A/N: Inspired by a beautiful BA fanvid circulating Tumblr to the same song, and the following consists of me diving a little bit more into Blaine's psyche. First time I've really written in 2nd person, so this was an experiment more than anything. Plus I wanted to use the song.

Also, I did not rewatch any episodes during the writing of this, and so minor details (such as where certain people were sitting/standing during the event) may be incorrect. I have acknowledged this, so call me out if you feel necessary, but I am not going to change it.

I have also never seen West Side Story, so there may be inconsistencies there too.

I do believe that Blaine has had these kind of thoughts at some time or another, even through his maturing in the series – so even though some bits may be OOC, I stick by them. :)

Spoilers between 2x20-3x14.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Is it really what they say it is?

I'm trying to make sense of this

They always say "Never join the circus"

Will they really take care of me?

Love me like I wanna be

I've heard before

This life can leave you empty

You're fine – it's not public school anymore. Well, not that one. That's why you're here, in public school corridors again. For a dance, of all things.

It's for him. The angel you thought you'd never find in Ohio of all places. It's a shared strength you have. He gives you courage to be here, after your ghosts of old post-dance beatings, and you hope you give him enough courage to walk through these corridors again without too many of the memories rising up.

Breathe. Why would they be here? It's two hours away. Calm. You're all right. He's all right. It's fine.

Still, you're not brave enough to dance in among all the people, every one of them a potential bigot because you're not naïve, this is Ohio, open-mindedness is few and far between.

But then he's running because of all the aforementioned bigots, and you have to remind yourself to stay calm. Lashing out would put him in even more danger, and that's the last thing you want. That's the thing you're trying to keep him safe from more than anything. He doesn't know all the details of what happened you that night, and he's not going to. That's the one thing you swore to yourself when you agreed to going to this. You're not going to take his innocence.

Calm. You have to keep your calm persona that you spent so long building up, because if this disgrace makes you lose it, then you don't deserve to be around him.

So you follow him back in, and you hold onto what semblance of calm you can.

Really, though, when he was there alone, and on the brink of complete humiliation, what else were you going to do but offer your hand and keep him safe?

It's hard to see it from the bottom

When your light is still shining

It's time for you to hurry up now

'Cause your time is rising

It's hard to see it from the bottom

When you wanna give up now

You gotta keep on going

'Cause your time is rising

It wasn't your fault. It wasn't your fault that the piano caught fire and besides, you didn't actually ask the cheerleaders to help you. It was an audition and you could have done the entire thing by yourself without decoration from skimpily dressed girls. But they did help, and they did set it on fire.

But you can't say anything, not even when they kick Santana out without any real claim. You know you have to keep yourself calm, even if it's just for him, because he hasn't realised the extent of your temper yet and if you can keep yourself together, if you can just keep yourself together – it will all be alright.

You just keep a hand on him, keep yourself grounded and you know that with his constant presence, even in the back of your head, you will be able to keep it together for today.

You feel it coming now

You feel it falling down

You gotta keep yourself together

You feel it coming now

You feel it falling down

You gotta keep yourself together

You can't believe it. You can't believe that you even had the capability to hurt him in this way. But now you're dancing, doing that move again after all the criticisms you received from persons who will remain unnamed – for your own sanity and self-esteem more than anything else – and it keeps your mind off it for a minute.

But this is the part where Officer Krupke comes in, and all you can see was his face, eyes expressionless. So you go back to the start of the dance move, the main one that you get wrong, and suddenly his face actually is there.

You can afford to let your emotions out a little, because it's him, there is no judgement in his eyes and you've gotten emotional in front of him before anyway. The apologies just tumble out of your mouth, slipping off your tongue but completely sincere nevertheless, because you still can't believe that you did that to him, that you made that devastating look come into his eyes.

He says "I want to go to your house" and the second you nod you're getting your composure back, returning to the calm Blaine that he surely fell in love with.

Is it really all they say it is?

I can feel it getting breathless

They always say "The camera is contagious"

When the room start to cave in

When my steps start shifting

'Cause I've heard before

Don't lose what you believe in

It seems like no time passes to when you've been at his school for weeks now and his step-brother, his step-brother, who seemed to really like you all summer, has suddenly decided that you are his mortal enemy and is determined to shoot you down every chance he gets.

And it hurts, it hurts so much that he would think it was OK to shoot you down like that, but before you know it you're saying something rash to Sam. You didn't mean it, but all the restraints come loose and you're yelling, you don't know, you just know it's making you feel cheap, and used, and dirty.

You couldn't do that to yourself. More so, you couldn't let the choreography stay that way and cheapen him. You're never going to let that happen.

When you storm out, you won't lie that you're slightly pleased that he doesn't follow. He doesn't need to see you like this – angry and uncontrolled. You were his mentor, and even if you're his boyfriend and lover and soulmate and all that now, there is still some deep-rooted need to stay composed and keep appearances up.

So when you see Finn walk through the locker room door, you breathe out a quiet sigh of relief. It's only Finn.

It's hard to see it from the top now

When your light is still blinding

No time to close your eyes now

No time for hiding

It's hard to see it from the top now

When you wanna fall back down

You've gotta keep on climbing

'Cause your time is rising

The news is shocking. It makes you almost paralysed for a second, before remembering that he must be going through so much worse.

It's what makes you choose Cough Syrup to sing – not only because you felt that way at some point or another, but because it was meant as some small words of comfort, to remind him that you are still here. And you can feel the emotions rising up inside you, the memories.

Not now, not in front of him. You can go off later, give another memory to the punching bag. But in front of him, the most precious thing in your life, you need to provide comfort. You can't be selfish – not now. Keep it all to yourself, you can deal with this by yourself. What weakness it is to ask for help, especially now.

Just keep it together.

You feel it coming now

You feel it falling down

You gotta keep yourself together

You feel it coming now.