Wanna Take You Home

"Whoa!" Joker exclaimed out loud. Kasumi had definitely outdone herself. The entire crew deck had been decked out with multicolored lights and brightly colored streamers. The instant Joker had stepped off of the elevator he had thought for a moment he was on the wrong ship and had to do a double take. There was even the low base of an upbeat song coming from the Port Observation Deck.

"She set up a dance floor?" Joker thought as the doors to the deck opened to let out Daniels, momentarily increasing the volume and revealing a handful of officers letting loose with their moves.

"Where did she even get the equipment for it? On second thought, I don't wanna know." Joker made his way around and into the mess hall. There seemed to be food tray occupying every surface: sandwich platters, chips, crackers, vegetables, fruits, mini desserts, you name it!

Joker found an empty plate and started piling food on it. He was reaching for some pink, pasty-looking fruit salad when a taloned hand intercepted his wrist.

"No Joker!" Tali warned. "The green trays are for the dextros only."

"Thanks Tali," he responded and set the serving spoon back. "Have you seen Shepard?"

"She and Garrus are hanging out in the battery like nerds. I was just about to take my food and join them."

"I'll come with," declared Joker. The two made their way through the mess toward the hall that led to the battery. As they passed the kitchen, Joker grabbed a bottle of champagne.

"Good idea! Let's see if Rupert still has that dextro wine I gave him earlier," Tali spoke up. While she searched the lower cupboards for the bottle, Joker scrounged up four glasses.

"Any luck?" the pilot asked when Tali hadn't resurfaced.

"Keelah! No, it's not here. Oh well," Tali stood up and grabbed her plate of food. "Let's just get back there."

When the pair of them entered the battery, they were greeted with the sounds of uproarious laughter.

"So then," Garrus continued, clearly in the middle of some humorous story. "He walks over to his station and says 'I don't even remember meeting the Primarch last night!'"

With that, both the turian and the Commander were lost to fits of giggles. Shepard even wiped a few tears from her eyes.

When Garrus's laughter had subsided he reached behind where he was sitting on the console and grabbed a bottle filled with orange liquid and took a swig.

"Aha!" Tali exclaimed and pointed dramatically at Garrus. "You, Vakarian, are the wine thief!"

"Really, Miss vas Normandy," Garrus scoffed mockingly. "We couldn't have you drinking the entire thing and wind up passed out on the bathroom floor now could we?"

The quarian clenched her fist in irritation at his banter which caused the turian to roll his eyes.

"Come on Tali, I'm only teasing you," Garrus amended. He patted the console next to him. "Come sit by me and we can share."

"If quarians could blush..." Joker thought as he handed Garrus two of the glasses he was holding while Tali hoisted herself onto the console.

He then walked over to where Shepard sat on the ground with her back propped up against a box of supplies. Joker sat down on the box and Shepard leaned her shoulder against his legs. It gave him a warm feeling in his chest; warm and yet somehow calming as well.

He opened the champagne bottle with a pop and poured some into the remaining two glasses and passed one to Shepard. "I'd like to propose a toast," Joker announced raising his glass. "To the mission everyone said was suicide and the Commander who got us through it without even batting an eye."

"And to the best ship and best pilot who made it all possible," Shepard added, giving him a beaming smile.

"And to our crew!" Tali supplied with her own glass in the air.

"And to our friends!" Garrus finished, clinking his glass to Tali's.

Joker and Shepard clinked each other's glasses as well and drank. Without really meaning to, Joker downed his entire glass in one gulp. It was definitely time to unwind.

"So what are everyone's plans after we get home?" Joker asked the room at large. Tali started talking about heading back to rejoin the Migrant Fleet.

"One of the admirals contacted me already and said they had some plans in the works and wanted my opinions on them," she finished.

"What about you Garrus?" Joker queried. "Heading back to Omega to return to life as the Dark Knight of the Terminus?"

"The what?"

"Nevermind, it's an old Earth super hero," Shepard assisted.

"What's a super hero?" Tali asked.

Both Joker and Shepard did their best to explain what exactly a super hero was. It was surprisingly more difficult than either of them thought. The slowly emptying bottles of alcohol admittedly weren't helping either.

After about an hour of lengthy back stories and descriptions, they hadn't gotten far in explaining the concept thoroughly.

"So let me see if I get this," Garrus declared. "Super heroes are aliens but also humans, some have biotic-like powers and some do not, a few have armor and others have just capes and belts, and they go around catching the same criminals over and over again, and they don't die except when they do, but when they do other people can just take their place?"

"More or less," Shepard giggled. Her face was red from laughing, or maybe the drinks Joker thought.

"Wait I have a question," Tali interjected. "Where did the partners come from? The side-punches?"

"Sidekicks," Joker corrected. "And that depends on the universe they come from."

"But didn't you say they are all in the same universe?" Garrus countered. "You said they joined together to fight the bigger criminals."

"Yeah!" Tali agreed. "The Avenging Justices or something like that?"

The two humans lost it at 'Avenging Justices.' Shepard had erupted into snorts and Joker was laughing so hard his ribs were in danger of small fractures.

Garrus and Tali just looked at each other and shrugged.

"We're just going to have to send you some omni-comics," Shepard suggested.

The four-some continued chatting about this and that for most of the night. A few times different people would come find them and join in the conversation for a few minutes but then get back to the louder parts of the party. Legion even dropped by and participated in Tali and Shepard's heated discussion on which was better, turrets or drones? Joker couldn't remember the last time he just "hung out" with some friends. It felt nice.

The night came to a close when Tali had rested her head on Garrus's shoulder and fell asleep almost right away. They had been up for hours and Joker let out a few yawns of his own as he stood up and stretched.

"Come on," he offered his hand to Shepard to help her up from the floor. "We should get some sleep too."

"That sounds good," she replied.

"Goodnight you two," Garrus held out his fist to Joker and the pilot stepped over to bump it. As he did, Garrus did the turian version of waggling his eyebrows at him while Shepard was distracted picking up their trays.

Joker gave him an exasperated eye roll in response and added, "You have a goodnight too Garrus."

The turian waved at them as they exited out of the battery

Shepard deposited the trays on top of a precarious pile of other discarded trays and they made their way back around to the elevator. Music could still be heard emanating from the deck as Shepard called the elevator.

"Well goodnight," Joker said and kissed her on the cheek. He started walking towards the crew quarters.

"Where are you going?" Shepard asked him after two steps. She assumed he was coming with her after all

Joker stopped and turned back to face her with a questioning look.

"I thought," Shepard started then realized the mistake she made. "I mean I wasn't implying… I just thought… that… oh damn it!" She whipped around so he wouldn't see how red her face was blushing.

"Commander Shepard, are you trying to seduce me?" Joker asked. His voice practically dripped with innuendo.

Shepard turned back to face him and immediately wished she hadn't. Joker was wearing the most provocative smile she'd ever seen on the pilot's face. His eyes had gone a full shade of green darker and the smirk he was wearing was just begging to be kissed away. "I just meant that we could… I mean… if you wanted to that is, well…" The air seemed a lot thinner all of the sudden and breathing was getting a lot more difficult Shepard was thinking

At that moment the elevator ding announced its arrival and Shepard quickly walked into it and pressed the top floor.

All of the sudden she felt a pair of hands on her hips as she was spun around and pinned to the side of the elevator at the same instant the doors closed.

She let out a call of surprise that turned into a sigh as Joker's lips met hers.

"I didn't know you could move that fast," Shepard said dazedly. Her brain seemed to have not caught up after being snuck up on so quickly and she could have kicked herself for saying something so stupid.

Joker merely ran a finger along her jaw down toward her lips then lazily looked into her eyes. "I was strongly motivated."

They continued kissing as the elevator reached the captain's cabin. Jane was vaguely aware of entering her room being led by Joker's arms but his hands on her body were far too distracting for minor details like that.

However, something in her instincts told her to stop when they reached the bottom of the stairs in her room.

"Listen Jeff," Shepard broke away from him with difficulty. "I'm so glad we're here but we can't, that is, I'd like to take things a bit slow and well…"

"God I'm horrible at talking about these things!" She was struggling to find the right words and Joker patiently waited for her.

Jane took a breath and resumed, "I don't think I'd like to go all the way yet. I'm sorry if I gave the wrong impression downstairs but that's what I feel. So…"

Joker didn't say anything but simply held her hands in his and drew her in for a slow kiss.

"That's perfectly fine with me Jane. I didn't want things to go that far tonight either. I mean my libido definitely wants to but my brain agrees. We should take this slow," Joker responded.

Jane smiled in relief and Joker grinned himself in return. Without either of them saying a word they both started getting ready for bed. Joker stripped down to his boxers and climbed into the massive bed.

"So," he prompted once Jane had changed into a tank top and shorts and crawled in next to him. "You never answered my question from earlier."

"Which one?"

"What are your plans once we get back?" Joker asked.

"I'm not sure yet," Jane mused as she leaned against his shoulder and looked out her skylight. "The Alliance probably has some questions but I think I have time before that to do some things. I think Liara was looking for my help with something but who knows."

"Well you should keep your schedule clear," Joker supplied.

"And why would I do that?" Jane inquired.

"Because I wanna take you home with me."

"Jeff," Jane turned and rested her chin on his chest to face him. "We are home. You know the Normandy can take us wherever." Oh, how that made Joker's heart sing. It made him want to get up and dance across the CIC.

"I don't mean the Normandy although that's awesome that you think that," Joker replied. "I mean to my parents place in Tiptree. It should still be summer there so it'll be warm. What do you think?"

Jane looked thoughtful for a moment then shrugged. "Why not? It's been awhile since I've seen your mom and dad. And it'd be nice to be somewhere that doesn't require everyone calling me ma'am or Commander and being in uniform all the time"

"I have no problem with you removing your uniform," Joker winked. "Hey, it's summer there so you could wear a bikini instead!"

"I may have one in storage somewhere," Shepard responded with a yawn, not picking up on the innuendo.

"Then it's settled. Goodnight Jane."

"Goodnight Jeff."

A/N: In my head canon, after Joker and Shepard left, Garrus picked up Tali and tucked her into the cot he has stowed in the back of the battery. And then, like a gentleman, he sits next to the bed and curls up to sleep hugging his sniper rifle like a teddy bear. Smooth!

Sorry no sexy times quite yet, you can't rush these things! :-)

Also I'm regretting the lack of Legion in this story. My Shep is usually an engineer so in my head she's always dropping by to ask him questions on everything from geth hive minds and what would help her coffee machine run more efficiently.

Passing you some hot cocoa tonight! It's cold and rainy over here...