Chapter 4

His lips pressed to her with such force Jennette had to grip onto his shoulders to keep from falling over.

After the initial shock of it all, came the regular shock. Nathan was kissing her. And it wasn't a Sam and Freddie stage kiss.

This was a Jennette and Nathan kissing because they could, kiss. He had her pressed up against the wall, his legs pressed into hers and their chests touching.

Every part of her was on fire. His eyes were open, and bored into hers. Brown glaring into blue. The kiss was blisteringly hot and angry all at the same time, and it held so much of the emotion each of them had been trying to hold back.

She had to stop him; had so many reasons to stop him. To name a few, the fact that they were NOT together, the fact that they we're friends, just friends, and the most important, he had a girlfriend. All of these reasons and so much more were swimming through her head but right at that moment, she didn't really care. She just wanted to enjoy it while it lasted. She closed her eyes.

Suddenly he pulled away. "No! Do not do that. Do not just sit there and let me kiss you Jennette!" He yelled.

To say she was confused was an understatement. "What are you-" she began but he cut her off. "You do not just get to stand there and act as if this is something we do every day!" He yelled. "But, I've kissed you before," she stated, confused.

"No, Sam kissed Freddie because she had to. Freddie kissed Sam because he had to. But dammit, I've wanted to kiss you for so long and you just took it without even thinking because you think nothing of it!" He was angry. Very, very angry.

"That's not what I-" "I doesn't matter," he cut her off again, "Don't you see? For so long, so very, very long, I have wanted to kiss you, to touch you, to hold you and call you mine. But, it was always, 'Nathan and I are just friends,' and 'Nathan and I wouldn't ever date. It would be too weird.' I had to sit there and watch you every single day crush any hope I ever had. You were my best friend. How could I not love everything about you?" He asked her but didn't wait for a response.

"But," he said growing angry again, "I didn't say anything because I knew, I knew, that if I ever said anything, made any kind of hint, you wouldn't understand. You wouldn't feel the same way and I would be left embarrassed and lose my best friend!"

"Nathan I-" "No! I'm not finished!" He snapped and she bit her lip.

"At first I thought you knew it. I thought maybe you'd figured it out. You would smile at me differently, look at me differently. Everything suddenly felt forced. And then you went and grew all distant. You stopped telling me things, kept lying to me, and I didn't know what to do! I knew I was losing you and I couldn't stop it," he admitted softly pressing his forehead to hers.

His breathing was labored due to his long speeches.

"This thing with Madisen, it was never real. I met her and I thought she was nice and pretty and that she could distract me from you. Take me away from you. Make me stop thinking about you. You, Jennette. It's always been you. It will always be you!" He cried leaning away from her. He turned his head to the side so that he wasn't looking at her. A tear fell down her cheek. Then another.

"Nathan I-" she tried again. "Stop Jennette. Just stop, okay. I'm not sorry I kissed you. I won't ever be. I've wanted to do that for so long. You have no idea how many times I just want to shove you into the nearest solid object and kiss you until you couldn't breathe. I tried so hard to fight it. I knew it wasn't right. I knew that it was all kinds of wrong, but Nettie I wanted to break all of the rules. I wanted to be all kinds of wrong. With you, for you. I kissed you, before, to prove that I could. To you and to myself. I wanted just one kiss because I knew that it would probably be the last time I would have the chance," he finished quietly.

She said nothing. It was all so much to take in, and to process. The silence was deafening and she could hear her own heart beating and knew that he probably could too. Her hands had fallen off of his shoulders some time ago, and he was standing a few feet apart from her, fists clenched by his side, his eyes on the floor. "Nathan, I don't know what to say," she finally admitted. He looked up at her.

"Tell me just one thing Jennette, and then I'll leave, I promise. I don't want to be here anymore. I shouldn't have come, but I needed to know just one thing," he said his eyes narrowing slightly. "What?" she replied hesitantly.

"Tell me the reason that you kept pushing me away. I want to know. Then I will leave, and I won't come back," he promised. "Nathan I-" "And don't you dare lie to me Jennette or I swear I will do something both of us regret," he said through clenched teeth.

"I just-" "It's a simple question Jennette," he said. "Would you let me-"

"Just tell me the truth!" He demanded.

"Nathan! I love you! Okay? I love you! I've loved you for so long that it hurts! All this time, I thought that you didn't feel the same. I thought you were perfectly happy with Madisen and that I would never be more than just your friend. You always told people that I was like a sister to you! A sister! How was I supposed to know that being a sister to you meant that you had feelings for me? I kept in for so long and I tried to hide it, but you wouldn't leave me alone! You kept wanting to hug me and talk to me and find out what was wrong when all along you where what was wrong! How was I supposed to tell you that? I didn't know you felt the same! I didn't want to embarrass either of us and just like you said I didn't want to ruin our friendship. But, look what's happened. I've done it anyways! It's damaged beyond belief. We are so screwed up that I don't think we'll ever be back to the way we were!" She cried.

He was shocked, probably as much as she had been. "You love me?" He asked after a moment. "I always have," she admitted. "You lied to me!" He exclaimed, "All this time you were lying to me!" "Well you were lying to me too!" She shot back.

"It's different!" He said angrily. "No it's really not!" Jennette replied. "You should have told me," he said taking a step closer. "And you should have told me!" She reasoned, crossing her arms. "I had a girlfriend," he said stepping closer still.

"And that's my fault? According to you it wasn't even a real relationship anyways!" "It was supposed to distract me! And also to make you jealous! But it didn't work, instead you just walked away!" He yelled. "And how on Earth was I supposed to know!" She shot back throwing her hands up in the air and letting them drop by her sides.

"I figured it was so obvious!" he replied. "Well it wasn't and I will not be held responsible for that!" She stated. "Well who's going to be responsible for this?" He questioned as he reached out and grabbed her waist.

He dragged her forward and in a split second his mouth descended onto hers. Last time, she apparently did not get the message across that she really did want the kiss. So, she vowed to make sure he got it this time. Jennette reached up and wound both arms around his neck.

She reached up on her tiptoes to press her mouth more firmly into his. He acknowledged her willingness and responded in like, pulling her more firmly to him. Their mouths fought for dominance, each wanting the upper hand. Nathan's tongue ran the line of her bottom lip and she opened her mouth allowing it in.

He realized that standing on her toes would get uncomfortable so he surprised her by lifting her up by the hips and pressing her into the wall. She wrapped her legs around his waist, as he guided her mouth with his.

He knew she wasn't skilled with kissing, him being the only guy she'd ever kissed and even then it had never been a real kiss. This was a real kiss. He grabbed her wrists and pinned them to the wall, much like earlier as he continued to kiss her like he had always wanted to.

She pulled away after a minute. "I can't breathe," she announced. He smiled and continued to trail kisses down her neck.

She tilted her head, giving him a better angle. It felt so good, so right to her, and she wondered why they had kept this from each other for so long. All of this pent up emotion and feeling, held back only to come out on a stormy night after an argument.

"Nathan?" She asked. "Hmm?" he replied teasing her lips with his. "This isn't weird right?" She questioned. "Does it feel weird?" He shot back. "No. Not at all," she hummed as he went back to her neck. "Good. It doesn't feel weird to me either," he stated smugly.

"I wonder why I always thought it would," she mused to herself. "I always said it was like kissing a sister. You were never like a sister to me Jennette. You were always so much more." "Good, because if this is how'd you kiss your sister, then we might have a problem," she teased.

"Yeah I wouldn't do this to my sister either," he grinned carrying her over to the couch. He dropped her onto her back and leaned over her. His body pressed into hers. "Will you come back to work?" He asked her. "Yeah I guess so. I mean, I sort of had this crush on one of my co-stars. It was making everything awkward, you know," she teased.

"Miranda? Yeah I always knew that you guess had something," he teased back. She wacked him in the chest. "Perv," she giggled. "I haven't heard you laugh in so long," he said suddenly serious.

"I haven't really had a reason to be all that happy lately," she replied. "I'm sorry," he said. "Not your fault," she stated running a finger over his lips, "A miscommunication error clearly." He grinned.

"You totally wanted me!" She smirked. "You totally wanted me too!" "No, I didn't just want you. I needed you Jennette. I needed you so badly I couldn't stand it," he admitted twisting a blonde curl around his finger.

"Oh yeah? I bet it sucked having to watch this every day and not getting any of it," she teased, motioning to her body. "Let me show you just how much it sucked," he replied. "Only on one condition," she teased.

"Oh yeah? What's that?"

"Don't ever call me your sister again."