I held my breath as I pushed back the blanket and a tear fell from my eye
when I saw her sleeping face. She was so beautiful. . . like an angel.
Perfect skin, red hair, green eyes. So beautiful. . . just like her mom.
And to think she was mine.
A warm hand rested on my back and I turned sideways, taking my wife into my arms. "Satine. . ." I whispered, burying my nose in her hair and breathing in deeply. It was all I was, all I could ever needed to continue breathing. Without her there'd be nothing left of me.
"She's ours. She'll always be ours. . . in your heart."
I smiled at her. "But she's right here."
She bit her lip as she smoothed my face. "Darling. . ."
"Ewan!" I yelled, waiting to share this joy that was about to burst my heart. "Ewan, come here! Come and look at your baby sister!"
"Christian. . ." Satine held my hands. "He's not here. He's at home."
I laughed, sinking into her arms. "And my home is here."
"This isn't real. . . you know it isn't. Christian-"
I turned away from her, going to the other side of the cradle. I touched my daughter's face, but her touch was so cold. "Aw, what's the trouble?" Her skin. . . why didn't I notice it before? It was like ice, and looked like porcelain. But there was no way she could be. . . could be. . .
Tears stung my eyes and I looked up at my wife, her face just as ghostly white. "No. . ." I whispered, my hands cupped over my face. "No. . ."
I slowly opened my eyes and turned over in the bed. Our bed. It wasn't fair. . . it wasn't. Jonathan was crazy, and nothing could calm him. All I wanted to do was protect Satine. I didn't care about my life, knew my soul would be all right if just Satine was safe.
More tears squeezed out of my eyes and I pulled her pillow to me, drinking in the faint smell of her hair. "Satine," I sobbed. God, I missed her. That hole in my chest had come again when I lost her before, but it was wider now. God, I loved her. She was my essence, my reason for living. It isn't fair. . . just as I find her, she's taken away from me.
I hold the pillow closer as I remember the hospital.
I had waited for hours in the hall, waiting until I could see her. Ewan had gone to sleep in my lap, and when the doctor said I could finally see her, I moved his head and rose.
I opened the small door, the breath stopping in my throat when I saw her lying there. Tears blurred my vision, but somehow I shuffled my feet to the side of her bed. My hand reached out to touch her pale cheek and she smiled, eyes closed.
"Christian," she whispered, exhaling. "I love. . . you."
I kneeled to the floor and held her hand. "Don't leave me. . ." I sobbed. "Don't leave me all alone. I can't. . ."
Her other hand reached over to stroke my hair. "For all that you are, for all you are not. . . I love you. And Ewan loves you. You are not alone. And. . . where I go, for as long as I love you both, you'll never be alone."
I looked up at her, a smile forced on her pale lips. I shook my head. "No. No, please fight this. . . I know you can. Please, I can't loose you. You-"
She put a finger to my lips and I kissed it. "This time is almost up. But darling, this is NOT goodbye. It was not coincidence that you found me and saved me. We are bound as one soul, never ending like the waves of the ocean. We will continue to be born on this earth, and you will save me like all the times you've done before."
My chin quivered as I fought for words, but none came to mind except one. "I love you. . ."
"We have been all the great loves of the world. Romeo and Juliet, Guenivere and Lancelot, Antony and Cleopatra. One time, we'll get it right. And one time we won't have to go through this part."
I cried, so hard my body was trembling. I shook my head.
She touched my cheek. "Promise me. . . that you'll find me again."
I took her hands in mine and put them across my face. They were so cold. . . if she could only stay with me a little longer. . . if I could only warm her hands then she'd be all right.
"Promise me, Christian," she pleaded. "Promise me you'll find me again. . . I couldn't bear to live if you weren't there."
"I can't bear to live without you in this life," I sobbed.
A tear trickled from her eye as she touched my cheek. "I know. But that's why I jumped in front of you. . . if you were safe, I knew everything would be all right."
"So wh-what do I do without you?" I cried.
She kissed my bent head. "I am here to tell you we can never meet again," she sang in a whisper. "Simple really, isn't it? A word or two and then a lifetime of not knowing where or how or why or when. You think of me or speak of me and wonder what befell. The someone you once loved so long ago so well."
"Never wonder what I'll feel as living shuffles by." The song broke my heart, but I somehow surrendered to fighting it. "You don't have to ask me and I need not reply. Every moment of my life from now until I die, I will think or dream of you and fail to understand how a perfect love can be confounded out of hand. Is it written in the stars? Are we paying for some crime? Is that all that we are good for, just a stretch of mortal time? For some God's experiment in which we have no say. In which we're given paradise. But only for a day."
I looked up into her sparkling eyes and she forced a smile that sent an arrow through my heart. "Nothing can be altered, there is nothing to decide. No escape, no change of heart, no anyplace to hide."
"You are all I'll ever want, but this I am denied. But never in my darkest thoughts, I wish I'd never learned what it is to be in love and have that love returned."
"Is it written in the stars? Are we paying for some crime? Is that all that we are good for, just a stretch of mortal ti-" A cough rattled through her body as her face twisted with pain.
I touched her shoulders. "Darling. . . darling. . ." I didn't know what to do. There must be something left, something to save her. "This is not the end. . . this is not the end. . . this is. . ."
As Satine settled back in her bed she squeezed my hand. "It's not."
"I can't loose you." Tears cascaded from my eyes. "I love you, Satine. I can't lose you again. . ."
She touched my face. "You never lost me."
My chin quivered as emotions swept over me. "What do I do without you?"
"Don't. . . stop smiling that smile which I love so much." She grinned pale lips at me. "And don't lose that sparkle in your eyes. Because. . . I love those things about you. I love everything about you. And Ewan. . . I'll see him again. I'll watch him on his birthday, and kiss his cheek at night." She dragged a breath in. "And I'll see you again, Christian. Because love. . . it doesn't end. And in another life. . . I'll kiss you again, and we'll dance across the stars."
A smile clung to my lips as I remembered the night we met. I reached up and moved some of her hair off of her face. "You've got the sweetest eyes I've ever seen," I whispered.
She sighed. "All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go. I'm standing here outside your door I hate to wake you up to say goodbye. But the dawn is breakin', it's early morn. The taxi's waiting, he's blowin' his horn. Already I'm so lonesome I could cry. So kiss me and smile for me. Tell me that you'll wait for me. Hold me like you'll never. . . let. . . me. . ."
I stared at her porcelain-white face, still, leaning against the pillow. "S. . .Satine?" I breathed, but she didn't answer me. "Satine?"
I thought I was going to die from the pain in my chest, and I wanted to join her in the coldness. . . but all I could do was look at her as the tears screwed my face up and ran down my face. She was my wife in God's eyes. He knew I loved her.
But love. . . wasn't the word, I realized turning over in my bed. It was more than that. She was my essence, my heart disguised as a beautiful, amazing woman. And now. . . gone.
There wasn't a moment that went by where I didn't think of her, wish I could touch her warm lips, see that smile in her eyes. There wasn't a moment that went by where I didn't think of joining her. But Ewan. . . he was my reason for keeping this facade of living.
And so for him, I smiled. And at night, I told him stories. Stories about a time. Stories about a place. Stories about people. But mostly, stories about love - a love that will love forever.
The end. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------- Disclaimer: I do not own Moulin Rouge, not even Christian. ::sigh::
Author's Note: After a few months now, I decided to finally write this. Ff.net deleted my story. . . and I had about 140 reviews!!! I was so angry. . . Sorry for the way this turned out. Not all the happy ending, but it's good to know that they don't end, and they'll be together forever.
SONGS USED: 'Is It Written In The Stars' from Aida 'Your Song' be E.J. 'Leaving On A Jet Plane' be Peter, Paul, and Mary
A warm hand rested on my back and I turned sideways, taking my wife into my arms. "Satine. . ." I whispered, burying my nose in her hair and breathing in deeply. It was all I was, all I could ever needed to continue breathing. Without her there'd be nothing left of me.
"She's ours. She'll always be ours. . . in your heart."
I smiled at her. "But she's right here."
She bit her lip as she smoothed my face. "Darling. . ."
"Ewan!" I yelled, waiting to share this joy that was about to burst my heart. "Ewan, come here! Come and look at your baby sister!"
"Christian. . ." Satine held my hands. "He's not here. He's at home."
I laughed, sinking into her arms. "And my home is here."
"This isn't real. . . you know it isn't. Christian-"
I turned away from her, going to the other side of the cradle. I touched my daughter's face, but her touch was so cold. "Aw, what's the trouble?" Her skin. . . why didn't I notice it before? It was like ice, and looked like porcelain. But there was no way she could be. . . could be. . .
Tears stung my eyes and I looked up at my wife, her face just as ghostly white. "No. . ." I whispered, my hands cupped over my face. "No. . ."
I slowly opened my eyes and turned over in the bed. Our bed. It wasn't fair. . . it wasn't. Jonathan was crazy, and nothing could calm him. All I wanted to do was protect Satine. I didn't care about my life, knew my soul would be all right if just Satine was safe.
More tears squeezed out of my eyes and I pulled her pillow to me, drinking in the faint smell of her hair. "Satine," I sobbed. God, I missed her. That hole in my chest had come again when I lost her before, but it was wider now. God, I loved her. She was my essence, my reason for living. It isn't fair. . . just as I find her, she's taken away from me.
I hold the pillow closer as I remember the hospital.
I had waited for hours in the hall, waiting until I could see her. Ewan had gone to sleep in my lap, and when the doctor said I could finally see her, I moved his head and rose.
I opened the small door, the breath stopping in my throat when I saw her lying there. Tears blurred my vision, but somehow I shuffled my feet to the side of her bed. My hand reached out to touch her pale cheek and she smiled, eyes closed.
"Christian," she whispered, exhaling. "I love. . . you."
I kneeled to the floor and held her hand. "Don't leave me. . ." I sobbed. "Don't leave me all alone. I can't. . ."
Her other hand reached over to stroke my hair. "For all that you are, for all you are not. . . I love you. And Ewan loves you. You are not alone. And. . . where I go, for as long as I love you both, you'll never be alone."
I looked up at her, a smile forced on her pale lips. I shook my head. "No. No, please fight this. . . I know you can. Please, I can't loose you. You-"
She put a finger to my lips and I kissed it. "This time is almost up. But darling, this is NOT goodbye. It was not coincidence that you found me and saved me. We are bound as one soul, never ending like the waves of the ocean. We will continue to be born on this earth, and you will save me like all the times you've done before."
My chin quivered as I fought for words, but none came to mind except one. "I love you. . ."
"We have been all the great loves of the world. Romeo and Juliet, Guenivere and Lancelot, Antony and Cleopatra. One time, we'll get it right. And one time we won't have to go through this part."
I cried, so hard my body was trembling. I shook my head.
She touched my cheek. "Promise me. . . that you'll find me again."
I took her hands in mine and put them across my face. They were so cold. . . if she could only stay with me a little longer. . . if I could only warm her hands then she'd be all right.
"Promise me, Christian," she pleaded. "Promise me you'll find me again. . . I couldn't bear to live if you weren't there."
"I can't bear to live without you in this life," I sobbed.
A tear trickled from her eye as she touched my cheek. "I know. But that's why I jumped in front of you. . . if you were safe, I knew everything would be all right."
"So wh-what do I do without you?" I cried.
She kissed my bent head. "I am here to tell you we can never meet again," she sang in a whisper. "Simple really, isn't it? A word or two and then a lifetime of not knowing where or how or why or when. You think of me or speak of me and wonder what befell. The someone you once loved so long ago so well."
"Never wonder what I'll feel as living shuffles by." The song broke my heart, but I somehow surrendered to fighting it. "You don't have to ask me and I need not reply. Every moment of my life from now until I die, I will think or dream of you and fail to understand how a perfect love can be confounded out of hand. Is it written in the stars? Are we paying for some crime? Is that all that we are good for, just a stretch of mortal time? For some God's experiment in which we have no say. In which we're given paradise. But only for a day."
I looked up into her sparkling eyes and she forced a smile that sent an arrow through my heart. "Nothing can be altered, there is nothing to decide. No escape, no change of heart, no anyplace to hide."
"You are all I'll ever want, but this I am denied. But never in my darkest thoughts, I wish I'd never learned what it is to be in love and have that love returned."
"Is it written in the stars? Are we paying for some crime? Is that all that we are good for, just a stretch of mortal ti-" A cough rattled through her body as her face twisted with pain.
I touched her shoulders. "Darling. . . darling. . ." I didn't know what to do. There must be something left, something to save her. "This is not the end. . . this is not the end. . . this is. . ."
As Satine settled back in her bed she squeezed my hand. "It's not."
"I can't loose you." Tears cascaded from my eyes. "I love you, Satine. I can't lose you again. . ."
She touched my face. "You never lost me."
My chin quivered as emotions swept over me. "What do I do without you?"
"Don't. . . stop smiling that smile which I love so much." She grinned pale lips at me. "And don't lose that sparkle in your eyes. Because. . . I love those things about you. I love everything about you. And Ewan. . . I'll see him again. I'll watch him on his birthday, and kiss his cheek at night." She dragged a breath in. "And I'll see you again, Christian. Because love. . . it doesn't end. And in another life. . . I'll kiss you again, and we'll dance across the stars."
A smile clung to my lips as I remembered the night we met. I reached up and moved some of her hair off of her face. "You've got the sweetest eyes I've ever seen," I whispered.
She sighed. "All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go. I'm standing here outside your door I hate to wake you up to say goodbye. But the dawn is breakin', it's early morn. The taxi's waiting, he's blowin' his horn. Already I'm so lonesome I could cry. So kiss me and smile for me. Tell me that you'll wait for me. Hold me like you'll never. . . let. . . me. . ."
I stared at her porcelain-white face, still, leaning against the pillow. "S. . .Satine?" I breathed, but she didn't answer me. "Satine?"
I thought I was going to die from the pain in my chest, and I wanted to join her in the coldness. . . but all I could do was look at her as the tears screwed my face up and ran down my face. She was my wife in God's eyes. He knew I loved her.
But love. . . wasn't the word, I realized turning over in my bed. It was more than that. She was my essence, my heart disguised as a beautiful, amazing woman. And now. . . gone.
There wasn't a moment that went by where I didn't think of her, wish I could touch her warm lips, see that smile in her eyes. There wasn't a moment that went by where I didn't think of joining her. But Ewan. . . he was my reason for keeping this facade of living.
And so for him, I smiled. And at night, I told him stories. Stories about a time. Stories about a place. Stories about people. But mostly, stories about love - a love that will love forever.
The end. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------- Disclaimer: I do not own Moulin Rouge, not even Christian. ::sigh::
Author's Note: After a few months now, I decided to finally write this. Ff.net deleted my story. . . and I had about 140 reviews!!! I was so angry. . . Sorry for the way this turned out. Not all the happy ending, but it's good to know that they don't end, and they'll be together forever.
SONGS USED: 'Is It Written In The Stars' from Aida 'Your Song' be E.J. 'Leaving On A Jet Plane' be Peter, Paul, and Mary