Ichigo Kurosaki stared at the white sheet of paper with wide eyes. He played on his bottom lip with his teeth thoughtfully, blinking a few times his dark eyelashes. His hazel eyes lost in reflection as he cracked his large and strong fingers resting on the desk. Turning on the small lamp close to him, he took a small breath, picked up his black-ink pen, and started writing.

Falling in love with Rukia Kuchiki

1. Lost

I didn't know what was happening to me. I wanted to stand with her, be by her side every second of my life. All my thoughts were concentrated on one thing: her. Even if I'd try hard, until it gave me a headache, I couldn't think of anything else. The way she spoke, the way she walked, the way she'd fight for her friends, family…for her pride. The way my named escaped her lips when she was angry, when she was relieved, when she was sad, when she was happy…

I couldn't bring myself to look away from her body. Her tiny feet, her milky legs, her perfect thighs, her irresistible shoulders, her small neck, her pink cheeks, her sweet lips, her large beautiful violet eyes, her long eyelashes, her soft short hair… I didn't know, I didn't understand what was happening to me.

Kuchiki Rukia has always been a friend to me. Maybe even more…close than that. We understood each other, and trusted our selves with our hearts and souls.

We were connected some how. I knew it. I always have. But what was my heart trying to tell me? I couldn't put my finger on it. But I knew, something down there was changing.

2. Jealousy

That's where things started to get really messy inside me. I soon found a…burning feeling in my stomach. Like I absolutely needed to get rid of it. I hated that sensation. It wasn't comfortable. It was the exact opposite.

Apparently, our guy friends decided to get on my nerves all at the same time. Of course they already were but, this time it was much, much worse. Keigo, Kon, Renji… They were the most troublesome: the stuffed animal and the perverted Asano jerk were, as always, jumping on Rukia like stupid horny kids… I just can't stand that. My punching became more powerful and my anger more intense. Seriously, they just couldn't leave her out of their pathetic and disgusting ideas?

As for Renji, well, even if I consider him as my friend, the idiot always had the natural talent to annoy me. But now he was just… always chasing Rukia like a pain-in-the-ass dog, and licking her boots like he was totally hung up on her. What an annoying bastard.

Once I even surprised myself with Ishida. I still don't quite understand why I reacted like that… Basically, four eyes had sewn a dress for 'Kuchiki-san'. Way to short though. So I simply punched the idiot in the face, and it accidently broke his glasses, I decided that time that Ishida was just as pervert as the others, and that from now on, I'll be looking out for Rukia. I mean, that's what friends do, right?

3. Comprehension

On a very cold day, Rukia asked me to go ice skating again. She'd fallen in love with the sport when I took her the first time. So we found ourselves on the ice rink, for the second time, hands in hands. Rukia still didn't stand still on her skates and she didn't want me to leave her hold yet. At that moment, I noticed I didn't want to leave her, not today, nor ever after this. I wanted to keep her with me, as close as possible. When her tiny hands were buried in mines, our mittens in contact, I realized I was happy when she was there. My heart fluttered, like a millions of birds flying for liberty high in the blue sky. I had never felt anything like that before… Rukia was my ray of light. The clarity in my dark days.

When I got back home, Rukia ran to the Soul Society for an emergency in her division. I know she is a busy person… Hell, she's the thirteen division's vice-captain. Her duties are a priority to her. I totally understand that. Then why am I feeling that void inside me when she's not here? Why am I feeling that unbearable loneliness? That night, alone in my bed, I realized I had feelings for Kuchiki Rukia.

4. Fear

I thought that having feelings for someone was…joyful. Well, that's what I heard everywhere; in books, movies… But what I'm feeling right now isn't that. No way. All I feel right now is a fear. An intense fear I can't even describe. It's not like the one I had when I fought Grand Fisher, or the one I had when my mom died, or even not the one I had when Yuzu was in danger… It can't be compare to those fears. It's more…complex than that.

I'm scared now, when she goes fighting a hollow or enemies. I'm scared she won't come back to me again. I'm scared when she's somewhere away, that she'll find someone else to spend her life with. I'm scared she will abandon me, in my ordinary rainy days. I'm scared that if I ever confess to her, she'll reject me. I'm scared it'll break our friendship. I'm scared to feel even worse than I already do. To feel my heart broken in millions of pieces. Pieces a black-haired midget will have disperse with only her words. I was afraid, so afraid, and I found it so stupid… All this just because of one little person… It was ridiculous.

5. Acceptation

With time, I got used to the new emotions. It was always the same ritual: shut up about it and live like nothing was bothering me. Even if it as a lie. Luckily, Rukia was often with me, and we were just hanging out, like before. So I'd burry my feelings and appreciate the times I had with her. Almost nothing had changed between us: we'd still fight for nothing, screamed and agued together. We took care of hollows and I went to school each day of the week. For a moment I consider living like this forever. There was no need to tell her and complicate everything.

Unfortunately, that idea didn't last. Of course it wouldn't work. It was total crap. I couldn't lie to myself any longer. How I felt wasn't a dream or a nightmare. It wasn't fake. It was the pure and cruel reality. And I couldn't run away from it anymore.

6. Pain

There was this time, a few weeks later, where Rukia went back to Soul Society. Again. Only this time, she was gone for a month. And 12 days. I know it exactly, because I counted them. Every hour without her was…lifeless. I tried so hard to talk, smile… To live normally. But it was so difficult. Even if I denied it all the time, people were really staring to notice my mood swings.

A few days after Rukia left, the loneliness became something much… worse. It felt almost like pain. Yes, that was pain. It didn't hurt like a physical injury, and god knows how much I have endured those in the past. No, it was in my head, and in my heart. My heart was shattered. When I got up, every morning, I didn't felt the desire to live. I didn't felt the need to smile.

One day, my dad talked to me. He said I was acting exactly when I lost my shinigami powers for 17 months. He questioned me about my reiatsu, I told him everything was perfect with it. He questioned me about my life… I told him everything was fine.

But it wasn't fine. I didn't even have the strength to pretend it was okay now. Why? Simply because the secret and the source of my force was not here. Rukia was not here. She wasn't with me. The idea of her never coming back was…too much to handle. I couldn't think about it. So I kept telling me: she will come back. And that's how I managed to survive during those five weeks.

7. Hope

Eventually, Rukia came back. That night, I couldn't look at anything but her. Her. I knew I wanted her presence now. I needed it. With me.

The hope gradually came back in my life, along with Rukia. She was by my side, and I would do anything for her to stay there.

I soon noticed some changes with her too. She would smile at me more often, walk closer to me, speak softer to me… I got some hope that at the end, we were sharing the same feelings. I needed that hope. After all the pain, I needed it desperately.

A few weeks passed. On one calm night, Rukia and I were sitting on the house roof, looking up quietly at the dark sky, illuminated by the stars and the big and perfect moon. The moon was shining. She reminded me of someone. Standing there, beautiful and peaceful, watching over everyone that one day reached her soul in some way. I dropped my head a little. What if I haven't reach Rukia's soul like she had with mine? She had plenty of people she could be with right now, why was she sitting here with me?

"Ichigo"

The sudden voice got me out of my thoughts. I widened my eyes before looking at the small and perfect person who had just pronounced my name in an unforgettable way. I waited. Seconds passed, I don't know how many exactly. Finally, she smiled at me, the moon's white light reflecting on her serene face. Her smile brought millions of butterfly inside my stomach. I didn't say anything. I stared at her with wide eyes until she let something out of her mouth. Two words. Two simple words that brought faith and hope back inside my heart.

"Don't worry"

8. Love

Time passed, flying quickly. Nothing changed between me and Rukia. That is, until one Saturday night. I remember. Rukia and I were sitting on the couch, totally silent. Karin, Yuzu and my father were absent. We were alone. It was pouring rain outside, and the electricity was gone. A black out. Sitting next to each other, Rukia had her knees up, holding her legs with her tiny arms. I was resting both my hands on each side of me, looking at the opposite, outside by the window. Normally, silence was calming and comfortable between us. But not tonight.

I felt a huge current between us. I wanted to bring my hand forward, and touch her hair, her cheek, her lips, her waist, her thighs… I wanted to be closer to her. It was a new sensation to me. And I was craving for it. I couldn't hold myself. I had lost control of my body. So, soon, my right arm wrapped around Rukia's waist and brought her to me in less than a second.

Rukia gasped and widened her magnificent eyes up at me.

"Ichi-Ichigo… What are you doing, fool?"

I couldn't resist. She was right beside me, her body almost stuck to mine. Her large amethyst eyes were sparkling with something I had never saw before. I could feel both our hearts beating faster inside. Her breath was tickling my neck in a soft breeze. I couldn't resist. So I responded sincerely.

"I… I can't fight my desire to be closer to you, Rukia."

The young woman blinked a couple of times, still staring up at me. We couldn't tear out from the other's eyes. Almost reaching our souls deep down our pupil. Even though our breaths were increasing from the closeness, it was like time has stopped. Nothing except her existed.

Rukia moved slightly up to me, closing her eyes a little. We exchanged a look, talking with the heart of our souls. We understood everything at that moment. Both of us came forward, until finally, our lips met in an unspeakable passion. Our pink entrance danced against each other perfectly. Like we were meant to fit in every way. At first it was intense, then growing more heated with every kiss. Rukia moved her arm slightly and stroked my cheek softly with her hand before bringing it to the back of my head. She grabbed my orange hair, bringing me closer to her and deepening the kiss even more. I then passed my tongue on her bottom lip, earning a beautiful moan from her and an access to her own pink organ. We continued tasting the other until I let out a desperate groan in Rukia's perfect mouth. She understood and backed off a little bit, both of us red from the temperature and passion. We tried to catch our breaths, our nose almost still touching. We were panting pretty hard, and our eyes met in unison, sharing all the unspoken words we kept for ourselves during all this time. We both let a small smile formed on our faces, and closed our eyes again as our foreheads rested against each other.

There was no need to say it. Not now. We understood it all. That feeling, it was…

…Love…

Ichigo smiled happily as he passed the scene back in his head. That night…He could never forget it. All that could be heard was the rain outside and both their explosive hearts beats.

"Ichigo…?"

A soft and sleepy magic voice surprised him slightly. He turned on the chair and looked at the petite woman on the large bed, wrapped up in several blankets.

"Sorry, did I wake you?" he asked, concerned.

Rukia yawned and rubbed her eyes. "What do you think?"

Ichigo looked down and closed the lamp on the desk before getting up, heading toward the bed. "I'm sorry." He lay back on the mattress, next to the lieutenant. "What were you doing anyway, in the middle of the night? Don't tell me you were actually doing paper work?" asked Rukia to the man next to her, teasing him a bit.

The orange-haired frowned slightly. "Haha, very funny. You know I don't have a vice-captain and be stuck with all the work really sucks."

Rukia laughed silently. "I know, poor, brave captain Ichigo Kurosaki… Stuck with all the paperwork…"

Ichigo wanted to scowl, but her beautiful laugh was too contagious. He soon couldn't help his own lips from forming a gentle smile. "You… Always making fun of me, huh?"

He grabbed Rukia by the waist and turned her so that her back was facing him. He then brought her close to his chest and started tickling her stomach with his hands and her neck with his mouth. He knew that was her sensible spot.

"I-Ichi… HAHAHA! Stop that! Ahhaha!" She couldn't stop screaming and laughing while Ichigo left several hot kisses on the crook of her neck, his own grin getting larger every laugh.

Finally, he stopped and turned Rukia over so that she was facing him. Their faces were almost touching and Ichigo brought his mouth to hers in a loving kiss. Rukia grabbed the edge of his attire and pulled him even closer. Their hands were all over the other's body, and their lips slipping delightfully together.

When they broke away for air, their heads resting on the giant pillows, Rukia spoke. "So, what were you writing, before, on the desk?"

Ichigo sighed in her black hair and wrapped his strong arms around her. "Oh… Just a draft… Something about you…"

Rukia blinked and cuddled in Ichigo's muscular chest. "Really? Can I read it, someday?"

Ichigo smiled softly and kissed his fiancée's forehead. "Yeah, maybe someday…"

- I don't own Bleach. Please REVIEW! |Death and Berry| -