could do was wake up."

He didn't twitch. His breathing was just as even as it always was. So, he either was honestly in a dead sleep or he was incredibly good at pretending.

She cupped her hands around her mouth. "There's a fire!"

Nothing.

A loud, thunderous knocking rang through her home. She glanced in the direction blearily. "Oh, this should be fun. Don't breathe too loudly – they may kill you in your sleep you absolutely useless," she hissed near his ear, "ANBU of… whatever village."

She pushed herself up by placing her hands on her knees and heaving her body. "I'm coming." They couldn't hear her, not with the seals she placed along every wall in her home. Ha! Serves them right.

She manoeuvred her way through her apartment – which was kept incredibly filthy and very disorganized for a little memory game. Oh, where did she leave that sheet of paper where she drew a toilet? Under the kitchen sink. The pink marble she coerced and stole from a six year old was underneath an upside down vile and has been there for three months.

She was waiting for an infestation, just to see if they would relocate her to deal with the problem. After all, she was his daughter. They didn't want to kill her off just yet because if would mean that the legacy of their wonderful leader was a disgrace.

She wasn't really related to him. Not that it mattered.

She wrenched the door open, the sunlight spilling in and blinding her. She blinked once but didn't acknowledge that at the moment she couldn't see a single thing. "Yes?"

"Just stopping by to make sure you didn't off yourself."

She felt her smile stretch unnaturally across her face. "Oh, you are just so funny. So funny. I can't get over you," she slapped her knee, "hee hee, ho, haw, har."

The little blob of her visitor couldn't be let past the front door. The little blob of a visitor wasn't allowed to see her guest. The little blob of a visitor was about to get hit with one of the random frying pans that she had collected.

"You're garden seems to be doing fine."

"That it is."

"Are you going to starve?"

"I could do with a cow. Or a goat." She nodded, and slowly the outline of her tiny little farm came into existence… where, of course, the seals she designed were etched into the fence line and leaded with conductive metal. Indestructible, in theory. In practicality all it really did was keep her – and her wonderful tattooed self – in.

Hopefully an ANBU would have a jutsu that would be able to melt off each and every little seal. Hopefully a flippin' ANBU would be good enough to wipe away the seals that activated the wonderful mark on her back.

Hopefully she would be able to walk past her little prison and not have electric pulses wrack her body with searing pain. Yeah, just hopefully. Fingers crossed.

"I'll tell them. It'd be easier than having to go supply shopping for you."

"Uh huh." Kagami stopped by for social calls. Her visitor – which she was now certain of – did not. In fact, he rarely checked up on her that if she didn't have a garden and a well she would have rightly starved to death. "Goro, what do you want?"

Goro, so creative. The fifth in his family, the fifth in line, the fifth in strength and… the fifth in looks! Ha! Though she couldn't really recall any of his siblings aside from Hiroto, which was a little brat of a child that liked to visit her by egging her house.

If it didn't stink she would have found it very amusing.

"You're set for another trial."

"Uh huh."

"They said they have a final decision."

"Uh huh." They said that the last six times, too. Unfortunately for them they still believed that she held the secret of her father's jutsu. Honestly, she just thought it was a mutated kekkei genkai. "Okay then."

"I'll, uh," he rubbed the back of his head, the colours only slowly coming back to her, "I'll vote against it."

"How kind of you." So what? You can go and let me starve instead?

"I know that Kagami-chan will too."

"That's nice."

"I'll try to get my clan to vote against it too."

"Every bit counts." Go away. Goro, honestly, your help isn't needed. She had her own escape plan all set – or a quick and more dignified death – waiting for her.

He nodded, licking his lips, looking very out of place. He nodded to her, turned to leave, but winced and stopped. He threaded his fingers along his scalp and through his light brown hair, cropped short out of convenience he once said, and tried to pull at the roots. He failed. "I'm really sorry."

"For what?"

"That you can't die for honour."

Ah, yes, honour. Her gaze drifted for a moment before smiled polietely back at him. "So am I." As a runaway and a nuke-nin she wouldn't get that pleasure regardless. She wouldn't get the ceremony, she wouldn't get her place in her village's record books, she wouldn't get her name and history engraved in the Tomb.

She would be wiped away like a scorned piece of trash. Her only consolation was that she wouldn't get any of that regardless. She was a traitor for 'keeping her father's secrets'. Secrets that she knew absolutely nothing about.

"It's two weeks from now." Wonderful! Plenty of time to convince the ninja-man in her bedroom to help her escape. She could even use the secrets of her father's jutsu as bait – hopefully that wouldn't come to bite her in the ass later seeing as she knew jack shit but still!

"Goro?"

"Yes?"

"Can you get me chocolate then?" Chocolate was a very rare commodity that their little misanthropist village actually needed to travel to get. Gee, the horror, actually letting the world know that they existed! It wasn't like they were top of the line assassins, either. They got on independently and had clients who wanted the job done with no political attachments.

Usually it meant that their clientele were complete and utter morons. Just because their village took 'hidden' to a whole knew meaning didn't mean that they were all that competent. Their best ninja was her father and he died helping refugees during the Third Great Ninja War. Helping. He probably could count the number of people he killed on two hands.

Two.

ANBU ninja-people on the other hand… Hell, the stories about what they did were legendary. All they did was kill people – at least, according to the rumours that managed to penetrate their walls. They were exciting, they were dangerous – they were something.

If she could get away with it she would stalk the man in her bedroom until he got fed up and murdered her. That would be a good way to go. Not from starving because your caretakers forgot to restock your food supply.

"I'll try?"

"Okay," she began to push the door close, "Thank you!" It clicked shut. Pressing her ear against the wood she waited for the sound of Goro retreating – which was considerably difficult. Eventually she heard nothing, and past that point she waited several minutes more just to be sure.

Alright, nothing. Relaxing she straightened up. Now to see if she could get away with dumping a pot of cold water on—

Her back was slammed into the wall, something that was hanging there jamming into the back of her ribs, and her head smacked backwards. Disorientation settled in, her brain thoroughly rattled, it took her a moment for the multiple images to conform into one, solid being.

A silver-haired ANBU with a kunai pressing into her throat.

…Huh.

So you were awake the entire time you crap ass ninja-man.

A/N: Just a little experimentation. I noted that there were a few countries on the Naruto map that were completely blank, so I thought: Hey, what if there were actually 'ninja' villages that really took to the meaning of 'hidden'. Only, of course, the OC in this story lives in a village whose ninja are generally quite weak. Just a fun little mash-up that I wanted to try out. Interested? R&R please!