Author's Note: So for anyone who follows my blog knows the sad truth – I am no longer watching Degrassi (half the time I'm not even on my blog it is so pitiful!) That being said, a much needed apology is to be given for loyal readers of this story. It's been over a year since I breathed an update your way and I feel horrible because you guys deserve better than that. I love you, and here is chapter eighteen. Finally!

Chapter Eighteen: Shatter

Disgust, anger, hurt, guilt, sadness. They had all settled deep inside me and they felt like extra skin. It was even worse sitting beside Tori as she chatted away, completely unaware – thankfully.

I felt like she knew.

Everyone had to know.

Like Zig Novak's DNA was glowing off my lips, letting the world know that in a moment of complete trust I allowed him to betray not only my best friend, but my boyfriend too.

Well ex-boyfriend.

But it didn't matter what he was, it was still wrong.

I nodded, acting like I was listening to her and Tristan ramble about West Drive and the actress Zoe Rivas as I pushed my lunch back and forth the plate with my fork.

Cam and I had barely spoken since he'd seen me and Zig together and it hurt that he'd assume the worst of me. Not only had I done nothing, but what made him assume I was the type to go for the sloppy seconds and ruin a good relationship?

The question nagged at me until I could hardly see and before I knew it Tristan's hand was on my shoulder and Tori was crouched down next to me.

"Oh, Maya," she said, pushing hair from my face. "What's wrong? I know West Drive gets emotional, but I never pegged you to be such a fan."

I shook my head, a sound escaping me. I didn't want to cry in the cafeteria like the pathetic freshman girl I was. I didn't want to have a dramatic episode. And more importantly: I didn't want to bring up Zig. Not to Tori anyway. Or Tristan, for that matter.

"I'm fine," I said, brushing my face along the sleeve of my jacket. "I'm just having a bad day."

Tori hugged me and the guilt hit me so hard I could have vomited right then and there. "Oh, My, it's fine. Do you want to talk about it?"

"No, no, I just…" I looked over at Cam; he was sitting there, hunched between Luke and Dallas, looking as if he were trying not to exist. "I just needed a moment, I guess."

Tori and Tristan shared a look, but didn't say anything, getting the hint that the subject was dropped for now.

"Cam," I called through his door, knocking on it. "Open up! I know you're in there!"

I could hear movement but nothing, the door remained shut despite the fact I could see a shadow. I balled up my fists. "You're not being fair to me!" I snapped, feeling tears brim and resisted the urge to stamp my foot. "I have done nothing to deserve you being like this! We were working on a group project, but since you think so lowly of me, fine. Screw you! You're hiding like a coward, acting like I did something wrong, well I didn't!"

It was true. I hadn't kissed Zig. He kissed me.

Tears fell and I glared at his door. "We're done! You hear me! Don't you ever talk to me again!"

With that I kicked his door and went to my room, slamming the door as hard as I could and tossed myself on the bed, grateful that no one was home but Katie who was in the basement watching TV with Marisol.

I cried into my pillow and by the time I was done my eyes stung and I was coughing up a storm. All I wanted to do was talk to Cam, or have someone to talk about this with.

After a few minutes a light went off in my head and I reached for my phone.

"Hey, do you want to meet me for coffee or a late dinner? My treat."

Imogen plopped down on the seat across from me, an uncharacteristically solemn look on her face. "What happened?" she asked.

The waitress came and took our orders as I began to tell her about the project, and how Cam had seen me and Zig together and how Zig had kissed me. She reacted correctly to all points, and when I was done my face was blotchy and red and she was sitting on my side comforting me.

"Zig's a jerk," she said simply. "You did nothing wrong, Mini Mats, you hear me? Puppy Soup is a jerk too for being like this." She sighed, shaking her head as she took a bite of her burger. "Honestly, they're both being jerks."

I was quite surprised how easily Imogen had taken my side, especially since she'd been a champion for me and Cam to date and I felt touched at how easily she believed me.

"T-thanks," I said, wiping my eyes and keeping them locked on my own untouched food.

Imogen started and looked at me, her eyes wide and confused, "For what?"

"For just – for believing me. For knowing that I wouldn't be that person," I said, my cheeks burning.

Imogen laughed and smiled at me, patting me on the back. "Of course, Mini Mats! Why wouldn't I believe you?" She clamped her hands together and rested her chin in them. "I mean, you like Cam. It doesn't take a genius to know that you and Zig are just friends… Well, you and Zig were just friends. And it sounds to me like Zig has his own issues to work out, and even if you liked him back and Cam wasn't in the picture I couldn't support it simply because of how the whole thing fell in to place." Then she thought about it for a second. "And I know taking Cam out of the picture would have stopped Zig from 'realizing' his feelings for you, but it probably would have been someone else," she concluded, putting 'realized' in overly dramatic finger quotes and making her voice funny as she said it.

I grinned. "You're a good friend, Imogen. Really. You are."

Imogen grinned, her eyes darkening a bit and I realized she looked like she was about to cry and it occurred to me that I'd never really seen Imogen with anyone. Sure, Adam and Imogen talked, and she was usually with Bianca DeSousa or Fiona Coyne, but I realized then Imogen probably felt totally isolated and alone. I bit my lip. As if I were one to even talk or mentally want to berate everyone who wrote her off because she was a little weird, but I was glad she didn't let me.

"Thank you, Maya Matlin," she said, her voice thick. "I really appreciate that."

I gave her a hug. It was awkward because we were sitting in a cramped booth, but neither of us cared as we squeezed each other tightly, not saying anything else about it.

When I got home, Cam was asleep on the couch, the TV playing a marathon of Criminal Minds. I went over as quietly as I could and turned off the TV and turned to make my way back upstairs.

"Maya," Cam murmured his voice thick with sleep. I mentally cursed and shut my eyes, mentally preparing myself before turning to face him.

"Yeah?" I asked dully.

"I'm sorry. About everything, okay? I'm just so sorry."

"Yeah," I sighed, "me too." And went to walk away but he was standing up and stopped me.

"I just… I don't know what I thought, okay! I just caught a bad moment, and I hate him so much," Cam said. His voice was panicky and for a second, I was worried he was going to breakdown and cry. If he did, I knew I'd lose my resolve.

"So you hate him? That means people you hate are off limits even if they were my friends before I even met you?!" I snapped, feeling angry. "I didn't sign up for a controlling relationship, Cam!"

"That's not what I mean!"

"Then what do you mean?! Because it sounds like you're the boss and I should do as you say!"

"I just panicked, okay!? I just thought that maybe you finally realized that I'm not any good and that Zig was probably the better option! Hell, anyone would be a better option than me! And when I saw you guys I got scared, alright! I like you, Maya! And to lose you –" he stopped, his mouth quivering and tears flowing down his face and he covered his eyes with his hands, which must have been uncomfortable due to his cast.

"Cam," I said quietly, touching his shoulders and shaking him a bit. "I like you, too. Zig is my best friend's ex-boyfriend, and even if he wasn't, it's Zig. I like you. I'm happy with you. There isn't anyone else I want to be with, and I can't imagine anyone better."

Cam looked at me, and for a moment he didn't say anything. "I wish I could be that guy, then."

I was confused. "What do you mean?"

He kissed my forehead. "Just promise me, when all is said and done, that you'll still feel that way."

I was confused, but it sounded so important to him that I nodded numbly, intertwining my fingers with his, wondering just what it was I was agreeing with but didn't have the heart to ask.