::ll:: All these toys belong to Bioware; I just smush them together and make kissy noises. ::ll::

AN – Yep, you asked for it, now you're getting it. It's only another gosh darned ME playthrough! Sorry for the delay, been trying to get back into drawing and stuff, trying to make a good cover photo for this. I've got my Shep pick down but I can't draw Liara to save myself. Gah.
- Not much to report, other than we'll be sailing slightly left of canon at times, partly because it's fun and partly because it already follows my slightly different interpretation of Liara and Shep. So yeah.
- There are two prequels to this, not required reading but it could help flesh things out a touch. Main things you need to worry about is Shep and Liara have previous and a certain Mr Vega (HE NEEDS MORE LOVE) may or may not make an appearance. Other than that, we should start out on familiar ground.
- Title sucks balls but I'm struggling to come up with a better one. Any input would be appreciated. As it stands, don't be surprised for it to change in the near future.
- Before settling on SWFM, I seriously considered calling it 'Great Ex-Spectre-ations'. I'm terrible at this.
- PS, I super hate how ff doesn't let you use the pointy brackets. ruined the aesthetics of the first part of my story dammit!

ONWARD!

.

2183 CE - Serpent Nebula/Widow Cluster/Citadel/Presidium
Human Embassy

:::: ALLIANCE MILITARY DATABASE
:::: ESTABLISHING SECURE CONNECTION
:::: SECURE CONNECTION CONFIRMED
:::: PREPARING TO TRANSFER PROFILE DATA
:::: DECRYTING DATA
:!: CORRUPTION DETECTED
:::: PLEASE WAIT WHILE PROFILE IS RECONSTRUCTED

The Prime Minister sighed at the flashing terminal, before returning his gaze to his two associates. To his left, Anderson began rifling through his small sheaf of papers, drawing out the old print copy of the files. Contemplatively swirling the whisky in his glass, Kohl turned his attention to Udina.

"So what do we know about this Shepard? She's home grown?"

Udina sniffed at the name but nodded, answering his question nonetheless.

"Earthborn, but no record of her family."

"Doesn't have one, officially," Anderson chipped in, having extracted the file he was hunting. "Grew up on the streets. Learned to look after herself when no one else would."

Eyes flicking over the file, Kohl gave a surprised hum.

"She was Blitz Barbie?"

Anderson nodded, a gentle smile playing across his face.

"Held off enemy forces single handed until reinforcements arrived. Only suffered a single fatality. She's the only reason Elysium isn't a ghost town."

Udina glared at him, muttering under his breath.

"Well, I suppose we can't question her courage." He puffed his chest slightly, more confident with a renewed smugness in his voice. "Remember, she saw her whole unit die on Akuze. She could have some serious emotional scars-"

"Every soldier has scars. Shepard's a survivor." Anderson cut across, gruff. Udina, undeterred, tipped his chair back, confident in having won the conversation as he continued uninterrupted.

"-scars that the psychiatric reports suggest led to her getting most of her unit killed on Torfan."

"She got the job done. No matter what the cost." The marine bit back, indignant. Shepard may have her faults, as everyone did, but it would be a cold day in hell before Anderson would let anyone question her ability as a soldier. Next to him, Kohl nodded idly, ignorant to the vehemence between his two companions. The Ambassador leant forward in his seat, glaring at the Captain.

"Is that the kind of person we want protecting the galaxy?"

"That's the only kind of person who can protect the galaxy."

Taking in a deep breath, the Prime Minister placed the file back on the desk, returning his attention fully to the conversation at hand.

"Humanity needs a hero, and Shepard's the best we've got."

Udina's eyes narrowed as he moved to pick up the receiver, grumbling.

"I'll make the call."

Kohl, pleased with the results of the meeting, turned to Anderson as he moved onto the next topic on the itinerary.

"So, looking forward to welcoming our new Turian guest?"

.

Bachjret Ward
Flux

Returning the thoroughly swabbed glass to its shelf, the Salarian Bartender looked up, his eye caught by a human, waving him across. Making his way to the other end of the bar, the Salarian idly noted the man's penchant for facial fur. He shook his head gently. Unsanitary. Aesthetically questionable. Body hair was certainly one thing the Bartender did not envy about the mammalian species, or their males' penchant for growing what they called 'a sweet scruff'. At least this one kept the top of his head in check with a hat. Horns much more preferable. Approaching the man, the Bartender gave a smile and small nod.

"Howdy. What can I do you for?"

"Bloody Mary, light on the Vodka."

The Salarian paused as his mind rattled through the vast catalogue of human cocktails. When he first set out to learn the 'Ledger of Terran Tipples', he was awed at the sheer size of the thing, and even more impressed at the several volumes that followed it. One thing about humans; they certainly knew how to party. Arriving at the required drink, the bartender frowned slightly, shooting the human a confused look.

"Light on the vodka? That would leave you with spicy tomato juice?" In response, the man only gave a small laugh, conceding the point.

"Then I guess I'll be having spicy tomato juice."

Taking the man's credit chit, the Bartender ran it through his machine before fixing the drink, striking up casual conversation while he did so.

"Seen a lot of Humans tonight laying off the sauce. Hope it's nothing permanent, otherwise this place'd go bankrupt in a week." Sliding the glass over to the man, the Salarian watched as he took a tentative sip before giving an approving nod.

"Yeah. Nothing much. Our ship's just came into dock so the Captain can have a quick meeting; he gave us grunts a few hours R&R. Technically we're still on duty, but that doesn't mean we can't come down here and enjoy this place and its... ambiance."

The Bartender grinned and opened his mouth to respond. What words he planned on saying were discarded however as another customer sidled up at the opposite end of the bar.

"Duty calls." With an apologetic smile and quick nod at the man, the Salarian hurried off. Now alone, the marine turned around to survey the crowd. It was mostly human, clad in blue fatigues as they cut loose. So loose, the marine mused with a grin, maybe they were touching the sauce. Just a little.

One, however, sat quietly at a table alone, nursing a drink of her own as she stared out the expanse of window, lost in her thoughts. The marine caught her attention with a small wave of his hand as he took the seat opposite. She acknowledged him with a curt nod.

"Joker."

"Commander Sourpuss."

The Commander shot him a look that would have been scathing, if not for the small quirking of her lip at the comment. Easing himself into the seat, Joker regarded Shepard for a moment as her gaze returned to the window.

"So, what's up?"

"Nothin' much."

"Something is." He persisted, only to get a small shrug of the shoulders in the way of a response.

"Just, thinkin'."

"'Bout what?"

"Stuff, I guess."

Joker's head tilted back as he let out an exaggerated groan. The Commander's brow furrowed slightly at his reaction.

"What?"

"You! It's like trying to squeeze blood from a turnip!"

"So I'm a vegetable now, Lieutenant?"

"Going by your social skills? Maybe."

This got a small bark of laughter from the Commander before she returned to a mockingly serious tone.

"All I'm hearing's insubordination against a superior officer. I could have you on latrine duties by tomorrow morning, and I'm sure Anderson wouldn't mind his favourite pilot getting a little dirty for once."

"Hey, hey," he rescinded, holding his hands up in defeat. "I'm just trying to inject a little laughter into the discussion and get to know my Executive Officer better."

Shepard regarded the man as she took a sip from her glass.

"Why?"

"Because it's been three months since the Normandy crew assembled and apart from Biotic Elvis over there, I'm the closest thing you've got to a friend on that ship. And any way, people with our... disability have to stick together, y'know?"

It was Joker's turn to take a drink and Shepard peered at him quizzically as he did so. Opening her mouth, the Commander spoke slowly, still struggling to catch his meaning.

"Being ginger isn't a disability, Moreau-"

Joker snorted into his drink and hastily wiped his mouth.

"I wasn't talking about that. I was referring to our shared inability to tango."

Shepard collapsed back into her chair, giving an overly indignant huff.

"Why does everyone think I've got two left feet? Just because I choose not to dance doesn't mean I can't."

"Until I get some hard evidence to the contrary, in the court of Joker; I'm afraid you're guilty until proven innocent, Ma'am."

Shepard leaned forward onto the table, pointing at the marine with a rebuttal on her tongue when she was distracted by a chirping of her Omnitool. Reading the new message, the Commander's featured flattened as she let out a small hum. At Joker's inquiry, she sighed.

"That's my shore leave cut short. Seems our new guest showed up early, wanting a tour." Heaving herself out the seat, Shepard flicked off a small salute to her companion. Turning, she tagged out with another marine who had been coming to join them with a drink of his own, and whispered conspiratorially in his ear.

Alenko sat down in the newly vacated seat, only to be met with a glare, dripping with suspicion.

"What was all that about?"

"I'm not sure. Apparently she wants me to get you disbarred. Whatever that means."

Joker snorted, returning to his drink as he watched the Commander disappear through the door. Only when he was sure she was gone did he speak up again.

"Hey, Kaidan, how'd you do it?"

"What?"

"Be her buddy. She doesn't let anyone get close. Every time I try to strike up conversation, she always deflects anything that might give her away. Hell, last week, I asked if she had any family, ten minutes later I'm giving off this big spiel about living with Vroliks. I didn't even remember I'd asked her anything until she was half way back down the ship. What's so special about you that lets her open up?"

Kaidan shrugged as he contemplated the question.

"We've known each other for years; she used to date my old buddy from Brain Camp. When he died, we got over it together; traded old war stories over a few, remembering the good old days, y'know? She was never one for making friends any way, but after he died? She threw herself into her work, didn't have a life outside the mission. The fact that she even came out at all tonight is a big step up from a couple of years ago. And the fact she managed to put up with your conversation without feeling compelled to punch you? Nothing short of a miracle." He ended with a small grin. Leaning back, Joker dramatically brought his hands to his chest, a pained expression playing out over his face.

"Oh, Alenko, you wound me with your razor sharp wit!"

Kaidan let out a soft snort as he drained his glass. Placing it on the table, he studied it for a few moments more as a sombre tint fell over his features.

"Y'know, I'm probably her best friend, but I don't even know her full name."

"Seriously? Why don't you just look it up?" In response, Kaidan gave another shrug.

"I could, but I've known her for ten years. There's gotta be some reason it's never came up. And any way, you know how she is with her personal space. Remember Jenkins on our first shore leave? Tried to bake her a birthday cake and ended up wearing it, all because he read the date in her file instead of talking to her first."

Joker gave a small murmur of agreement and the pair lapsed into a short silence, only to be interrupted by the dual chirpings of their Omnitools. With a wistful sigh, they got to their feet and made their way out of the club. Holding the door open, Kaidan spoke up.

"Hey, so why are you so interested in Shepard all of a sudden? Don't tell me you're getting the hots for her already."

"C'mon! Even if it didn't break regs, it would sure as hell as break my pelvis. You've seen her in action, imagine her in bed; she'd snap me like a twig."

Kaidan grinned as he responded, his tone laced with mirth.

"Oh I don't know, I have it on good authority she can be a very gentle and caring lover."

Joker only snorted in reply.

"Yeah, once you thaw her out all the ice."

.

Exodus Cluster / Utopia System
SSV Normandy

Joker's fingers danced over the orange screens in front of him as the Normandy gently drifted out of the relay jump.

"All systems online, drift; just under 1500K."

"1500 is good. Your Captain will be pleased."

Listening until the owner of the sub harmonic thrum's footsteps vanished, Joker let out an agitated huff, shaking his head as he continued to monitor the systems.

"Gah, I hate that guy."

Kaidan's hands slowed as he turned to look at the pilot, a bemused smirk on his face.

"Nihlus gave you a compliment, so... you hate him?"

"Look, you remember to zip up your jumpsuit on the way out of the bathroom? That's good. I just jumped us half way across the galaxy and hit a target the size of a pinhead. That's incredible! Besides, Spectres are trouble. I just don't like having him aboard. Call me paranoid."

With a shake of his head, Kaidan returned his focus to his work as he continued the conversation.

"Fine. You're paranoid. The Council helped fund this project; they have a right to send someone to keep an eye on their investment."

"Yeah, that's the official story. But only an idiot believes that."

A third voice responded this time, causing the pilot to jump in his chair.

"Mmhm. They don't send Spectres on shakedown runs. Something's weird. I can feel it."

"God damn, Ma'am! How do you manage to sneak around a ship in full armour? You got silencers built into that thing?" Joker gave himself a shake, calming down. "But you agree yeah? There is more than the Captain's letting on-?"

It was a tinny voice that interrupted this time, reverberating from the speakers on the console.

"Joker, Status report."

"Just cleared the Mass Relays, Captain. Stealth systems engaged. Everything looks solid."

"Good. Find a comm. buoy and link us into the home network. I want mission reports relayed back to the Alliance Brass before we reach Eden Prime."

"Aye aye, Captain. Oh, and better brace yourself, sir, I think the Spectre's headed your way."

A crackled sigh made its way over the comm. system.

"He's already here, Lieutenant."

Shepard struggled to tame the noise that escaped her throat as she glanced over at Alenko, currently containing himself with silent laughter. Below she could see Joker's shoulders slump and could swear she felt the heat radiating from his face. The crackled voice continued, terse.

"Tell Commander Shepard to meet me in the comm. room for a debriefing."

Killing the connection, Joker cradled his face in his hands as Shepard and Kaidan made sounds of equal amusement and consolation. Groaning, the pilot looked up.

"You get that Commander?"

"Loud and clear. He sounds angry. And for once, it doesn't sound like it's entirely your fault."

With a final shake of her head, Shepard took pity on the man, patting him gently on the shoulder before leaving.

.

Jenkins trailed the Doctor up the stairs, his arms flailing wildly as his expression contorted into a myriad of over exaggerated emotions.

"I'm just sayin', Doc, I grew up on Eden Prime. Place is a snore; no Spectre in their right mind would come within fifty parsecs of the place unless there was something serious going on. That Nihlus dude is holding out on us, I'm tellin' you."

Stopping in front of the Galaxy map, Chakwas sighed as she attempted to recall why exactly she was humouring the eager marine.

"That's crazy Dicky, the Captain's in charge here. He won't be pushed into taking orders from a Spectre."

At this Jenkins raised a finger whilst shaking his head, an innocently smug grin playing across his features. Chakwas gave a silent groan, deflating slightly at what was about to come. While his youthful exuberance was a delightful change from the stony faced marines she was used to dealing with, his encyclopaedic knowledge all forms of law enforcement had a tendency to grind on even the most patient of listener's nerves. It had even earned him a bloody nose and frosting embedded in every orifice in his head last month, when his infatuation with a certain Commander came to a head. Not that it discouraged him for any length of time, of course.

"Nuh-uh, not his choice Doc! Spectres don't answer to anyone and being the highest ranking intergalactic individual on this ship, his status automatically over-rides Captain Anderson. Spectres can do whatever they want. Kill anyone who gets in their way."

Grinning, he fired off a few rounds of his finger guns, earning a bark of laughter from the weary Doctor.

"You watch too many spy vids, Jenkins."

The marine folded his arms, pretending to be affronted. Melodramatically turning to his right, he caught the eye of his favourite Officer.

"Hey! Hey, Commander! What d'you think? We won't be staying on Eden Prime too long, will we? I'm itching for some real, balls to the walls action!"

Shepard stood silently evaluating the man. Seeing the exasperated Doctor at his side, she rescinded, allowing herself to be drawn into the conversation. Chakwas opened her mouth to reprimand the soldier, like a mother scolding her child.

"I sincerely hope you're kidding Corporal. Your 'real action' usually ends up with me patching up crew members in the infirmary. And that goes for you too, Commander." She shot a warning look at Shepard, who couldn't help but wither slightly under the older woman's gaze. Hoping to get herself back in the Doctor's good books, Shepard turned to the young man, imitating her stare.

"Doc's right Corporal. A good soldier keeps a calm head. Gotta be cool under fire. Are you cool, Jenkins?"

"As a cucumber, Ma'am. You know me, always primed and ready."

Shepard quirked a brow as her eyes burned into Jenkins.

"Yeah. I do know you. I also know that last week you would be 90% burns and down two legs if Lieutenant Alenko hadn't reeled you in off that exploding freighter on time, leaving you with a broken rib and bruised ego."

"Don't forget the fractured tibia, Commander." Chakwas added, looking between the two. Jenkins looked momentarily bashful, finding a renewed interest in the laces of his boots.

"Sorry Ma'ams." He looked back up, excitement in his eyes. "But this waiting is killing me! I've never been on a mission like this before! Not one with a real Spectre on board! And I thought I lucked out being assigned along Blitz Barbie the Batarian Bu- sorry." His head snapped back down at the dangerous glare from his superior officer. Shepard took a breath, calming herself, before placing a gentle hand on the man's soldier.

"It's alright, Corporal. But just relax. You're wound tight, I can see that. We just don't want you doing something you're going to regret is all." At her words, Jenkins looked up, delighted at her response. Nodding vigorously, he quickly resumed his excited puppy routine.

"Don't worry, Ma'am! You can count on me, I'm not gonna screw this up!"

With a quick nod, Shepard excused herself, making her way to the comm. room at a hurried pace. Entering, she was surprised to see only the single silhouette of a Turian against the large glowing screen.

"Excuse me sir, but where's the Captain, he said he'd meet me here."

The maroon Spectre turned around to greet Shepard, his mandibles fluttering slightly in what appeared to be a welcoming grin.

"Ah! Commander Shepard, the Captain is on his way, but I was hoping you'd get here first. It will give us a chance to talk." Beckoning Shepard closer, the Turian turned back to the screen, apparently enthralled in the picture of Eden Prime taking up the majority of the back wall.

Standing side by side, The Commander couldn't help but feel slightly intimidated by the imposing Spectre. She was by no means short in stature, but Nihlus was easily over six feet in height and threateningly broad shouldered to match. Her eyes flicked momentarily down to his dainty waist, a trait shared throughout his species. She couldn't help as her mind automatically played back the defence vids from basic that had spent a conspicuously long time on Turians in particular, pinpointing each and every one of every council faring species weak spots and how best to exploit them. Idly, Shepard conjured up several plans of attack that would pacify the Spectre in three swift moves and incapacitate him in four. She was snapped out of her musings as Nihlus spoke, his thrum reverberating around the empty room.

"I'm interested in this world we're going to – Eden Prime. I've heard it's quite beautiful."

"Beyond, Sir. They say it's paradise. Better than Earth, even. But I wouldn't know. Never been personally."

The Spectre tilted his head, conceding the point.

"But you know of it? Serene, tranquil, safe. It's become something of a symbol for your people, hasn't it? Proof that humanity can not only establish colonies across the Galaxy but also protect them. How safe is it though? Really?"

Shepard frowned at his remark.

"Do you know something, Sir? Because, if you've got something to say, I would appreciate it if you came out and said it."

Nihlus gave a throaty chuckle at the response, glancing over at Shepard almost endearingly, only compounding the Commander's confusion.

"You're people are still new comers, Shepard. The Galaxy can be a very dangerous place. Or need I remind of you Mindoir? Is the Alliance truly ready for this?"

Before she could formulate a response, the door behind them swished open. Making his way into the room, Anderson addressed the Spectre.

"I think it's time we told the Commander what's really going on."

Shepard's frown deepened. They were being obtuse with her. She hated when people were obtuse. Nihlus gave a curt nod in agreement.

"This mission is more than a simple shakedown run."

"The crew and I guessed as much." A monkey with a pencil in his teeth would've guessed as much. "What is it you aren't telling us?"

"We're making a covert pick up on Eden Prime. That's why we needed our stealth systems fully operational."

Getting information is like trying to pull teeth. Shepard's frown solidified on her face as she willed the growl out of her throat. You're a professional, damn it.

"I don't like being kept in the dark, Captain, you know that. So I'm going to go out on a limb and trust that you've got a damn good reason for not telling me about this sooner, Sir."

"I know, Shepard. I know. But this comes down from the top, a strictly need to know basis. A research team on Prime unearthed some kind of beacon during an excavation. It was Prothean. You've got a passing interest in the area if I'm not mistaken, so you know how vital this is?"

"Yeah, I know. Pretty much every piece of tech we use has some basis in Prothean designs. Finding a beacon? Sounds like we hit the mother lode."

Anderson nodded, giving a small snort in agreement.

"You can say that again. The last time humanity made a discovery like this, it jumped our technology forward two hundred years and got us a place in intergalactic politics in a further fifty. But Prime doesn't have the facilities to handle something like this. We need to bring it back to the Citadel for further study."

"As you can tell Commander, this goes far beyond mere human interest. This discovery most likely can and will affect every single species in Council space."

Shepard nodded, considering their words carefully.

"Definitely. Plus, it never hurts to have a few extra hands on board. But you sound worried Sir. Are we expecting trouble?"

Nihlus gave an amused growl. "I'm always expecting trouble."

"There's more, Shepard. Nihlus isn't just here for the beacon. He's also here to evaluate you."

"Me?" Shepard startled slightly, before tilting her head understandingly. "I guess that explains why I bump into him every time I turn around. But why me, Captain? What's going on?"

"The Alliance has been pushing for this for a long time. Humanity wants a larger role in shaping interstellar policy. We're a growing species and a useful ally. We want more say within the Council. The Spectres represent their power and authority. Accepting a human into their ranks would be one of the highest honours attainable, just short of winning an actual seat. To accept a human into their fold would show just how far the Alliance has come."

Nihlus gave a murmur of agreement, approaching Shepard as he regarded her with sharp eyes.

"You held off the enemy assault during the Blitz single handed, showing incredible courage and skill. You survived against all odds on Akuze, winning a one on one match with a Thresher Maw despite having no idea what exactly you were facing, something that has never been matched in any Council species' history. And I'm well aware of the sacrifices made on Torfan and I can appreciate them. Not all species, humanity included, could see the value of your decision in face of the losses. It was a difficult decision, but the right one. One that few people would have the plates to make. That's why I nominated you for candidacy."

Though his words were meant as a compliment, Shepard couldn't help but squirm slightly under his gaze. All of those things did happen and from a certain perspective, Nihlus was right, but it didn't change the uneasy feeling in the pit of Shepard's stomach, as if she was getting praised for lies and half truths. The fire she had felt before had receded under his words and the Commander mentally cursed herself for sounding so quiet and meek when she next spoke.

"You put my name forward? Why would a Turian want a human Spectre?"

"Not all Turians resent humanity, just as you do not express distaste at mine. Some of us see the potential of your species. We see what you have to offer the Galaxy and the Spectres. We are an elite group. It's hard to find an individual with the required skill set. I, among others, believe you possess such skills. I don't care that you're human, Shepard. Only that you can do the job."

Shepard glanced at Anderson, as if asking permission.

"I suppose this is good for the Alliance."

The Captain nodded.

"Earth needs this Shepard. We're counting on you."

"Alright. Yeah. Just tell me what I have to do."

Apparently satisfied with his visual appraisal, Nihlus stepped back.

"I'll need to see your skills for myself, Commander. Eden Prime will be the first of several missions together."

"You'll be in charge of the ground team tasked with securing the beacon and getting it back to the ship ASAP. Nihlus will be shadowing you, observing the mission." He glanced at his chrono. "We should be getting close to Eden Pr-"

A crackle fizzled through the speakers overhead.

"Captain, we've got a problem. There's a transmission from Eden Prime. You better see this."

The trio stood in front of the large screen as it was filled by what looked like a low rent action vid. Mud was flying everywhere as a white figured approached with haste.

"Get down!"

The camera fell, pointing up at the panicked faces of several marines. Sounds of chaos and gun fire glitched sporadically as the image occasionally jumped.

"-Under Atta-... –eavy casualties!"

The camera shook slightly, now pointing directly at the sky, just in team to see a vast, tentacled ship to pass by. Seconds later, an almighty horn reverberated around the room, causing Shepard's inside to clench at the horrific note. A red flash flooded the screen before the scene froze and a thick silence fell, punctuated only by the crackle above.

"Everything cuts out after that. No comm. traffic at all. Just goes dead. There's nothing."

Anderson's eyes narrowed as he took a step closer to the projection, using the holograms to reverse the feed, pausing on the image of the imposing ship. The Commander glared at it, as if attempting to burn a hole into the thing, as her unease multiplied. Shepard didn't consider herself a superstitious woman by any stretch of the imagination, but even she couldn't deny the whisper of dread in her mind, telling herself to get familiar to such a sight.

"Joker, status report."

"Seventeen minutes out Captain. No other Alliance ships in the area."

"Takes us in Joker. Fast and quiet." The Captain exhaled softly. "This mission just got a lot more complicated."

Nihlus stood at his shoulder, offering tactical advice.

"A small strike team could move quickly, without drawing attention. It's our best chance to secure the beacon."

Anderson nodded, turning to the Spectre.

"Grab your gear and meet us in the cargo hold. Shepard; tell Alenko and Jenkins to suit up. You're going in."

Nodding, Shepard spun on her heel and made for the door, grimacing.

An hour ago, I was in a club, having a little drink. Now I'm standing on the brink of the biggest invasion since First Contact and in line to be the Galaxy's newest cowboy cop. She gave a wistful sigh.

Nothing's ever simple with me, is it?